Of Little Faith
by Jinxgirl
Summary: What if the device in This Year's Girl that caused Faith and Buffy to switch bodies had been damaged in their battle...how might it have worked differently?
1. Chapter 1

Author notes: Takes place directly before canon fourth season, when Faith goes to confront Joyce. Spins off from the Buffy/Faith battle into my own take.

Disclaimer: I sadly own nothing. All dialogue taken from the show belongs to Doug Petrie/ Joss Whedon.

Eight months, eight fuckin' months, and the entire world had changed…all she could do was take the chance now to make a new start and to change her life along with it…only this time she would make it work out the way it should have been all along. Hopefully this device thing would do that…whatever it was and whatever it did. That, she wasn't sure about… but what did she have to lose at this point?

Nothing. She had lost everything more than eight months ago, thanks to B's wicked quick reflexes and unblinkingly thrusting into her stomach of Faith's own knife. And if Faith was totally honest, she'd been losing everything she ever managed to grab hold of ever since she could remember. Family, friends, home, money, virginity…not that she minded that last one being gone, it would be pretty pathetic to be seventeen and still snow white pure like B tried to make herself out to be. Faith was glad she'd gotten the whole virginity thing outta the way early so she wouldn't have the stress over it later like all the other lamebrains had to do now. She was.

More than that shit though, the list kept going. Education- not that she gave a shit about that either- her Watcher, freedom, respect, security… okay, so she'd never had the last few in the first place. There was a hell of a lot more she'd never had…appreciation, acceptance, innocence, safety, love… but those weren't a big thing, she didn't even need them to be happy. All she needed was to be free, to be able to go off anywhere and do anything without anyone to answer to or slap her back down. It was all she'd ever needed. But first she had to take out some people before they tried to take her out- again. And somehow, in some way she guessed she was gonna find out real soon, the little metal gadget in her hand was gonna do that for her. Somehow it was gonna make things like they should be…

Or at least as close to being as they should be as was possible anymore. Nothing was going to be right without him… the last person in her life to ever try to do right by her, to care for her, one of the few who'd ever even attempted. Somehow, even in a pure demon state, Mayor Richard Wilkins III had been taken from her, murdered… by Buffy. Everything Faith had ever tried to hold onto, to have for herself, Buffy had judged and strove to take away. Her boss… the man who had once implied to her that he regarded her as his daughter, a daughter he was deeply proud of- had been no exception.

As it was now, Faith would never be able to hold onto anything or anyone. If she didn't somehow fuck it up, then Buffy and her band of losers would be sure to take it away, to take her away to some place that could hold her better than the Council clowns. Maybe even finish off the one job B had ever failed at… the task of ending her life.

No way was that gonna happen. She had to move up and on, go with the flow and make a new change of plans in accordance… and then she'd be alright again, she could take off and lead the rogue life alone like she'd wanted in the first place. No rules, no responsibilities, no one on her ass… it wasn't like she needed no one, no one but herself.

But still… even as she knew this, repeated this to herself as she continued her stride down the shadow-darkened street, Faith couldn't seem to stop her mind from drifting back to the video of the Mayor, the one she'd found in the remains of his old office. Unwillingly she found herself envisioning his face…the wide, guileless grin that was so corny, but that she had somehow grown so accustomed to it almost made her smile herself… the devilish twinkle in his eyes… his impeccably groomed appearance and his quirky, incessantly cheerful way of talking… the way he had said her name with such fondness and respect, in a way she had never heard anyone address her in before…

But along with his usual buoyancy had been a new worry at the corners of his lips, a sadness and concern in his tone… not only for his own predicted fate, but for hers. Watching him had been watching a ghost, and one all too aware of his ceased existence… watching him had only slammed home to Faith the truth that he was dead.

As she had watched, her heart had been pounding, stomach dropping with sickened grief and dread…but she had not taken her eyes off of him, had soaked up all of his words with an intensity she had never shown him before. Now those same words were echoing inside her mind persistently, conjuring his face and his gestures along with them, and even as Faith sped up in her pace, her features tightening, she could not block it out.

"I know you're a smart and capable young woman in charge of her own life…"

No one had ever said that to her before… it had never occurred to Faith as a possibility that someone might think she was. She could handle herself, yeah, she could think on her feet and manipulate things to going her way- or at least try to before it fell apart like usual. But no one else had ever told Faith that she was smart… in fact, all she'd heard most of her life was how dumb she was, how thoughtless and reckless and stupid…

"But the problem is, Faith, that there won't be a place in the world for you anymore…"

He had that right… there was nowhere for her to go, nowhere and nobody who wanted her. Everyone who had known her would only want her to go right back into the nothing, nightmare state they'd put her into…

Everyone had moved on and left Faith behind to rot… she had seen them, through the window, seen how their Scooby numbers had grown. They had accepted others, strangers, in a way they had never accepted her, obviously made them a part of the group… and BUFFY….Buffy had moved on more than anyone. Buffy was with some new guy now, some dorky-looking Boy Scout as different looking from Angel and his broody darkness as a person could get. Faith had seen the way she touched him… it had been in thew ay of someone who had been with someone long enough for it to be unthinking.

She wasn't with Angel… after all that, all Buffy had done and said to proclaim how much she loved him and they were forever and always fucking SOULMATES, she wasn't with him. After stabbing Faith with her own knife, trying to KILL her, putting her into an eight month COMA for Christ's sake, over Angel…SHE WASN'T EVEN WITH HIM ANYMORE.

Betrayal, rage, and vengeance had stormed through Faith, filling up her chest and torso hotly…but with it had been a deep hurt she could not quite ignore. This was only rubbing in her face how very little she had meant to Buffy… that Buffy would be willing to kill her over a man- no, not even a man, a VAMPIRE- she wasn't even in love with anymore…

And why the hell did she care? Why the hell did anything matter to her except that Buffy Summers had tried to kill her? Why did it matter why or whether or not she'd ever cared about her?

"Right now, I bet you're feeling very much alone," the Mayor's televised image had speculated, and again, despite all attempts to do so, Faith could not deny the truth of his words. She was alone… she always had been when it came down to it, even more so now that the Mayor too had been taken from her. Time had full rejuvenated her, ridding her of the temporary disorientation and slightly decreased coordination and strength upon her awakening, but it had done nothing to lessen the persistent aching inside her. It was an aching that seemed to have always been present in her life, but only seemed to have grown stronger and more persistent in the past several hours…

She didn't NEED anyone- she wanted to be alone. But why did she have to keep reminding herself?

"But you're never alone," the Mayor had assured her, smiling softly. "You'll always have me… and you'll always have this. Just because it's over for you now doesn't mean you can't go out with a bang."

Her finger lightly stroking the odd silver device in her pocket, the contraption that was his last gift to her, Faith smiled with anticipant grim pleasure. She didn't know exactly what this thing would do, but his words had made it sound like it was exactly what she needed. Whatever it did, it involved close, mutual contact, he had instructed her, preferably through hands. Faith didn't know how she'd manage that one, but she would… Buffy Anne Summers was never gonna know what hit her.

And with a vicious grin, Faith thought that she couldn't wait to know too.

As she reached the front lawn of Buffy's home, she paused, a sudden indecision striking her that she did not understand. But she pushed herself forward, continued on to the front door… and with the device in pocket, rang the doorbell.

It was not Buffy who answered the door, but Joyce, her mother. But that was okay… it was what Faith expected, all part of her plan. Buffy never could resist a tempting bait, and Joyce was perfect.

Watching as Joyce's eyes widened, her mouth opening slightly, Faith grinned, raising an eyebrow in greeting. It was weird, but she didn't really feel too enthused…whatever.

"Hi, Joyce."

As she punched the older woman in the face, sending her sprawling and unconscious to the floor, she stared down at her, still smiling casually as she felt nothing inside.

"Mind if I come in?"

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No, Buffy thought grimly as she made her way hurriedly up the sidewalk of her neighborhood, her eyes fixated on her house as it rapidly grew in size in her visual field the closer she drew to it. Faith had never been one for subtlety… one thing eight months of a little R&R hadn't done for her was change her.

She had felt guilty before, when she even admitted to thinking about Faith's former comatose state, to her responsibility in causing it. Had Faith been permanently brain damaged or physically disabled, had she eventually died, Buffy's guilt would have increased a little, even if Faith had deserved what she gave her- which she had. But of course, now she seemed to be perfectly fine, revved up and ready to go. Couldn't keep a good Slayer and her remarkable healing powers down…

Of course, there was the tiny flaw of Faith not being a good Slayer anymore- if she had ever been one in the first place. And then there was the part about her also being a selfish, raging homicidal psycho…

Buffy had to get to her mother, and fast. After their conversation earlier, she was very aware that Faith not only was unchanged in mind, memory, and kill-goals, but also was strong and mentally together enough to carry them out with no problem. Faith had never been the brightest crayon in the box, but it didn't take genius to kill people when you had superhuman strength, speed, and stamina. No doubt she would start with the people Buffy loved, the ones most vulnerable and least protected against her- the ones who weren't even aware of her new consciousness. And that, Buffy had only recently realized, meant her mother.

She knew that Faith was with her mother now, holding her captive, doing who knew what to her, just to draw Buffy out, make her face off to her once more. The closer she came to her house, the more strongly she could sense her. Even as badly as Faith had misused her Slayer powers, Buffy could still feel her through them, shared a strong, if very strained and mostly unwilling, bond with her through them. Yes, Faith was near, all right… and the very thought made Buffy's chest tighten in anger and anxiety. If she had hurt her mother…

Upon reaching her house, Buffy didn't go to the front door, but instead looped around to the side, where her mother's bedroom was located. She could sense Faith there, knew she must have trapped her mother inside it. And sure enough, as she came alongside the window, she could see the two women inside. Faith was pacing, talking rapidly with anger tensing her features- no doubt more of her jealous, homicidal ravings, like usual. And Joyce…Joyce was sitting on her bed, fear in her eyes, even as she tried to keep a calm exterior, to not give Faith the satisfaction of knowing how she was affected by her. She wasn't tied up or being held at knifepoint, and other than a lump high on her cheek, she didn't seem injured badly… but then, that would have been hardly necessary. She could never have outrun Faith, and the younger woman could kill her with her bare hands.

Seeing the mark on her mother's face, Buffy's rage grew sharply, increasing with such heatedness that she reacted instinctively. Diving through the window, not feeling the glass that shattered around her, or hearing the loud cracking noise it made, Buffy crashed into her mother's bedroom and collided into the still-aggressively-speaking Faith, knocking her to the floor. Before Faith could recover, Buffy scrambled to her feet, putting considerable strength into punching her in the face.

Feeling a hardly unpleasant rush of adrenaline from watching Faith's head snap around, knowing the pain it must have given her, Buffy took a satisfied moment to turn to Joyce, greeting her with deliberate casualness aimed to infuriate Faith further.

"Hi Mom."

"Hi honey," Joyce replied with warmth and clear relief, her grateful smile relaxing her previously tensed features.

There was no time for more conversation. Faith punched her back, her expression dark, feral, eyes glittering with fury as she too put significant force into the blow. Buffy staggered back, feeling the pain shooting hotly up her jaw, but ignored it, diving at her once more. This was going to end, and soon… she was going to make the bitch pay for even thinking of hurting those she loved, for even thinking she could actually conquer her…

Regaining her balance and focus quickly, Buffy grabbed Faith roughly, flinging her into Joyce's vanity table. As wood cracked and the mirror shattered, Joyce was watching, transfixed by her daughter's aggressive display with the other girl. Or maybe she was simply frozen with horror…judging from the wideness of her eyes and the paleness of her coloring, this seemed the more likely choice.

As Faith got herself to her feet, staggering slightly, Buffy moved to take hold of her again. But quickly regaining her bearings, Faith grabbed her by the shoulders first, slamming Buffy into the wall and holding her there. With brutal reflexes Buffy twisted from her grasp, knocking her to the floor and straddling her, intending to pin her down. Faith's reflexes were sharp as well as she brought her knee up into Buffy's solar plexus, bringing her enough pain to knock her off of her…

Both girls were breathing faster, if not yet in a winded or panting measure, their pulses going hard and rapidly with their vigorous movement and high adrenaline and emotion. Their equal strength, speed, and motivation had always made them an evenly matched pair before, for where Faith had an advantage in size and brutality, Buffy made up for in her training with Giles and extra two years of experience. Battles such as this between them could literally be fought to the death…

But Faith didn't want or intend that now. At least, not at the moment- not without trying out the Mayor's gift to her. Who knows- maybe it would do the rest of her work for her. Bu the time was right now- she might get no better opportunity than in that moment.

As Buffy rolled over, painfully getting her breath back and preparing to attack again, Faith was ready. Reaching hurriedly into her back pocket, she withdrew the device that had become her greatest hope. Slipping her fingers inside it like a fingerless glove, as the Mayor had demonstrated, she didn't hesitate before snatching Buffy's hand and holding it tightly, the device pressed between them. In her hurry she didn't notice that one of the metallic loops had broken loose in the course of her battling. Even had she noticed, it was unlikely that she would have cared.

As Faith grabbed hold of Buffy's hand, the odd "glove" pressed tightly to both of their palms and fingers, something strange began to happen. Both girls stiffened, faces tensing as a rapid buzzing sensation ran through their bodies, starting in their fingers and spreading up arms and shoulders before continuing through the rest of them. Faith heard Buffy gasp, saw the wideness of her shocked hazel eyes, saw a golden glow illuminating their hands joined with the device as a warmth flicked through their fingers… and this was the last thing she was aware of.

All at once it began to change… there was a scream, a shrill shriek that was coming from Faith, a scream that seemed to be one of pain rather than triumph or aggression. As Buffy stared, flabbergasted, she saw that Faith was changing before her eyes…shrinking…pulling in on herself…

And then quite suddenly everything stopped. The glow, the sensations, the warmth… even the very gadget held between their hands was gone, seeming to have evaporated into nothingness in less than a seconds' time. But more astonishing than any of this was that FAITH was gone… at least, Faith as Buffy had ever known her.

There was no Slayer before her now, no homicidal teenager in tight jeans with impressive cleavage visible from her cropped low-cut top. There was no cleavage, period, and those jeans were no longer snug in the least on the person they were adorning. In fact, they had fallen down around her ankles, revealing underwear that was also so baggy it too quickly dropped around her ankles. Not that anything was revealed as a result of this, for the once skin-tight shirt Faith had been wearing now covered its owner to mid thigh, loose and ill fitting, and her jacket was large, heavy, and long enough that its wearer now seemed to be almost staggering beneath its weight…

The person before her had Faith's dark eyes, Faith's long, wavy hair, her facial features and skin tone…but she was much smaller, much thinner and less nourished, her body and face slightly different, even with the obvious resemblance. She was the same person, wearing the same clothing…but somehow she was younger. Looking at her, Buffy realized with no small amount of shock that she was looking at Faith…but that Faith was now around seven years old.

As Buffy stared, her mouth open, the little girl- Faith, Buffy told herself quickly, even if somehow she looked like a little girl, she was still Faith- stared back, her small features rigid, dark eyes round and shiny with wary alertness… and what strangely seemed to be fear.

When she spoke, her tone was slightly deep for a child, but much higher than the husky one Buffy was accustomed to… and her voice was small, shaky despite her effort for it not to be.

"Who are you?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Buffy's eyes widened at Faith's words, and for several moments she could only continue to stare at her, entirely disbelieving. How had this happened… how in the WORLD could this be happening?!

Magic…of course it was magic. This was the Hellmouth, after all, this was Sunnydale… she should know by now that anything was possible. Somehow Faith had used magic to turn her body back in time, to de-age herself… or maybe not even that. Maybe it was only a glamour, maybe she really wasn't totally changed, de-aged entirely, but only pretended to be, only appeared to be in body. In mind, in memory, she was probably the same Faith Buffy had been so vigorously beating on just moments ago. That would be just like Faith, to pull some stunt like this, to try to fool her… to try to escape responsibility for what she had done.

That metal thing that had been in Faith's hand, when she grabbed Buffy's… that must have been what had done it. It must have been endowed with power of some kind to do this… Buffy didn't know where Faith had gotten it or what exactly it was- or why it had just suddenly seemed to evaporate, most infuriating of all- but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that Faith had used it to make herself into a little kid again- and no doubt had some sneaky, Faith-ish reason for doing so. She'd probably killed some demon to get the thing…or a magical person. There was no telling what else it might have done, what else Faith could have up her sleeve…

Her eyes slowly sweeping up and down the short length of the small figure before her… a figure struggling to hold Faith's much-too-large jeans up in an oddly self-conscious manner as she stared right back at Buffy. Her body was very still, almost frozen in appearance, and Buffy's eyebrows drew together sharply. As the child's words registered in her mind- NO, she was NOT a child, she was Faith, she just LOOKED like a child- Buffy's pulse quickened, a new surge of rage passing through her veins in response.

"Who are you?!" What the hell was she trying to play at?! Faith kidnaps her mother, hits her, tries to kill Buffy, and then uses some magic thing to make herself look like a seven-year-old again…and then she has the NERVE to try to play innocent, to act like she didn't know or remember anything?! How gullible did she think Buffy was?!

She might think she could trick people with that "oh look at me, I'm a cute little girl now…please don't punish me or restrain me for my evil crimes!" act…but not Buffy. Buffy saw through it- she would always see through anything Faith tried to dredge up. And no way was she getting away with it this time.

"Faith," Buffy replied coldly, her eyes bearing down hard and firmly into the other girl's, watching her jaw tense in reaction, dark eyes flashing. Joyce, who had been for the past several moments too stunned to speak, made a slightly choking sound of amazement, her eyes darting between Faith and Buffy with bewilderment.

"Faith…she's Faith… but how…" she began, her voice colored with confusion.

"Who are you?" Faith repeated, her words faster now, rougher, though still strained and uneven, and her eyes were wider than ever as she glanced between the two older women. "How do you know my name? How come I'm here, what-"

"Nice try Faith, but you're not fooling anyone," Buffy cut her off harshly, her eyes narrowing. "The helpless little girl thing might work on some, but not me. You don't need an adult hand to give someone a retaliating stab in the back- or in the gut."

Joyce blinked rapidly at that, looking at Buffy with clear chagrin, but Faith didn't look angry, didn't quickly change her expression and snap back as Buffy had expected. If anything, her face paled, and the hands holding up her pants whitened at the knuckles from their too-tight grip.

"Where's Mama?" the younger Faith asked, as her eyes continued to flit around the room, her mouth slightly open, shoulders drawing inward. "How come I don't remember, what's goin' on…"

"Oh no you don't, Faith!" Buffy snapped, her voice growing louder with renewed anger at the other girl's words. "The amnesia defense isn't going to work for you either. I don't know what the hell you think you're pulling with this body-shifting stunt, but if you think you can use it to avoid getting what you deserve, you've got another thing coming to you!"

She started towards her, but Faith, already round eyes growing even larger with fear and instinctive self-defenses, started to back up hurriedly in an attempt to evade her. She quickly tripped over her own clothing, however, kicking one shoe off and falling to her side in an array of baggy padding via her outfit. As Faith kicked off her other shoe, trying to struggle out of the pants and jacket to allow herself greater freedom of movement and escape, Buffy reached her easily, grabbing her wrist and yanking her to her feet. Buffy was aware of the smallness of the tiny bones beneath her hand, and uncomfortable, she quickly grabbed hold of Faith's sturdier, though still small and bony, shoulders.

"You're not getting away from me, Faith," she hissed, but Faith, eyes bulging with panic, was trying to do precisely that. Now having slipped out of the pants and shoes both, clad only in a shirt and jacket that was very oversized on her, the small girl twisted and bucked under Buffy's hands, her bony form surprisingly strong for its size. Or maybe her frantic fear simply lent her temporary power.

"Stop it!!! Lemme go, lemme go, leave me alone!" Faith shrieked, and she struggled against the larger, stronger, and seemingly much older girl wildly, trying to lift her hands up to claw at Buffy, to be able to reach her with her foot well enough to kick her. "Let me GO!!!"

"YOU stop it!" Buffy shouted back in her face as she glowered down at Faith, tightening her grip on her shoulders until she heard her gasp. "What the hell are you trying to pull, Faith?! How did you do this- are you trying to get my sympathy here, you think they won't lock up little girls? The Council doesn't give a damn what you look like as long as it's you, and neither do I!"

"Let me GO!" Faith screamed, and tears of terror were forming in her eyes, but she still fought the hold Buffy had on her furiously. There was a rawness in her tone that almost gave Buffy pause… for she truly did sound like a terrified little girl, bewildered and certain that she would be hurt or killed by someone stronger than her. But that was what Faith WANTED her to think. This wasn't a little girl at all, no matter what she might look like…

"Lemme go," Faith repeated, and her words were running together now, almost a sob, even as she continued to struggle. "Lemme go lemme go lemme go…"

"Buffy, you're hurting her!" Joyce cried out, shock in her tone, and Buffy blinked, realizing just how hard she was holding the small shoulders of the little girl version of Faith. Even through the bulky jacket she could feel Faith's bones on the verge of cracking, and knew she was about to break them.

If it had been the adult Faith's body, Buffy could have cared less… but breaking a child's bones, even a child who was really Faith, was a thought that made Buffy recoil in horror. Probably exactly the reaction Faith had wanted all along, but she couldn't focus on that now.

Buffy released Faith abruptly, allowing her to stumble back from her. She saw the child step in glass from the window in her bare feet, but Faith seemed too distraught and disoriented to notice. Her breathing coming in panting gasps, she tried to dart past Buffy for the door. Snagging her easily around her narrow waist, Buffy held her back with one arm while shoving the remains of the vanity in front of it with the other to block it off. With this escape thwarted, Faith turned desperately to the broken window. There was glass all underneath it, and the shards still attached to the frame were very sharp. Moreover, the window was too high up for her to pull herself up without help. Nevertheless she hurried towards it, no doubt intending to try to jump out, before Buffy moved to stand before it, incredulous and more than a little angry now at Faith's nerve.

"Faith, stop it, STOP! You being crazy like this isn't going to work either! We're not letting you get away again, even if you are in a little girl costume, so you might as well accept that right now and tell us how you did this so we can change you back again! 'Cause something tells me you REALLY don't want to look like a little girl in whatever prison they're gonna put you in," Buffy snapped, and she heard her mother gasp on the bed behind them.

"BUFFY!"

"Leave me alone!" the child Faith yelled again, and she was shaking, though rage colored her tone almost as much as fear. "Leave me alone, I didn't do nothin', I don't know nothin', let me GO…"

"Yes you do!" Buffy yelled back, her arms spreading out in frustration as she glared back. "You used that metal thing and now you're all Honey I Shrunk the Faith! How, Faith- and why?"

"No I didn't, I didn't do nothin', I didn't!" Faith screamed, and her voice was very small, almost cracking now. Even under the bulky jacket she was shaking noticeably, the attempt she was making to harden her features thwarted by the wildness and unmistakable wetness in her eyes as she blinked hard, her eyebrows tilted down in anxious bewilderment. "Lemme outta here, I didn't do nothin', where is this? Who are you, how come you're doin' this?!"

The little girl Faith was no longer trying to flee, no doubt realizing that it would be hopeless, but she was standing rigidly, very alert and aware, ready to lash out again if Joyce or Buffy made a threatening move. Even so, she still was so frightened, so perilously close to tears, even though she seemed as well to have a stunning degree of control over them for a child of her apparent age that Buffy stared, jarred.

She couldn't accept this… she simply couldn't believe this. For Faith to look and sound like a child now was bizarre and frustrating enough…but a possibility that she could actually BE one again, that she could have turned back time mentally and physically so she no longer even remembered who she was or what she had done….that seemed so unfair and unfathomable to Buffy, that she couldn't think it to be truth. It was weird enough for her to think that someone like Faith had ever been a little girl at all…but for her now to be one again, to be able to escape the knowledge and consequences of everything she'd done as a young adult?!

It couldn't be real- it couldn't be, because it wasn't possible, it wasn't fair. She might look it, but was just the packaging. Inside she was still the exact same Faith Buffy knew- she was just putting on a show now like usual.

But still… it seemed so real. She looked so small and scared and confused, yet so defiant at surface level, though it was a shallow attempt at attitude that- if it could be believed- was an attempt at a mask over the rest. If Faith really had somehow become a child again- which she hadn't, she couldn't have- then she wasn't very good at hiding her true, more vulnerable feelings with a show of toughness yet. But why was she thinking like that- Faith didn't feel vulnerable, either as an adult in her adult body or now in her child body! It was all just a game, and Buffy was sick of it.

She narrowed her eyes at the child, making her voice low but clearly skeptical and sarcastic.

"You're seriously trying to tell me you don't know who I am, Faith? I know you're lying . You never were as clever as you thought you were. Stop with the games, stop being the coward you always were and-"

"I'M NOT LYIN'!" Faith hollered, her already pale face gaining some of its color back with the force of her outcry, and even through the jacket Buffy could tell that she was breathing shallowly, her narrow chest rising and falling sharply as she fixated her liquid-sparkling eyes fiercely on some point past the older girl. "You're the liar, you bitch, you're mean and you took me and you won't let me go, and YOU prob'ly put me here! I didn't do nothin', I wasn't bad, YOU'RE bad…"

Her voice trailed off then as she continued to blink rapidly, fighting tears and seeming furious at herself for it. She continued to grip the too-baggy-and-long pants to herself tightly, her elbows in close to her sides almost in a hug as she stared fiercely past Buffy, now talking to herself in a soft but fierce mutter. Even so, Buffy couldn't help but notice how young, small, and desperately unconvincing her voice sounded.

"I wasn't bad…I'm not bad, YOU'RE bad, you're a bitch, you're a stupid mean asshole, I'm not bad…"

Buffy's eyes widened as she almost gaped down at Faith, taken aback… the child was clearly not talking to her so much as to herself. She was trying to assure herself, comfort herself… Buffy hadn't missed the not-very-childish swear words thrown in there, but the rest of it her words and phrasings, did seem young and scared…

She had to be faking. She HAD to be!

"I don't believe you," Buffy told her flatly, her face tightening with deliberate anger and harshness that she allowed Faith to see none too subtly. "You're going to tell me how to turn you back and face up to what you have coming if I have to beat it out of you to do it. And don't think I won't just because you're hiding behind some glamour-"

"You most certainly will not, Buffy Anne Summers," Joyce cut her off with a steel to her tone that Buffy hadn't heard in quite some time. Okay, so maybe she hadn't been around much lately to hear it- but that was a whole other matter, she wasn't going down that guilt trip now…

As Buffy turned, startled, to regard her, and Faith's head turned too more jerkily, Joyce looked Buffy in the eyes. She had been remaining with her back pressed unconsciously into the headboard of the bed, watching the on-goings with incredulity as she attempted to take it all in and make sense of it, remaining silent and not interfering. Now that she had seemed to have come to a decision, she looked at Buffy with firm conviction in her gaze.

"You most certainly will not 'beat' a child in my presence, Buffy, or out of it either," she added sternly, pushing herself back from the bed frame and straightening considerably. "You're not going to harm her."

Buffy's mouth dropped; as she blinked, turning her stare now to her mother, it took her a few seconds to form a response.

"Mom- this is FAITH. I know she looks like a little girl now, but she's still FAITH- she did some magic, some trick thing, you saw that. She's not really a little girl. She's like those two kids last year, remember? The ones you found dead who were really monsters? That's what Faith is- she's not really a little kid-"

"I'm not a monster!" Faith yelped, her eyes wide, even as her expression showed her doubt.

"Of course not," Joyce assured her, to Buffy's fury, before turning back to her daughter, continuing to speak firmly and earnestly.

"I know she's Faith, Buffy- and I know she did some kind of magic to make this happen- but I don't think she's the Faith we knew anymore. I believe her, Buffy… just look at her," she said quietly, gesturing toward the clearly distressed, clearly not very physically imposing figure before them, who was continuing to look between them with guarded fear. "I don't think it's a trick. I don't know how or why she would do this, or even if it's what she intended…but I do think she has somehow truly managed to regress herself, that she really doesn't remember us or who she was."

How could she be so gullible… god, Buffy loved her mother, she understood how she thought every person on the planet was simply misunderstood and in need of some motherly love and affection…but this "child" was FAITH! FAITH! How was this not clear to her?!

"Mom- Mom, how do you not think it's a trick?" Buffy asked tightly, gesturing now to Faith herself without looking at her. "You saw her change herself with that silver thing, and you know how Faith is, I don't think you understand what she's like. This is just like her to do something like this! We have to find out how she did this so we can change her back and have her dealt with! I don't want to hurt her, and I won't unless she makes it necessary, but-"

"And you aren't going to hurt her," Joyce said even more firmly than before, her eyes so pointedly commanding then that Buffy was flabbergasted. "I understand you want to know what's happened, but hurting a little girl who doesn't even understand what's going on won't help. I'm astonished at you for even thinking it. If she doesn't remember, you're not going to get anything out of her anyway, and threatening and yelling at her certainly won't do you any good. Now please, back away and let me speak with her. I think it's time you backed off a while."

Not waiting for the acquiescence from Buffy that was unlikely to ever come, Joyce scooted herself forward so that her legs were dangling off the end of the bed, and she was sitting in an open, casual manner. She faced Faith, who backed up a few steps towards the blocked off door, her eyes glinting with high emotion. Ignoring Buffy now, smiling gently at Faith, she spoke to her in a soft, kind tone that reminded Buffy of someone trying to coax an animal to eat from its hand. Buffy gritted her teeth as she watched suspiciously. Her mother was sooo naïve…

"Faith…you don't remember us?" Joyce asked her, and after a pause, Faith shook her head tightly.

"No…no, I swear, I'm not lyin'," Faith said almost as softly, and Joyce nodded, still speaking gently.

"I believe you, honey…it's okay."

At this Buffy couldn't help but make an almost snorting sound of disbelief, shaking her head. She didn't know if she could stand to watch this, to see her mother so easily suckered in like that. One dark look from Joyce stilled her, but Buffy felt anger surge through her with renewed intensity as she watched the interaction between her mother and Faith. Thing was, she wasn't sure which of the two was more frustrating right now. Okay, yes she was- Faith would always win hands down- but dammit, how could her mother fall for this?! How could she talk to Buffy like that, not listen to her, but instead to the woman who had just tried to kill them both?!

"How come I don't remember gettin' here?" Faith asked, a little more strongly this time, now meeting Joyce's eyes with a slight lift of her chin. "What did you do to me?"

"What did WE do to you?!" Buffy burst out with indignantly, unable to stand being quiet at that comment. Glowering at the child, she sputtered, "You mean, what did YOU do to you?! I can't believe you, that you would have the nerve to try to foist this off on-"

"Buffy!" Joyce said sharply, her eyes narrowing at her; as Buffy stared, her lips thinning, Joyce turned back to Faith.

"We didn't do anything to you, Faith. We don't know why you don't remember either- that's what we're going to try to figure out. But you do know us, and we know you. I'm Joyce, and this is my daughter Buffy."

Faith continued to regard Joyce with tension marked in her features, eyebrows drawn in; she did not look at Buffy now, seemed for some reason to be deliberately avoiding catching her eye. Continuing to keep her distance but smiling at her encouragingly, Joyce spoke to her again.

"How old are you, honey?"

Each time she heard her mother address Faith so gently- and especially upon hearing her call Faith honey- grated Buffy so strongly she had to grit her teeth, looking away to keep from snapping out again. God, this was SO like Faith…she was so damn manipulative!

It took a few moments for Faith to reply; when she did, she wouldn't keep eye contact for more than a second, and her voice was reluctant. "Seven…"

"Seven, I see," Joyce answered seriously, not in a condescending so much as a vaguely soft and soothing tone. "Second grade?"

"First…my birthday's in December," Faith answered slowly, and then quickly attempted to harden her features, toughen her voice. "How come you're askin' me all this? I thought you knew me. And how come you won't let me go, you can't make me stay here! Not even if you beat me up, I'm still gonna leave… you can't make me do nothin'."

"No one's going to beat you up, Faith," Joyce assured her firmly, and her eyes slid briefly but meaningfully to Buffy as she spoke. "No one will make you do anything bad at all. We're just trying to find out what's happening… we're just trying to help you, honey."

Faith frowned, eyeing her warily; though she still did not move, did not relax, she seemed to be considering what Joyce had said.

"You don't remember how come I'm here neither?" she questioned.

"Something like that, yes," Joyce replied, glancing at Buffy with a hint of a wry smile that her daughter did not return. Faith, however, caught it and scowled harder, deep suspicion lingering in her eyes.

"That sounds like bullshit to me," she said bluntly, and both older women blinked- Buffy, because she was convinced this was proof of her faking, and Joyce, because she was convinced otherwise and was stunned a child would know and so thoughtlessly use such a word.

"It's the truth," Joyce reiterated, continuing to look Faith in the eye after deciding to ignore her swearing. "We're only telling you the truth, Faith. Are you telling me the truth when you say you don't know who we are or remember us?"

Faith hesitated, then nodded jerkily. As Buffy rolled her eyes, disgusted and sorely tempted to simply shake out of Faith a confession of who she REALLY was- which was the same lying killer she usually looked like- Joyce gave Buffy another silencing look before turning back to Faith.

"Do you know what a Slayer is, Faith?"

Faith regarded her blankly enough that Buffy had to begrudgingly admit it looked sincere; she must be a better actress than she thought. Or maybe it was just easier to look innocent and sincere when you were wearing a freakin' kid's face.

"Someone who rides in a sleigh?" Faith guessed, and there was a faint hope to her voice, a slight tilting to her head that genuinely made her look like almost any other child of seven.

Okay, so maybe not ANY other- for how many walked around dressed- really half undressed- in such a crazy manner, or held themselves in such an overly tense and adult way? But the rough wildness was almost gone from her tone as she guessed, and again Buffy felt a twinge of discomfort looking at her. Faith seemed so believably NOT Faith…

Which was the point if it was another of her games, of course. Buffy couldn't let down her guard here- someone had to keep in mind that this was a dangerous woman they were dealing with here!

Joyce laughed, shaking her head slightly as she smiled at Faith. "Not quite, honey, but don't worry about it."

She stood up then, taking a step towards the little girl in a clearly slow and casual manner. Nevertheless Faith's eyes widened in alarm once more, and she scrambled back quickly away from her, almost pressing herself against the marred vanity blocking the door. Joyce stopped, not drawing any closer, and spoke to her gently again, clear compassion shining in her eyes.

"I won't hurt you, sweetie… nobody is going to hurt you. I just want to see if you're okay. I saw you step on the glass- is your foot bleeding?"

"You will too," Faith said hoarsely, swallowing, not answering Joyce's question about her foot. "SHE said she would, you're lyin'." She shifted her eyes to Buffy, who ground her teeth harder together, exhaling in disgust. Faith was really going to milk this for all it was worth, wasn't she?

"No one will hurt you," Joyce repeated firmly, looking Faith directly in the eyes with all the sincerity she could convey. "Not me, and not Buffy either. We don't' hurt children in this house."

She took another step closer, and though Faith watched her warily, she didn't move.

"I know everything must seem strange and scary for you now, but we're going to help you, Faith- not hurt you. Buffy is just upset right now because she doesn't understand what's going on either. She made a mistake- she didn't mean to be mean to you. Did you, Buffy?" Joyce asked pointedly, and Buffy's eyes widened in indignation.

"MEAN to her?! She was trying to-"

"Buffy-"

"Mom, YOU are making a mistake- you don't get it!" Buffy exclaimed, her hands spreading in frustrated vehemence, and Faith flinched, eyeing her sharply. Seeing that, Joyce gave Buffy another pointed look before ignoring her, looking back at Faith.

"Even adults make mistakes, Faith, and sometimes we're not very good at showing it. We act mad at other people when we're really not mad at them. I'm not mad at you, and nobody is going to do anything to hurt you or make you do anything bad either. We're just going to figure out what happened and what we should do, okay?"

Faith regarded her, not speaking, for a very long, tense moment. When she finally nodded, it was a very faint, barely perceptible nod, and she swallowed quickly. This was enough for Joyce, though, and smiling, she took another step closer. She was now close enough to touch Faith, and when the child held still, she slowly reached out a hand to tuck a lock of straggling hair behind her ear. Anger sparked through Buffy hotly, making her eyes narrow. She glowered as Faith stared at Joyce, holding very still, watching Joyce keep her fingertips lightly on Faith's cheek for a few moments.

"Where's Mama?" Faith finally asked, the hoarseness returning to her tone, and she looked away quickly. "Did she give me to you?"

Joyce paused, keeping her hand on Faith's cheek, before replying carefully, "We're going to have you for a little while instead of your mama, honey."

"What?!" Buffy exclaimed, looking over at her mother with unhidden astonishment and horror. "MOM, we can't just KEEP her here like this, like she's a puppy or something! We have to talk to Giles- we have to figure out how to put it back like she was, we are NOT letting her stay like this! And the Council-"

"We will talk to Giles, Buffy, and as I said, we will try to figure this out," Joyce cut her off evenly, still gently keeping her hand on Faith's tensed cheek in an attempt to transmit reassurance to her. "But for now she's here, she's staying with us, and we'll just have to see where it goes from there, won't we?"

"WHAT?! MOM!" Buffy sputtered, but Joyce was ignoring her now, again addressing Faith.

"Faith, why don't we get you some clothes that fit you better… and why don't you let me look at your feet too, honey. Then a nice man is going to come over, his name is Mr. Giles, and he's going to help us too. Buffy, why don't you move the vanity and go call Mr. Giles while I help Faith get dressed and cleaned up here."

The last part was not a suggestion, but by this point Buffy didn't care. Calling Giles, getting him over here to set thing straight- to set her MOTHER straight- was exactly what she wanted to do. The sooner Faith was an adult in body as well as mind again and everyone could see and respond to her for what she really was, the better.

Stalking to the door, and noticing not without irritation how Faith scuttled away from her, pressing closer to Joyce in what Buffy figured was supposed to seem an "unconscious" manner, Buffy shoved the vanity aside wordlessly. Striding through the door and picking up the hallway phone quickly, she kept her eyes on the other two as Joyce, now with a hand lightly resting on Faith's back, led her to the bathroom. As her already intense frustration pressed itself tightly in her chest, Buffy was only further infuriated by Faith's exchange to Joyce as they walked past her.

"Joyce? That girl- she's your daughter…"

"Yes, honey… are you wondering something about her?"

"Yeah…how come you named her a really dumb name like Buffy? Is that why she's such a bitch?"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Author notes: I originally intended to have this chapter in conjunction with the next, but the next is turning out so long I figured I'd post this as a short chapter first, rather than force you to wade through 8000 words or whatever. Lol.

It didn't take Buffy very long to make her phone call to Giles, and then, after a slight hesitation, to Xander and Willow. Willow would undoubtedly be helpful if she knew of or could find a curse or spell that would explain how Faith had managed to turn herself into a kid again- in BODY, Buffy reminded herself firmly, she was only a kid in body. She might be a decent actress, but that was all Faith was doing. Those comments about Buffy being a bitch just proved it- what kind of little kid would say something like that if she really didn't know who Buffy was? The woman just couldn't resist making jabs at her now that her mother had morphed into some kind of mother lioness with her. God, Buffy couldn't believe this…

Neither, when she had called them, had the others. Even her extremely brief and short-tempered explanation- which had consisted mainly of "Faith's at my house, she's turned herself into a seven-year-old, come over NOW-" had been met with sputters and exclamations from all three, punctuated with predictable "oh dear"s from Giles, anger and shock from Willow, and bafflement from Xander. All had wanted to pelt Buffy with a barrage of questions, but Buffy had been in no mood to provide answers she didn't have. She also didn't particularly like that while she was on the phone, she couldn't concentrate on watching Faith- and she really didn't like to leave her alone with her mother.

She had told Xander when calling not to bring Anya along with him, not wanting to get more people involved in this than was needed… and Buffy had not called Riley, wasn't planning to until- and if- it became necessary. Which, hopefully, would be when this mess was over and Faith was back in the right body again. She remembered all too well how unconcerned Riley had been when she warned him about Faith, and she could only imagine how much less seriously he would regard her now that Faith was child-sized.

Buffy really didn't need another person around her right now who was oblivious to the danger Faith could still pose… and Riley, she suspected grimly, would probably totally believe Faith, might even go so far as to take her side. He didn't know her, had never met her before to be able to see her for what she was. Buffy wasn't about to let Faith wrap him around her very, very little finger the way she had her mother.

Which was SO infuriating… and dangerous. Did her mother not comprehend that her attitude towards Faith could be totally dangerous?

Just a few moments ago, while Buffy had been finishing up her conversation with Xander, she had watched her mother emerge from the bathroom, where she had disappeared with Faith a short time ago to tend to her cut foot. The thing was, Joyce had come out of the bathroom ALONE, walked right past Buffy and disappeared into her bedroom. Buffy had stared, aghast- her mother had just left Faith ALONE in there!

Quickly ending her conversation with Xander, Buffy had hurriedly glanced toward the bathroom door; when it remained closed, she made her way quickly the few doors down to her mother's room. Standing in the open doorway, frequently glancing down the hall to make sure the bathroom door wasn't opening, Buffy had addressed her tersely.

"I called Giles, Willow, and Xander, and they're on their way. Mom, why did you just leave Faith alone in there?"

Joyce had been half-buried in her open closet when Buffy approached; turning her head, she frowned, seeming more than a little displeased with Buffy's words and tone.

"Buffy, I really wish you hadn't done that. I know you want your friends' help and support, and to keep them updated on what's going on, but I think that it's going to be hard enough for Faith as it is with Giles questioning her. One extra stranger would have been quite enough."

"What- you're worried about FAITH's reaction to THEM?!" Buffy sputtered, her eyebrows rising considerably higher. "You don't, what, you don't want them to SCARE her or something?! We have to turn her back into an adult, Mom, she's NOT a little girl, no matter what she looks like right now! She's not, you need to get that! They're coming to help turn her back, and the faster the better- I don't care what Faith feels about it! Mom, don't you WANT her to turn back- don't you WANT her to get what she deserves for all she's done?!"

"First off, Buffy, I don't know everything about Faith or what she's done. You haven't exactly informed me of every detail of your own past, let alone Faith's," Joyce said calmly but with a faint edge in her tone as she continued to search through her closet, glancing back at Buffy periodically. "And what I would like is to have what is right happen. I don't wish Faith- either young woman or child version- harm or punishment simply for her to "get hers" or to make her "pay" for her misdeeds. What I would like to have happen is what's best for everyone, Faith included. I don't hate her, Buffy- not the young woman, and certainly not the child. What I don't understand is why you do. I know she has done terrible things, but I have never seen you show such bitterness over anyone before… I don't understand it."

She turned entirely now, was searching Buffy's face, and Buffy felt herself flush entirely without her understanding, inexplicable guilt rising with her defensiveness. WHY should she feel guilty- she had done nothing wrong. Faith was the one who should feel guilty.

"Mom, you don't know Faith like I do," Buffy said tightly, her fingers around the door frame whitening with her fierce hold of it. "You don't understand or appreciate how…how evil she is. She's hurt people- people I love. She-"

"Other people have done the same, Buffy, and I still never saw you react in such a way," Joyce said quietly, looking into her daughter's eyes until she could barely stand to look back. "What is it about Faith that makes it different?"

Buffy held herself rigidly, her teeth grinding into each other, lips thinning once again as her mother's words impacted her… much more strongly than she would have predicted or could ever let herself now show. Angry protests and defenses rose to mind, justifications and condemnations… she KNEW she was right, she KNEW her mother was wrong. Faith was evil, vicious… she was poison. Of course Buffy wanted to see her punished, of course she hated her for what she had done! She had killed people… she had tried to kill Buffy and her friends. She had tried to kill Angel…

Buffy was right, to regard her in this way- it was the only logical way. It was Joyce who was wrong.

But she wasn't able to look for very long into her mother's gaze without extreme discomfort… and she couldn't quite shake her words to her from her head.

What is it about Faith that makes it different…

She changed the subject quickly, trying to get back on track with an area that she was less confused about- namely, that Joyce and how she was handling this was wrong.

"Mom, you can't leave Faith alone like this! It's dangerous- you don't know what she's doing in there. We have to watch her-"

"You're watching the door to the bathroom right now, Buffy," Joyce pointed out. "She needed to use the bathroom, I needed to find something for her to wear, and I'm sure she could use a few minutes alone to collect her thoughts."

"Mom, she could be getting razors, taking out the blades, making weapons in there- she might have more in that jacket right now. Is she still wearing that jacket? She-" Buffy began, but Joyce cut her off with more than a little of her own frustration starting to color her tone now.

"Buffy, even if Faith did try to run away or attack someone, I'm sure you could stop her," Joyce said with some terseness, her eyebrows drawing in slightly. "She's seven years old and half-dressed, with a cut on the bottom of her foot. Do you really think she'd be able to do much harm- or would try to?"

"That's not the point, Mom- what if she took you by surprise? And she might very well try to, she's FAITH, Mom! She's not exactly the sanest, most upright person around!" Buffy shot back, her voice rising, and Joyce stopped looking through the closet entirely now, turning fully around to face her.

"Buffy…she is NOT Faith- not the Faith you are so angry with right now at all. She's a child, and it would make this easier on all of us if you would remember that," she told her daughter in such a borderline-harsh tone that Buffy recoiled in shock and wrath. "And if that little girl tries to do something as desperate and nonsensical as you're suggesting, it would be because all your threats to her scared her so badly she doesn't think she has another choice. Now, I know you're worried and protective of me and want me to be safe, but I don't think that a child would do anything to harm me- or that I'm so weak and helpless as to allow her to even if that was what she wanted. And I know you think we should be watching her right now, but I'm not going to stand there and stare at her while she's in the bathroom- and neither are you. She's had enough to adjust to, and strangers watching her in the bathroom, looking at her like she's a criminal, aren't going to be one of them."

"Mom, she IS a criminal!" Buffy cried, her eyes flashing, nostrils flaring slightly in indignant disbelief at what she was hearing. "She's a KILLER, she's KILLED people!"

"Lower your voice," Joyce hissed, her eyes darting past Buffy in the direction down the hall. "And don't say that in front of her- don't say anything like that. She doesn't know. She doesn't know or remember who she was, and I don't think she needs to right now. It will just scare or confuse her, Buffy."

"MOM-" Buffy began, her words shrill, but Joyce had turned back to the closet.

"Oh, here it is… it was all the way in the back…"

She pulled out a child-sized dress and held it before her, regarding it triumphantly. Buffy stared, not nearly as enthralled. The dress was pale pink, sleeveless, and short, with flowers, beribboned trim, and buttons and a sash to tie around it. Buffy could not for the life of her picture Faith- even child Faith- in that thing. But moreover, that was HER dress- that was the Easter dress she had worn when she was six years old!

"Yes, this will be just about the right size," Joyce said with satisfaction, fingering the material with a fond gleam in her eyes. "She's a little taller and older than you were, I think, and it's hard to tell exactly how large she is through that jacket, but it should be pretty close. She looks small enough from what I can tell. I was saving this for you, for when you were older and sentimental, maybe if you ever had a daughter, but I think this could be used right now, don't you? Of course, we don't have any underwear that will fit her… I suppose she'll just have to go without for now-"

"Mom," Buffy managed, her words almost choked, as her eyes zeroed in on the frilly little dress in Joyce's hands. "She's wearing that…my Easter dress?"

"Well, it's not like you can wear it anymore, can you?" Joyce said sensibly, frowning at Buffy's clear chagrin. "Do you want her to be standing half naked in front of three more adults who are strangers to her? I don't think so, Buffy. It will be nice to see this dress getting some use again."

Joyce smiled with a slightly wistful glint to her eyes, and Buffy knew that she was remembering Buffy as a child in it, picturing Faith wearing it in her stead. The very thought of Faith wearing that dress- HER dress, regardless of whether she could wear it anymore- made a tension develop around Buffy's temples that throbbed vaguely, threatening a monster of a headache.

Maybe Joyce was right…maybe Faith had no intention of stabbing her. Why do that when she could have so much fun causing Buffy's blood pressure to rise high enough to cause a brain aneurysm? The only comfort she could take was that no doubt Adult Faith- for this WAS Adult Faith they were dealing with- would no doubt be horrified at this selection.

"Now, I think I even have the little shoes to match somewhere back there," Joyce mused, holding the dress over one arm a she began to scour the closet's contents once again. Buffy, desperately feeling the need to leave her mother's presence before she said something she would regret, backed away from the door.

"I'm going to make sure she's not killing someone or plotting the entire town's destruction, like- OH!- she's done before," she said pointedly, her eyes glittering.

"Don't threaten her, Buffy," Joyce warned, sticking her head out of the closet again to fix her daughter with a firm stare. "And you knock on that door before you go bursting in there. I'll be there in a minute- please be civil to her until I get there."

She softened her tone and expression then, smiling coaxingly. "Please, honey…for me. I know you don't think so, but I believe her, and I'd like you to try to trust me. She's just a little girl."

Buffy stared back at her, her hands forming fists unconsciously. It was on the tip of her tongue to shout back for the tenth time that Faith was NOT just a little girl, to give voice once more to her anger and sense of betrayal that Joyce couldn't' see this, that she would listen to Faith over Buffy… but looking at her mother's expression, seeing the pleading look in her eyes, Buffy couldn't bring herself to snap at her anymore. Joyce thought she was doing the right thing… she couldn't help it that she was such a sweet person, that Faith knew how to use that to her advantage.

"Yeah, whatever," Buffy muttered, looking away. She was still very tense, her temples throbbing faintly, as she reached the bathroom door. Buffy did knock- once, and very fast- before flinging the door open abruptly and scanning the room's interior quickly.


	4. Chapter 4

Previously:

"Yeah, whatever," Buffy muttered, looking away. She was still very tense, her temples throbbing faintly, as she reached the bathroom door. Buffy did knock- once, and very fast- before flinging the door open abruptly and scanning the room's interior quickly.

Chapter 4

Faith had been standing up on a stool before the bathroom mirror, still clad in the shirt and jacket she had been wearing before. She was looking at her reflection intently when Buffy appeared, her eyebrows furrowed faintly; when Buffy opened the door, her eyes widened, and her head snapped around so quickly she almost fell off the chair. Grabbing the sink for balance, Faith eyed her, defensiveness and fear springing back into her eyes.

"I'm not doin' nothin' wrong," she said quickly, her chin tilting up in defiance, even as the look of uncertainty and guardedness in her eyes did not change. "I'm just lookin' in the mirror, you can't yell at me for lookin' in the mirror."

Buffy rolled her eyes, tempted to respond to what she interpreted as either a thinly veiled sneer or a challenge, but she managed to bite back her instinctively heated response at the last second. From now on, Buffy vowed to herself, she wasn't going to let Faith know that she was getting to her. If she kept snapping at her, showing the other woman how upset she was, how angry, it would just give Faith a sense of power over her. She didn't' want to make her HAPPY. So, from now on…starting right here… Buffy was going to keep her cool, going to ignore all of Faith's little remarks like they didn't' affect her at all. No more yelling or threatening to egg her on… and besides, Joyce was right down the hall and would get even more annoyingly protective if she overheard anything like that.

Not responding to Faith's comment, Buffy simply crossed her arms as she leaned against the door frame of the bathroom, watching Faith with a very controlled, unwavering gaze without speaking. Quickly becoming aware of and made uncomfortable by this, the child tensed further, her features drawing together as her eyes darted away, then back, not seeming to like or understand Buffy's behavior. She didn't step down from the stool, perhaps finding a small bit of security from being raised up a little closer to Buffy's height, but neither, despite her efforts to straighten herself up a little, did she look as confident as she wanted.

"Why do you keep lookin' at me like that?" she demanded, trying to sound aggressive, but her uncertainty bled through into her tone noticeably. "I didn't DO nothin'!"

"I really wish you would stop with the games, Faith," Buffy said in a very controlled tone, not allowing herself to change expression or let too much anger into her voice, though her eyes could not hide them as well. "It's just a waste of your time."

"I'm not playin' games! How come you don't believe me?" Faith yelped, still standing on the stool, gripping the sink unconsciously in her hands behind her back. "How come no one ever believes me about nothin'?"

Her last question was low, somewhat soft in tone, seeming to be addressed more to herself than to Buffy, and her eyes lowered briefly as she said it. For a moment Buffy blinked, slightly startled, then mentally shook herself. Faith wasn't going to affect her…she wasn't. No matter what she did or said… especially with an innocent act.

"We learn from past experience, I guess," Buffy muttered to herself dryly in response to Faith's question. Though Faith didn't hear or understand, she lifted her eyes back to regard Buffy, frowning. There was an intensity to her stare, even when mingled with the confusion an anger- and weirdly enough, what almost looked like hurt- that made Buffy want to tear her eyes away inexplicably.

"Why don't you like me?" the child asked seriously, and though there were traces of anger in her eyes, there was nothing but solemn desire to understand in her voice. She regarded Buffy now with a gaze similar to Buffy's own, no longer seeming quite as ill at ease under the older girl's scrutiny.

At her question, Buffy stiffened, anger rising instinctively, along with many caustic retorts and defenses to Faith's question. After everything that had gone down between them, everything Faith had done…that she would have the nerve to look her so steadily in the eye and ask her why she didn't LIKE her…

As her mind spun furiously, her thoughts and possible replies tangling before she could spit one out, Faith continued to watch her, her frown deepening. Though Buffy had not yet spoken, Faith could see the negative emotions shifting Buffy's eyes, the flexing of her cheek muscle and thinning of her lips. Still watching Buffy, but more apprehensively now, Faith asked in a slightly softer, hesitant inflection, "Do you know my mama…is that why you think I'm bad?"

Oh for God's sake…

Before Buffy could totally skewer her determined vows of less than two minutes ago, Joyce appeared behind her in the doorway. Quickly looking between her daughter and Faith and assessing the tension of the situation, she smiled, hurriedly seeking to dispel it.

"Faith, honey, I found you something to wear- I even found some shoes that might fit you," Joyce told her warmly as she brushed past Buffy, coming to stand before Faith on her stool. "I'm afraid we don't have any underwear that will fit you right now, though, or socks. We'll have to get some of those later-"

Later?! Buffy thought in alarmed disbelief, how long is she planning on Faith BEING like this?!

"But for now, let's try this on," Joyce finished, and she held out Buffy's Easter dress in one hand, a small pair of white Mary Janes in the other. "Buffy wore these when she was about your age, Faith, so they should fit you."

Faith stared at the garments in Joyce's hand, her eyes widening; at the immediate distaste that flashed into her dark eyes, the way her mouth twisted slightly, Buffy didn't even try to repress her smirk. Maybe she didn't like Faith wearing her childhood dresses- but at least she could get satisfaction that Faith didn't like it either.

"You don't got any pants?" she asked without much hope, eyeing the proffered outfit with clearly unenthusiastic eyes.

Joyce laughed, shaking her head. "I'm afraid not, honey. Maybe later we can see about getting some in your size… but for now this is all we have. It might not be your preferred style, but you'll look very pretty in it."

"No I won't," Faith said casually as she stepped down off the stool, reaching reluctantly, almost as if it pained her to do so, to take the dress from Joyce. "Don't like dresses, they make me look stupid and they itch. And anyway, I'm an ugly little bitch."

The last sentence was said in the same off-hand tone as the rest of her words, and she seemed entirely unaware that they wouldn't be regarded in the same casual manner. As both Buffy and Joyce did a double take, Joyce's more noticeable than Buffy's and accompanied by a slight gasp, Faith blinked, frowning in puzzlement at their somewhat stunned expressions. Quickly looking away from Buffy, she turned to Joyce, apprehension in her features as she saw the near horror in Joyce's.

"What…you mad at me? I'm gonna wear it, but it's PINK," she said, wrinkling her nose slightly. "Pink's ugly."

"Faith," Joyce said in a slightly strained tone as she blinked, attempting to rearrange her features into calmer neutrality. "Who told you that, honey? That- that you were ugly."

"Mama," Faith replied after a moment's hesitation, her voice softer, though still tinged with puzzlement at their reaction. She continued to frown up at Joyce, looking quickly at Buffy too a few times in fast glances. "Why…you mad at me? I said I'd wear it."

Watching her closely, finding herself somehow unable to look away, Buffy's heart began to pound slightly faster. She knew she had told herself not to react to Faith… she knew this had to be more of the manipulative attempt she'd been trying to bait them with from the start. Faith's comments, her frowning faint anxiety, and the confusion mingled with innocent sentiment in her eyes, set in her posture as she looked at Joyce….it meant nothing. It was probably nothing more than another superb acting job. But as Buffy stared at her, replaying Faith's words and tone spoken in that casual child's voice, she was beginning for the first time to place emphasis on the "probably" amongst her inner ascertainings.

Probably this was all lies, all manipulations… probably, most likely, Adult Faith was in there, in that little kid body, pulling all the strings with some elaborate plan. But looking at Faith, a slow, faintly sickening doubt was beginning to creep over Buffy's thoughts…was it possible that she was wrong? Was it possible that Faith really had become a child again, in all possible ways… and not only that, but more horrifying, that everything she had said up to this point had been true?

"No, Faith, of course I'm not mad at you," Joyce assured her, and she put a hand on Faith's shoulder, watching to make sure she was looking her in the eye. "But I want you to listen to me right now, okay? Your mama was wrong, sweetie. You're not ugly, and you're not…you're not a little bitch. You're a beautiful little girl. Do you understand me, honey?"

Faith looked back at her with wide eyes, seeming more bewildered than ever as she bit her lip unconsciously, her eyes sliding sideways. She shrugged, her shoulders tensing under Joyce's hand, but there was neither understanding nor belief in high enough levels in her eyes to satisfy the older woman. Joyce moved her hand to Faith's face, lightly cupping her left cheek as Faith's eyes darted back to hers, uncomfortable.

"I mean it, Faith. Like I told you before, grown-ups make mistakes sometimes, and your mama was wrong when she told you that. You're a beautiful little girl, and you'll look very pretty in this dress- even if you would rather wear pants and tennis shoes," she added with a bit of a wry smile.

Faith didn't say anything as she regarded her, her expression slipping into one of solemnity, and yet there was a faint hope along with the doubt and discomfort in her eyes, a faint hint of pleasure at corners of her mouth. When she spoke, her voice was a little too casual and off topic for the other women to not notice.

"When's that man comin' again?"

"Very soon," Joyce replied, giving her a little smile; though she didn't press Faith any further, since there were still hints of her disturbance in her eyes. "Why don't you get dressed before he comes, and maybe I'll have time to make you a snack if you'd like."

Somehow Buffy had managed in the past few minutes to forget she had called Giles and the others; as this remembrance struck itself in her brain, a relief came over her, a sense of relaxation to a small degree. It didn't matter what really was going on, if Faith was really a kid or if what she'd just described was true. All that mattered was that Giles had undoubtedly been spending all this time looking through books- even though she'd TOLD him to come right over- and would come pulling in any minute now with a way to change Faith back. As soon as he got here with the reversal spell or cure or whatever, Buffy wouldn't have to worry anymore.

Faith, seeming to accept Joyce's suggestion, started to slip out of her bulky jacket, fumbling with it since the sleeves were so long. She had only been messing with it for a few moments before she stopped abruptly, her body tensing up once more as her eyes flickered to the women. Puzzled, they look back at her, not understanding the reason behind her freezing.

"Faith? Do you need help getting that jacket off?" Joyce asked, and Faith shook her head quickly, fingers tightening around it.

"I'm just gonna wear this," she said a little more quietly than usual. "I like this."

Buffy exhaled with exasperation that was almost relief too at this; of course Faith didn't want to give up her prized badass clothes, even if she was trying to pass herself off as a kid. Seemed to have forgotten most kids would rather wear a dress than be entirely pantless…

"What, my kid clothes aren't sexy enough for you?" she asked before she could stop herself, and Joyce gasped.

"Buffy!"

Looking away, feeling her cheeks redden with both anger at herself for showing a reaction, and guilt she told herself quickly was only for upsetting her mom, Buffy muttered an apology. Looking back at Faith, Joyce met her narrowed gaze the best she could.

"Faith, I know you don't' like the dress, but it's all we have for you to wear. Would you please put it on just for now, honey? If you'd like, you can roll the sleeves up of the jacket and wear it over it, but you need to have something decent to wear, to cover your legs."

Faith didn't reply for a long moment; she was still very stiff, her dark eyes shadowed, and her forehead scrunched slightly. She was really being too dramatic over this, Buffy thought to herself as she too frowned. What could she possibly be up to? Were there weapons in the jacket- was she afraid she'd have nowhere to hide them in a dress?

When she finally responded, Faith's voice was rough, clashing with the hesitation in her eyes.

"Don't look at me."


	5. Chapter 5

Previously:

When she finally responded, Faith's voice was rough, clashing with the hesitation in her eyes.

"Don't look at me."

Chapter 5

At that, Buffy's frown of confusion deepened- she didn't know that she liked that. Was Faith going to pull the whole "close your eyes and I'll slit your throat" gag? There was no other explanation, because Buffy knew perfectly well that there wasn't a modest bone in Faith's body.

"You mean while you're changing?" Joyce asked, also mystified. "Okay, we won't if you don't want us to- turn around, Buffy."

"What- Mom, we shouldn't, she-" Buffy began, but Joyce cut her off, her voice calm, but firm.

"We'll turn around and let you change, and when you're done I'll button your back up if you need help, okay?"

Faith paused, eyeing Joyce and glancing rapidly at Buffy before nodding, still seeming apprehensive about this plan. Deciding it would be better not to argue, but to simply turn and watch her from the corner of her eyes, Buffy turned as Joyce did.

Watching Faith subtly, she saw the girl look between them for several moments, attempting to make sure they weren't watching her. Apparently finally satisfied, she quickly shed her jacket and shirt, beginning to pull on the dress as rapidly as she could in jerky motions. Buffy couldn't see her very well from only out of the corner of one eye, and she didn't try to be more obvious about watching- Faith was still eyeing her, though she was distracted now by her own actions of dressing . And that was the odd part- she really was just dressing. Why in the world did Faith care if they saw her dress, especially if it wasn't' even her real body?

"Okay, you can do my back up now," Faith said, her voice still rough, rushed, and as Joyce and Buffy turned, Faith quickly presented her back to Joyce, as if trying to keep them from seeing her very well. But she hadn't been fast enough- nor would it have been an effective technique anyway. The short, sleeveless dress left her limbs and collar bone bare for them to see, and looking at her, both women realized with horror and shock why it must have been that Faith didn't want them watching her change, that she seemed to hope they wouldn't look at her too closely…

Faith's small, thin little arms were marked with a scattering of round scars that looked like cigarette burns… there was dark bruising around her wrists, her right inner elbow, and her upper left arm. There was a slightly jagged scar on her lower right arm, a similar one at her collar bone…scars that Buffy knew, as a Slayer, were from broken bones that had pushed through skin. She had never noticed these scars on the adult Faith… but on the child, they were fresher, and mingled with the other marks, horribly clear.

Buffy couldn't keep herself from staring, finding herself to be speechless, throat closing up with her almost helpless horror at what she was seeing. She forgot, looking at the clearly intentionally caused marks on the child Faith's limbs and collar bone, almost all of the anger she had been feeling, all the bitterness and frustration. She couldn't remember her vows to not be affected by Faith, her constant reminders to herself that Faith was trying to lead them on, could be lying to them. in that moment, she couldn't even bring herself to care.

All she could think about as her eyes remained fixated on Faith's arms, even as the girl tried to turn them inward, to keep herself at an angle where the women couldn't see, was that Faith had not- Faith COULD not- have faked those marks. She hadn't done them to herself, to try to get sympathy from them…there was no way she could have. If her body had reverted to exactly the body that she had had when she was seven- Buffy wasn't even going to go there right now with debating whether she also had reverted to the same mind and memories- then that meant that someone had done that to her, when Faith really was a little kid. Someone had hurt her, on what had clearly been a regular basis…

Buffy could see how very stiffly Faith was standing with her back to Joyce, the way she kept her face turned, her body at an odd angle, limbs close to her sides and turned in as she tried to make herself and the marks less conspicuous. Watching her behave in such a way, Buffy felt faintly sickened… this time, not because of Faith or anything she was doing, or from any anger or resentment of her, but in reaction to what had been done to her. It was a response that normally would have surprised or unsettled her…to feel sorry, to feel angry for FAITH? But what else could you feel, seeing such a thing on a little girl, knowing what it meant…

Buffy didn't' know what she should think, how she should be feeling and responding…what had happened to Faith, however she'd been treated as a kid, for whatever reason, that was wrong. It was wrong and horrible…and a part of Buffy was instinctively enraged over it, despite herself. But still… that didn't' excuse Faith's behavior, her crimes as an adult. It didn't. And it didn't mean that she wasn't pretending she had gone back to being a kid again in mind and memories right now. It didn't really change much…

But for some reason Buffy couldn't really convince herself that this was true, not entirely. She had known vaguely, from the adolescent Faith's sporadic and often bitter remarks that she'd had a rough life growing up. She thought she remembered Faith saying something about her mom being dead, maybe something about her being an alcoholic… she wasn't sure, she hadn't really been paying attention since Faith usually let those kind of details out in the middle of trying to beat some vampire's face in, or else Buffy's. But seeing the evidence before her now, on the child Faith's body, was quite different from a shouted, ambiguous comment from the teenager… and now Buffy's mind was racing, wondering just how bad it had been for her, what had happened to Faith before she was ever even called as a Slayer. Had that made a difference…did it matter?

Her mind flashed to an entirely different scar, one she herself had caused… the scar on the adolescent Faith's abdomen, from Buffy's stabbing her. The scar that had put her into a coma.

How much of everything that had happened with Faith as a teenager had been because of what happened to her as a kid? Could it have been different? Could Buffy have done something differently? Was it maybe, possibly- just a little bit anyway- not entirely Faith's fault, or Faith's decision, in what had happened? Should Buffy have… could Faith really just be a kid right now, and the way Buffy had been reacting to her wrong?

No, there was no point in thinking like that. It was pointless, and there was no way she could really know. Whatever had happened- whatever Faith really was now, and whether or not Buffy had done some things wrong, either now or eight months ago…it didn't matter. Or it shouldn't. Faith was still wrong- she still had to accept the consequences for her actions.

But still, in those first thirty seconds of shock and rapidly racing thoughts after seeing Faith's arms, Buffy couldn't bring herself to be reasonable and logical… she couldn't bring her confusion back into condemnation.

It was less than a minute after they saw Faith's bared skin that Joyce regained her composure and moved to action, but for her and Buffy, and most likely Faith as well, it felt like an eternity. Reaching for Faith, Joyce pulled her in a little closer to her and began to button her dress quickly as she shifted her own features into calmness. Tying Faith's sash for her as well, she took Faith by the shoulder gently, and Buffy noticed that there were bruises forming there as well- bruises from HER hands. Her stomach twisted as Joyce turned Faith toward her, looking into her face. Faith's lips had tightened, her eyes darkening, but she didn't try to pull away. There was not a challenge in her eyes, as Buffy would have expected, despite her knowledge of what they had seen… there was only fear.

"I was right, Faith, you look very pretty in this," Joyce began softly, still keeping a light hand on the girl's' shoulder. "But I notice that it looks like you've been getting hurt a lot."

"Yeah…so?" Faith replied, lifting her chin, but the defiance in her tone did not meet her eyes. Buffy almost wanted to walk out of the room, despite her earlier thoughts that Faith should never be left alone with her mother. It was that hard to look her in the face…

Still fixing her eyes on Faith's, searching their depths, Joyce very lightly touched her scar on her collar bone, still speaking carefully.

"How did you get hurt here, honey?"

Faith's eyes darted to Joyce's hand, then up to her face before shifting sideways again, still avoiding her eyes. Though she did not move from Joyce's touch, her small body was practically screaming out its tension in her posture.

"Broke a bone," she said quickly, and Joyce watched her, trying to hide the anger and pity in her eyes and show only caring as she touched the similar scar on her right arm.

"And here? Did you break your arm too?"

It occurred to Buffy suddenly than in the short months that she had fought on the good side, Faith had seemed to injure or dislocate her right arm and shoulder more frequently than any other area of her body… at least three times, Faith's arm or shoulder had given her enough trouble to slow her somewhat or bother her a good bit later from knocks she'd received in battle. Could this be why… had breaks and maybe improper healing or setting of the breaks when she was a child caused it to be a slightly weakened area as an adult, even as a Slayer?

"Uh-huh," Faith said quickly, still not meeting Joyce's eyes- Buffy, she refused to look towards at all. Faith tried to duck out from under Joyce's hand, her eyes moving to the jacket on the floor, but Joyce stopped her by catching hold of her hand…deliberately avoiding touching her arms or shoulders anymore.

"Do you remember how you broke your arm and collar bone, honey?" she asked Faith quietly, trying to catch her eye even as the child tried to keep her face turned.

Faith's voice was uneven, somewhat husky, as she responded; her posture conveyed equal amounts of anxiety and standoffishness, a clear message to Joyce to back off.

"I fell."

That was all she said, but it was more what she didn't say that hit Buffy. Faith was denying what had been done to her… probably typical of most abused children. But what was crossing Buffy's mind now, to her own horror, was that if this really were the adult Faith before her, playing the innocent act to fool them…then why would she deny her abuse, defend whoever had hurt her? Why would she not tell them all about it, use it to further cement their pity and trust in her?

Buffy could tell herself that Faith was crazy, who knew what she was thinking… but no matter how she looked at it, that simply didn't make sense. The more she thought about it, the weaker her own conviction seemed… and the greater her doubts in herself grew.

"I see," Joyce replied, and though she did not touch the burns and bruises visible on the rest of Faith, nor did she look at them, Faith cringed as if she had in reaction to her next addressing of her. "All those other places you got hurt…are all those from falling down too, sweetie?"

Her tone was very gentle, non-threatening, but still Faith's jaw tightened, and her voice got a little louder, more insistent as she answered.

"Yeah, they ARE, okay, leave me alone already…stop starin' at me! I didn't do nothin'!"

Ducking out from under Joyce's hand, Faith snatched for her jacket, quickly and clumsily attempting to put it back on. After watching her struggle with it for a few moments, realizing that the little girl's hands were actually shaking, Joyce went to her and helped her into it without speaking, rolling the sleeves up far enough that they no longer dragged past her hands. Faith stared at her, wary, pensive, and again, as she watched the child bite her lip unconsciously, Buffy wanted to look away…. For she couldn't see any trace of the rage, the hatred and near insane devious calculation of the adult Faith in the little girl's eyes.

"Here you go, Faith, it's still big on you, but whenever we look at socks and pants and underwear for you we can look for a better jacket too," Joyce said, speaking again as if she assumed that Faith would be staying with them for some time. This time, however, Buffy didn't bristle at it. In fact, she barely heard her mother's remark. "But I want you to listen to me, Faith…look at me, please."

She put her hand on the child's face again, turning her to look at her as Faith frowned, faint dread crossing her features. Joyce's face softened, and she stroked Faith's cheek, her eyebrows tilting with her concern and empathy for her.

"I want you to understand that you will not be hurt or mistreated in this house," she said softly but insistently, looking directly into Faith's face. "You're safe here, sweetheart."

Faith stared back at her, not replying. There was such a complexity to her gaze, such torn thought in her eyes, that Buffy had never seen in a child… something no child should be dealing with. When Faith finally answered, it was in response to the ringing of the doorbell downstairs- a noise that jerked them out of the intensity of the moment and muted the faint hope that had just began to show itself in Faith's expression.

"That man's here," she said quickly, seeming relieved to have a diversion. "Don't we gotta let him in?"

Joyce exhaled, accepting Faith's response; it was all she would get for now, and she knew it. Nevertheless she took the girl's hand and squeezed it- and Buffy wasn't sure, but it looked like Faith might be squeezing back as she looked down at their hands in surprise.

"Yes, we do… here, Faith, why don't you put your shoes on, and Buffy, you can go let him in."

Buffy knew that Joyce was sending her off for her own relief as much as Faith's, and she was more than glad for it. She had been silent as Joyce spoke with Faith, not only not knowing what to say or do, but not even knowing what she was thinking or feeling… except conflicted, disturbed, and confused.

As Buffy went to open the door, her thoughts were still tangled, uncertain… she wasn't sure about anything anymore- not even what she wanted the truth to be, let alone what it really was. But even without clear conviction of thought, she was aware that an increasingly larger part of herself was beginning to doubt herself, to think that she was wrong… that maybe Faith had not, in fact, been lying to her all along…

But what would that mean, if Faith were telling the truth… if she really was a child again in every possible way, what was Buffy supposed to do? Buffy had no idea… but god, she hoped Giles did.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

When Buffy opened the door for him, Giles's expression was already uneasy, nervous… and yet there was a gleam of interest, scholarly curiosity in his eyes, even before having seen Faith or spoken a word to Buffy about her. Buffy knew that look… it was the way Giles got when presented with the prospect of a new and unusual circumstance in the supernatural for them to dig into. She just hoped that some of that near excitement in his eyes came from having answers.

"So I'm assuming that you didn't come right when I called because you had your nose in a book?" Buffy asked by way of greeting, raising an eyebrow as she stepped back to let him in. Just seeing Giles, she felt more normal. She could let herself focus almost entirely on him, not on Faith, and what had just passed between them in the bathroom…

"Well, yes, I thought I should see what I could find as a possibility, prepare myself," Giles admitted a bit sheepishly, glancing down at her. "I'm afraid time must have gotten away from me. I'm sorry, Buffy, were there problems? Do you have everything under control?"

"Hardly," Buffy said dryly, almost laughing in incredulity at such a question. "Did you even hear what I said on the phone, Giles? Faith is a kid- a KID. She turned herself into a kid! But if you've got answers from all that reading, or if you can tell me what we're supposed to do to turn her back, all lateness is forgiven. Like, like a get out of jail free card or something- do you have one of those?" Buffy asked hopefully, her eyes fixed on his almost begging for a positive answer.

Giles's hesitating head tilt and grimace gave her an answer, but it was hardly the one she had hoped for. He exhaled, one hand already drifting up to touch his glasses absently.

"Buffy, I wish I could tell you that I did…but without seeing her for myself, without knowing more details about exactly what happened…"

"Right… right, I get that," Buffy said slowly, even as her heart sank with disappointment. "Okay, well, come sit in the dining room- and as soon as Willow and Xander get here, and Mom brings Faith in too… jeez, where ARE Willow and Xander, I called them right after I called you!"

"So…so Faith truly is a child now?" Giles questioned, regarding Buffy with the same faintly disbelieving but nevertheless intensely interested demeanor Buffy was by this point almost irritated by. "I have not seen her, of course, Buffy, but quite frankly, that sounds like an astounding accomplishment on her part. Certainly unexpected… to revert oneself to one's past body, it could be something numerous people, millions even, would be interested in. It could in fact be very dangerous in any number of ways we can't predict now. The magic and manner it was accomplished in, and possible effects on the mind and the body, how long it lasts or even whether one can turn back to one's former age at all… it's simply raising questions and possible difficulties I'm certain Faith never thought of. And it doesn't help that I have so little knowledge of how and why she achieved such an action… she is FULLY a child again?"

"Well…physically, yeah," Buffy replied slowly as she sat across from him in the dining room table, the doubt obvious in her tone. Involuntarily her mind reverted back to that not-yet-distant scene in the bathroom, to the words and actions of a Faith who had seemed so not like the Faith she had always thought she had known… and again her features flooded with her conflicted emotion.

Watching her, Giles frowned slightly, picking up on her thoughts. "But not mentally, in memories and thought…or is she?" he questioned, his hand absently touching his glasses once more.

"I don't… I don't know, Giles," Buffy admitted, and she sighed, her voice coming out smaller than she had anticipated. "I thought not at first, I thought it was still Faith, her mind, just in a kid body… I thought she was just trying to get one over on us, that she was going to use looking young like that to her advantage… but now…I'm not sure. I mean, I still kind of think yes, it's Big Faith in there…but I kind of think not too," Buffy finished, frowning heavily, and Giles nodded thoughtfully.

"Well, I suppose Willow or I could think of a spell to reveal the truth, whether or not her aura is clear…perhaps a truth spell of some kind… does she tell you that she is a child?" he asked, his fingers rubbing the bridge of his glasses as he regarded her.

"Yeah…she says she doesn't know who we are, she acted like as far as she knows she's a kid who suddenly woke up in adult clothes with a bunch of strangers," Buffy muttered, shaking her head. But her tone wasn't sarcastic, wasn't angry, as it might have been twenty minutes ago, before Faith's change of clothing and her own beginning change in views. "I don't know…Giles…it's been…"

She trailed off, her lips thinning as once again she pictured Faith's arms, the look on her face as the child realized they saw and understood their origin… she couldn't explain that to Giles, what it had felt to see that, what she was feeling now. She didn't know anything at all right now…

And she had added more, she had hurt Faith more, on top of everything else she had suffered.

"You'll get it when you see her," she said finally, though she knew he wouldn't, not quite… especially not if Faith was still wearing the jacket. "She should be here in a minute. But just as a warning- Mom doesn't want us telling her anything about who she was. I mean is. She's totally convinced Faith's a kid again, all the way… how we're going to know if she is or not, or how to get her turned back into how she was, without telling her anything about who she was, though, is beyond me."

"Yes, well, I suppose that would be wise, just until we have a little more insight into the situation," Giles mused, his eyes narrowing slightly. "Now…just where exactly is Faith now, is she-"

Just then Joyce entered the room with Faith, still clad in frilly dress and badly clashing oversized jacket, holding her hand. Once they were standing before Giles and Buffy, Joyce let go of her and instead rested a hand lightly on Faith's back, smiling down at her briefly before looking across to Giles.

"Mr. Giles, this is Faith… Lehane, is that what you said your last name is, honey? And this is Mr. Giles, Faith, the man we were telling you about. The man who's going to help us figure out what happened to us today," Joyce said brightly.

Faith looked him over intently, seeming to be scoping him out- but it was Giles who appeared utterly astonished. Behind his glasses his eyes nearly bulged, his mouth opening slightly, and he blinked several times as he stared at Faith, seeming at first not quite able to believe what he was seeing. He had been forewarned- but Buffy supposed hearing wasn't quite the same as seeing for yourself.

She supposed it didn't help that Faith was wearing that girly childish dress, that Joyce had- under what sneaky methods of coercion, Buffy could only imagine- managed in Buffy's absence to get Faith to allow her to brush her tangled hair and pull it into pigtails. If it wasn't for the large, tough-girl jacket and the not-exactly-polite stare Faith was giving Giles, she would almost have looked sweet… a concept that unsettled Buffy to even have enter her head in connection with Faith's name, regardless of which variation of the girl.

"Er, hello, Faith," Giles managed after a long pause, still blinking more than usual. "It's…a pleasure to meet you."

"Hey," Faith said nonchalantly in response, still eyeing Giles with a curiosity that only grew upon hearing him speak. "You talk funny…you kinda sound like that guy on Batman. The old guy in the fancy clothes that opens the door for Batman… I can't remember his name."

In spite of herself, Buffy almost snickered, especially upon seeing the look of consternation on Giles's face.

"I believe you're referring to Alfred," he said a bit stiffly, peering down at Faith and still blinking frequently. Buffy's eyebrows shot up as she looked at him- GILES had watched Batman before? "I…er, I suppose I do in a sense…"

"Are you Buffy's daddy?" Faith interrupted, glancing very quickly at Buffy- she still seemed wary of coming too close to her, or looking at her for very long. Giles, she seemed not at all intimidated by, judging from her easy interrogation. Though she was still standing near Joyce, not pulling away from her hand on her back and even leaning into it slightly, she hadn't yet looked away from Giles…perhaps hoping that the man Joyce had told her would help them contained more answers than they had.

At her question, all three of the others reacted with varying levels of startled surprise, looking quickly from her to each other with wide eyes and darting glances. Buffy's lips quirked, and she barely suppressed a loud outburst of laughter- a suppression made even more difficult when she caught a glimpse of the look on Giles's face. She had seen the man awkward more times than she could even begin to recall, but this was simply priceless. The lobster hue of his skin, the immediate twitchy demeanor and hurried throat clearing/eye widening/ removal of glasses to clean them was utter comedy at its best. Even had it not been, Buffy was tense and upset enough to have been capable of laughing over anything, simply because she needed to.

Buffy didn't find it quite as amusing when Giles's eyes kept flickering over to Joyce repeatedly and in very brief intervals, his face seeming to redden further with each seemingly involuntary glance…in fact, her grin cut itself off rather abruptly. She was far from being over the trauma her brain had been forced to endure with her knowledge of Giles's and her mother's having had sex- TWI CE- last year. She didn't even want to think about WHY he kept looking at Joyce, so totally mortified, at Faith's simple question- or why her mother looked more than a little flustered herself.

Faith, meanwhile, entirely not understanding the reason for the dramatic response to what had undoubtedly seemed a logical and completely unfunny question to her, frowned, looking around at the adults with a bemused and slightly pissed off look at their weirdness. Turning back to Giles, glancing up at Joyce for confirmation, she repeated a bit impatiently, "Well, are you?"

"I..er…no, no, Faith, I am not Buffy's- father," Giles stuttered, and he gave another fast, red-faced glance toward an also flushed Joyce before studiously returning his attention to cleaning his glasses.

"You're not?" Faith asked, frowning a little, as if in disappointment that her theory had been blown. "Don't Buffy have a daddy?" she asked Joyce now, turning back to her. "I don't' have a daddy… does Buffy? Where's he at?"

She didn't ask me, Buffy noticed, didn't even look at me… and without quite expecting it, her stomach twisted sharply in guilt. Was Faith that afraid of her…did she hate her so much that she couldn't even look at her? Whatever she did to try to ignore it, Buffy was disturbed by this…

"Yes, Buffy has a daddy, honey, but he doesn't live with us," Joyce told her, giving her a smile and briefly smoothing a hand over one of the child's pigtails. "We're divorced, Faith- do you know what that means?"

"Kinda," Faith replied, but she didn't sound very interested. There was even some disappointment in her tone, as if she had been hoping to have in common with Buffy a lack of a father. Looking back at Giles, she said with continued curiosity, "Well what are you then, her grandpa?"

"Well, NO," Giles replied, a bit of an insulted edge to his tone now. "I, I am her…friend, in a sense, I suppose."

"You're too old to be her friend," Faith said suspiciously, and then her eyes widened with sudden understanding as she glanced between Buffy and Giles again. "Ohhh…you mean you fuck?"

At that question, for the second time in five minutes, all three of the others in the room reacted strongly. They gasped, Giles' sounding more like a choking squawk, and Buffy felt her jaw drop open wide enough that she felt a muscle twinge with some pain in reaction. She couldn't see her mother's face very well, but she heard her blurt out Faith's name in a shocked tone and could well imagine her expression. As for Buffy, beyond the initial horror of the very idea of what Faith was suggesting, she was reeling from the possibly equal horror that Faith WOULD suggest it…and seem to find it a perfectly normal and acceptable thing.

What kind of kid had not only heard a word like that enough to remember and use it, but heard it enough to use it CORRECTLY- and totally casually?! What kind of life must she have led that she could think of something like that in such a manner- that she could assume a perfect stranger would be okay with her asking about his…his sex life?! What the HELL- how the HELL could she have lived…

Again, a visual of Faith's battered arms, the dark emotion swirling in her eyes as she kept herself in control in a manner altogether too eerily adult-like for a little girl, came to Buffy's mind… and she didn't need to ask herself again. Hell…that was exactly what Faith had lived.

It didn't occur to Buffy as she gaped at Faith, still blinking in delayed shock as much at her own thoughts as the other girl, that she was no longer in her mind referring to Faith in any sort of doubting sense. She didn't realize that, quite instinctively and unconsciously, she was already thinking of Faith as the child she said she was, the child she was physically…

"What?" Faith was asking in total bewilderment now, anxiety in her features as she looked between the adults. She had gathered from Joyce's voice and their expressions of horror that they weren't exactly pleased. "Isn't that what you meant?"

"Dear Lord," Giles muttered, and if she hadn't been on the verge of uttering a rather stronger declaration, Buffy would have again been tempted to burst out laughing. As it was, Joyce recovered faster than Giles or Buffy to answer her question.

"Faith…no, that isn't what he meant. Mr. Giles…Mr. Giles is sort of Buffy's teacher," Joyce said slowly, picking her words carefully as she met Faiths' eyes with hers. "They don't…have that kind of relationship."

"Oh," Faith remarked, some curiosity in her tone as she tilted her head slightly- and also what sounded to Buffy like relief. "I never knew a boy teacher before."

"Yes- yes, there are many men who teach," Joyce said quickly, then, taking a deep breath, "but, Faith, we don't ask people personal questions like that… even if the answer is no, it's not a nice thing to ask someone. We don't use words like that."

"Like what? Fuck?" Faith asked in honest confusion, frowning. "How come? What else are you supposed to say?"

"Well- it's not a nice word, honey," Joyce replied cautiously, and Buffy notice that she was almost too carefully keeping her eyes on Faith's, as if she didn't' dare let them stray anywhere in Giles's vicinity. "We…we say 'make love' instead, because it's nicer. Okay?"

Faith's eyes widened at that, and she regarded Joyce in disbelief, astonishment plain in her voice. "You mean you're supposed to LOVE everyone you fuck?"

As renewed horror swept the room at that line of questioning, and Buffy wondered fleetingly if her ears could handle any further assault to them for the day, Joyce fumbled for a voice that wouldn't sound entirely strained without quite succeeding, giving Faith a slightly tight, though still genuine, smile.

"Well, ideally, yes, honey…but Faith, let's get back on track here. Mr. Giles-"

But Faith's attention had already been diverted to Giles, who was cleaning his glasses still, with such vigorous attention and force that they looked in danger of breaking. Watching him, fascinated, Faith asked, "Wow, aren't those done yet?"

As Giles's head jerked up in surprise, face flaming, and Buffy was unable this time to hold back her snickering, Joyce finally decided it was time to take charge. Taking hold of Faith's hand, she pulled open a chair for her across from Giles, diagonal from Buffy, and motioned for her to sit. Sitting next to her, she looked across at Giles deliberately.

"Mr. Giles…I'm sure you have a few things you'd like to ask Faith, wouldn't you?" she said a little pointedly, but there was a certain look in her eyes that told him to be careful with just what it was he asked her. "She's having problems remembering some things right now, but I'm sure she'll be glad to tell you what she knows, won't you, Faith? So he can try to help us understand?"

Seeming entirely relieved by this help from Joyce, Giles nodded quickly, clearing his throat and replacing his glasses before turning to regard Faith with composure mostly regained. Buffy leaned forward slightly…this she had to hear.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"So, er…Faith," Giles began, and he looked the little girl across from him over again, seeming to still be faintly incredulous of her existence, her physical appearance, before he continued. "Why don't you tell me a bit about yourself… how old are you, exactly, for instance?"

Faith frowned, seeming to be thinking; as Buffy regarded her with some surprise, for she had answered readily enough when her mother had asked earlier, Faith took several moments before responding.

"What do you mean exactly…'cause I can't add up big numbers yet," she replied thoughtfully, looking over at Joyce quickly almost as if for reassurance. "Don't know how many days past my birthday it is, but it's December 14. My birthday I mean."

Again, Buffy found herself looking away, having to concentrate on not letting herself smirk or snicker at the girl's not-intentionally-funny reply. She couldn't quite believe this, that she was actually finding Faith amusing right now… but at the moment she couldn't worry about it. And though she wasn't' consciously aware of it, a part of her was set at ease by Faith's comments to Giles and her mother, shocking as some of them were. They served as further indications that Faith was the child she claimed to be, for Buffy knew that the adolescent Faith couldn't, though trying, have succeeded in being so innocently yet naughtily witty. She had never been amused by Faith's sense of humor as a teenager- though part of the reason for that might have been because it was usually directed at her.

Giles blinked, momentarily thrown by Faith's response- and in fact, Buffy thought with an inner near vindictiveness, for she was after her trying day, enjoying another having a rough time with Faith now- in fact, she was fairly certain that he had been startled thus far by every word Faith had directed towards him.

"What? No, no, Faith, I mean, what is your age in years…six, seven, eight, nine… which age, in YEARS, are you…"

"Oh, how come you didn't just say so then? I'm seven. How come you all keep askin' me that if you know me?" Faith queried, turning to Joyce. "Or does he not know me? Am I supposed to know him too?"

"Well- well, yes you did know him, Faith, but that's okay that you don't remember," Joyce told her quickly, not wanting to lie to her outright, but also not wanting to open the door for a whole other slew of questions.

Of course, it was too late for that.

"Then how come no one knows how old I am? Didn't you know? Didn't I tell you?" Faith asked, her brow furrowing.

Actually…Buffy thought to herself with some surprise, she hadn't. Or at least she couldn't remember her having done so…as far as she knew, Faith had never told her or anyone else how old she was, if she had siblings, even what her last name was. But then again, she realized with another little inner jolting, they had never asked. Why hadn't they ever asked Faith her last name, or how old she was… and the question made her look away, squirming in uncomfortable accountability.

"Ohhh…did you forget things about me too?" Faith was asking now, looking between them with bright-eyed intrigue, even occasionally daring to steal a glance at Buffy. It struck Buffy that she was looking almost fully at ease now, which in itself was incomprehensible. Any normal first-grader who found herself in a home with strange women who were angry at her, one who threatened her with bodily harm and left bruises on her from the harshness of her touch, would be still withdrawn and terrified, Buffy would have thought. But Faith seemed almost comfortable, certainly not frightened or shy- or if she was, it was a considerably lesser degree than the average child would show.

"How come you only forgot some things about me and I forgot everything about you? How did you know me? How come I remember some people but not all of you?" Faith's questions continued.

Even as Buffy struggled to keep up with her rapid line of thought, she was faintly entertained by the shifting of the situation. Whatever the original plan of Giles questioning Faith had been, that had clearly been eclipsed by Faith's own questions. Her own question- with Faith so obviously out of her wary stage, how were they going to ever keep her in the dark about who she really was? Especially when she was so persistent with the questions here…

"Well…well, I'm not sure-" Giles began awkwardly, and Joyce picked up for him, turning to Faith.

"Those are all good questions, Faith, but we aren't sure of any of the answers yet," she said patiently. "Now I know you want to understand and you have a lot of questions, but Mr. Giles wants to ask you some first. So maybe we can get answers to all of our questions, okay? So let's let him ask his first."

Faith shrugged, but seemed agreeable enough to this… though Buffy doubted that she would have been so okay with the suggestion if it had come from her. Not, she thought uneasily and with a renewed, sharp stabbing of guilt, that she could blame he r for it…

It was odd, at least for Buffy…but they were behaving naturally with each other, Faith and her mother. As if Joyce was Faith's mom, and she listened to her and trusted her, even respected her in a way Buffy had never seen the Adult Faith do so with another person. And Joyce, being Joyce, acted towards Faith almost as if she were her daughter… rather like Buffy remembered her relating to her when Buffy had been a small child. A twinge of jealousy twisted suddenly in her stomach, and Buffy quickly squashed it down, telling herself it had never been there in the first place.

Had Faith really been like that with adults as a kid… or would she have been, if she had responsible ones who cared for her around? What happened to her somewhere between the ages of seven and…sixteen? Seventeen? To make her no longer able to be like that even with someone trustworthy like Joyce or Giles?

Somehow Buffy doubted she wanted to know, or even to think about it.

"So, you said you are seven, Faith," Giles reiterated, attempting to refocus and to get Faith do to the same. "Can you tell me what year it is?"

"You forgot that too?" Faith frowned, and Buffy could tell that Giles was barely maintaining patience now from his sharp intake of breath and slight clinching of his jaw. She doubted children were normally something he was accustomed to anyway… and NO ONE she knew of would be used to a child like Faith.

"No- of course not. I want to see if YOU remember- I am attempting to understand exactly what it is, er, that you have, have forgotten, and why," he answered, fumbling a bit with the response since it wasn't' the exact truth.

"Oh," Faith said again, shrugging and frowning slightly. "It's 1990…right?"

"Uh, very well, thank you, Faith," Giles replied, not exactly answering her, and Buffy mentally counted backward.

That would make Faith born in 1982, right… December of 1982…or was it 1983? That would make her, what, seventeen now, in her adult body? Was Faith seventeen? Did that make her sixteen when she first met Buffy- or fifteen? God she hated math…

"And you don't remember us- Buffy or Joyce or I?" Giles asked next, though this particular question had been established already. "Nothing at all about us- we don't look or sound familiar in any way to you?"

"Uh-uh," Faith shook her head, "how come you know me though?"

"Faith, let him ask his questions for a little while," Joyce reminded her gently, as much to avoid another sticky moment as to help keep them on track, and she lay a hand on the girl's shoulder lightly. Faith glanced at it quickly, a little startled, but not unpleased or seeming hurt, as Giles spoke to her again.

"Faith, what is the last thing you do remember? Before you found yourself with Buffy and Ms. Summers… what was occurring?"

Faith frowned, seeming to be thinking, and Buffy watched as her eyes slowly darkened, a look coming over them that struck her as..haunted… a look that made Buffy feel forced to look away, heart squeezing, certain she didn't want to hear what was coming.

"I was outside," she said a little quieter than before, and Joyce's eyes on her narrowed slightly as she took in the changing of the girls' demeanor. "Climbin' a tree."

"Yes, very well then," Giles muttered, and his slightly perplexed expression demonstrated how unhelpful he found this description. "You were playing, then?"

"Uh-uh," Faith shook her head again voice dropping a little more, and she looked away. "Hidin'."

At that soft but obviously meaningful correction, Buffy's heart squeezed in discomfort. She had a feeling she knew why Faith might have been hiding. She avoided looking at her or Joyce, knowing she would see the same thoughts she was having in her mother's eyes…

Giles, however, not having seen Faith without the protection of her bulky jacket covering her arms and collar bone, was clueless. Seeming somewhat exasperated by what he probably saw as Faith's deliberate vagueness, but trying to maintain patience, he asked, "Hiding? What do you mean by hiding- from whom or what were you hiding? Was it some sort of game, or was there a threat of some kind…"

His expression grew more alert at his own mention of a possible threat, and eyes sharpening with intensity, he leaned towards the child.

"Was there something after you… perhaps something odd… a man who did not appear, well, quite normal in his appearance? Or perhaps a woman- anything unusual…" Giles probed, and Buffy realized what he was doing. He was wondering if Faith had memories of vampires, of monsters or being a Slayer, even if they were false and out of context, inserted into her childhood memories subconsciously.

It wasn't a bad idea… it would make sense in a way. Adult Faith couldn't entirely be gone…could she? No, she couldn't be- Buffy refused to even consider otherwise. So if she was still in existence somewhere- and she was, she had to be- then even if Faith had reverted back to childhood, maybe little bits of the older Faith were still there. Maybe not overtly- probably, she was more inclined to believe now, most likely it wasn't entirely the Adolescent Faith's mind in the Child Faith's body. But maybe parts of big Faith were still in Little Faith…if that made sense…

Okay, so maybe it didn't. But where was Big Faith then right now… she had to be around somewhere! Wasn't she? Maybe she was like a lost soul, just kind of… floating around, or whatever lost-soul-type things do until they're regained again. In fact, now that she thought about it, excitement rising in her chest, maybe they could use a modification of the spell they'd used to re-ensoul Angel to re-age Faith. It couldn't be all that different…right?

But all that theorizing was disputed by Faith as she gave Giles a look like he was completely insane, obviously not seeing a parallel between his "strange-looking person" euphemism for vampire and her own thoughts. Okay, so much for the "some of Faith's memories in little Faith" theory…at least for this particular one. But even as Faith shook her head, Buffy was aware of the sudden guardedness once more coming into her eyes, the way her small body tensed up, and her mind returned reluctantly to what it was Faith had actually said. She might not have been hiding from vampires, but Buffy had a feeling she had indeed been hiding from a monster… one of the human variety.

Looking bemused, Giles frowned, opening his mouth as if in preparation to question Faith further. But Joyce- who had in the past several minutes been endeavoring so hard to keep Faith from interrupting to allow Giles to ask questions- now cut him off deliberately with a very meaningful, if brief, look aimed his way.

"So you were hiding, honey… and then what do you remember after that?" she asked Faith softly, again resting a hand lightly between her shoulder blades. "Being in my bedroom with Buffy and me..is that what you remember?"

Glancing over at Joyce now, Faith nodded, the relief softening her gaze obviously as she replied, "Uh-huh."

"In those clothes?" Giles asked in surprise, blinking; he looked from the adult jacket, obviously having belonged to the adolescent Faith, to the small cutesy child-sized dress, taken aback. "The jacket with that dress? You were wearing those..in, er, your memory?"

"What? No," Faith said in surprise, shaking her head and going so far as to wrinkle her nose as the suggestion. "This is BUFFY'S dress, I don't wear sissy crap like this. I had really really big clothes, they wouldn't even stay on. It was real weird- even the panties wouldn't stay on. That's how come I'm wearin' this, the other clothes wouldn't fit me. Only Joyce and Buffy didn't have no panties that would fit me so I ain't wearin' any."

Giles half choked at that declaration, his face flaming brightly, and he hurriedly looked away from the little girl, clearing his throat several times. Buffy too blinked, taken aback- was it always going to be like this with this kid? Was she going to have to expect talk about sex and bodily functions and underwear- or lack thereof- every ten seconds? And she had thought Big Faith was bad…the older version seemed tame in comparison the younger as far as the shock value went.

As Joyce began to launch into another manners lesson for Faith- this time, on the topic of why little girls aren't supposed to describe their underwear, and even more importantly, lack of underwear, to adult men- and Giles started an earnest glasses cleaning anew, they were all vastly grateful to be interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell. Buffy jumped up hurriedly, almost knocking her chair over in her haste, and was amused to see that Giles had moved as if he too were preparing to sprint for the door before he caught himself. Not even trying to hide her gleeful snicker at that, Buffy spoke to the others quickly.

"That must be Xander or Willow…maybe both of them. Let me just go get them…"

As she exited the room she could hear Faith piping up unsurprisingly to the adults remaining with her.

"Xander and Willow? Who are they? Do they got questions for me too? How come everyone around here's got such dumb names anyway?"


	8. Chapter 8

Do a picture next time

Chapter 8

When Buffy went to open the door, she was startled to see that there was a third person standing on the doorstep with them- and it wasn't the explicitly, if tactfully, banned Anya. Standing slightly behind Willow, her face averted, eyes lowered, was a tall, solid girl around their age with limp dishwater hair covering half her face. Buffy blinked, recoiling slightly from her startled, instinctive initial response. But then she realized when the girl flushed in embarrassment and probable hurt, her eyes skipping up to Buffy's and then quickly down, that the stranger was most likely interpreting her reactions as negative towards her specifically. That wasn't the case at all… Buffy just wanted to know who she was, and more importantly, what she was doing here right now. She hadn't exactly expected to see her… after all this wasn't exactly a social call.

"Uh…hi…" Buffy said awkwardly, looking from Willow to Xander quickly and with more than a little confused dismay in her eyes. "So… so you all came in one car?"

Xander's shoulders rolled in on themselves sheepishly, and he shrugged overly casually, giving Buffy a little grin. "Uh…kinda, yeah… see, the whole lack of an invitation bit of your phone call? That sort of pissed Anya off in a major way…so she kind of left in my car before I could get to it. So I was a little ride-less."

"Yeah, and, and his being ride-less, that meant we had to give him a ride," Willow picked up quickly, and her tone was a little too high, a little too oddly pitched and rushed to be normal. "Tara and I, I mean. This, this is Tara, Buffy- she's from the Wiccan group I went to a few times, remember how I told you about that? Tara, this is Buffy."

"N-nice to meet you," the other girl stammered, giving Buffy a very fast, obviously forced smile that looked almost painful. Her eyes skipped away quickly soon after. Between her, Willow's jumpiness, and the nerve-poking bundle that was child Faith, Buffy felt as if she were slowly turning into nothing but a mass of raw skin.

"Uh, yeah, nice to meet you too…Tara… "she made herself say in a normal, nice tone, even as her eyes slid to Xander and Willow, shooting them pointed stares that made Willow flush in discomfort, ducking her head too. "It really is… but…we were kinda gonna do this, this project…weren't we, Willow?"

"What? Oh, you mean Faith," Willow replied, and she assured Buffy with wide, slightly anxious eyes, "Oh no, you don't have to worry about code words or anything, Buffy… we can talk about everything in front of Tara. She already knows about Faith, and about me being a witch and you being a Slayer. That's why I brought her too- I was thinking, maybe she should be here too, you know, maybe she can help."

Buffy blinked, eyes widening slightly as a startled noise escaped her involuntarily. This girl- Tara- she knew? Willow had told her? Okay, so that wasn't exactly unprecedented- a lot of people knew about her being the Slayer by now, about vampires and demons and things that went bump in the night. Kind of hard to avoid when you lived on the Hellmouth and had to save a new kid every other day of the week from being eaten, sacrificed, or drained. But this was weird on several counts.

First off, Buffy had never met this Tara girl before…Willow had never so much as mentioned her name. Had she? She'd been so busy with Riley lately…

No, no, Buffy would have remembered her mentioning a new friend, especially since Willow had been all Mope Girl since Oz left. Not that Buffy was blaming her or anything- she definitely had cause to mope. But that was another thing- with all the mopiness and wanting-time-for-herself-ness, when had Willow gone out and made a new friend- a friend she apparently trusted enough not only to tell her all the details about Faith and what she was now, but would even bring her to an understood-to-be-exclusive Scooby meeting? This was just… not very Willow. This Tara girl must be really something, Buffy thought with bemusement, and more than a little irritation as she regarded her again. She couldn't help but add to herself critically, though I don't really see it…

It occurred to her suddenly to wonder just exactly what it was that Willow HAD told Tara…how much detail had she gone into about Faith? Did Tara know what had happened between them last year… did she know why Faith had been in a coma, what Buffy had done to her? For a moment Buffy had to look away, her cheeks flaming with an embarrassed guilt she was startled to even be feeling.

She had done what she had to do… whatever had happened to Faith as a child, it didn't mean that Buffy was wrong to hurt her later. Faith had deserved it. She had killed people, she was a killer. She had tried to kill Buffy and Angel both. What other choice had Buffy had? She'd simply done what she had to do…hadn't she?

But she hadn't been going to kill Faith at all…not until she tried to kill Angel. And now she wasn't even with Angel…he had left her…she had been willing to kill Faith for him, and he wasn't even in her life now.

Buffy just didn't know anymore… she couldn't think about it, couldn't analyze anymore. Everything seemed so confusing and strained, as if everything in her life that she had seen as solid, concrete, was now slippery and uncertain, seeming different than before, as if she were beginning to see with slightly different vision. She didn't know what was right, what was wrong…but she couldn't think about that right now either. Answers…if they could get answers to all of this, maybe all the clouds of grey seeming now to surround all she'd once thought of as black and white would fade away…

Glancing between Willow and Tara quickly, Buffy asked, "What, she- you know? You told her, Willow? But this is kind of…Willow, you know Faith's-"

"Anya's going to be even more pissed than I thought," Xander said with more than a hint of nervousness in his voice as he too glanced at Tara. "If she's the only one we left out…"

He didn't' say the words they were all thinking, but everyone knew what he meant anyway. Anya would be even more upset if she found out a girl who was a stranger to all of them but Willow had been let in on this while she was banned. And Buffy had to admit she would have had a point there. But still…she couldn't exactly tell Tara to leave now, could she, when she already knew…

"It's okay- Tara totally gets it!" Willow said hurriedly, her eyes widening with eagerness yet anxiety as she hastened to appeal to the others. The girl in question continued to cringe visibly, horribly uncomfortable and embarrassed by the awkward position she was in as her eyes darted towards Willow's, then away again almost as quickly every few minutes.

"She's a witch too, a REAL witch, her mother was one, and Tara just knows things…she understands a lot more than I do," Willow explained earnestly, glancing at the flushed, reticent girl for confirmation. "I thought she could help us, with, with Faith. With figuring out what's going on, and maybe putting her back to what she was. Tara's very powerful, she-"

"N-not really," Tara mumbled, lifting her face briefly, and Buffy saw that her eyes were dark blue and serious. The word soulful popped into her head, to her own surprise. "I'm n-not…"

"Yes, yes you are, Tara!" Willow exclaimed, turning and touching her arm, "you are, it's amazing, the things you can do…"

She turned back to Buffy and Xander, and Buffy noticed that her hand was still on Tara's arm, almost as if she had forgotten it was there. "We've done all kinds of things together!"

"Things?" Xander asked quickly, interest rising in his tone in a hurry. "What kind of things are you talking about?"

"SPELLS- spells, I mean spells, and magic," Willow clarified hurriedly, her cheeks flaming, but she shot a fleeting glance at Tara that held some sentiment that gave Buffy pause. She'd imagined that… of course she had. She was as bad as Xander here.

"Tara won't tell anyone- and I really think she could help," Willow finished up, looking to Buffy again. "Against FAITH we need as much help as we can get."

Buffy exhaled, seeing the plea in Willow's eyes, and almost marveling at it. Willow was really sold on this girl…and she might be right, who knows. She wasn't going to argue at any rate.

"Okay…well… come on in, then," she said in a sigh, stepping back. "Sorry…kind of on edge here, it's been an insane day. Kind of literally."

"Yeah, what with all the psycho killers and the magic making…" Willow replied, nodding, the relief in her eyes and voice obvious as they followed Buffy through the doorway, coming to an awkward standing cluster before it inside. "Are you okay, Buffy? Did she hurt your mother- is she okay?"

"We're fine…she didn't hurt Mom as Big Faith, and she couldn't now even if she wanted to," Buffy replied. Again an image of the bruises forming on Faith's small shoulders flashed through her mind, bruises from her own hands, and she swallowed, carefully looking away as she controlled her expression. "She's kinda mini-sized and all."

"What do you mean, 'even if she wanted to?'" Willow questioned, frowning. "Doesn't she still want to? She's still Faith, isn't she? Just because she's kid-sized…"

"I…well… we can't know for sure," Buffy said slowly, finding herself hesitant to say so to her friends, even to look them fully in the eye as she spoke. "I don't think she does…I mean, she really seems like a kid…"

"So, she's turned herself into a kid- all the way?" Xander asked, and the skepticism in his tone and expression was obvious. "Are you sure this isn't some kind of trick?"

"I'm not SURE," Buffy repeated carefully, "but I don't think so..she's…"

"How did this happen?" he interrupted, and his eyes were glinting, an aggression and anger to his tone Buffy rarely saw in him. "How did she do this? Why would she do this- is she trying to escape what's coming to her? Trying to get away with it with this "oh, look at me, I'm Faith the Mini-Me," thing?"

"I don't know why she did it," Buffy told him with frayed patience, her voice tight. "I'll tell you what I remember of how when I tell Giles- but I don't understand much of it. I don't know if we're ever going to find out why she did it. Even if we get her back to herself, she might not tell us anything. We're not going to find out right now, that's for sure… as far as Faith's concerned, she's seven years old and she's never been anything else. Plus there's the part about Mom is going to flip out on you if you say anything in front of Faith about how she's really a psychopath teenaged killer."

"What?" Xander exclaimed, and Willow made an incredulous noise as well, looking between them. "Why not?!"

"She thinks Faith's a kid, that she doesn't remember who she really was…IS," Buffy corrected herself quickly, realizing with unease that this was the second time she'd had to do so. "Mom doesn't want her to get upset or confused talking about it."

"What? That's ridiculous!" Xander exclaimed, "who cares if a homicidal maniac is upset or confused!? Faith doesn't GET upset or confused! She's playing her, Buffy, she's playing you both!"

"Yeah, that does sound like Faith," Willow agreed, nodding slowly with a slight frown. "She's always lying, you can't trust her. Just because she looks young…it's still Faith."

"I don't know…I thought so too… but I don't think she's…" Buffy began reluctantly, but Xander cut her off, his voice rising slightly.

"Buffy, you can't trust her. She's probably been planning this from the second she woke up! She's playing you- you can't listen to anything she says, you know that! You know what she is!"

"Xander's right, Buffy… you can't," Willow piped up, meeting Buffy's eyes earnestly. "She's evil, you can't trust that she's-"

"No!" Buffy said sharply, and more loudly than she had intended. Realizing that the others were staring at her, Willow and Tara with wide, stunned eyes, and that her voice might have been loud enough for those in the living room to have heard, she lowered her voice quickly, trying to sound calmer, more logical. "No…I don't think she is. Look… it's hard to explain… but you haven't been around her. You haven't talked to her…you haven't seen her."

Her voice trailed off slightly, and she shook her head, biting her lip briefly as she struggled to follow her own logic, to make her friends understand too.

"You'll see… just…when you see her… you'll see," she said softly, hoping she was right.

The others were quiet for a little while, eyeing her with uncertainty. To Buffy's surprise, it was Tara who spoke up first, her voice low and unsure, her eyes darting up to Buffy's almost skittishly, but anxious to appease.

"I… I think I can read her, her aura…if you th-think that can help," she stumbled, glancing over at Willow for support. "I c-can see if it's pure… if, if she's not t-telling the truth I'll usually know."

Buffy cocked her head with somewhat startled interest at this, regarding Tara. "You can do that… you mean you could just be around Faith a little while and you'd know if she was telling the truth?" she asked, hope in her tone…as well as some apprehension.

She wasn't sure why… but a part of her didn't want to know if Faith really was a child. A part of her, as much as she was inclined to think otherwise now, still hoped that everything Faith had said and done had simply been part of an elaborate lie… for this, in Buffy's mind, would have been better than knowledge that everything the child Faith had said was the truth.

But she knew better… nothing could have faked the marks on the little girl's body, the look in her eyes as she tried to avoid drawing attention to them. As much as she had hoped otherwise, Buffy knew what results Tara's aura reading, if it worked would show. Maybe Willow and Xander would get it then…

"Y-yes, I can," Tara replied to her question, trying to give Buffy a quick smile that was nonetheless still shy. "Usually…I can t-try…"

"She can do it," Willow said quickly, looking to Buffy and then Xander for their agreement. "She's really good at this…she could read either one of your auras right now-"

"That's okay, she doesn't have to," Buffy said quickly, some alarm rising in her tone. She could only imagine what state her aura was in now after all that had gone on today… not to mention the thought of this girl she didn't really know somehow being able to know what she was feeling gave her the creeps. She didn't really know herself what was going on in her head, and she'd really rather not have a stranger beat her to the knowledge…

"Okay…so we use Tara as, what, some kind of human lie detector…and then what?" Xander asked, his eyes on Buffy.

Buffy exhaled, giving only a shrug in reply… for that truly was the answer.

"Guess we'll find out soon enough, huh?"


	9. Chapter 9

Do a picture next time

Chapter 9

As the four of them walked into the living room, Buffy saw Giles's very stilted, grim expression almost immediately and smirked. One thing about this mess… she loved seeing him made speechless by a seven-year-old…

Joyce's and Faith's backs were to her because of their positioning at the table, but they were clearly involved in an animated discussion as the teenagers came up behind them, Buffy slightly toward the front. To her amusement, she realized that they were talking about Cinderalla- though the story in general or the character, she wasn't sure. Faith watched Disney as a child…who knew? Or was it the oral version she was talking about?

"I don't know why she'd wanna go to some stupid ball anyway, it would be so boring. Who wants to stand around in stupid dresses and dance with some dumb prince?" Faith asked, wrinkling her nose.

Joyce smiled, looking ruefully at the dress the child seemed unsubtly to be implying as well with her comment. "Well, a lot of girls would enjoy that, Faith… and we'll get you pants soon," she replied.

"That prince musta been really dumb," Faith went on, shaking her head, still talking with intense earnestness as she either remained unaware of or ignored the people behind her. "If he couldn't just know it was Cinderella by lookin' at her, he's really dumb… was he not wearin' his glasses or something?"

"That's true," Joyce laughed, smiling at her. "He couldn't have been a bright one, could he have?"

Giles, clearly ready for a distraction and glad to have one by way of visitors, cleared his throat, tipping his head toward the others behind Joyce and Faith. Joyce and Faith both turned, and as Faith eyed them with slightly cautious interest, Joyce put a hand on her shoulder again, patting it briefly before simply resting it there.

"Faith, this is Xander Harris and Willow Rosenberg, some of Buffy's friends," Joyce told her, and she smiled warmly but apologetically at Tara. "I'm afraid I haven't met you yet, have I? My name is Joyce Summers- I'm Buffy's mother. This is Mr. Giles, and this is Faith," she concluded the introductions, including Xander and Willow in Faith's introduction as she let her hand remain on the child's shoulder, almost as if in unspoken announcement to the newcomers of her alliance with her.

Buffy noticed Faith glance quickly at Joyce's hand again before looking away, almost too fast, as if she were attempting to pretend she didn't notice it. With another odd twinge in her stomach, Buffy noticed that she seemed in no hurry to shrug out from under it.

"Hi… n-nice to meet you," Tara replied, ducking her head briefly as her eyes moved quickly to take in first Joyce, then Giles, before finally coming to rest for a slightly longer period on Faith.

Buffy watched her, trying to determine what she was thinking, what her take on Faith was at that moment, but Tara's thoughts were hard to read. Especially when she rarely let you catch her eye for more than a split second… Buffy had never met someone before who seemed to find eye contact almost physically painful.

Willow and Xander, by contrast, seemed unable to look away from Faith. Both stared at her without bothering to hide it, their eyebrows lifted high in shock, mouths slightly open- no different, Buffy supposed, than her own initial reaction. It was weird, but she already felt almost used to Faith looking like she did right now…which was dangerous. She couldn't get used to this… they were going to send Faith right back into the person she had been, there was no point in letting herself get confused.

While Xander looked more incredulous, even awed, than anything else, Willow's features tightened, and she continued to stare at Faith in a manner that was almost challenging. If Faith noticed this, she didn't react- and maybe she hadn't noticed. She was looking at Tara, the only one of the three newcomers to have addressed her.

"Oh, so you got a normal name," she remarked. "No one else around here does for some reason."

Tara smiled a little, a genuine gesture that made Willow's head turn sharply to regard her.

"I guess I do," she replied, meeting and holding Faith's eyes for a few seconds… which was more than Buffy, and judging from her expression, Willow, had ever witnessed from her. That had to mean good aura sign-age, right… that Tara would smile at her, look at her? And that…that meant…

"It's pretty," Faith said, still looking up at Tara somewhat seriously, but she didn't seem to feel threatened by the older girl. Willow and Xander, on the other hand, she continued to ignore, to not even look at, and Buffy wondered if this was because she could feel their eyes on her, their lack of acceptance… what seemed even to be hostility in Willow's case. "I like it. It's cool."

She turned to Joyce then, frowning a little. "How come you didn't give Buffy a pretty name like Tara's mama did?"

"Well, I think Buffy is a pretty name, Faith," Joyce explained, and though her voice was calm, explanatory, there was a touch of defensiveness in her eyes. This was due not to Faith's second instance of questioning her naming ability, Buffy suspected, but rather because every single other person in the room, even Giles, seemed to be curiously waiting for her reply.

"Buffy is a very sweet name for a girl…" Joyce continued, eyeing Xander in particular, who was smirking. "And I had also had a dog I loved as a child with that name-"

"WHAT?!" Buffy yelped, spinning around to gape, stricken and somewhat insulted at that, and Xander laughed out loud. As she fixed an evil eye on him, he quickly cut himself off, trying to re-compose his face without much success.

"Well, yes, I had a golden retriever-" Joyce began, glancing towards her daughter.

"You…you named me after your DOG?!" Buffy sputtered, her eyes very wide, cheeks coloring with almost as much horrified embarrassment as indignation. "Your DOG?!"

"Well, yes… and Anne of Green Gables," Joyce finished off-handedly, this comment only increasing Buffy's turmoil.

"You named me after bratty, red-headed ten-year-old fictional character and your DOG?!"

"Hey, what's wrong with redheads?" Willow piped up in an injured yet slightly ticked off tone, brow furrowing. "I distinctly heard a sneer in the way you said that, Buffy…"

"I like redheads," Tara blurted.

As the others turned to stare at her, startled as much by her speaking spontaneously as her words and their implication, she reddened, ducking her head again.

"I…I m-mean…"

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Tara," Giles interrupted her mercifully, but he was frowning slightly as he looked from Tara to Xander- probably thinking that it was Xander who had brought her along with them. Seeing his slightly disconcerted look, Willow rushed to correct him.

"Oh, it's okay, Giles… Tara knows, I told her. So don't worry, she's-"

"Knows what?" Faith asked as she finally looked over at Willow, her face still held cautiously. Willow stared back at her, her own expression tightening with suspicion as she looked down at Faith.

"Nothing," she replied stiffly, the first words she had spoken to Faith. But between her eyes, her tension, and her reply, Faith wasn't about to accept that.

"Is too…" she contradicted, her eyebrows drawing together as she regarded Willow warily. "How come you're lookin' at me like that?"

"No reason," Willow repeated stiffly, still looking at Faith with eyes narrowed and dislike clear in her expression. More sarcastically, as her gaze swept deliberately up and down Faith's clashing and atypical attire, she added, "Just admiring your outfit, is all."

Buffy tensed, expecting a full blown verbal battle to ensue right there- child or not, she doubted Faith would take very well to being basically taunted, especially by Willow. Even if she didn't remember Willow…the two had never been the best of friends, even in Faith's brief stint as a good guy. Or girl…whatever…

But none of the abundant swear words the child seemed to have expert knowledge of emerged, nor did she snap back at the other girl, either physically or verbally. Instead, she continued to stare at Willow for a few moments, eyes darkening, shoulders tensing, before looking over at Joyce. Moving unconsciously so that she was closer in her seated position to the older woman, almost huddled into her side, she spoke softly, but not so softly that Buffy's Slayer hearing didn't pick up her words.

"How come no one likes me… they all think I'm bad…"

Hearing her, picking up on the hurt in Faith's tone, the internalization of her own negative thoughts in her eyes, Buffy felt guilt prick through her sharply….guilt, and some shame. Faith sounded so young…so sad…

Joyce's face softened with empathy for her, and she slid a protective arm around the little girl's shoulders, pulling her closer to her side. Looking down at her earnestly, she took hold of Faith's chin in her free hand, gently turning her face so she had to look at her.

"No one thinks that, sweetie...everyone's tired and confused right now, and that makes people grumpy," she replied softly, then smoothed her hand over Faith's head. "You're not bad."

She kept her arm around Faith, holding her lightly against her side. Faith allowed her to, though her eyes kept moving from Joyce's face to those of the others in the room. Her expression was lightly perplexed, but also anxious, as though she were worried what they were thinking. It occurred to Buffy suddenly that Faith might have heard part of their conversation at the entrance…

God…had she? What had they said?

Inwardly Buffy groaned, lips tightening- for she was pretty sure she had a memory of Xander referring to Faith as a homicidal maniac. She hoped Faith hadn't heard that… or maybe that if she had, she wouldn't understand what the words meant. Still, even if she hadn't, even if she hadn't heard or understood everything they had said, she probably would have picked up their tones at least, heard the hostility in them… and she wasn't stupid enough to not realize it was directed at her.

"Girls- Xander- why don't you have a seat?" Joyce asked politely. She continued to lightly hold Faith against her, stroking her fingertips up and down the material of her jacket in a way that look absent-minded. But Buffy knew it was deliberate and meant simultaneously to provide Faith assurance and to indicate to the others her support of the girl. Her mom had always been good with the unspoken messages thing…

"Yes- yes, do sit down," Giles added, glancing around at the four standing and gesturing toward the empty chairs. "We were simply attempting to come up with some answers, but few are in sight at the moment…"

As the teenagers took him up on his offer, with Buffy sitting next to Giles, Xander next to her, and Tara and Willow beside each other with Tara next to Faith, Buffy noticed that Faith was still eyeing Willow, an odd apprehensive look on her face. She couldn't be intimidated by her…right?

Xander was watching Faith too, blinking a little more than was strictly necessary, his near stunned thoughts plain in his eyes and features. He didn't look to Buffy quite as suspicious as Willow did- mostly he appeared to be thrown by actually seeing Faith's childish appearance for himself, though there was still a lingering guardedness about him as well. From the way his eyes kept dropping to examine her dress, that part of the equation that was Faith's new state struck him as incredible too. And maybe, judging from the slight quirking of his lips, a little amusing.

Tara, on the other hand- the girl so flustered by everyone casting even a casual eye in her direction- seemed to have no trouble with Faith looking at her. In fact, she had briefly returned eye contact with her, even gave her quick little smiles in return. She actually seemed more comfortable with Faith than with most of the others. And THAT was totally weird… given how crazy everyone else but her mother seemed to be finding this situation…

"Does anyone want anything to eat, drink?" Joyce asked, smiling about the table at everyone with the hospitality Buffy had grown accustomed to expecting from her when around guests. "We have coffee, tea, soda, and water, of course… milk…Faith, honey, why don't you come help me out?"

It took a little while for everyone to put in orders and for them to bring drinks out to everyone. By then the tension among them had relaxed slightly, and Faith had been in and out of the room enough for them to grow slightly more accustomed to watching her in her current child state. Even Willow's silent near hostility had lowered a notch or two when she was presented with her drink, though she still watched Faith carefully.

Once everyone was settled again, with Faith slurping none too quietly on her soda with the bendy straw Joyce had found for her, Giles cleared his throat, as if to begin anew in his questions to her. However, Xander beat him to it. His eyes going to Faith's quickly, once more taking in her small, childish, if very familiar features, he tried for a light tone of voice.

"So…Faith…you're a kid…"

"Yeah…so?" Faith asked defensively, turning to face him- the first time she'd really given Xander her full attention, Buffy noticed. There was a defiance to her voice and eyes that made Buffy uncomfortably reminded of the older Faith.

"I'm not a LITTLE kid," Faith qualified, seeming insulted to have to say so. "So, so what?"

Xander smirked, and Buffy tried not to as well. For some reason it struck her as humorous that even as a seven-year-old who couldn't weigh more than fifty pounds, Faith would still insist upon her "I'm a big tough girl" status. Maybe Buffy was just tired…

"Oh yeah? So what's a little kid then?" Xander asked, unable to resist.

"Like, FIVE," Faith said witheringly, looking at Xander as if he must be very slow witted not to realize this, and to see the difference between such a child and herself. "I'm SEVEN."

"Oh, I see," Xander replied in all mock seriousness, his smirk more obvious now- but it looked to Buffy like he was genuinely amused rather than sneering at her. In fact, she realized, watching his expression closely, he didn't' really look all that wary of Faith anymore… maybe he already was beginning to believe her.

"Those two years between five and seven, they obviously make a difference," he continued with a nod. "Catapult you forward from little kid-hood to big-kid-hood…"

"What's cata-pole?" Faith asked suspiciously, and then, as Xander stood, drink in hand, her eyes widened, and she snickered with glee. "Ha ha, I can see your underwear…"

Xander looked down hurriedly, blinking. Seeing that she was right, that his fly was all the way down, he forgot about refills as he sat down quickly and began to remedy the situation. Buffy snickered as well at the extreme redness of his pallor, and the others too tried not to smile or laugh at his embarrassment.

Faith, however, had no such inhibitors to her pleasure. She laughed loudly as she smiled at Xander wickedly, dimples flashing- the first time Buffy had noticed them on the child. In fact, she realized with some surprise, this was the first time she had seen Faith smile since she had become mini-sized.

"They were blue, and they had Superman on them," Faith needled, her grin widening at Xander's disgruntled expression, and Joyce stepped in then, speaking to her firmly as she looked her in the eye.

"Faith, we don't talk like that to people, it embarrasses them."

"I know it," Faith replied, still smiling mischievously. "He's all red- look at him-"

"Faith," Joyce cut her off in an authoritative though still quiet tone, and Faith's smile died quickly. For a moment, as her eyes darted to Joyce's, there was fear in their surface. Was she actually afraid… did she really think Joyce would hurt her because she was correcting her?

Of course she would… how could she not, at least fleetingly? Her body clearly spelled out the reasons why she could not think otherwise.

Buffy's mouth thinned, and she wet her lips, dropping her eyes. Seeing the same response in Faith that her daughter had, Joyce's eyes softened immediately, and she tucked a stray strand of hair behind the little girl's ear as she looked down at her.

"Faith, it's okay to tease people and have a good time, but when they get really embarrassed it's nice to stop, honey," Joyce told her gently.

"Hey, it's nothing new," Xander shrugged, now more embarrassed watching what passed between Faith and Joyce than he had been originally- and much more uncomfortable. "Only man around all these women, you got to take your hits."

"Excuse me?" Giles's voice asked with more than a little insulted sentiment to his tone. "The only man, you say?"

"Oh," Xander smiled sheepishly, "right… it's just, you're British, so I-"

He was saved from having to fumble any further by Faith, who was still eyeing Xander, almost all of the fear gone from her eyes now. This was no doubt aided by the fact that Joyce had made it clear through her expression and voice that she was not mad at Faith, and was in fact currently resting her hand on the child's shoulder again.

"Superman's a wimp," Faith said to Xander scornfully, "Batman's way cooler."

At this declaration, Xander's eyes nearly bulged in indignation, and Buffy braced herself, knowing what was coming. No one talked trash on Xander's favorite superhero- well, favorite excluding Buffy, of course. They were going to be here all night at this rate, Buffy thought in weary frustration. They weren't going to have to worry how to age Faith because she'd be seventeen again by the time they got through with this conversation…

"What?!" Xander sputtered, and the way he was looking at Faith, she could have been anyone at all. It was clear that he wasn't seeing her as Faith, a vicious teenager who had tried to kill him…maybe not even as a little girl. All he saw was a person dissing Superman… and watching him, Buffy wasn't sure what to think about that.

"No way! Superman trumps Batman any day, any time!" Xander went on incredulously, moving his hands for emphasis.

Undaunted, Faith shook her head. "Nuh-uh… Batman's way better. Superman's stupid."

"He is not stupid! He's a genius! No way is Batman better!" Xander exclaimed, his features still slackened in shock as he leaned toward Faith earnestly. "Superman can FLY! Superman is from another planet, and he's way stronger, he actually has superpowers! Batman doesn't have any of that, all he has is a bunch of gadgets!"

"As fascinating as this all is, we need-" Giles began wearily, but Faith cut him off without so much as a glance.

"Superman looks like a wimp. Batman would kick his ass," she asserted, and Xander's eyebrows shot up, mouth dropping in indignation.

"What?! He would not-"

"Faith, no swearing, please," Joyce stopped them both finally, her voice once more taking on a very Mom tone Buffy was accustomed to. "And why don't you go watch TV in the living room a little while? We're going to be talking about some grown up things in here, and you'll probably get bored if you sit here with us."

Faith eyed her warily, tension coming into her features in a hurry. "No I won't… and how come Xander don't gotta leave, he ain't a grown up…"

"He's older than he seems," Joyce smiled, shooting a wry glance in Xander's direction. "Faith, we have an X-Man movie I think you might like to watch. Now I know it's not Batman, but Wolverine is pretty cool too- especially in this one. I could make some popcorn for you if you want, since we might take a little while with our talk in here. What do you say, does that sound good to you?"

Faith eyed her for a moment, still suspicious, and Buffy wondered uneasily again if she had heard anything they'd said earlier. But promises of Wolverine and popcorn won out, and she nodded.

"Alright…"

"Good," Joyce smiled at her, and she stood, getting out a bag of popcorn and sticking it in the microwave. Going back to Faith and placing her hand lightly between her shoulder blades, she walked her to the living room. A few minutes later the sounds from the movie could be heard in the background, and as Joyce, having given her the popcorn as well, returned to the living room, she smiled, even as she finally allowed a little weariness to show in her eyes.

"She's occupied for now…but let's try to be quiet anyway."

"Okay," Buffy sighed, finding her shoulders slumping in relief, even though she hadn't known they had been tensed in the first place. "We can actually talk now… so… what do you think?" she asked quickly, looking around at the others.


	10. Chapter 10

Previously:

"Okay," Buffy sighed, finding her shoulders slumping in relief, even though she hadn't known they had been tensed in the first place. "We can actually talk now… so… what do you think?" she asked quickly, looking around at the others.

Chapter 10

"Well…it's kinda…weird… and I totally can't believe I'm connecting this word with Faith's name- and don't ever tell Anya I said it," Xander added hurriedly, shooting everyone in the room a quick stricken look at the thought. "But she's actually kinda…cute. Like a puppy version of Big Faith or something. Even if she thinks Superman's a wimp, which if you ask me could be a serious sign of evil-"

"Yeah, she may give off puppy signals," Willow interrupted flatly, her suspicions still clear in her narrowed eyes, her stiffly held mouth and shoulders. "Question is, does she bite?"

"You'd have to ask her," Buffy replied with a half weary, half amused smirk. "Trust me, she'll tell you anything you could ever want to know about. Whether or not you wanted to."

"So, is it true then…does she really not remember? Does she really not know what she was, and what she did?" Willow pressed, and Buffy couldn't be sure, but she thought she heard a hint of jealousy in her voice along with some more clearly present resentment. "You're SURE she's not lying? I mean, she-"

"She's a child, Willow, of course she's not lying," Joyce said firmly, and the look in her mother's eyes was determined enough that Buffy knew from experience what use it would be for anyone to challenge her. "She doesn't realize what happened any more than we do- less than we do, really. She's become like a little girl again. She IS a little girl again, and if you ask me, we all need to keep that in mind right now and treat her as such," she finished, giving Buffy a pointed stare.

"But…even if she is…she's still… I mean, she-" Willow began, awkward at the prospect of contradicting Joyce.

"She isn't the person who did those things you're thinking of anymore, Willow," Joyce said in the same level tone, looking the girl in the eyes. "She isn't even aware of that person's existence. How can we condemn her for something she didn't do yet?"

Buffy saw Willow's mouth open, then close, and knew the redhead had been about to comment on Joyce's use of the word 'yet'. She herself had thought it as well… and yet, how could she, after everything…

"She did seem like a real kid," Xander piped up somewhat uncertainly, glancing around at the others as if for back up. "Can't see Big Bad Faith letting someone stick her in a dress and pigtails. And picking Batman over Superman? Definitely a sign of illogical, childish thinking," he added facetiously.

Somewhat relieved at his slow show of support, Buffy suddenly remembered Tara. Turning toward the other girl, who had been leaning back a little ways, watching the others even as she kept her eyes partly lowered, Buffy asked her, "Tara…did you get a read on Faith's aura at all? I mean, I saw you talked to her… but do you know if she was telling the truth?"

Tara nodded, licking her lips as her eyes flitted up to Buffy's. Before she moved them away again Buffy could see that she was serious, yet also quietly certain.

"Y-yes… her, her aura, it's very clear. Very p-pure. She….Faith, she believes what's she's s-saying…she's telling the truth," Tara replied softly. "She really is a child."

Every person present reacted in their own way to Tara's proclamation, taking a few moments to let her words sink in. Buffy could see the mild curiosity in her mother's face as she regarded Tara with absolutely no surprise at the words of the girl so much as the meaning behind her saying them. Across from her Giles too was looking at Tara thoughtfully even as his acceptance of her words came into his expression. Xander looked only slightly startled, then shrugged, quickly smiling, as if what he had heard was unremarkable. Only Willow appeared to be truly conflicted at Tara's words.

As for Buffy… she felt mainly a sense of almost resigned acceptance of what she had already known to be true. But more than a small part of her also was horrified… for what did this mean?

Well, on one level she knew what it meant… and she shrank from such uncomfortable knowledge. It meant she had been yelling, threatening, and physically causing injury to a little girl who could not have possibly understood why she was doing so… it meant that she had been wrong in her actions and attitude. And it meant that Faith had been telling the truth all along…something she didn't want to consider.

And Buffy had yelled at her, she had shaken and bruised her… she had called Faith a liar. She had lowered herself to the level of whoever it was that had mistreated the child Faith, and she had thought it okay. She wouldn't blame her at all if the girl thought of her as a monster.

Her face flushed with shame, Buffy looked away; she almost missed Giles's addressal to Tara.

"You read auras, you say… you, you are a witch? Wiccan?"

"Y-yes," Tara replied, her eyes flitting up to his.

"And you are certain…your readings, they are accurate?" Giles frowned, peering at her closely. "You are quite sure…"

"Th-they are almost always right," Tara said self-consciously, nodding and looking away quickly for a moment. "And, and this time, I'm s-sure."

Regarding her for a few more moments, his hand going to touch his glasses absently, Giles nodded, still frowning as he accepted her word.

"This is quite extraordinary… I myself thought as much, for I didn't suppose anyone but a real child could be so- but yes…this is a rather remarkable occurrence indeed…"

"Tara…you're sure," Willow asked slowly, her eyes troubled, and she laid a hand on the other girl's arm as she looked over at her. "I mean…you don't know Faith…she can be very sneaky, very…"

"I'm sure," Tara said simply, but there was a quiet firmness to her tone that Buffy had not heard from her until this point. It was enough to set Willow quiet, her frown deepening…but even so, Buffy noticed the reluctant belief beginning to come into her eyes. Clearly she trusted Tara's word, even if she didn't like it.

"Buffy, why don't you explain exactly how this has happened," Giles asked, raising his eyes to meet hers as he lowered his hand from his glasses. "Begin from the start of it- what was it Faith did to bring abou this…regression?"

Taking in a slow breath, Buffy gathered her thoughts before relaying what she remembered of their fight and Faith's finish. As she came to her conclusion, the others were watching her closely, having been listening to her description intently. Giles in particular looked deep in thought as he questioned her.

"This metallic handheld device- you say it disappeared entirely? Are you quite sure of that, Buffy?"

"Disappeared. Vanished. Poof," Buffy replied with a shrug. "Why- have you heard of something like that? Do you know what it is? Do you know how to get it back?"

"No…I can't say that I have heard of such an object, or even that it sounds familiar," Giles murmured, his eyes narrowing thoughtfully, and he was touching his glasses again. "And that Faith would know how to use such an obscure item… or did she? Perhaps she merely thought it was some kind of weapon… but where she might have acquired such a thing-"

"Well, she always did have a thing for knives…metal hand things don't' really seem like something she'd just decide to use on a whim," Buffy said a little stiffly. "She seemed to know how to use it, so that would mean she would know what it would do…wouldn't she?"

"One would think so, yes, but this is a strange world we inhabit…things are not always as they would first appear," Giles answered seriously, and at that, Buffy, Xander, and Willow all couldn't hide their smirks.

"Just figured that one out, huh, Giles?" Xander cracked, clapping him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, we're right there with you."

"Yes…well…Buffy, if you could perhaps sketch the device for me as you remember it when you get a chance…" Giles asked, and Buffy nodded.

"Of course… don't want to go up to my room for paper now though…"

Her eyes drifted deliberately toward the direction of the living room, where sounds of explosions erupted from the TV regularly. Giles nodded, understanding her implication of having to walk past Faith to do so.

"Very well then… if you could sketch it tonight, and give it to me as soon as possible…"

He shook his head again, apparently still marveling at the situation as a whole judging from the slightly dazed, yet very intense sentiments running across the surface of his eyes.

"This is quite incredible… and the consequences that could come as a result… not only to Faith and ourselves, on a personal level, but to the world at large…why, they could be enormous, they could change the course of history," Giles murmured, frowning into the same space behind Buffy's head. "Even the Slayer line could be permanently altered in a way none could have foreseen…"

"What do you mean?" Buffy asked quickly, turning to focus on the older man with her features tensing slightly. "How could it affect the Slayer line?"

"Well, with Faith the way she is now, she is clearly at an age, and memory, that precedes being called as a Slayer," Giles explained, his voice slow, thoughtful, as he frowned to himself. "This could mean that she does not retain her Slayer abilities… and that could invoke further troubles still. If Faith is no longer a Slayer, has someone else been called in her stead? If this were so, and the Council were aware of it, they may stop searching for her, for they would believe Faith to be dead. Of course, given your own death and resurrection, Buffy, they may be more persistent than I give credit for. However…"

He paused, two fingers moving to rub his temples as he continued to frown, staring past Buffy in a troubled manner.

"Or another Slayer may not have been called at all. Faith has not died, she has simply…reverted to a former state. Which asks another question… if Faith is no longer a Slayer, will she become one more if brought back to her correct age? If left as is, would she age as a normal child, and then regain her Slayer status at fifteen? Or would the Slayer line simply die out? With your death, Buffy, there will be no Slayers brought forth from you… but with Faith's circumstances, it is quite unknown as to what could happen."

The others were quiet, stunned, taking in Giles's propositions… none which seemed a good thing. Over…could the Slayer line really be over, just like that? No more Slayers…ever…

Well if that's true…Buffy thought, her hands in her lap squeezing together, then Big Faith finally pulled through with one of her evil schemes. Her first time of trying to end the world was a wash out, but this time… the end of the Slayer line…

"We have to find out where she got that metal thing- or who she got it from," she said tightly. "We have to find a way to change this…I mean, if she's an adult again, that probably won't happen. Right?"

"I'm afraid I can't answer that, Buffy," Giles replied softly, shaking his head. "We are entirely theorizing without any sort of evidence, no precedent of any kind. Before we do anything or act upon any one assumption, we must gain more knowledge as to exactly what caused these events."

"Well, I'm all for knowledge, and making with the research..but if Faith is seven, if she doesn't remember anything about how or why she is other than she just is… then how are we going to know anything?" Xander asked, his expression nearly as serious as Giles's now.

"I suppose research is all we can do for now… that, and earning the child Faith's trust," Giles said slowly. "Even if she does not consciously know or remember her future self… perhaps some small part of her retains information without her knowledge. It would be subconscious, of course… perhaps through dreams, or, or hypnosis…"

"You won't be able to hypnotize her, at least not tonight," Joyce spoke up then, quietly but assuredly. "She's already too excitable and wary… you won't be able to get her to relax enough to trust you."

"Well, I suppose that's true," Giles conceded, glancing at her quickly. "Perhaps at a later time. As for now… I suppose our decision to be made is where to go from here."

They fell quiet once more, thinking; Buffy's brain felt too full, too worn out, to come up with many logical thoughts, let alone a workable solution. Really, all she wanted was to fix Faith, right now, and go to sleep, let someone else take it from there…

"Well," Willow said finally, her words hesitant, and she looked from Buffy to Giles to Joyce quickly, leaning towards Tara slightly in a subconscious near invasion of her space. "The Council's looking for her… right? Unless another Slayer has been called, and they think Faith's dead… but if not, they're still looking for her, right? So…so maybe we should, like, find them… maybe we should tell them what happened. Maybe they'll know how to turn her back-"

"What?! No!" Buffy cried, and the fierceness and dismay in her voice surprised even herself as she shook her head at Willow, aware of her suddenly increased heartbeat as she continued to protest. "No, what are you thinking, of course we can't turn her over to the Council! They wouldn't care that she's a kid- they would-"

"Buffy, lower your voice," her mother interrupted her in warning, glancing towards the living room as she lay a hand on her daughter's arm. Buffy attempted to obey, sucking in her breath as she faced Willow with continued, if more quiet, intensity in her addressal.

"We can't give her over to the Council, Willow. They botched it last time, they didn't know that they were doing… they won't know how to turn her back without research, any more than we do. And they won't care she's a kid," she added, as sudden insight came to her, her stomach clinching with her realization. "They'll probably just leave her as a kid, because it would be easier to deal with her like that, because she couldn't escape them or hurt them. They won't care that she's a kid, that she doesn't remember doing what she did, that she couldn't be real danger… all they'd care was that it's Faith," Buffy finished in a softer tone, including the other too in her gaze now as she let her eyes briefly meet theirs. "Who knows what they'd do to her… look, Will, you know I want to bring Faith to justice as much as you do. But I'm not sticking a little girl in jail…or worse."

"She's not the girl who did those things anymore, Willow," Joyce added quietly as Willow did not respond to Buffy's words her features slightly scrunched as she attempted to process her thoughts. "She doesn't remember any of it… it wouldn't be right to punish her for something she doesn't remember, that she didn't even really do. She's only a little girl right now."

Willow was quiet for a little while longer, seeming to be struggling with her own thoughts, and Buffy knew what she must be thinking and feeling. None of this seemed right or fair… it was all so confusing. And Willow didn't even have the added knowledge that Buffy and Joyce did to further make it hard… she still didn't know of the things Faith had said, still hadn't seen her uncovered arms.

"So…so we have to research then, we, we have to find a way to change her on our own," Willow said slowly, and she was still leaned toward Tara without quite touching her as she spoke. "If- WHEN we find something, Tara and I can try…"

"Uh…I've got a question though," Xander spoke up carefully, and there was reluctance along with concern in his face as he looked around at the others… along with a slightly darker emotion Buffy couldn't quite interpret. "SHOULD we make Faith into Slayer Faith again? I mean, the way she is, she's not hurting anything or anyone. There's the Slayer line thing, but that doesn't mean it's right, does it? If you ask me, we're looking at Little Kid vs Psycho Killer Slayer No Jail Can Hold… wouldn't it be easier to just let her stay a kid? Not to mention safer and less painful for all concerned," he added dryly, and Buffy noticed his hand touch his neck unconsciously, as if in remembrance of the marks that Big Faith had once left there.

Willow, however, seemed more than a little aghast at this suggestion. Her mouth dropped, and she cried out indignantly her protest.

"Let her stay a kid?! Xander, NO we can't let her stay a kid! Didn't' you hear Giles- a lot could go wrong if she's not going to be a Slayer, a lot that's BAD! And Faith can't just be allowed to get away with this! She has to be punished for what she's done- we can't just reward her by letting her be this happy, clueless little kid again like-"

"It's not a reward, Willow, trust me," Buffy found herself saying over the other girl's protests, to her own shock. Her lips pressed tightly together for a moment before she continued, battling the mental images that had been periodically plaguing her from the moment she witnessed the evidence of Faith's abuse. "It's not a reward… and she's not happy."

"Not happy? How could she not be? She did this on purpose from what you said Buffy…she wanted this," Willow stared at her, perplexity and some hurt at Buffy's tone and slight attitude toward her clear in her face. "She gets to start over, she gets to get away with everything 'cause she's a kid again. How could she not be pretty darn happy over that?"

Buffy opened her mouth, ready against her better judgment to snap at the other girl, but Tara luckily managed to speak up before her. Her voice was low, unaggressive, but nevertheless convinced and convincing.

"She's…she's scared," she said, meeting Buffy's eyes briefly before settling for a longer, more confident period on Willow's. "I, I can s-sense it…she's scared, and she's h-hurt…"

"Hurt?" Xander frowned, and Giles too looked concerned as he peered at Tara, leaning towards her.

"Hurt, you say…do you mean hurt emotionally?"

"Well…y-yes…but, but s-something about her…I think ph-physically too," Tara murmured, a slight flush coloring her cheeks, and she kept her eyes averted from directly meting anyone else's. Buffy felt her own face tense, and her eyes flew to her mother's as she hesitated, stomach cramping, but if Tara could see it… maybe it was something they needed to all be aware of..

"She…she has marks," Buffy said softly, her shoulders tightening as she spoke, and she bit her lip for a few moments, fighting down a wave of anger and guilt that came over her more strongly than she had suspected. "Faith…she has… I saw them, while she was changing, Mom and I both did…"

Everyone's eyes darted up to her face, in a hurry, but Buffy tried not to look specifically at any of them, taking a deep breath. She could almost hear them reacting, their minds adjusting, as Faith's too large jacket was viewed in a new light.

"Someone… someone beat her?" Xander asked, eyes dark, yet glinting slightly, anger distinctly audible under his controlled voice. "The little girl her? They hurt her?"

"Yes," Buffy said simply, the heaviness of her tone conveying more than her descriptions ever could. "Yes."

Once again the others went silent, giving his or her reaction to Buffy's reaction. Buffy heard Willow swallow, saw in a quick glance that Xander's fists were clinched, that Tara was very still, her eyes shadowed. She heard Giles's mutter of "dear Lord" and heard her mother, her expression almost fierce with its seriousness, warn them, "Don't mention it to her… don't let her know you know, she would hate that." Buffy was aware of all this, and yet more so of her own feelings, for she could not shake off her guilt.

Another several moments of somewhat stunned reflection passed before Xander spoke, shaking his head. "Well…what should we do then? If we don't know how to turn Faith back… or even if we should…and we can't give her over to the Council… what is it that we ARE supposed to do?"

"For now… I guess we keep her here, keep an eye on her," Buffy answered, her features drawing together with reluctance at her own words. "And then research… try to figure out what to do next. I can take a day or two off school… that's really all we can do that I can think of."

"Well… I get what you're saying, Buffy, and you're right, I don't see what else you can do right now," Willow said cautiously, her eyes darting up to the blonde's, "and I get that Faith is a kid now…but what if we can't figure out how to turn her back soon? You can't keep her here and take care of her forever…"

"Maybe not," Joyce replied before Buffy could, her eyes on Willow's at first, but then moving to include her daughter's as well. "And maybe we can't simply allow her to remain a child, though in my opinion, that would be the best option…"

The best option?! Buffy thought with hurried near shock, her eyes flying to her mother's to try to read them. Keeping Faith a kid was the best option, how?! Yeah, she could see her mother clearly had a soft spot or ten for Child Faith, but that didn't mean she should just decide to adopt her or something. Buffy felt bad for her…it was wrong what had happened to her, the way Buffy herself had treated her before she knew. But that didn't mean that Faith should just become her new little sister or something. There was the whole Slayer line thingy that Giles had been talking about, and the fact that Big Faith had felony warrants and Council Bounty Hunters hanging over her head…

If Buffy had known her mother was so lonely or missed parenting so much, or whatever, that she'd want to keep the first stray kid that dumped herself in her lap (ex psycho killer Slayer or not), she definitely would have come around more.

"But we can certainly keep her here for now," Joyce continued, still seeming to be speaking directly to Buffy as much as to Willow. "And as long as she's like this, we can take care of her like we would any child who needed it."

Willow went quiet again, her brow still furrowed as she thought about Joyce's words. Tara had been regarding her, and she leaned toward her now, laying a gentle hand on her shoulder as she whispered something in a very low volume into Willow's ear. The concern for the redhead was obvious in what portion of her face Buffy could see. Buffy couldn't hear Tara's words, but she watched Willow's face loosen up slightly as she nodded, and she even gave the other girl a small smile before turning back toward the others. For a few moments Buffy regarded them, mystified and more than a little curious, an odd feeling coming over her….but Giles interrupted her thoughts and the brief moment between the girls with his words.

"Yes, Ms. Summers, I suppose you are correct," he said, though there was still a crease between his eyes. "Since Faith is indeed a child as of this moment… even if we cannot fully understand how, or why, or to what extent… I suppose we must treat her as one, engage with her in an appropriate manner. As we endeavor to discover what she has done and how to reverse it, it remains our duty for the time being to regard her current personage as an innocent… even if she doesn't always come off as so innocent," he added in a mutter almost to himself, flushing slightly.

Buffy smiled a little at that, remembering Giles's expression as Faith totally owned him in their conversation before the others had showed up. Lips still quirking slightly, she tried to clarify the plan- extremely vague as it was.

"So you're saying for now we do nothing. Research, try to find connections to Faith, see who gave her that thing… but in the mean time, keep her here, and don't tell her anything. Act like she's a regular kid," Buffy spelled out.

When the others thought about it, then nodded or shrugged their argument to her words, Buffy asked, "Okay, fine..but what about when the Council comes barging in wanting to know if I've seen her? And trust me, they will eventually…unless they think she's dead. But still…even then…"

"Well," Xander said slowly, as the others paused, perhaps having not considered this. "She's a kid now…and they'll send in Council guys who've probably never seen her before, in person, right? They probably just have a description, maybe a picture from a year ago… and Faith usually kinda made it obvious who she was. Maybe if they see her as a little kid- and, I mean, we could always hide her somewhere anyway- well, maybe they wouldn't recognize her. I wouldn't glance twice at a seven-year-old if I was looking for a seventeen-year-old, would you?"

"No…" Buffy said slowly, "no, I wouldn't. You're probably right, Xander. That's a good point…she-"

She was never to finish that sentence, for just then, she was interrupted by the sudden loud slamming of the front door. As everyone jumped, and Buffy scrambled to her feet, sure that it must be Faith who had made the noise, they were soon greeted with the noisy, dramatic appearance of Anya Jenkins bursting into the dining room entrance. As the others stared, taken aback, Anya glared around at all of them, hands on her hips. It was quite clear from her infuriated, tight-featured expression, the narrowing of her smoldering eyes, and the rigid way she held herself that she was very, very far from pleased.


	11. Chapter 11

Previously:

She was never to finish that sentence, for just then, she was interrupted by the sudden loud slamming of the front door. As everyone jumped, and Buffy scrambled to her feet, sure that it must be Faith who had made the noise, they were soon greeted with the noisy, dramatic appearance of Anya Jenkins bursting into the dining room entrance. As the others stared, taken aback, Anya glared around at all of them, hands on her hips. It was quite clear from her infuriated, tight-featured expression, the narrowing of her smoldering eyes, and the rigid way she held herself that she was very, very far from pleased.

Chapter 11

"Why don't you trust me?" Anya blurted out, her voice loud, almost shrill with her excitable emotion and anger, and her hands quickly moved from her hips to gesture emphatically as she went on, not seeming as if she would slow down any time soon.

""When have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?! Why can't I come here with you guys and be part of your stupid gang, huh?! I don't WANT to be one of you, you're all stupid and boring, but you could let me into it anyway, that's the POLITE thing to do, isn't it?! Is this because I'm an ex-vengeance demon, is that why? Because if that's why, that's WRONG, that's species-ist of you! You can't discriminate against people because they used to be a demon, this is a free country! Or is it because I used to kill people, is THAT why you don't trust me? Well so what, Faith killed people too, just because we both killed people doesn't mean if I go around her I'll run off with her and form a killer club! Besides, don't you think as someone who's killed before that I would be very helpful in stopping someone who's a killer?!"

She was really on a roll now, her words rapid, tumbling over each other. Even had they attempted to, it was doubtful anyone could have succeeded in stopping her. Her words continued to rain down fast and furious, her glare fierce enough that even Giles cringed- but Xander, most of all, was frozen, the look on his face surpassing alarm and heading in a hurry towards petrified.

"You are all very rude and stupid to exclude me, very, VERY rude and stupid! And Xander!" she cried out sharply, her head snapping around to focus on him exclusively now. Xander gulped visibly, eyes darting to the side. "I can't believe you actually listened to them! I'm your girlfriend, you're supposed to do what I want, you're supposed to listen to ME! They're not the ones who give you orgasms- they're not the ones who-"

"Anya- baby, please-" Xander tried, his eyes widening, face crimson with horror even as he raised his hands in an attempt to calm her. "You don't-"

"Do you know what I almost did, Xander? I ALMOST allowed your car to make physical contact with another car, just to give you visual evidence and vengeance as to how wrong you are to treat me this way. But then I thought about how I'd have to start driving you everywhere in MY car, so you could continue to go to work and make money to buy me things with. And even if you gave me gas money- which you would, of course- that would still be a lot of miles on MY car, and- who is THAT?!"

Anya's eyes had finally come to rest on Tara, who was trying to avoid the other girl's gaze, highly uncomfortable and anxious to witness the scene she was making. Faith had to have heard Anya, even with the movie playing, Buffy thought with anxiety of her own, what must she be thinking? She hadn't come in to look and see what was going on…was she scared? A fast glance at Joyce, who was looking rather worriedly from Anya to the living room, told her that she was thinking along the same lines.

Anya, however, was entirely focused on Tara… and then, as her eyes flew back to Xander, her face coloring further with her fury, she began her yelling anew, actually shaking with outrage.

"You LIED to me! They didn't tell you not to bring me, DID they- you just wanted to bring your NEW girl, you just wanted to bring HER!" she shrieked, jabbing her finger viciously in Tara's direction. "You have another girlfriend- you liked HER better, you're with HER!"

Buffy looked again towards the living room, wondering at this point if she should go to Faith…but wouldn't bringing her into this just make even more problems? She glanced at her mother, but Joyce was sitting in stunned disbelief, staring between Anya and the others with strangely slow movement of her eyes, seeming almost immobile with her shock- or maybe just unable to tear herself away from the drama unfolding itself in the middle of her dining room.

"N-no… no, he isn't-" Tara started to say in alarm, bringing her eyes to Anya's without as much shyness as usual in her shock. But Anya turned her anger onto her now, looking about two seconds away from moving to rip Tara's hair out…but also as if she were on the verge of tears.

"YOU'RE having sex with him- YOU'RE his new orgasm friend!" Anya cried, distress flooding her features almost as much as rage now, and she actually wrung her hands before her. "You're only supposed to have ONE, two doesn't work, Xander!"

"Anya-" more than a few voices tried, in varying volumes, but Anya didn't respond. She barely seemed to have heard them.

"I should torture you, torture you both! If I were still a vengeance demon, I would get hot wax, and I'd strip you naked, and then I'd-"

"ANYA!" Giles almost bellowed, no doubt driven almost as much by the horror her description was invoking in his mind as by his frustrated desire to shut her up. "Xander is NOT involved in a relationship with Tara of any kind, let alone sexual! They met less than an hour ago!"

"You don't have to know someone for a long time to have sex with them-" Anya started, but a second shout from Giles shut her up this time around.

"ANYA! Xander did NOT bring her here, he does not even know her! Tara is Willow's friend, Willow brought her here! Now stop all this bloody nonsense immediately, and either leave, or sit down and join us as you seemed so bloody determined to be invited to do!"

That shut Anya up rather quickly, along with everyone else around the table. Buffy turned to look at Giles with eyebrows raised, almost grinning in spite of herself. It was quite entertaining and impressive when Giles let a little of his Ripper side show through… as well as sort of intimidating for whoever it was directed at. The guy might be old and British, but he could really shut you down when he wanted to sometimes…

Clearly Anya also thought as much, for she didn't speak for a few moments, a slightly stricken look on her face. She was still eyeing Tara and Xander suspiciously, but her eyes were now also returning to look at Giles as well, taking his words and expression in account. Finally she returned her glare to Tara, staring at her hard in a way that made the other girl's shoulders draw inward, her lips thinning anxiously as she tried to avoid Anya's slightly less hostile eyes.

"Willow brought you…you came here with Willow?" Anya asked abruptly, her tone still sharp. "Do you swear that on the future of your continued life and healthy existence?"

Tara looked up hurriedly at that, her eyes widening, but she nodded quickly. "Y-yes…"

"You didn't lie to me?" Anya turned to address Xander now, and there was a vulnerable undertone to her words, a hopefulness glinting in her eyes. "You're not with her… you don't like her better than me?"

"Of course not!" Xander hastened to reassure her, shaking his head vigorously. "Of course not, Anya, I would never- I mean, I'm not- you're, you're my girlfriend, okay? Remember how I said that…remember how you gave me the five page list on what that entailed? I remember somewhere on there it said no liking other girls, didn't it…"

"Page two, line 13," Anya said tightly, but her eyes were softer now, and she seemed to be calming considerably as she searched his eyes. "Well, of course you don't like her… why would you when you have me? I know for a fact that I am quite attractive, and out of the two females you have engaged in intercourse with, I am the only one who has also-"

"Uh, right, so, I'm very happy you believe me now," Xander cut her off hurriedly, his face a shade approximating the hue of Ronald McDonald's hair, and he gestured toward the others at the table. They were by this point choking (Giles), looking almost paralyzed with shock (Joyce), smirking yet uncomfortable (Willow and Buffy), or so mortified they couldn't look at anyone at all (Tara). Xander continued quickly, looking around at all of them with cheeks still flaming brightly.

"Uh, so, why don't you sit down and join us, Ahn…which is what I wanted all along, of course, only they, they were the ones who said that wouldn't be a good idea. Which I don't understand, because I think it would have been a very, very good idea," he said earnestly, and Buffy had no doubt that he was sincere. It would have made it easier on him, that was for sure.

She knew what he was doing though, the little sneak…he was hoping to divert Anya's attention off of him and her anger with him to focus on the rest of the group. By reminding her of their exclusion of her he would get off the hook of having to talk anymore about possible cheating scenarios. But that meant the rest of them would have to deal with her now, and they would NEVER get through with this.

Taking the bait, as Xander had no doubt anticipated, Anya's head swiveled to glower at Tara again, then moved to include the others as well as she processed what Xander had said.

"Wait a minute… Willow brought someone with her, someone no one else even knows, and that's okay, she's welcome…but I can't come?!" she exclaimed, anger quickly building up once more in her tone and expression. "I'm Xander's girlfriend, he needs me! Besides, I am very helpful, and very discreet!"

Buffy's eyebrows raised almost up to her forehead at that, for Little Miss Discreet was nearly shouting and gesturing emphatically. The TV was still going in the living room…was it at all possible that Faith couldn't hear? She glanced at her mother again, still struggling to decide whether she should go check on Faith, but her mother just blinked; she seemed to have almost forgotten for the moment that Faith was even there.

"And YOU, YOU just show up, you're welcome, but not me, how is that fair?" Anya turned back to address Tara, her voice still shrill, eyes sparking.

Tara was cringing, leaning subconsciously towards Willow in a manner reminiscent of the redhead's earlier body language, as if seeking her protection. With her aura reading ability, Buffy bet that Anya's aura was jumping out at her with all the subtlety of a high school marching band.

"Anya…Anya, it's not like that," Willow tried, and she was wincing a little too at the other girl's aggressive display of emotion, something oddly like guilt in her eyes. "Tara's Wiccan, like me… I just, I thought she could help-"

"I can help! I'm an ex vengeance demon! I know all sorts of things that would never cross your stupid human thoughts!" Anya cried, including Willow in her glare now too. "I'm 1121 years old, I could help way more than some human who can make a pencil float or whatever! Where do you get off on telling me I can't come here with you when YOU can bring whatever girl you want here-"

"Anya, I didn't tell you that you couldn't come," Willow said quickly, the relief at getting off the hook for this obvious in her voice and eyes. "I never said that."

Blinking quickly but recovering, Anya jerked her head over to scowl at Giles- though with noticeably less aggression than she had with Willow. "YOU told me I couldn't come? It figures, you have so little to do these days, what with not being employed and not having anything to do but listen to Abba records, that you'd want to have control and power over me and MY life because I'm-"

"Anya, I did not say that you could not come either," Giles interrupted impatiently, and it did not escape Buffy's notice that he muttered under his breath, "Though I bloody well should have done so…"

For a moment Anya's forehead wrinkled with confusion, but then her eyes cleared rapidly, and she at last turned to Buffy, quickly renewing the outrage in her tone.

"YOU- YOU told Xander I couldn't come!"

"Uh…" Buffy stalled, realizing with some dread, and even a little guilt, that she was cornered. "Uh, not exactly, Anya…"

"What do you mean not exactly? Either it's exact or it isn't. Did you tell Xander I couldn't come here or not?" Anya snapped.

If Buffy wasn't the Slayer and capable of easily kicking Anya's ass, she would have been quite afraid of the coldness in her eyes as she stood next to Xander's chair, almost hovering, as if to make sure Tara and all the others kept her claws off them. As it was, Buffy was still very uncomfortable.

"Well… I didn't, I didn't say you couldn't come per say…" Buffy fudged, avoiding her eyes. "More like, I just, I suggested that maybe you wouldn't WANT to come…"

"Of course I want to come! I want to be anywhere Xander is!" Anya cried, seeming aghast and even insulted by Buffy's fumbling reply. "He needs me there to look out for him- if this Faith girl is as dangerous as you say-"

"She was- is- uh, was," Buffy said quickly, trying to both cover her tracks with Anya and to be somewhat accurate in her reply. "Faith is very dangerous- and you've never met her before, like all the rest of us have, so I was just thinking that-"

"Well if she's so dangerous, then Xander would REALLY need me with him!" Anya said in frustrated irritation with the blonde, moving her hands out at her in sharp, choppy motions. "He's practically defenseless against people like her, he needs me there to protect him!"

"Hey!" Xander called out in an injured tone and rather embarrassed tone, his eyebrows drawing together, "I can take care of myself, Anya-"

"Oh, please, your penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe, you're a total target," Anya waved her hand dismissively, turning back to Buffy. "Where is this way dangerous Faith girl anyway? Didn't you say you found her? Did you already kill her? Oh, never mind, you don't kill humans, even if they want to kill you… kind of stupid rule if you ask me. Did you give her up to the cops? Or is she chained up in the closet or basement?"

"No," came a small, hesitant voice, and as all eyes went to Tara, she ducked her head, stammering, yet continued determinedly in a soft voice. "She…she's st-standing right there…"

Six heads turned sharply to the dining room doorway, stunned by Tara's statement… and to the shock and horror of all but Anya, she was found to be correct. Faith was standing there, one hand holding the door frame so tightly her knuckles had paled. Her other hand hovered close to her mouth, as if she wanted to but was stopping herself from biting her fingernails or sucking her thumb. Her little body was rigid, her eyes large, dark, and glinting with apprehension in her small face, even as she held her chin up in a show of defiance. It was clear to all present that she had heard at least part of what Anya had said.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

For a while no one spoke, no sound was made at all. Everyone, even Anya, simply stared, almost gawking at Faith in the doorway, unable to think of how to react. Buffy could only think to herself helplessly, oh god, oh no…she heard that? What am I supposed to so…what should we do…

It was Joyce who acted first, finally coming out of her temporary near immobility of the past five or ten minutes to attempt to remedy the situation. Obviously hoping, however futile, that Faith hadn't heard anything, she smiled at her quickly, asking, "Did you need something, honey? I'll get it for you if you do… this is Anya, Xander's girlfriend. Anya," she continued, and the warning edge to her tone, the pointed stare she gave the other woman, conveyed that Anya had better keep her mouth shut. "This is Faith. Faith, why don't you come here-"

But Anya had never been good at taking hints to be silent. She continued to gawk at Faith, her eyes bulging slightly, mouth open.

"THIS is Faith?!" she sputtered, her voice colored heavily with her disbelief. "This is the dangerous psycho killer Faith who you were all so afraid of?! HER?! No one informed me that she was a child… and I fail to see the cleavage you were all mentioning either. Although it's sort of hard to tell with that jacket," she mused, eyeing Faith's chest with a scrutinizing frown. "Or are you a midget? Because then I would understand…midgets ARE scary, almost as much as bunnies… is she a midget psycho killer?" she asked Xander, some anxiety creeping into her tone.

"I'm not a psycho killer!" Faith protested, but her voice had more than a little fear tainting it, and the uncertainty and near panic rising in her eyes showed her own doubt. "I didn't do nothin'! I'm not bad, stop sayin' I'm bad…"

She was very tense physically, and it looked to Buffy as if she were a split second from bolting for the front door. There was a wildness to her eyes that gave her a cornered appearance, almost like an animal… if they didn't do something fast, Buffy knew, this would get even more out of hand…

"No, of course you're not-" Buffy started, wanting simultaneously to choke Anya and to head Faith off before she started…whatever…but Joyce spoke over her. She looked Faith directly in the eyes and spoke with a gentleness that made the child pause to look back at her, however warily.

"NO, you're not, honey, and we all know that. You're not bad, you're right, you didn't do anything wrong. Come here, Faith-"

"She's not?!" Anya exclaimed, and she threw her hands up in disgust, scowling deeply. "Well make your minds UP already, were you lying to me before, or are you just really stupid? Because she doesn't look the least bit dangerous to me, she-"

The combined homicidal glares from Buffy, Joyce, Giles, and Xander, and the pointed stare from Willow, made her come to a halt then, though her face screwed up in confusion. "WHAT?!"

Not saying anything in reply to her, Joyce narrowed her eyes at Anya meaningfully for a few more seconds, giving her a very cold look before turning back to Faith, her expression softening.

"That's because she's not dangerous, Anya- there's nothing wrong with her. You simply misunderstood," Joyce replied, but her eyes were on the little girl in the doorway. Addressing her now, she repeated softly, "Faith, will you please come here, sweetie…it's okay."

Thankfully Anya didn't answer back, though the irritated confusion on her face as she rapidly glanced from Joyce to Faith to Xander was more than enough indication of her thoughts. Faith did not move, did not accept Joyce's call. She continued to stand there, her body tensed markedly, her eyes dark and hooded, yet vulnerable, her hand still pressed close to her mouth as her lips thinned. Looking at her, Buffy's heart twisted…she could only imagine what the little girl must have been thinking, how she must be struggling…

"How come she wants to give me to the cops and lock me in the basement?" she said finally, and though her words were roughly spoken, her chin tilted up deliberately, there was a slight tremor to her words, definite anxiety in her posture and features. "I didn't do nothin'! You can't make me do nothin'…you can' do nothin' to me…"

"No, sweetie, we know that… no one will make you do anything," Joyce reassured her, and Buffy wanted to kill Anya. It was a wonder Faith hadn't panicked and run off by this point- which the Big Faith would undoubtedly have done, if she didn't decide to flip out and kill everyone instead. Judging from the way Xander was glaring at Anya too, their status as a happy, touchy-feely couple was considerably disrupted at the moment…for Anya was clearly none too pleased with him either.

"Remember what I told you, Faith?" Joyce continued quietly, looking the child in the eyes calmly. "No one will hurt you in this house. I won't allow it. You're safe here- and we'll make sure Anya understands-"

"Yes, that would be very much appreciated, if someone would explain exactly what is going on here," Anya snapped, rolling her eyes. "Or don't the rest of you know either? First she's evil, then she's not. First she's a Slay-"

"We will make sure Anya understands," Joyce said more loudly, and Xander, unable to stand this anymore, gave her a little shake, intended to distract her and shut her up.

As Anya yelped, turning indignant and hurt eyes toward him and opening her mouth furiously, Xander took her by the arm, beginning to pull her towards the direction of the stairs.

"Hey, Ahn, have you seen Buffy's new shower curtain? Let me show you…"

"Shower curtain?! I don't' want to see some stupid shower curtain!" Anya yelped, complete frustration and indignation shrill in her voice, but Xander kept his hand firm around her arm, dragging her after him.

"This is a really awesome shower curtain, though, Anya…and I really, really think you need to see it…"

He dragged her out of the room with him, with Anya still loudly protesting, and Buffy felt such warmth for him in that moment that she could have kissed him, had he asked. But once they were gone the room seemed too silent, too still… an awkward, heavy few moments that Joyce broke quickly, still addressing Faith. The child now looked, if possible, even more skittish, her eyes darting around rapidly, narrow chest moving noticeably with her uneven breaths even through the bulky jacket, and yet she did not move. As Buffy had feared, she appeared torn between paralysis and fleeing.

"Faith, I'm sorry for all of this…Anya is still confused, but Xander's going to explain everything to her. It's been a long strange day, hasn't it?" Joyce asked, giving her a little smile. "But I promise you, honey- no one in this house is going to do anything bad to you, or make you do anything bad."

"They wanna," Faith said hoarsely, and Buffy saw her swallow even from the table. "They think I'm bad…"

"I don't," Tara said quietly but surprisingly steadily. As everyone turned to look at her, startled, she flushed, but made herself continue, her eyes on Faith's. "I…I don't think you're b-bad, Faith…"

As Faith looked at Tara, here eyebrows slanted, her middle finger made its way into her mouth slowly from where her hand had remained close to her mouth. Normally Buffy would have been certain she was sneakily flipping them off, but right now she was pretty sure Faith wasn't…although she had no doubt the little girl knew exactly what a raised middle finger meant, or at the very least knew of its use. Watching her, hearing her mother and Tara interact with her, Buffy felt guilt, as though she too should be stepping in… but what in the world would she say? She would only make it worse. Faith didn't like her or trust her… and glancing at Giles and Willow, who had also been very quiet for the past several minutes, Buffy could see from their frowns and the odd look in their eyes that they too felt ill at ease, out of their depths.

"Faith," Joyce repeated when Faith didn't verbally respond to Tara's assurance, and her words were very gentle, non-threatening. "Will you come here to me, please?"

Faith hesitated, her finger still unconsciously in her mouth, eyeing Joyce, before darting her eyes hurriedly around to the others as well. Still very guarded, her movements jerky, she nonetheless came to stand beside Joyce in her chair slowly, stopping a slight distance apart from her. Joyce smiled at her, reaching out with enough slowness not to startle her and resting a hand lightly against the side of her face.

"Thank you, honey."

She looked up at the others, still touching Faith's cheek lightly, and said casually, "Mr. Giles, would you mind turning off Faith's movie and the TV for her? I think she left it running… Willow, Tara, maybe you should go check on Anya and Xander, make sure everything's okay in there. And Buffy, if you would just go get a chair from the basement for Anya, in case she decides to come back and sit down…"

Startled, but quickly realizing what it was Joyce was doing- which was obviously to get everyone to leave the room for a few minutes so she could be alone with Faith- everyone got to their feet quickly, attempting to keep their faces neutral and clueless. Buffy had to admit that her mother was pretty smooth… sending Giles to attempt to figure out technology, for example, would definitely buy some time.

And she had to admit that she was somewhat relieved, as were the others, judging from the quick gratitude coming to their eyes. They didn't know what to do either now… and to watch Joyce talk with Faith while they themselves sat in silence would feel like eavesdropping on a very private conversation.

Nevertheless, as they all filed out to their assigned tasks, with Joyce thanking them as they left, Buffy found herself dawdling, staying in the adjoined kitchen. She stayed back a ways, so they doorway was barely within her sight, and Joyce's and Faith's backs were mostly turned to her. However, with her slayer's sight and hearing, she was able to view their interaction fairly well without their knowledge.

Once everyone was gone, Joyce smile at Faith again, stroking her cheek lightly. Buffy heard her make a casual comment to Faith as Faith's eyes went to her hand, trying to watch it without moving away, and only succeeding in making herself go cross-eyed. Smiling again, Joyce said something Buffy couldn't quite make out entirely… and then, to Buffy's surprise almost as much as Faith's, Joyce put her hand at Faith's sides and quickly but caringly lifted her, settling her into her lap.

Buffy forgot entirely about getting Anya a chair as she blinked, waiting for Faith's reaction. She wasn't sure if the little girl would lash out, as she had when Buffy tried to restrain her, or else jump down and run away. Never in her life would Buffy ever attempt to pull Faith Lehane into her lap without written permission or some equivalent given- even if it was the seven-year-old version.

But Joyce Summers would, and Buffy watched with some amazement, wondering just how this would play itself out.

As it so happened, she shouldn't have anticipated such extreme drama on Faith's part. When Joyce first pulled her into her lap, the child had stiffened markedly, though she had not actually wiggled around or attempted to break away. But Joyce had put firm but gentle arms around her, holding her against her chest in a manner that even from a distance was obviously an embrace rather than a restraint.

For a moment Faith had turned her head, and Buffy had caught a glimpse of her face, the apprehensive bewilderment and strain in it, and she looked away hurriedly, praying Faith had not seen her. Had Faith never been held on someone's lap before… or was it simply that she didn't like to be so close to someone, where they had physical control?

"It's okay, sweetheart," Joyce told her softly, and she smoothed her hand over Faith's head and down the length of a pigtail, still holding her with her other arm. She leaned her mouth closer to Faith's ear as she went on. "Xander is trying to help Anya understand things, and I want you to understand too. You are not bad, there is nothing wrong with you. You're a very special little girl, Faith…"

"She said I killed people… she thinks I'm bad. If I'm not bad, then how come they all think I am?" Faith asked, and her voice was small, almost inaudible even to Buffy's ears. "Everyone says so…"

Her body was still tense against Joyce's, not yet adjusting to relax against her, but she allowed her to hold her without trying to get away. As Buffy continued to watch, swallowing involuntarily, Joyce rubbed Faith's knee through her dress in a soothing manner, still speaking softly near the girl's ear.

"I don't think that, and neither does Tara or Xander or Giles, sweetie. Buffy and Willow and Anya, they were confused… they thought you were someone else, honey, and that's why they thought you were bad. But they'll understand now, and they'll know it's okay, that you're exactly who you say you are."

"But I look like me… don't I look like me?" Faith frowned, even as it seemed to Buffy that she was relaxing against Joyce just the tiniest bit. "How could they think I'm someone else…I thought you know me. Don't they know what I look like?"

"Yes, they do, honey," Joyce answered, continuing to slowly run her hand over Faith's head and hair. "We don't understand a lot of what's happening right now- like why you don't remember some things, and why sometimes people think you're someone else. But Mr. Giles and Buffy and Willow and the others, they're very smart, Faith, they figure out things like this all the time. It's going to be okay… you'll see, Faith, everything will be okay."

Neither spoke for a little while, and Buffy was almost holding her breath, aware of nothing else around her but her mother and the child in her lap… she watched as Faith exhaled, gradually relaxing into Joyce, and felt an odd combination of pity, shame, and jealousy at the scene. When Faith spoke up again, all traces of toughness were gone from her voice, leaving it young, small, and very unsure.

"Joyce…you gonna send me back?"

"Back where, honey?" Joyce questioned, and she continued to run her fingers over Faith's head, seemingly to make sure the girl remained as relaxed with her and her touch as possible.

"Back home," Faith replied after a long pause, and her voice was still very low, tense. "Back with my mama…"

Joyce paused, looking down at her carefully, as if not sure how to proceed. "We're taking care of you for your mama right now, remember, Faith? Remember me telling you that?"

"Uh-huh," Faith said, nodding slightly. "But are you gonna?"

Her eyes moved to lock briefly on Joyce's, and though Buffy could not see most of their faces from her position, she wasn't so sure that it wasn't a blessing not to be able to see Faith's eyes then.

"Is that what you want, Faith?" Joyce asked her, and her voice was casual, but Buffy had no doubt that her eyes would be reflecting some of her true thoughts inadvertently. "Do you want to go back home, to be with your mother?"

Faith shook her head very faintly, and just before she spoke, Buffy could tell she was tensing again, as if in dread of Joyce's response to her next words.

"No…I wanna stay here," she said, so softly that even with Buffy's advanced hearing, she had to strain to decipher it. "Can I stay here?"

Upon hearing the little girl's hesitant request, Buffy's heart began to pound, and her mouth went dry as her stomach tightened with her emotional discomfort. She stared into the dining room, a flow of feelings that entirely contradicted each other running through her.

Since her arrival, the child now huddled in her mother's arms had been accused, screamed at, called names, shaken, mistrusted, questioned, threatened punishment, and overall treated with suspicion and general dislike, from Buffy more than anyone. She had been given good reason to hate them all, to be terrified of them all…

And yet here she was, asking if she could stay with them…because it was that much better to her than her own home.

This hit Buffy harder than anything Faith had ever said previously, while in her presence… as she started to back up, throat choking, no longer wanting to watch them, she heard her mother's reply, more strained than usual.

"We'll have to see, sweetheart… but if it was all up to me, you would."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

When Buffy returned with the chair from the basement for Anya, she hesitated, remaining back away from entering the dining room with it. She wasn't so sure she wanted to rejoin Faith and her mother after what she had overheard- and she very much doubted Faith wanted her to rejoin too. But she couldn't exactly stay away forever…

She stood in the kitchen, holding Anya's chair, for a few moments, working up her motivation. She could see that Giles had come in and sat down again, apparently having finally figured out how to work the VCR. Or maybe he had just broke it irreparably, but either way, the TV had gone silent. He and Joyce were talking, in a way that seemed casual to hear, but was no doubt for Faith's benefit…especially since the two of them in a room together after last year usually equaled awkward glances and stilted conversation to the extreme. They seemed to be doing a better job than usual at the moment…why couldn't they try that hard around Buffy too, to spare her the disturbing reminder factor? Was it really requiring that much effort from them that they couldn't?

Joyce was still holding Faith in her lap as she talked to Giles, her arms loosely around her; Faith did not seem to mind for the moment, even with Giles there. At least, she didn't mind enough to try to stop Joyce, though Buffy could tell she was slightly more tense physically than she had been before his presence, and she had not yet heard the child speak. She didn't look very comfortable anymore… maybe it wasn't so much that Faith didn't mind Joyce holding her in front of Giles, as that she needed the comfort of it more than she minded.

Finally deciding to return to them-after all, how much longer could she delay it by skulking around in the corners spying- Buffy walked back into the dining room with the chair, making sure to warn them of her entrance by making a good bit of noise. Faith's head turned quickly, and seeing Buffy, her eyes widened, some actual panic rising to their surface- a sentiment that ate away even further at Buffy as her guilt rose. Was Faith that afraid of her, or wary of what she would do to her…

The little girl pushed Joyce's arms from around her hurriedly and almost roughly in her haste, sliding down off her lap and onto the seat beside her so quickly that her dress bunched up around her thighs, dangerously high. Buffy remembered, as Faith had carelessly informed Giles, that the child wasn't wearing underwear, and she looked away fast, her cheeks reddening. Joyce seemed to remember this as well, for as she glanced over at Faith, she smiled gently at her before addressing her in a low voice.

"Pull your dress down a little, honey…and put your legs together."

"I have Anya's chair," Buffy blurted out as Faith followed Joyce's instructions, carefully and quite obviously not looking at Buffy. "It was in the basement…like you said… so that's where I went. There. To get it."

"Yes, thank you, Buffy," Joyce replied, nodding and giving her a little smile, "why don't you sit down? We were just talking to Giles about maybe ordering a pizza, weren't we, Faith? I know it's late, but I must say that my stomach doesn't seem to realize that."

"Uh… sure, why not… but you might want to wait until Xander leaves," Buffy said, trying to sound normal and casual as Joyce while she went to sit next to Giles again. "Otherwise his bottomless stomach will have some more of your tens and twenties thrown down its pit again."

Joyce chuckled, and Buffy noticed that she very nonchalantly and smoothly reached to take Faith's hand then, holding it loosely in hers below the table. She wasn't looking at the child, giving her space, but in that subtle gesture was still giving comfort and support, even though it had not been asked for. Faith glanced at her quickly, eyebrows slanting with slight confusion and instinctive defensiveness, but as Joyce spoke, continuing to lightly hold her hand without attempting anything further, Faith relaxed a notch, not pulling away from her.

"Yes, Xander's quite the machine, isn't he? But you don't have much room to talk either, Buffy," she said wryly, shaking her head. "Why do you think I have to buy two pizzas just for the two of us?"

"Hey! Are you calling me a pig?" Buffy said indignantly, forgetting her awkwardness and shamed feelings over Faith for the moment as her eyes shot up to her mother's. "Are you saying I'm fat, or a glutton or something?"

"I'm saying that Xander's family isn't the only one with high grocery bills," Joyce replied, smiling just teasingly enough to further raise Buffy's defenses.

"I have a high metabolism, Mom! Very high metabolism- I NEED the food. I don't just eat to be eating, I eat because, because I need it to be be strong and boost my healing! I'm a Slayer, we have to have a decent amount of food to function-"

"Slayer?" Faith asked suddenly, lifting her head slightly, some apprehension still in her eyes as she looked across the table into Buffy's, her chin lowered. "What's that?"

Uh-oh… damn, I REALLY have to watch my words around her, Buffy thought uneasily, shifting her eyes to the side as she struggled to think of a response. The kid wants to know about EVERYTHING…

But then, in her situation- memory loss, thrown into a strange place with strange people and no understanding of how or why- wouldn't Buffy want the same?

"Uh…I mean, I meant Slater," Buffy stumbled, "my mother's maiden name is Slater. We Slaters, we're real big on the eating. Every time we Slaters get together, it's all about the food-"

"Nuh-uh, you said Slayer," Faith insisted, shaking her head, but her voice wasn't as strident or challenging so much as confused. "You asked me earlier if I knew what it was… well, I wanna know what it is…"

In a rare display of good timing- at least in Buffy's fervent opinion- Xander and Anya chose to return to the dining room in that moment, insuring that she would not have to come up with an answer for Faith's question. As Buffy's stomach loosened slightly in her relief, she eyed the couple with narrowed eyes. IF they DARED to start in on Faith again… well, really, if ANYA dared…

Willow and Tara came in behind them, unease stretched across their features, and slipped back to their chairs as unobtrusively as possible. Xander and Anya, however, remained standing perhaps ten feet from Joyce and Faith on their side of the table, Xander's hand clamped rather firmly on Anya's shoulder. Faith had stiffened immediately upon seeing Anya, her eyes widening, and as Buffy's eyes settled on her, judging her reaction, she saw her mother slip an arm around the little girl's shoulders as she had earlier, pulling her into a leaning position against her side without actually lifting her into her lap. Faith let her without even glancing at her; this time, her eyes were focused only on the older girl who had seemed to feel such hostility towards her.

"Anya has something to say, don't you, Anya?" Xander prodded, giving her a brief clap on the back that appeared cheery yet almost menacing at the same time.

Anya flinched, giving him an extremely dirty look that made him gulp, even as he stood his ground. Nevertheless, she turned to Joyce and Faith, an awkward discomfort almost as strong as that of most of the others in the room appearing in her face… though admittedly mixed with anger and resentment as well.

"I am apologizing for my inappropriate and insensitive behavior," Anya said stiffly and with clear prodding as Xander squeezed her shoulder again.

It sounded to Buffy almost as if she were reciting some script Xander had specifically laid out for her. As Anya looked Faith in the face almost too steadily, her brown eyes nearly piercing with the bright interest and curiosity now beginning to replace her discomfort, Faith looked back mistrustfully, unconsciously leaning further into Joyce's arm.

"I was wrong in my declaration that you are a midget psycho killer," Anya continued formally, glancing back at Xander as if to seek his approval of her performance so far. When he nodded, she looked back at Faith, her voice remaining strangely stilted.

"It is quite clear to me now that you are not a midget psycho killer or a homicidal maniac, but rather merely a human girl child who has never in fact actually stabbed people to death or tried to choke Xander or made friends with a very large and frightening immortal who wants to become a snake-"

"I think that's a wrap, babe," Xander said hurriedly, giving her shoulder another quick squeeze. "So, uh, right, Faith… she doesn't think you're bad…"

Faith didn't reply at first, continuing to eye Anya from under the circle of Joyce's arm. But as she watched her closely, there was also something almost like fascination coming into her eyes, as though she had been struck by a new idea. She tilted her head slightly, her voice solemn as she finally spoke to Anya.

"Are you crazy?"

Her words were not scornful or flippant, but rather genuine, meant seriously, and she frowned slightly as she waited for Anya's reply. Almost everyone either smiled or chuckled involuntarily at that, even Willow, though her smile was brief and quickly suppressed as her eyes darted away. Buffy saw both Tara and her mother smile at Faith, their eyes soft. Anya, however, wrinkled her forehead, perplexed and even a little offended at the child's question.

"Crazy? NO, tiny changeling child-Faith, I am not crazy!" she said indignantly, shaking her head emphatically. "Why does everyone always assume that I am not of sound mind? I am a very normal, very ordinary human person, unfortunately! All of you have made quite sure of that! Just because a person is an ex vengeance demon-"

"Demon?" Faith asked, her voice startled yet undeniably interested, and she sat up a little straighter, eye open and suddenly fixed intently on Anya. "You're a demon?"

"No, I'm not a demon, child-Faith, that is my point! I am not a demon anymore, and yet still people persist in thinking-" Anya began, but Buffy cut her off hurriedly, her eyes taking in Faith's wide ones and seeking to start damage control.

"She means- she means dome-man, not demon…isn't that right, Anya?" Buffy said loudly and with more than a little anxiety, her gaze lighting from Anya to Faith with clear commands directed at Anya. "She, she lived in a dome… so she's a dome-man, or dome woman, I guess… didn't you mean dome-woman, Anya?" she added meaningfully.

"What are you talking about, I have never lived in a dome!" Anya protested, "I do NOT live in a dome, I live in a-"

Six more murderous stares aimed her way, along with a shoulder squeeze from Xander, clued her in enough to stop her in her tracks. Smiling weakly and obviously forcedly, she spoke to Faith with obvious false cheer, suddenly smiling too hard, too forcefully in a manner that was almost scary.

"Oh, right, THAT dome… yes, I remember now, I do live in a dome… you will have to come and see my dome some time…"

Faith looked up at Joyce, the same frowning apprehension glittering in her eyes, and whispered loudly. "She's crazy, isn't she?"

Joyce laughed, squeezing Faith's shoulders in an affectionate half hug. Buffy was amused herself at the contrast between Faith's small serious face and Anya's animated yet irritated one. Joyce whispered back to her in a much more quiet tone than Faith's, "You'll get used to her, honey…"

"Me, crazy- you're one to talk!" Anya snapped, actual hurt in her voice as well. "I'm not the one who was-"

"Ahn- Ahn, let's not finish that sentence," Xander said hurriedly, glancing at Faith. "Remember what we talked about…appropriate topics for children, remember?"

"But this has nothing to do with her being a child, this has to do with how she-"

"We talked about other things too, remember?" Xander cut her off again, and Buffy was rather impressed. The past few hours had apparently made him really grow a backbone against Anya. "Remember those things, Anya?"

"Right," Anya muttered, exhaling, and she scowled. "Take away everything I actually WANT to say, would you…"

Faith was still staring at the other girl and she didn't appear to Buffy to be afraid of her so much as to not know what to think. Buffy supposed that was rather understandable though. It was Anya they were dealing with after all, and how would a kid, even a Faith-kid, know how to take someone like Anya?

"I notice that you are an unusually attractive girl child, even if you do not yet have cleavage," Anya plunged ahead, having clearly already found a solution to her problem of not knowing how to address the child. "However, I am not sure I understand your fashion choices. Perhaps I could give you advice, I have a very good sense of fashion…"

What the hell had Xander said to her when he took her away? Buffy wondered incredulously, staring at Anya now as well. The girl and her actions had never seemed exactly normal to her, or logical… but now she was flipping all over the place. Ha, maybe Xander had told her to act normally, and she was simply trying to fumble her way through that…

Faith pulled her jacket more tightly around herself quickly, as if worried that Anya had been about to take it off of her, and she lifted her chin, scowling at her.

"This ain't MY dress," she said, seeming a little peeved that she had to repeat this to yet another person. "It's Buffy's. I'm just WEARIN' it."

"BUFFY'S?" Anya cried, her face scrunching up as she looked at the little girl like she was lying to her. "How is this Buffy's? I realize that she is very tiny, close to midget size in an unsettling and disturbing manner, but surely that dress would not contain even her small, small breasts-"

"HEY!" Buffy yelped, and Tara flushed darkly for perhaps the tenth time, as did Giles. Willow, glancing between them all hurriedly, attempted to smooth things over.

"No, no, Anya, Buffy doesn't wear the dress NOW, it was her dress as a kid is what she means…"

"It was her Easter dress," Joyce added, "I saved it… good thing I did and it can get some use now," she added, smiling over at Faith.

If she expected Anya to smile too, she was to be very startled by her reaction. The girls' face froze, actually paling slightly, and she shook her head vigorously, eyes wide and anxious.

"That is a terrible, terrible holiday! You let a CHILD take part in that brutal, horrible day- a day about BUNNIES?!" Anya said shrilly, and she actually shuddered in horror.

Joyce, unaware of Anya's phobia of all things rabbitty, furrowed her forehead, looking at the girl with total incomprehension to her reaction.

"Well, I suppose the crucifixion of Jesus is pretty brutal," she said uncertainly, "but I'm not sure what you mean about bunnies, Anya. Buffy always liked going to see the Easter bunny as a child-"

"Oh, of course she would, she's a Slayer freak, they live for that kind of horrible evil stuff," Anya said dismissively, waving her hand. "But the rest of us, and bunnies-"

She shuddered again, and Buffy, glaring at her, turned then to Faith, hoping she hadn't caught that Anya had called her a Slayer…the second, no, third time Faith had heard the word tonight. But Faith didn't seem to have noticed; instead, she was watching Anya again with cautious interest.

"I kicked the Easter bunny at the mall in the balls," she announced, in the same tone that one might use to say that she had hunted Easter eggs in her back yard. She offered no further explanation, not seeming to feel that one was necessary.

As all the others choked, turning now to gawk at her rather than Anya, Anya smiled joyfully, nodding as if this not only made perfect sense, but also absolutely thrilled her.

"Good for you! Was he in great pain? Did he-"

"You know, as fascinating as these…bunny stories…are," Buffy said loudly, unable to take any more of this entirely pointless line of bantering and struggling to not picture just how or why Faith had gone about kicking some guy in a bunny suit in the groin. "I think maybe we should continue them tomorrow… and everything else too. It's late, we have work and school… and I don't think there's anything else we can do for now…"

She let her eyes rest on Faith for a few moments deliberately, silently letting the others know that she meant in particular there wasn't much they could do about Faith right now. Quickly realizing what she was implying and nodding, Giles got to his feet, pushing in his chair with slightly fumbling gestures.

"Why yes, yes, that is quite true… tomorrow is another day, and we will use it to our full advantage, won't we?"

He seemed more than relieved to be given an out to leave, no doubt eager to escape the dramatics of the past hour and return to his books and research. Willow and Tara got to their feet as well fairly fast, also seeming noticeably grateful to be given the opportunity to do so.

"We, we should be going too… you're right, it's late, we have school…"

"Yes…yes, th-thank you for letting me come…n-nice to meet you…"

"Oh, no problem," Joyce responded, and the warmth in her voice was even more noticeable than usual- maybe because she was glad they were leaving too, Buffy thought. She stood as well, reaching for Faith's hand to gently tug her to her feet as well, and smiled at each departing person briefly. "It was nice to meet you too, Tara, come back any time."

"Why are WE leaving?" Anya protested as Xander stood as well, taking her hand without much subtlety and attempting to pull her toward the door. "I don't' have work or school tomorrow. And I would like to stay and talk to this interesting Child Faith-"

"Maybe another time, Ahn- I have work and you have my car, so that means you should come too if the math adds up," Xander said lightly, but Buffy thought she heard an edge creep into his tone as well as he kept his hand around Anya's. "We'll probably see them tomorrow…"

"Tomorrow, yes…we will speak then," Giles said, giving Buffy a nod. "If you could have your sketch for me by then, Buffy…"

"Okay," Buffy nodded as she too stood, following them along with her mother and Faith to the front door. "I'll try to draw it tonight or in the morning, look stuff up…"

"Bye, Faith… or should I call you Batman now?" Xander added with a grin after having bid Buffy and Joyce good night.

"No," Faith replied without missing a beat, "Unless I can call you Robin."

As Xander choked, not knowing whether to be insulted, shocked, or amused- or a little of all- Tara and Willow bid them good bye as well. Tara's smile and words to Faith were much more genuine and soft than Willow's stiff tone. Still holding Joyce's hand in the doorway, staying close to her side, Faith had nodded, seeming relieved to see them go. Buffy was as well, even more so than she had been to have them arrive. It had been a very very long day… all she wanted was a shower, maybe a massage, and then her bed, a nice way to dream herself out of the stress that had been building up steadily in her muscles and mind.

But even if all of that happened- and Buffy severely doubted it would- there would still be the problem of Faith when she woke up. How she had changed, how to get her back to her usual self, how what she had done might change the world… all of these were issues. But even more so than the issue of the child herself- a child Buffy was slowly beginning to fear her mother might already be becoming too attached to- was the issue of what Buffy knew about her…and what she knew about the adult Faith as well in extension.

Nothing was ever going to be the same… no matter what happened, what Faith might do if they turned her back- WHEN they turned her back- how could Buffy ever look at her in the same way? And if they did- WHEN they did turn her back- what in the world would they do with her?

Buffy didn't know… and she had a feeling that the longer Faith was a child, the more time she spent with her, the more conflicted she would grow.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

After the others had all left, and only the Summers women and Faith remained standing in the doorway, Buffy could tell that both her mother and Faith were somewhat relieved. Joyce's posture straightened, making Buffy realize that she had been holding herself a little more slump-shouldered and tense than usual, and Faith's features loosened up noticeably, though Buffy noticed she was still sticking close to Joyce's side. From the way that Faith looked at her furtively, in quick glances rather than direct eye contact, the little girl was still viewing her in the same category she viewed Anya and most of the others- maybe even worse.

God, Buffy was going to have to try to fix that… but how? What was she supposed to do to make better what had already been done?

Buffy was an only child, not used to being around little kids in the best of times… she didn't have the faintest idea how to be with this little kid in particular, this kid who was also Faith. How did Faith even WANT her to be… and was that the way she SHOULD be?

She stood there, awkward, indecisive, for the first few moments; she had taken the initiative to get everyone out of the house, but now that they were gone, a small part of her almost wished they were back. They had at least diverted some of her attention from Faith and what to do, what to think about her- even with the damage they had caused. God, Anya was SO damn lucky to be alive right now… what was with Xander and his dating decisions anyway?

If Joyce noticed Buffy's quiet and edgy demeanor, she didn't' say anything; instead, she smiled down at Faith as she addressed her.

"I know we were talking about ordering pizza, Faith, but it's pretty late, I'm not sure they'll even deliver right now… I think I have a frozen one in the freezer, why don't I make that for you? While we wait for it to cook you can either watch some more of your movie or just sit with me a while," she offered, and then turned to Buffy with understanding in her eyes. "I don't think Faith needs a bath tonight, Buffy, if you'd like a shower…"

Buffy got what her mother was trying to do even without giving her that look… she was separating her from Faith, giving them both the time and activities required to further wind them down for the night. She appreciated Joyce's thought… if they were going to keep Faith here until she could be turned back into an adult, they would all have to learn to get along with each other. And a shower sounded great.

"That sounds good," Buffy replied, then smirked slightly. "Got an extra pizza for me, since I'm apparently such a pig?"

"Of course," Joyce smirked back, not batting an eye. "Don't worry, we'll save you at least one piece, won't we, Faith?"

"Maybe," Faith said in a serious tone, and Buffy thought at first she /was/ being serious. But then she saw her lips quirk up ever so slightly, and a brief flicker of a dimple in one cheeks. So Faith HAD had dimples as a child…

Well this was good, right, if Faith could joke a little, smile… maybe they hadn't traumatized her beyond all comprehension. But even so… just the fact that she was taking it as well as she was, in its own way, was also disturbing to Buffy. She remembered what she had seen from the dining room doorway as she watched Joyce hold Faith in her lap… she remembered Faith's tone as she asked if she could stay, and Buffy had to turn her face away.

"I'll be upstairs if you need me," she managed, once she thought her voice was in control. "Shouldn't be too long."

Half an hour and slightly wrinkled hands and feet later, Buffy felt more at ease in body, though not quite as much in mind. She just couldn't seem to shut off her tangle of thoughts and emotion, couldn't seem to stop wondering and worrying about what was and what was to come. She had no idea how she was supposed to go to sleep tonight… normally, she'd go slaying, but with Faith here…

She could smell the pizza before she entered the kitchen and quickly followed the saucy aroma into the dining room area, where her mother and Faith had already put a good sized dent in a pizza. In fact, there were only two slices left. Buffy blinked, momentarily startled. She knew Joyce usually only ate two pieces- had Faith eaten FOUR?

"Don't worry, Buffy, your pizza's in the oven," Joyce smiled, misinterpreting the startled looked in her eyes as indignation. Buffy nodded, deciding maybe it wasn't the best idea to ask after Faith's eating habits right then… but jeez, how did the kid stay so little if she could eat half a pizza…and it looked to Buffy as if she were eyeing the remaining two slices as well.

"It's done?" Buffy asked, and when her mother confirmed this, she turned to retrieve it from the kitchen. By the time she had returned, both pieces of pizza that had been remaining on the table were gone, and the sauce around Faith's mouth named her the culprit. Buffy couldn't stop herself from staring for a few seconds- was this kid not fed? She was going to make herself sick like that.

Catching Buffy's stare, even though the blonde caught herself and looked away, Faith bristled slightly, her shoulders tensing.

"What?"

"You have sauce on your face," Buffy said quickly as she sat down. As Faith swiped at her face with a napkin, Joyce spoke up again, standing and gathering Faith's and her own plate.

"It's been a long day, I'm sure you're tired, Faith… I know I am. Why don't we find you a toothbrush and maybe a t-shirt of mine or Buffy's for you to sleep in, and get you ready for bed?" Joyce suggested, giving her a smile. "I'm sure Buffy and I will be ready for bed before long too."

Faith hesitated, but Buffy thought she did look tired. There was a drawn look to her features, a slight heaviness to her movements. A fast glance at her watch told Buffy it was almost midnight- pretty late for a seven-year-old. She found herself wondering if Faith had had a bed time as a child, like Buffy had… or had she just gone to sleep whenever?

"Okay," she said finally, standing and looking between the women quickly. "But where am I gonna sleep at… on the couch?"

"Oh, no, honey," Joyce shook her head, "I suppose you can sleep with Buffy… she has a nice big bed, it's much more comfortable than the couch."

She glanced at Buffy after she spoke, as if belatedly asking her approval, and Buffy nodded quickly. She hadn't actually considered that, but it was the best solution- she could make sure the little girl didn't run off that way, or get… kidnapped by the Council or something. By knowing exactly where she was, being in the same room with her, Buffy could protect Faith.

But that didn't mean it would be a very comfortable night, for either of them.

Buffy saw Faith's eyes darken, her mouth tensing, and she licked her lips unconsciously as she looked at Buffy. Buffy tried to smile at her, but the little girl didn't smile back. Buffy's heart twisted…had she really made it that bad between them?

By the time Buffy had finished her late meal and drifted upstairs to check on them, Joyce and Faith were in her room, Faith seeming entirely ready for sleep. Her face had been washed, her hair let down from her pigtails- in fact, she was standing before Joyce, letting her gently pick a comb through some snarls as Joyce sat on Buffy's bed. Buffy saw that the girl was wearing one of her T-shirts. It was long enough to fall to just above her knees, and bagged around her small frame, seeming to dwarf her and emphasize the thinness of her arms and legs. Now that they were bare again, Buffy tried not to look at them, but found herself feeling a compulsion to do so even as her stomach knotted further.

"She said I could wear it," Faith said quickly as Buffy entered the room, touching the chest of her shirt. She seemed anxious that Buffy not think she was just taking her clothes, that she realize Faith didn't want to wear them, and Buffy felt even worse at her hasty assurance.

"I know, Faith, it's okay," she told her, and then, on impulse, finding it extremely difficult to make herself say, "Faith? I wanted to say…I was wrong. Before. When, when I yelled at you. I didn't understand… I…I shouldn't have done that. And I'm sorry… I'm sorry I hurt you."

She tried desperately not to look at Faith's shoulder, at her arms, even as a constriction came over her throat. Come on Buffy…control…

Faith stared at her, something more like confusion than surprise in her eyes; she was frowning slightly, her eyes dark, clouded, and Buffy didn't know what she was thinking, couldn't interpret the look in her eyes. Eventually she nodded quickly, but she didn't say anything- and this too bothered Buffy. Did she believe her? Was she still angry or upset, or afraid of her? God, she wished she could see into the kid's head… but on second thought she shrank from the idea, as possibilities of what she might find there crossed her mind.

Joyce smiled at Buffy, then at Faith, and running a hand tenderly over Faith's hair sans combs, she stood, laying a hand on her back as she addressed Buffy. Buffy couldn't help but notice that her mother had been touching Faith a lot, almost continually keeping some form of physical contact with her…and yet Faith had yet to reject it or seem more than startled or confused by it. In fact, she seemed in her subtle way to be soaking it up as something desirable… something very strange for Buffy to witness or think about.

"That's good to hear, Buffy… okay, Faith, I saw that yawn. Let's get you tucked in."

Faith looked up at Joyce in bemusement, as if she didn't understand her saying that…or maybe didn't quite understand what she meant. Was that actually possible? Could she seriously have never heard that phrase before, or heard it so seldom that the meaning didn't connect?

Joyce pulled back the covers of Buffy's bed for her, and as she gestured for Faith to lie down, Faith blinked up at her, still harboring a rather odd expression. She climbed into bed, resting her head on one of Buffy's pillows, without saying anything. Joyce tucked the blankets under her chin and smoothed her hair back from her face before leaning to kiss her forehead- an action that once would have infuriated or flabbergasted Buffy, but now seemed almost natural for some reason. Faith blinked quickly, her eyes round.

"Good night, Faith, sleep tight," Joyce said softly, and Faith continued to stare at her, something like awe in her eyes. It stirred a slow rage in Buffy, to see her react in such a way to something so simple, an act of caring she had taken for granted as a child. For her to be stunned that someone would tuck her into bed…

Was it even possible for Buffy to feel any worse?

As she and her mother exited her room, Buffy was so focused on her thoughts that she jumped when her mother took her elbow, meeting her eyes.

"Can you come to the living room with me for a little while, Buffy, I wanted to talk to you."

A little apprehensive now, Buffy nodded, following as they made their way into the darkened room. She had a suspicion that she knew exactly what it was her mother wanted to talk about… yep, a major lecture was definitely in the makings. And she had to say she couldn't exactly blame her.

"Sit down, honey," Joyce said quietly, as she sat down on the couch herself. Buffy moved to sit on the armchair nearby, but Joyce shook her head, gesturing at her.

"No, Buffy, sit here on the couch with me…"

Slightly puzzled but shrugging this off as Joyce's maybe wanting it to be easier to look her in the eye, Buffy sat beside her. She was uncomfortably aware of her mother's eyes on her, of the few moments of silence that stretched out between them…

But then Joyce was taking hold of her gently, pulling Buffy into her arms, her head against her shoulder, with such surprising tenderness that Buffy almost started to cry. This was the last thing she had expected… the last thing she felt she deserved. But God she needed it…

For a couple of minutes neither spoke. Buffy leaned into her mother's arms, resting her head heavily against her shoulder as her throat tightened and her eyes stung hotly. She felt Joyce's fingers sifting slowly through her hair, her hand rubbing a circle between her shoulder blades, and let her mother try her hand at easing the stress of the day. It was no different from the manner she had treated Faith, but Buffy didn't care for the moment that she was being treated like a seven-year-old- or maybe that the seven-year-old Faith was being treated like her. This was something she hadn't even been aware of wanting or needing.

"I know it's been a pretty rough day," Joyce said finally, and she ran her hand again over Buffy's head, making her scalp tingle slightly. "And I won't tell you I'm happy about some of the things that happened to that child today- including some of the things you did. But I know you're not happy about it either, are you?"

"No," Buffy almost whispered, and she shook her head slightly, swallowing. "Mom… I'm sorry. The…the way I was with her… I didn't know. I thought…she's always…"

"I know," Joyce said slowly, continuing to rub her fingers over Buffy's head. "I understand that you didn't understand… but that doesn't mean it was okay, Buffy, and it doesn't mean you didn't hurt her."

She didn't specify whether she meant emotionally or physically, but it didn't matter- Buffy knew she had done both. She swallowed again, blinking against the tears in her eyes. When she spoke her voice was slightly choked.

"I know…I know, Mom. I'm sorry."

"I know the two of you have your differences when she's a teenager," Joyce continued, still holding Buffy to her soothingly. "And I know she did things to attempt to harm you and others. But when you talk to her now, you can't think about that… she doesn't know that, she wouldn't do that now. She couldn't. That's not who she is anymore… so we can't relate to her in that way."

She sounded almost scary as she went on, her eyes darkening, voice dropping, "You saw what happened to that poor little girl, Buffy…we have to keep that in mind too when we interact with her. Try to keep her comfortable, to not scare her… but without smother or patronizing her, or making her think we pity her. She's a smart girl, Buffy, it's easy to see that, and she is damaged…but she's not broken. She doesn't want or need pity, she needs understanding and caring…if she had that as a child, maybe everything would be different now."

Buffy nodded very faintly, knowing Joyce was right, even as she took a deep breath, still attempting to control her emotion.

"I can't believe that someone did that to her…how could someone do that?" she asked shakily, knowing she didn't need to elaborate… her mother was probably every bit as haunted by the sight and memory of Faith's injured body as she was. "Who could do that to a little kid…"

"I know," her mother whispered back, and Buffy heard the catch in her voice, the slight unevenness of her next drawn breath. "I know, sweetie."

"If I knew who did that to her…if I knew they were still alive…I would kill them," Buffy proclaimed, and even with her voice still shaky there was a clear edge of anger to it, a near rage directed at whatever person or people had caused Faith such harm. But even as she said it the guilt spiked through her heavily…for she knew that she too had, however inadvertently, become one of the people who had hurt Faith. Both now, and before, when Faith was an adult… when she had tried to kill Faith. She was one of them.

"I know," Joyce repeated, stroking her hair, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek. But her voice did not match the gentleness of her touch…her eyes were narrowed, her voice steely, and anyone overhearing would have known she meant her words. "So would I, Buffy…so would I."

Several minutes passed with Joyce still silently holding Buffy in her arms, her hands continuing their slow caresses over her back and hair. She seemed to be gaining as much soothing from this as she was giving, for Buffy could hear her breathing even out, feel her heartbeat slow against her own. Buffy too was calming, finally beginning to feel the emotional overload of the day settling into something more manageable. She was gradually beginning to think that she could deal with this, that even if she wasn't in total control, she would be again eventually. It would be okay… she would figure out a way to make things okay even if she wasn't sure what okay was right now.

When Buffy finally pulled away with a sigh, running a hand over her face, she took a moment before looking at Joyce, her voice calm but serious.

"Mom…you know it can't stay like this, don't you? Faith..we can't keep her here forever. We can't let her stay a kid..you know that, don't you?"

A part of her, a part that had first made itself known to her since she witnessed Faith speaking with Joyce on her lap…a part of her that had gradually been getting stronger since…wanted to ignore what she had just said to her mother. A part of her wanted Faith to stay a child…it would seem a way of undoing what Faith had become, a way to rebuild her…a way to escape the inevitability of her future. It would seem a way to make things better, to make up for her own mistakes… even to undo them. For if Faith couldn't remember them, if they had never happened in her mind, then it could all be different…

But they couldn't do this, and Buffy knew it… nothing was ever so simple.

"I know that," Joyce said again, and though her voice was quiet, there was still an edge of steel to it that showed her emotion. "But that doesn't stop me from wishing that it could be different, Buffy..and who knows, maybe it can be. And it doesn't stop me from knowing I will do all I can to care for her and help her for as long as we do have her."

She smiled then, and her voice softened as she suggested, "Why don't you try and get some sleep, honey… I'm sure tomorrow will be another long, busy day, and you'll need your rest…"

Buffy nodded; there was no doubt about that. She couldn't even let herself think about tomorrow right now or every bit of calm she'd managed to regain would fly out all over again.

Standing, she leaned down to hug her mother once more. "Good night..I love you."

"I love you too, honey," her mother replied, giving her a squeeze. As she released her, Joyce looked into her eyes, saying quietly, "Try not to wake Faith when you go up, Buffy, I have a feeling she can use her sleep too…and if you have any problems…"

Buffy nodded, knowing what her mother was referring to. Sharing a bed with Faith could be far from comfortable… hopefully the girl wouldn't wake up until after Buffy did, so it wouldn't be an issue.

As Buffy made her way to her room, she was still attempting to shut down her run of thoughts. But as she opened the door to her room, the dim light from the hallway seeping into the darkened interior, she paused, looking at Faith.

The little girl was asleep, her face softer, more relaxed than Buffy had seen her all day. The fingers of her left hand were partly in her mouth, and her right arm was clutched around Mr. Gordo. Normally, this would invoke Buffy's possessiveness immediately- even Willow and Xander knew not to touch her stuffed pig. But the child Faith looked so innocent, even sweet, that Buffy couldn't bring herself to feel more than a twinge of discomfort- a feeling outnumbered by the stronger twinge in her heart.

As she carefully slipped in bed next to Faith, Buffy was sure she would take a fairly long time to fall asleep, but as she closed her eyes, listening to the sound of the child's deep breathing, she drifted off in minutes.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Buffy wasn't awakened by the noise, but rather by the kicking. Through the confusion of her awakening she distantly felt something nudging into her, a brief brushing at first, then again, harder. She had barely processed this, began to drag herself from sleep to attempt to figure it out, when the "brief brushing" against her stomach and thigh became something more like a "jerky kicking-" one that repeated several times, increasing in force. Something smacked across Buffy's chest fairly hard, the weight of it slight and yet concentrated, dense, and Buffy's eyes flew open in instinctive self-defensive alertness. What the hell…

She shoved the thing that had hit her chest off roughly, only to be smacked in the stomach with it a few minutes later. Something was still frequently striking her thigh, and Buffy reached out to grab hold of it automatically, to restrain it. She was beginning to become aware of a noise the thing in bed with her was making, some weird cry…

But almost as soon as she grabbed hold of it, attempted to thrust it away from her even as she prevented it from attacking, her mind's lingering sleep-induced fogginess began to clear itself. Her eyes were adjusting to the darkness, her memory clearing… as her disorientation ended, she realized all at once what was going on. It wasn't some nameless thing in her bed, she wasn't being attacked… at least not deliberately. It was Faith, it was the child Faith she was holding away from her, who was writhing strongly under her hands. And the noise Buffy was hearing was not the inarticulate grunting of some creature, but rather the wordless, throaty cries of the little girl…

Buffy's eyes widened, and she hurriedly loosened her hold, not wanting to hurt her or invoke a de ja vu of earlier occurrences from the day before. Faith kicked out at her again, crying out hoarsely, and Buffy realized her eyes were still tightly closed. She was asleep…she wasn't trying to do this, she was asleep. And obviously she was having one hell of a nightmare.

Still trying to keep Faith from lashing out with her arms and legs, and having a hard time doing so since she didn't' want to use much force to restrain her, Buffy tried to awaken her with words rather than shaking her, not knowing how much more agitated she might get in response.

"Faith…Faith, wake up. Faith…Faith…"

It took several more calls, and in the end Buffy did have to shake her, before Faith responded. Her eyes flew wide open, bulging slightly, and her cry cut off abruptly as she stared at Buffy for a few seconds with no recognition in her eyes, breathing with rapid shallow inhalations that made her narrow chest heave sharply. Buffy could see the stark terror in her eyes even in the darkness, and it froze her to look at it, to almost feel the child's pain herself in that one locking of their eyes on each others'…

"Faith, it's okay," Buffy made herself say, trying to sound soothing, even as her insides felt shaky, reflecting slightly in her voice. "You were dreaming…"

Still holding Faith's shoulder in one hand, she fumbled behind her on her nightstand to turn on her lamp. As the brightness of its light quickly flooded the room, making her temporarily squint, she turned back to Faith, meaning to address her again. But as she reached to take hold of her other shoulder, Faith yelped suddenly, her face pale and taut with panic. As Buffy froze again- had she hurt her, scared her, was Faith yet able to remember who she was? – Faith took the opportunity to jerk away from her, almost tumbling out of bed in her haste to get away from Buffy. She began to run on unsteady legs toward the bedroom door, obviously intending to flee- but where did she think she was going? To Joyce? She wasn't going to actually try to leave the house, was she?

Buffy jumped up hurriedly, throwing her blanket to the foot of the bed as she took two big steps and snagged Faith around her tiny waist, preventing her from quite reaching the door. As she could have predicted, Faith did not passively accept this. She fought Buffy frantically, twisting and bucking, trying to hit out at her and kick her to get to the door. Buffy swung her around so that both their backs were to the door but so she was closer than Faith as she tried to hold her from breaking free without hurting her- something that Faith's desperate battling was making hard. All this time Faith was not screaming, but only making the same hoarse, almost whimpering cry she had been uttering her sleep… a noise that only deepened Buffy's concern and pity for her.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Faith…it's okay, I'm not going to hurt you," Buffy repeated over Faith's utterances, but the little girl didn't believe her, if she heard her at all. Realizing quickly that Faith was not going to calm down or trust her if she continued to try to force her to be still, Buffy released her, backing up quickly to block the door. She had no idea what Faith would do now- attack her? Scream? Try to get past her to the door?

The child stood there, her eyes glimmering with her extreme level of fear and adrenaline, her chest hitching, and for several seconds she did nothing at all in response to Buffy's backing off. She stood there, her eyes darting about wildly- perhaps surveying her options. Buffy could see her bare legs shaking.

"Faith," she tried softly, swallowing, as she attempted to meet the little girl's eyes. "Faith, it's okay…"

But rather than reacting in any sort of positive manner, Faith bolted. Buffy tensed, thinking at first that she would attempt to get open and climb out from her window, but Faith didn't even seem to see it. She appeared too upset to be very aware of anything much, beyond what she viewed as threatening gestures toward her from Buffy. Instead she wedged herself into one corner of the room, as far from Buffy as she could get, sinking down to the floor and flattening her back against the wall. Even from across the room Buffy could hear her harsh heightened breathing, see how she was trembling… and now Faith was crying. She could see the tears streaking down her cheeks even as Faith lowered her head, could hear the sobs the child was trying to suppress breaking out from her in jagged intervals.

Buffy felt as if someone had taken hold of her heart in their fist and squeezed it with brutal force… her breath caught as she looked at Faith, her mind finding what she was seeing entirely unacceptable. She had seen Adult Faith cry exactly one time, when she was scared witless as she was confronted with Kakistos… it had been a sight she had never witnessed again, and knew very well that Faith would go out of her way to never let her see. But to look at Faith as a little girl, crouched in a corner, crying from the images her own mind had clearly hurt her with… and maybe from fear of Buffy too… Buffy couldn't stand it.

She took a few slow steps toward Faith, seeing how the child's head jerked up, her back pressing further into the wall. Buffy held up her hands, speaking softly, soothingly, trying not to show how it killed her to look into Faith's eyes.

"It's okay…I won't hurt you, Faith. I promise I won't hurt you. I just want to help…"

She drew gradually closer, continuing her soft murmur of reassurance, and Faith continued to weep, hugging her knees to her chest and not letting Buffy meet her eyes anymore. When she was standing in front of her, Buffy slowly got herself to her knees, not yet touching Faith, but still speaking to her gently.

"Faith…Faith, I won't hurt you. It's okay…it was just a dream… nothing's going to happen to you. I won't let it, do you understand?"

Faith sucked in her breath, choking, fear still in her eyes even as they swam with fresh tears. Another sharp twisting of her heart and Buffy couldn't help but give in to the almost unconscious impulse that had been pricking her all along.

Taking a deep breath, she reached out, pulling Faith into her arms, attempting to hold the little girl's head to her chest…to hold her, period. She felt the child stiffen immediately, weakly attempting to pull away from her, but Buffy put a hand to her head, holding it against her gently but firmly.

"Shh," she said softly, bending her mouth close to Faith's ear. "Shh, don't' be scared… I won't hurt you. It's okay, it's okay…"

Faith didn't try very hard or long to pull away from her, and when Buffy kept her arms around her, she gave in, slumping weakly against her and no longer trying to stop her tears or suppress her sobbing. Buffy could feel her sobs rattling through her chest, could hear her heartbeat pounding rapidly, and she held Faith against, her chest tightening.

"It's okay," she repeated, combing her fingers through Faith's hair in an unconscious imitation of her mother's earlier actions with her. "It's okay, Faith… it was just a dream. Shh…"

Faith's hands were limp, pressed against Buffy's chest; as Buffy rubbed her back slowly, she was unable to stop dwelling on just what this child could have been dreaming to have upset her so much. She wasn't sure she wanted to even think about it. Swallowing deliberately, Buffy tried to focus her attention simply on soothing Faith and not the reasons why she needed to be comforted.

But of course Faith wasn't going to let that go on. Still crying steadily, though her sobbing had tapered off a little, Faith buried her face into Buffy's chest suddenly, attempting to mold her body more tightly against hers. Startled, Buffy wrapped an arm more tightly around her… but Faith was talking now. Her words were muffled into Buffy's skin, distorted by emotion, but Buffy could make out what she was saying anyway.

"B-blood… there's blood…all over the bed, on my mama…"

"It's not real," Buffy assured her, even as her stomach tightened in sympathy for her and she rubbed Faith's back some more, feeling it shudder beneath her fingers. "Not real, Faith, just a dream…"

"It's on her l-legs…it's on the bed, all over," Faith sobbed, and Buffy felt her hands clutch hold of her shirt, felt her tears soak through, hot against her skin. "She's crying, she w-won't stop, she's hurt…there's b-blood and it's bad…the baby's in it…"

God, Buffy thought shakily, her eyes wide, as she continued to hold Faith close, to mindlessly murmur words of reassurance. What a gory dream for a little kid… where would she have come up with an idea like that? Or was it true… could this have actually happened? Had Faith's mother been hurt, and Faith saw it… was this not so much a dream as a memory?

Blood on her legs…blood in the bed… a baby in…it…the blood? A baby in the blood?

"I d-didn't help…I was just little…I was s-scared, I didn't know…" Faith wept, and she pressed her face into Buffy's chest, her words coming faster. "I d-didn't help, and she was so mad…I was b-bad.. she don't like me now 'cause I was bad…"

"Shh," Buffy said quickly, cutting her off, and she stroked Faith's hair, her back, attempting to transmit a comfort and security to her that she herself didn't' feel. "Not real…not real. You're okay…you're not bad, baby, it's okay…"

She didn't realize that the word "baby" had slipped out, nor would she have cared… she didn't know for sure what Faith was talking about, but that didn't stop the sick feeling in her stomach from growing steadily. Possibilities were forming in her mind that she didn't want to think about, ideas that Faith could have witnessed… she didn't know which, if any, were true, but all were enough to further constrict her throat, to cause her eyes to grow hot with unshed tears.

It seemed a long time to Buffy before Faith's tears stopped, her sobs slowing into snuffling, though in reality it was probably only a couple of minutes. The child remained slumped against her, seeming drained, too exhausted to even move, and Buffy had no doubt she was. She wasn't feeling so energetic herself…

She held Faith in silence for a little while longer, letting the little girl even out her breathing, continuing to absently rub her bony back through the big T-shirt, to attempt to gather herself… for Buffy was shaken, aware that she was pushing back tears.

Eventually though she pulled back from Faith a little, smoothing her hair back from her face and giving the girl a small smile.

"You feeling any better now…do you want to get back in bed? You don't have to go to sleep yet, but just to lay down and rest…"

Faith exhaled somewhat shakily, but then nodded, dropping her eyes. Her cheeks were still damp, her eyes red, and her nose was running; as Buffy looked down at her, she swiped her hand under her nose, sniffing loudly. Normally that would have totally grossed Buffy out, but right now, she felt only a flicker of disgust- more prominently she felt sorry for Faith in her obvious misery and weariness.

"Hang on a second… I'll be right back," she told her softly, and gently shifting the child out of her lap and onto the floor, she went to her nightstand to grab a couple of tissues, returning quickly to Faith and handing them to her. When Faith, still avoiding her eyes, just wadded one up and wiped it in one swipe across her face and then under her nose, sniffing again immediately after, Buffy sighed. Obviously she was going to have to try her hand at mothering type stuff a little more.

Taking a clean tissue and putting her hand to the back of Faith's head, Buffy began to gently wipe at the tears drying on her face and at the corners of her eyes before holding the same tissue to her nose, instructing her to blow. Flinching slightly at this but not saying anything, Buffy used the last clean tissue to wipe off the left hand Faith had swiped under her nose earlier, then took her clean right one in her own.

"Come on… come back to bed," she said softly, gently pulling Faith to her feet. She ignored the fact that Faith's hand was limp in hers, not squeezing back. "I'll leave the light on for you, okay?"

Faith nodded, still refusing to meet her eyes, and Buffy wondered if she was embarrassed. If she wasn't' now, she might be tomorrow…actually, knowing Faith, she almost certainly would be. Was she still afraid of her now…or was she okay with her?

Settling Faith back into bed, Buffy pulled the covers over her before climbing in herself. She hesitated, but then climbed out again to retrieve Mr. Gordo from the floor, handing it to her. Faith hugged him hard, still not speaking, her eyes strangely shiny even without further tears.

"Do you want to talk about it, Faith?" Buffy asked her quietly after climbing into bed again, and she was vastly relieved when Faith quickly shook her head. "Okay then… try to get some rest then."

A few minutes passed with both girls caught up in her own dark thoughts… but then Buffy felt something touch her, pressed up against her body. Looking over, she realized that Faith, her face carefully averted, had rolled close to her, pressing her body lightly into Buffy's, as if wanting physical contact but not wanting to ask for it.

Her throat tightening, blinking back sudden tears, Buffy fumbled for Faith's hand, taking it in hers and squeezing it. Faith didn't squeeze back, but neither did she pull away. It was in this way they finally both found sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

Author note: I realize the plot is moving at a snails' pace…sorry, but that's how I work with these kind of stories, lol. Action will eventually be in here, seriously… but if you read my Comalies/Once Burned/Bonded series, which was over 1500 pages, you'll see that it will take some time to get there lol.

Chapter 16

When Buffy awakened, later than normal since attending classes wasn't a priority for her today, she quickly became aware of the fact that Faith was still pressed close to her, curled up tightly against her side. The child's head was leaned heavily against her shoulder, and she was still holding Mr. Gordo to her chest in one arm; in fact, he was wedged against them, his snout jammed somewhat uncomfortably against Buffy's arm. The hand not keeping Mr. Gordo securely held to her was still intertwined with Buffy's, and Buffy realized as she looked down at it how warm and soft the little girl's hand was in hers. Nothing like the older Faith's hand, which had been larger than hers slightly, and callused…

Buffy's lips twitched, not quite a smile, but close, as she blinked several times, fighting against lingering grogginess. Mornings…not of the good. Normally she'd just try to go to sleep again, but she didn't want Faith to wake up before she did. She'd rather be up, available, and equipped with fully functional mental facilities should the girl decide to get into something…

Thoughts of the night before crept into her mind, but Buffy shoved them away quickly- it was too early and she was definitely not awake enough to think about any of that yet. Whatever went on today between her and Faith because of it… whatever last night meant… it didn't matter for now. She couldn't worry about it… right now her worries were focused on how she was going to get out of bed without waking Faith up.

She moved with slow carefulness, gently releasing Faith's hand from her own fingers and putting it down on Mr. Gordo. Moving her head was a little harder- Buffy had to lift it from her with one hand and set the pillow under it quickly with the other. When Faith stirred slightly, making a soft noise in seeming protest, Buffy froze, sure she would sit up. But the little girl only moved her head further into the pillow without opening her eyes.

Relieved, Buffy watched her for another few seconds to be sure before heading out of her room and down the stairs. As she would have guessed, Joyce was awake, sitting at the small kitchen table with a cup of coffee and some toast. She looked up and smiled at her daughter as Buffy entered, as usual appearing perfectly normal and even-tempered despite the early hour. Buffy simply didn't understand those kind of people- there had to be something wrong with them that would make them not realize that mornings were horrible, horrible things.

"Good morning, honey," Joyce greeted her pleasantly, and Buffy, more clear-headed than she had felt earlier, but still less than sharing in her mother's enthusiasm, nodded back as she slunk into a chair across from her.

"Morning…"

"Is Faith still asleep?" Joyce asked her, and when Buffy nodded again, Joyce sighed, sipping her coffee. "Good…she was tired last night, she needed it."

Buffy nodded again, but she wasn't really paying attention to Joyce. Her memory was flashing back to the night before, to Faith's nightmare and subsequent tears, to her heaviness in her arms as she finally let her small body sag into Buffy's. Yes, the kid was definitely tired, in more ways than one.

Her face must have changed in some way, showed some emotion or sentiment she had not been aware of, because Joyce frowned ever so slightly, her eyes meeting Buffy's with a slightly probing look that Buffy hated… mainly because once she saw it cross her mother's face, it didn't go away until she got the information she was after.

"Was everything okay with Faith last night?"

Dammit. She knew it.

Buffy paused, avoiding Joyce's eyes as she waited to come up with a reply before she actually responded. She knew her mother wouldn't make a big thing out of Faith's nightmare, or their behavior after it… probably, anyway. But still… for a reason she couldn't quite explain to herself, she felt like it should remain something unshared. It felt private in some way, even in Faith's regard, and even though it was only Joyce…Buffy wasn't sure why, but it just didn't feel right to tell her.

Even if it was true…

"Yeah, everything was fine, Mom," she replied a few beats too late, and Joyce watched her, obviously finding this hard to swallow.

"Are you sure…nothing happened?"

"Yeah," Buffy said more firmly, and she gave her quick smile. "We were fine. Don't worry about it."

Joyce looked at her for a few seconds with some faint suspicion, but then just nodded, deciding to Buffy's gratitude to just let it go.

"I was thinking that I would take Faith shopping today after she wakes up, Buffy. She needs clothes that fit her, particularly underwear, and shoes and socks. If she's going to be here for any length of time, we can't have her roaming around in that dress of yours and nothing else… and I think if she had something other than the jacket to cover her arms with, she would feel more secure," Joyce ended in a softer tone, holding Buffy's eyes with her own. "I can get her what she needs- you don't need to come if you have some things you need to do, or if you need the time to yourself."

"Oh…well, yeah, I'd like that," Buffy said with some surprise. "That sounds like a good idea…uh, I can ask Giles to come over, see if he's found anything helpful…draw his sketch for him…"

"Right," Joyce replied, and Buffy thought there was a slightly odd quality to her voice, an edge to it that was faint, but still noticeable to her.

She didn't really want Giles to come over, Buffy thought, and this time she didn't think it had to do with their very disturbing sexual tension. Joyce didn't want him to come, didn't want him to already have answers… because she didn't want him to help make Faith back into an adult Faith so soon.

This was going to suck… already, Buffy could tell how much Joyce would hate this when it happened… but it had to happen.

"Right…you do that, Buffy," Joyce repeated, "I'm sure you'll let me know how it goes…would you like some coffee?"

A little while later, having already finished her quickly assembled breakfast, Buffy heard the sound of heavily placed footsteps and looked up, knowing that it was Faith approaching. For such a small child, she could definitely make a lot of noise when she wanted to as she walked. She stood in the doorway but did not enter, squinting at them sleepily but also somewhat hesitant, as if not quite sure where she was or whether she was welcome or wanted to approach them. Her hair was hanging half in her face, and Buffy didn't fail to notice that Mr. Gordo was finally removed from her grasp- apparently he was a night time only accessory.

Buffy found herself wondering again at the sight of Faith how things were going to be now… how would Faith react to her? How should she react to Faith? Should she just pretend nothing had happened? Should she be really nice to her? Did Faith want her to be really nice to her or would that weird her out?

She found herself too busy inwardly analyzing how to react to Faith to actually react to her, so Joyce beat her to it.

"Good morning, sweetie," she smiled at her, "Did you sleep well?"

Faith hesitated, her eyes darting to Buffy's, as if questioning whether she had told Joyce about the night before. Buffy smiled at her quickly, giving her a slight shake of her head to reassure her, but Faith didn't look very convinced.

"Uh-huh," she said to Joyce finally, her voice still cautious, and she rubbed a hand over her face. Buffy wasn't sure if that was because she was still tired, or if it was an unconscious attempt to rid her face of any lingering evidence of her tears from before. Or maybe Buffy was getting to analytical. Was that possible…Buffy, being too analytical?

"Come sit down, Faith," Joyce gestured, "are you hungry? Do you like cereal? We have Cheerios, Frosted Flakes, Raisin Bran… Pop-Tarts too I think…"

As Faith paused a few more moments, then crossed the room slowly, sitting in the chair Joyce had gestured for her to take, Buffy noticed that the child was avoiding her eyes… and yet, when Buffy looked away, pretending to be unaware of her, she could sense Faith sneaking glances at her. She was still somewhat tense as her sleepiness gradually faded, even as she spoke back to Joyce's addresses to her, let the older woman interact with her. And yet each time she looked over at Buffy, Buffy thought she read more than wariness in her eyes… something like vulnerability, even faint hope. Did Faith want to trust her… was she maybe, just maybe, edging towards a beginning of this, after last night? She already seemed to trust Joyce… was she going to trust Buffy too, ever? Did Buffy want her to if it was only going to be ended when they turned her back?

Buffy didn't know…but a part of her hoped so.

As Joyce took a bowl and spoon over to Faith, setting a few boxes of cereal before her to choose from, Buffy decided suddenly to herself that she did want to… she wasn't sure exactly why, or what the point of it was, but she wanted Faith to trust her. She wanted her to be able to look her in the eye, to not fear her, not to stiffen every time Buffy touched her or looked at her. She wanted Faith not to get that rapid defensive look Buffy saw in her eyes every time Buffy looked into her face… she wanted Faith to like her. She wanted to show her that not everyone was like the people of her past…the ones in her memories.

She didn't question why this was suddenly making itself clear to her, nor did she allow herself to think about the night before. All she let herself consciously be aware of was that she was going to try harder with Faith… and from what she had witnessed so far, coming down to her level was the most effective way. Buffy knew she couldn't do it in her mother's way, with frequent gentle touches and smiles paired with friendly words. Not only would that completely not set the child at ease coming from her, but it didn't come naturally to Buffy. Last night barred, she'd never been very good with mother hen roles. But Xander's method, the humor…she could try that. Of course, some of her usual witty puns might fly straight over the kid's head, but if this was all she had to work with…

Buffy looked around the kitchen quickly, attempting to find something, anything, to joke about. As her eyes settled on the bowl of Frosted Flakes Faith had began to eat less than delicately, getting more of the milk from each spoonful back into the bowl or on her- no, BUFFY'S- shirt than in her mouth, a joke popped into Buffy's mind, and she pounced on it.

"Hey Faith," she called lightly, and Faith's eyes jerked up to Buffy's as she almost dropped her spoon. Buffy tried not to be too bothered by the wariness present in her eyes as she continued, "You know what eating cereal makes you?"

"Not as hungry," Faith replied seriously, as if she hadn't recognized that Buffy's tone had invited a playful response.

Or maybe she didn't' yet know that Buffy COULD speak less than seriously- Buffy hadn't exactly been a bundle of humor yesterday. Well she'd just have to show her wrong, wouldn't she?

"Nope," Buffy smiled, keeping her voice casual, teasing. "Makes you a cereal killer."

As soon as the words left her mouth she was horrified. Her eyes widened, and she felt herself flush darkly, too astonished by her own stupidity to even think. She heard Joyce gasp involuntarily and knew her mother's expression must be as stunned, if not more so, than her own, for her mother might think she had said that deliberately…

But Faith, totally unaware of the reason for their dramatic reactions, simply narrowed her eyes at Buffy in a still slightly suspicious, but more overtly scornful manner. She spoke in the dismissive manner of someone who found herself to be superior to her companions, but was not going to rub it in their faces too much.

"I didn't kill no cereal. It wasn't ever alive."

Buffy blinked, momentarily startled, and then relief settled over her so heavily she could feel the difference loosening her features. Of course Faith didn't know about anything she had done as a teenager… she didn't, she was only seven now. She might not even know exactly what a serial killer was, at least not by that title. All horror was felt and noticed only by Joyce and Buffy… thank God.

She decided to keep going, despite how lame and awkward it might be to keep talking about serial/cereal killers with Faith- even Child-Faith. After all, Faith had answered her, however seriously, and it wasn't like any other jokes were jumping into her head. Where was Xander when you needed him?

"You sure about that?" Buffy teased in the same light tone, having to work a little to meet Faith's wary gaze. "Have you ever seen the cereal before it was in the box?"

Joyce was watching Buffy now, a slight crease of confusion between her eyes, but she didn't say anything, simply resuming her seat. Faith took another bite of cereal, chewed and swallowed, before replying, still looking at Buffy oddly and answering in a serious tone.

"No…why?"

"Because if you haven't seen it," Buffy continued, feeling pretty foolish by this point, and also increasingly certain that Faith didn't understand she was joking, let alone find it funny, "then how are you so sure it was never alive?"

"I ain't never seen it walkin' around, have you?" Faith shot back, a slight challenge in her tone, and Buffy had to admit that was a pretty good point.

She knew this was almost hands down the stupidest thing she had ever tried to argue, but she couldn't stop herself now. She wanted Faith to smile… she had to keep going until she saw her smile. Never mind Joyce looking at her, confused and reproving, or the lameness of the joke that was too long in its running… she was going to use it until she got Faith to smile, dammit.

"Well, you never saw an elephant walking around, but you know they're alive, don't you?" Buffy said with a raised eyebrow, giving Faith a little grin, just so the child would know she was only teasing her. But she wasn't so sure that was a message that was coming through so clearly…was she doing this all wrong? What if Faith wasn't in the mood to be teased? What if she was too tired or too embarrassed and just thought that Buffy was making fun of her?

"Did too see an elephant walkin' around, saw it on TV at school," Faith countered, even as she continued to eat, making her words hard to understand. The view wasn't' exactly lovely either, and Joyce put a hand on her arm, addressing her quietly.

"Faith, don't talk with your mouth full, please, it's not a nice thing for people to look at."

She shot Buffy a pointed glance as well, as if to silently question what in the world she was trying to do, but didn't say anything yet. Probably she was just glad they were talking and hoped Buffy would be able to fumble through it on her own.

Faith swallowed, heeding Joyce's request, before finishing up with, "Cereal ain't alive, and even if it was, it was dead already, so I didn't kill it. Was that supposed to be a joke… 'cause if it was, it was kinda dumb."

She was eyeing Buffy like Buffy was the weirdest person she had ever seen- but hey, at least she was looking at her. And Buffy couldn't protest about her declaration that the joke was dumb.

It dawned on her that maybe teasing Faith about killing something and eating dead things- even just cereal- maybe wasn't the smartest and most sensitive decision of her light in light of Faith's dream last night… a dream that Buffy suspected to her own dread had at least some truth to it. In fact, it was totally stupid… and she was supposed to be setting Faith at ease here?! God, she was worse than Anya! Buffy and her attempt at humor deserved a big red F.

"Yeah, it was a joke," she said sheepishly, and then, with a sigh, "and you're right, it was pretty dumb… sorry…"

Faith just looked at her with the same narrow-eyed gaze, seeming to be sizing her and her intentions up. It made Buffy uncomfortable, and she wanted to shift her weight in her seat and look away, but she made herself look back at Faith, trying to appear to the little girl very open and nice and non-threatening… if like a really weird person too.

She didn't think at first that Faith was going to accept this, and she wouldn't have blamed her. But then the child tilted her head slightly, and a smirk finally quirked her lips. There was still some uncertainty in her expression, but Buffy could read mischief in her eyes as well.

"I know what you're doin'," she announced. "You just don't want me to eat any so you can have the whole box all for yourself. Too bad for you, huh?"

She deliberately took another bite, seeming to chew with extra slow emphasis as she looked up at Buffy, eyes glinting. Buffy barely stopped herself from grinning-both from amusement at the girl's obvious attempt to bait her and her relief that Faith had finally decided to play along. Even with her remarkably clumsy efforts, Faith finally was going to respond…or maybe she had just taken pity on her. Either way, a good sign, and Buffy would go with it.

She turned to Joyce with feigned outrage, deliberately widening her eyes, but there was enough of a smile in her eyes as well that she knew her mother would understand she was playing along.

"Mom! Do you see what you've done here?! Are you teaching CHILDREN to go around saying what a pig I am now?!"

"No, just teaching them to tease you back when you deserve it," Joyce replied in an innocent air, and her eyes smiled back at Buffy, lightening with understanding. "As for whether or not you're a pig, I'm sure Faith can make her own deductions with that, can't you, Faith?"

"Uh-huh," Faith replied, nodding, even though Buffy was quite sure she had no idea what the word "deduction" meant. Her lips quirking up a little further, she said to Buffy in the same half-solemn, half-taunting tone, "I can make my own dedunkuns… like how you ate a whole pizza…"

"I did not!" Buffy said quickly, some real indignation creeping into her tone involuntarily, even as a voice in the back of her mind replied 'all but one piece..'.

"Uh-huh, did too," Faith insisted more assertively as she took another bite, nodding a she chewed. She definitely looked livelier now, more comfortable with looking at and talking to Buffy… not to mention slamming on her eating habits. Well Buffy knew how to make Faith happy now- just provide her with a wide window to dis Buffy with. She should have known that from being around Big Faith…

"Well how many pieces did YOU eat?" Buffy shot back, thinking she had to have her on that one. Faith couldn't have had that many less than she had. It didn't cross her mind that she was actually getting as caught up in this as Faith was, that she was actually trying to figure out a way to shut down a seven-year-old…

In response to her question, Faith's smile widened a little more, and she looked at Buffy in all innocence as she replied, "I ain't too good at adding yet, I'm only in the first grade."

At that, Buffy stared, barely stopping herself from bursting out into laughter at the little girl's shit-eating words and expression. The kid definitely wasn't stupid…thing was, now she had no comeback to throw at her…

Having been watching them with amusement up until this point, letting them go at it without interfering, Joyce took the opportunity of Buffy's slumped silence to speak up. Putting her hand on Faith's arm and smiling at her, she said, "Let's go ahead and finish your breakfast here so we can start getting ready for the day, Faith. I was planning to take you shopping for some clothes that will fit you, some new shoes too, and maybe we can go out to eat."

"Oh, okay," Faith replied, and she did look pretty pleased by the thought.

No doubt she loved the idea of no longer wearing Buffy's dress and shoes, Buffy thought with a wry smile. She wondered what type of clothes the child would select… an image came to her mind of little Faith in tiny leather pants and a clingy halter top, and she blinked. Did they even make clothes like that for first graders? She hoped not, because that would just be wrong…not to mention some pedophile's dream. Surely her mother had the sense not to get her that though…Buffy hadn't seen any pictures of herself at Faith's age running around in leather. But then again that wouldn't have been her choice as a child…she'd been more of a Rainbow Brite kinda girl…

As they all finished eating and Joyce took Faith by the hand casually, talking to her in an easy manner as she took her upstairs to retrieve her dress and shoes and clean up, Buffy followed after them. Once she was dressed, she was going to call Giles and tell him to come over… maybe he had some information by now. Oh, and she guessed she better draw him a sketch of the vanishing metal thing… even if she'd probably end up making it look like a fork.


	17. Chapter 17

Author notes: I will not be posting until at least next Tuesday probably since I'll be gone until Monday…so sorry, but hope you enjoy this while you wait.

Chapter 17

When Giles arrived, Buffy was somewhat surprised to see that rather than the ten ancient, heavy books and various briefcases or whatever else he usually toted with him to their "discussions," he was holding only a rather ordinary-looking folder of papers and a few loose notebook pages with his small, cramped handwriting marking them. She couldn't tell at a glance what they said, but they were undoubtedly research of some kind. It didn't really matter anyway- she was sure to know more than she was ready to know within a few minutes.

"Hey," she greeted him as he stepped inside the door. Joyce and Faith had left only a few minutes before, and probably wouldn't be back for another two hours at least. Good amount of time to plan, get through everything she'd need to know…

"Hello, Buffy," he replied as he followed her into her living room, setting the folder on the floor at his feet as he sat on her couch beside her. The loose papers, however, he put down on the coffee table… a little strange. What was the point of that?

"How are you… I suppose things have been quite…unusual for you," he added with a slightly lifted eyebrow- and was that a hint of a smirk she saw there?

Buffy narrowed her eyes at him…unusual nothing, it would be quite entertaining to see GILES care for Faith for a day. Or even for an hour…she'd have to videotape that.

"Could say that, yeah… 'usual' wouldn't be the way I'd describe it," she replied dryly. "I'm fine though. Massive not-funny verbal screw ups and all…"

"Uh, yes, well… quite," Giles said, blinking, clearly a bit puzzled at her last remark but also clearly not sure he wanted to ask. "And Faith… the child Faith…she is…"

"Okay? Still a child? Asking blunt questions and blurting out statements that make heads do a 360?" Buffy suggested, and she shook her head slightly with a wry smile. "Yes to all of the above. Like I said, Mom took her shopping, god only knows what she'll come back with…"

She turned her head towards him, tilting it at a slight angle as she looked him over, sighing. "So, what about you, Giles…burning the midnight oil, right? I never really got that phrase…isn't it pretty dangerous to burn oil? That could cause a fire or something…wouldn't it be safer to use a lamp or flashlight instead of the flames from-"

"Something like that, yes, Buffy," Giles interrupted in the beginning of her nervous ramble, to her own gratitude. She did notice he didn't provide an answer to her oil question though- and it was sort of a valid point in a way. Sort of… if he actually used oil…

Okay, Buffy-brain, focus…

"Find any answers with the late night unsafe fire festivities?" she asked hopefully, but Giles shook his head.

"Unfortunately, not as such, Buffy… I have come across a smattering of spells that could de-age a person, in certain circumstances," Giles replied slowly, and he gestured at the notebook pages before them. "However, none of these seem to fit in with the scene you described to me. None mention any sort of metallic device, and they require intense chanting and several steps, along with many ingredients you also did not mention as being present. There is also the fact that such spells would require a skill in magic, as well as knowledge, that Faith simply does not possess. She in no way could have done such a spell on her own… so, as we supposed, either someone much more powerful in some way must have helped her, or else, as I suspect, these spells are not the ones we are looking for. Now, I believe that someone did help her… the question is who, and why."

Buffy frowned, taking all of this in… it really was strange. For Faith to have somehow gained knowledge and skill in something apparently so rare and difficult… even if she hadn't, and someone had helped her, which seemed entirely likely, how? Who would even have known she was out of the hospital other than the Council and a few others… was it someone who recognized her and knew her for what she was, or someone she just met? Were they actively looking for Faith, or she them, or was it a chance meeting? Buffy had no idea…

"Maybe I should drop by Willy's later," she mused. "See if anyone around there saw her and knows anything…"

"Yes, that may be a good idea- and I still think hypnosis may be a good solution as well," Giles replied, his forehead creased with thought. "Buffy, do you have a sketch of the device she used yet…"

"Uh, sorta," Buffy said somewhat sheepishly, "but Kodak it's not."

Digging into her pocket, she produced a folded piece of paper and opened it up, handing it to him. Giles blinked at the crinkled page before him, shaking his head with what looked suspiciously to Buffy like eye-rolling.

"This is decidedly unhelpful, Buffy…what is this, a chicken foot?"

"I never said I was capable of producing a USABLE sketch, I just said I would MAKE one," Buffy said defensively, her voice rising slightly. "Sorry if it's not a masterpiece. I haven't declared my major yet, but art will definitely not be it."

"Very well then," Giles muttered, still shaking his head as he regarded the drawing. "So… she put this on her hand- the adolescent Faith- and she made a physical contact with your hand, and the transformation occurred? There was no chanting or incantations, no other items involved, just a flash of light and the physical contact of your hands?"

"Yeah… like a buzzjoy thing," Buffy clarified, "only way more buzz, way less joy."

"Buzzjoy?" Giles questioned, his forehead creasing slightly, and Buffy stared, momentarily disgruntled by his ignorance.

"Buzzjoy… little metal thing, shocks you when you shake hands?"

At Giles's blank look, Buffy shook her head, rolling her eyes. "Do you British people seriously have, like, zero fun?"

"We generally find other ways to amuse ourselves than inflicting pain upon each other with handshakes," Giles muttered. Then, clearing his throat he said more loudly, "Well, perhaps Willow and Tara have more knowledge now than we do, through their research endeavors… I doubt it however. I suppose if they had found something of importance they would have called us."

"Yeah…" Buffy said slowly, reluctantly bringing her mind back on track. "I guess that's true… and you don't know anything about the Slayer line- how it might have been affected by whatever it is Faith did? You don't know if she had another Slayer called, or if there isn't one, or…or anything?"

Giles shook his head regretfully. "I'm afraid not, Buffy… with my severance from the Watcher's Council, and our efforts now to avoid them, lest they find and deal with Faith on their own terms, it is not exactly an easy feat to come across helpful information as to what has happened…"

Buffy's shoulders slumped slightly, and she sighed, not bothering to hide her disappointment. "So we have nothing then… we have nothing then… we have nothing at all…"

Giles hesitated then, one corner of his mouth pulling inward a little, and he met Buffy's eyes with such painstaking controlled sentiment that Buffy froze, her heart pounding. She had thought he had seemed different, more strained in his expression and demeanor, than usual…why? What was he not yet saying- what did he know?! What was going on- what was that look…

"Giles?" she said quickly, trying to keep her voice calm. "Giles, what is it… what do you know?"

"Well it's…it's not new knowledge or information I am offering you… it is nothing pertaining to Faith's current situation. Well, at least not how she managed to put herself into it… it pertains to her current mental and physical state, certainly…"

Buffy blinked, staring at him, having no idea what Giles was talking about. Seeming to realize this suddenly, Giles seemed to mentally shake himself as he blinked as well, touching his glasses unconsciously before continuing.

"I have had this, this…knowledge in my possession since the time shortly after Faith came to stay in Sunnydale… the Watcher's Council never recovered it from me, and I…I think that is it time that I shared it with you. If we do not yet understand why Faith is as she is, in this child state, or how to reverse it… then I suppose we will need the knowledge of… of the Faith we are now encountering."

With that said, he reached for the folder he had set on the floor, his eyes meeting Buffy's with serious intensity as he handed it to her. Reading the typed label on the tab, Buffy's eyes widened- for he had just handed her the Council's file on Faith's history.

"It is not current," Giles said quickly, in response to Buffy's look. "Nor is it as complete or detailed as it could or should have been…and I have not brought my own notes in regard to her, from after she started living in Sunnydale and became associated with us. The last of it describes her situation before she left for Sunnydale…"

He sighed, his eyes averting for a few moments, before looking up at Buffy again.

"It could be much more comprehensive… but it tells of her childhood to a degree, Buffy, more so, I'm sure, than Faith herself ever did. It gives one a good idea of her upbringing… and now that she has reverted back to childhood, I think it's something you should be aware of…"

Giles stopped then, seeming unable to find any further words, and he just regarded Buffy in a way that only increased her anxiety. She had spent less than a day with Little Faith and already knew more about her abuse than she was sure she could handle knowing, even without the girl telling her about it…what more was there to know? What else did Giles have here to show her… and he had KNOWN this? He had known this even before Faith was turned into a child… even before she had teamed up with the Mayor? How could he have known and said nothing…

Okay, don't jump to conclusions, Buffy… you haven't even read the thing yet. It might not say anything you don't already know…

But why would Giles give it to her to read then?

Taking the folder from him without speaking, Buffy opened it slowly. She saw that pinned on the inside was a copy of a birth certificate- Faith's, she realized quickly. Skimming over it with only mild interest, she saw that Faith's name was listed as "Faith Eliza Lehane," that her mother was "Diane Elizabeth Lehane," and her father was "unknown." So Faith had never known her father… Buffy guessed that wasn't too surprising, since she had never heard her mention him.

The only other thing she noted from Faith's birth certificate was that she was born on December 14, 1982. Faith had told her that- child Faith, at any rate- but it still stunned Buffy that she hadn't known. Faith's birthday had come and gone while she was still with them, not too long after the Gwendolyn Post incident, in fact, and she hadn't said a word. What had she done that day… had Buffy been around her? Had Faith gone off on one of her walk-abouts? She would have been turning sixteen… how in the world could she have turned sixteen without telling anyone, that was a pretty big deal of a birthday!

Or maybe it wasn't, for Faith…maybe none of her birthdays were a big deal to her, if she wasn't used to people caring about them.

Guilt already starting up- and she hadn't even got to the meat of Faith's folder yet- Buffy flipped through the next few pages. They consisted of photos of Faith ranging from what looked like twelve or thirteen years old to about her age when Buffy first met her in Sunnydale- fifteen or so. Buffy skimmed past a few more pages that seemed to be X-rays, medical records, and assessments of Faith's reflexes, physical measurements, and other physical aspects- perhaps conducted by her Watcher? Buffy wondered briefly if Giles had similar notes based on her and looked up at him briefly, but he was watching her with a deliberately impassioned gaze, even as she saw the discomfort- and the guilt- in his eyes.

Eventually Buffy came to the page she had been looking for, a page of what looked like a short report. At the top it listed Faith's full name and birth date again- as well as the date she was called as a Slayer. Of course, it was the date Kendra had died. It also listed her Watcher as Madelyn Kensington.

Dread clinching her torso, Buffy began to read… and it did not escape her notice that the bottom of the page had a post-it note stuck to it, addressed to Giles, staring that its author "hoped he found the information useful."

" Faith was born in Boston, Massachusetts, to 20-year-old single mother Diane Lehane. From what is known to us, her infanthood was unremarkable. On all available accounts she received adequate care and thrived accordingly, though her socioeconomic status was not of a privileged level. (Pediatric records, aged 0-36 months, page 6A.) When Faith was four years old, her mother Diane suffered a spontaneous miscarriage in their home. (Medical records of Diane Lehane, page 8A). Faith may or may not have witnessed this incident.

Little else is known of Faith's childhood until her mother's death by asphyxiation on her own vomit when Faith was thirteen. (Diane Lehane's death certificate and autopsy, page 9-14 B). Faith was discovered as a potential Slayer shortly after her mother's death and taken to be trained and cared for by her late Watcher, Madelyn Kensington. She had until this point been living on the streets as an apparent runaway. Medical examination ordered by Ms. Kensington showed evidence of several long- healed scars and burns, as well as several bones broken and not cleanly healed by a young age, likely between the ages of four and ten. Child abuse is the suspected cause of this. (Faith's X-ray and medical testing results, page 3-7 A.) Questioning from Ms. Kensington yielded few responses, but she reported that Faith seems to have undergone severe emotional, physical , and possibly sexual abuse, beginning from her first broken bone around the age of four. The suspected culprit is her mother, whom, from what can be determined from Faith's own description, was an alcoholic who provided an unstable home life. However, it is also possible that others, such as Diane Lehane's possible lovers, may have contributed to the abuse.

Faith dropped out of school at the time of her mother's death and has not as of now resumed her education course. She was instead trained by Ms. Kensington while living with her in her home until Ms. Kensington's murder on July 28, 1999, by the vampire Kakistos. It is believed that Faith was present at her death. (Ms Kensington's autopsy and death certificate page 9-16 B). Faith's current whereabouts are unknown, but it is suspected that she had headed west. When found, a new Watcher is to be assigned to her as soon as is feasible in order for her to resume her training and role as a Slayer."

The report ended there… as Buffy stared at it, the pages limp in between her hands, nothing entered her mind at first except renewed horror. This was for the most part nothing she hadn't already known or suspected…but to read her thoughts and knowledge there in black and white, to have them confirmed for her… and in such a detached tone, as if the person didn't personally know Faith or care very much about what happened to her…

Buffy realized that her hands were shaking slightly and put down the folder quickly, afraid she would drop it. She didn't want to see all those papers scatter everywhere, visible evidence of Faith's grim past. All those death certificates and autopsies, medical reports and X-rays, all that remained of the people in Faiths life… the only tangible evidence of both physical and emotional abuse she had suffered…

The only tangible evidence, other than Faith herself, reverted to the child whose torment had been so briefly skimmed over in the report…

Buffy felt sick…her mind kept skipping back and forth rapidly, between the word on the report and her own memories of the past day. She saw the terror in Faith's eyes as Buffy confronted her, shaking her, yelling at her… she saw again the markings on her arms, the scar on her collar bone, evidence of at least two of the broken bones the report had referred to. She saw the surprise, yet almost hungry pleasure in the little girl's eyes as Joyce pulled her onto her lap, the awe as Joyce tugged her into Buffy's bed.

But Buffy's mind lingered the longest on her memory of Faith in her arms, sobbing about the blood on her mother's legs, the baby on the bed… and how her mother didn't like her anymore because she hadn't helped her.

That was true…Faith's dream, what she had been saying, was TRUE…four years old and she had seen that. FOUR…

Was that when the abuse started… had Faith's mother somehow blamed Faith for her miscarriage? Had she gone crazy, been depressed or started drinking or hallucinating- or maybe all of the above, even- and somehow figured that it was Faith's fault?

God… the guilt Faith must have had, the fear and shame…what if she had somehow figured her abuse to be what she deserved, due punishment for her "failure?"

Tears blurred Buffy's eyes, and she could barely breathe…all she wanted to do was find the little girl Faith, whether four or seven years old, and hug her to her, try in vain to undo the wounds of her past. She wanted to somehow force her to understand that she wasn't bad, that none of it was her fault.

And Giles had known this, she realized suddenly, and her stomach tightened with this slow thought coming over her. Giles had known all this… and from what Buffy knew, had done nothing. How could he have known this… known Faith…been her Watcher practically, and still done nothing…

She turned to him slowly, her eyes almost burning with the hot tears that she was barely able to hold back, and clinched her jaw, forcing herself to meet his reticent, troubled gaze.

"You knew," she said, her voice strained, and she blinked several times, swallowing. "Giles…when she was here…you KNEW…"

"Yes," Giles replied in a very low, shamed tone, and he dropped his eyes away from her. "Yes."

"Why didn't you- why didn't you tell me?" Buffy burst out with, the tears still heavily tainting her tone, and she inhaled sharply, attempting control. "I could have helped her… if I had known…I could have helped her, Giles, why didn't you tell me?!"

Part of her realized that she was mostly angry at him because she needed to be angry at someone, and he was there… but at the same time she didn't care. He had known… he knew, and he didn't' help her, didn't tell Buffy so she could try to… why had he not TOLD her, how could he let her not know?!

Giles exhaled slowly, still looking away from her, his shoulders slumped slightly. And now he was removing his glasses, but he didn't clean them; instead, he held them in his hands, rubbing their frame in very slight movements of his fingers. When he answered Buffy, his voice was quiet, faltering slightly.

"It was not… I did not think it was something you or anyone else needed to know… her personal history," he began, shaking his head faintly. "I…I did not think it right…for either you or Faith… to lend you such knowledge…"

"I NEEDED such knowledge!" Buffy exclaimed, her voice rising considerably, and she gestured with her hands with unconscious emphasis. "I NEEDED to know those things, Giles… I needed to know so I would GET stuff about her, so I would get HER! She needed me to know- she needed a lot of people to know, so, so we could know how to be with her…so we'd know… god, Giles, you should have told me, everything could have been different if you had told me!"

Her voice was getting faster, louder, the anger in it increasing, and Giles did not try to answer her yet. He simply kept his head bowed, letting her continue in her shocked indignation… but even as she ranted, Buffy remained very aware of the tears standing dangerously in her eyes.

"I could have helped Faith, Giles… if I had known, I would have been different, and maybe then she would have been different. Maybe she wouldn't have turned to the Mayor… and maybe Angel wouldn't have been poisoned, and I wouldn't have stabbed her, and none of this ever would have happened…maybe…"

Her voice faded, and Buffy blinked several times, sucking in her breath. God… it could have been so different…they could have been okay. They could have been happy…they could have…

"I thought… I thought it would be better if no one knew," Giles replied in the same quiet, slightly uneven tone, and he was looking at Buffy now, but still not quite meeting her eyes. "If I didn't speak to her about it…if no one showed her pity or concern she may not want… that it would be what she wanted. I thought if we all just looked at her as if she were a normal girl… as if none of this… that it would help her to move on…"

"But what if she COULDN'T move on, Giles- what if she didn't know how to?" Buffy interrupted, her voice tight, eyes wide with her strong emotion. "What if she needed help to…what if she didn't WANT pity or concern but NEEDED it? You should have told me… you should have talked to her, tried to help her! You should have done something other than just IGNORE it, pretend none of it ever happened!"

Giles's head bowed again, and he did not speak for several moments. Finally he replaced his glasses carefully before looking up at her, at last meeting her eyes.

"You are correct, Buffy…I have failed," he said seriously, nodding his head, and Buffy could see the pained sincerity in his eyes. "I have failed as a Watcher, but moreover as a man, as an adult… I have failed you and the others, but mostly I have failed Faith."

He sighed again faintly before continuing, shaking his head as if in disbelief of his own self. "There are no excuses for my shortcomings…no reason for me to have chosen as I did. Yes, Faith is the sort of girl who would have hated to speak with me, hated my knowledge of her wounds and weaknesses… and I am sure she would have felt the same way with the rest of you. But you are correct, Buffy… that doesn't mean she didn't need it. She almost certainly would have rebuffed our attempts and been horrified at our knowledge…but that doesn't mean we shouldn't have tried."

Shaking his head again, he trailed off for several minutes before attempting to pick up again.

"I just… I didn't know what to do, how to be with her… how to provide the support and guidance that a child of such…experiences…would need. And somehow…I couldn't bring myself to even try. I thought if I ignored it… pretended I knew nothing of it, that it had never happened… then it might become almost true. But in doing so…avoiding becoming involved in her damaged persona… I fear I only damaged her further."

Buffy remained silent, watching Giles with narrowed eyes. She didn't know how to respond. She didn't know what to think, what to feel… her heart was racing, tears finally under tenuous control, but it wasn't enough. None of this was enough..it was easy for her to say now that had she known, she would have helped Faith. But would she have really? Could she have really changed things… would she have tried hard enough to? Just seeing the words on paper, or hearing about them from Giles, without seeing the child they had happened to… would it have been enough?

If Buffy forced herself to be honest… she didn't know. And that was something that horrified her too… was she really that self-centered, that lacking in compassion? Would she have done the exact same thing Giles had done, if she had never set eyes on Faith as a child?

"I did nothing, and told no one then, and I was wrong," Giles repeated, and he had put his glasses back on, was finally meeting Buffy's eyes with his own. "But I'm telling you now… and I will leave it to your discretion to decide what to tell your mother and the others. They know of her physical abuse… other details… you may decide what is… needed. I'm telling you not so we… so we can deal with it, deal with Faith, whether the child or adolescent version. So we can refrain from repeating the same mistake again… and perhaps, so we can fix some already made…"

Exhaling yet again, he took a few more moments before continuing, "Buffy… I am sorry..very sorry…for the damage that my reluctance… my foolish, selfish decision in my handling of this…has caused…"

Buffy was silent, her mind rushing, tripping over itself with conflicting thought and emotion. She understood Giles, even as she wanted to condemn him, blame him…but what if it was too late? What if they couldn't change anything… what if…

Of course being upset with him wasn't going to do anything. He couldn't go back in time and change his behavior… and neither could Buffy. All they could do was try to help Faith now, in her current state… maybe that could somehow help, maybe that could change things if she was turned back…

But she couldn't think about that now… she couldn't think about anything, couldn't keep herself logically-minded, as long as Giles was here…

Letting out her breath a little shakily, Buffy touched her fingertips briefly to her forehead before looking up at him, making her voice controlled and quiet as she could manage.

"Giles…I think…I need some time alone, to process this or something… I'll call you later, okay…or if you think of something we can do…"

"Yes, yes, very well, Buffy," he replied quickly, getting to his feet, and Buffy saw relief along with guilt in his face as he began to gather up his papers. "As I said… I am sorry. I, I shall contact you later…"

Buffy nodded, barely hearing him. She was too focused on just trying to empty her mind of all the anxieties and regrets clouding its interior, the what-ifs and I-should-haves that wouldn't let her rest. She hadn't been just saying that to Giles about needing time alone… if she was going to be in any state of mind that seemed halfway normal before her mother and Faith came back, she was definitely going to need to be left to calm herself.

Exhaling as slowly and calmly as she could, hoping it would transmit to the rest of her, Buffy began to walk upstairs toward her room, deciding to lie down for a while. She saw as she sat on her bed, however, that though Faith had not attempted to make the bed, she had taken the time to hide Mr. Gordo down at the foot of the bed on her side, under the covers… why, Buffy had no idea. Embarrassed Buffy had saw her with him? Afraid if she didn't hide it Buffy would take him away later?

It made Buffy smile faintly, and she let him be, beginning to lay down. But her head had barely hit her pillow before the doorbell rang…

As she sat up quickly, irritated as well as curious, Buffy ran through possibilities in her mind of who it could be. Joyce and Faith couldn't be back yet… Giles again? Willow or Xander… the Council…

Hastening in her movements, Buffy made her way toward the door, shouting that she was coming. But to her total shock, it was not any of the people she had expected at the doorway… not friends, family, or foe, but rather her boyfriend, Riley Finn. And her shock was not due to his presence, so much as the realization that she had not even thought of him at all…


	18. Chapter 18

Author notes: Turns out I have wireless Internet access in the hotel I'll be at over the weekend, plus I finished this chapter earlier than expected, so here it is 

Chapter 18

For several seconds Buffy could only blink as she stared at the figure in her doorway with her mouth slightly open, finding that she could not seem to maintain enough mental control to form words. Riley looked no different than usual; he was tall and boyishly handsome, in a way that had at first sort of escaped her notice and appreciation in their first few run-ins. And when Buffy used the phrase run-ins, she meant it literally… the first time she ever saw Riley she had knocked a textbook onto his head. So much for the Slayer coordination, huh… it went out the window when it came to senior guys.

She had then proceeded to make herself sound like a completely brainless ditz every time she came across Riley for the next few months, but by some miracle, she hadn't scared him off…even when she told him that she was marrying Spike. And that was enough to give HERSELF nightmares right there. Riley had been so good to her. He really was everything Buffy could ask for in a boyfriend…he was patient and sweet and never pushed her, never did anything to make her uncomfortable or even angry, really. He was loyal and smart and hey, attractive, though maybe not in the same way Angel had been. And unlike Angel, he had never made Buffy cry. He had a beating heart and a warm body- one that Buffy had recently discovered was not only good at sex, but also had no catch of carrying a gypsy curse that prevented him from having sex.

There was definitely much less angst in their relationship than Buffy had had with Angel… and one huge plus was that Riley not only knew and was cool with her secret demon slaying life, but also had one of his own. As one of the leading soldiers of the Initiative, even without super powers, Riley could more than hold his own in the Sunnydale dark alleys.

Yes, Buffy knew very well what a good boyfriend Riley was to her, how lucky she was to have him… but then why hadn't she even thought of him in all of yesterday and today? DAMN, what was wrong with her…

"Riley!" she said quickly, her mind racing, and she tried for a smile, one that hopefully exuded charm and gladness to see him instead of panic and stress. Buffy suspected, however, that the latter outweighed the former heavily.

Riley didn't look angry, she judged rapidly, so much as bemused and concerned… very concerned. Well, maybe a little angry… just a little.

"Buffy," he replied, and his eyes narrowed slightly, as though he were scrutinizing her expression. "Is this a bad time?"

The answer was yes. Yes in capital letters, yes in italics, yes underlined with blinking lights and flashing signs. But Buffy knew she couldn't say that, no matter how much she wanted to. She couldn't turn Riley away…he didn't have any idea what had happened or where things stood now, because she had been too- what? Too busy, too worried, too upset, too stupid, too absent-minded, too self-involved? Buffy didn't even know… but she had been too something, and she had not thought to call him and tell him she was okay. She couldn't tell him to go away now.

"No- no, no, it's a good time, it's great," she assured him quickly, shaking her head, still attempting to smile brightly yet assuredly even as guilt, her remaining disbelief and slowly intensifying rage at Giles, and irritation at this interruption to her much needed solitude swirled heavily inside her. "The time is great… why don't you come in, Riley?"

She stepped back, allowing him space to enter, and Riley came inside the doorway, still watching her too closely for Buffy's comfort or patience. She turned away deliberately, gesturing toward the living room.

"Here, why don't you sit down… do you want something to eat or drink?"

"Well, I just thought I'd better drop by and make sure you were okay, Buffy," Riley went on in the same confused/ concerned tone, still searching Buffy's face- for what? "I thought I would stop by and see if you were home, since you weren't in class, and you never called me… I know you were chasing down that Faith girl, and I guess I jus t got worried for you. Are you okay, Buffy… what exactly has been going on?"

Buffy shook her head slightly, trying to delay answering, to gather her thoughts somewhat. Both of his questions were not exactly easily answered… and how was she supposed to explain not calling him, by telling him he hadn't even crossed her mind? Yeah, that was exactly what every guy wanted to hear, that his girlfriend hadn't even given him a thought in two days…

But she had been BUSY, she had been just a little bit preoccupied with hunting down Faith the teenager, then trying to figure out what to do with the enigma of Faith the child. And now all this… how could Buffy be expected to remember to call Riley with everything that had been going on?

But she remembered everyone else… she had even remembered Anya, specifically enough that she had asked Xander to not bring her over. How could she have not remembered to at least call Riley?

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, Riley," Buffy said quickly, nodding and trying for another warm smile. She could feel it stiffen at the edges though. "Really. Everything's just kind of crazy right now, me included… but I'm okay."

And she was. If the definition for okay was "so far in control of violent urges" and "still breathing," anyway…

Riley, however, didn't simply smile and accept that and leave her alone, as she had hoped. She guessed there had never really been a chance of that though.

"Are you sure?" he frowned, and he lay a hand on her knee, a gesture that made Buffy's already rigid muscles tense further. He was leaning towards her, watching her intently, the concern still gleaming in his eyes, and he removed his hand from her knee to take her hand. "Even after this Faith girl…she didn't hurt you, did she? Did you catch her?"

"Um…yeah, yeah, she's caught," Buffy said slowly, finding it weird to say it like that. "And yeah, I told you, I'm fine, Riley." On sudden inspiration she fibbed, "I was just about to call you, this is the first quiet spell I've had…it's been so crazy around here is all."

"You mean with Faith?" Riley asked, his brow still drawn together, and from his tone and expression Buffy could tell he was listening intently. For some reason, this too jabbed at her nerves. "I can understand… when did you catch her? You did catch her, you said…"

"Yeah…in a manner of speaking… it's a long story, Riley," Buffy muttered. She didn't want to get into this… not now…but Riley had to know, he deserved to know, and she would have to be the one to tell him.

"What's been done with her- is she in jail, or does the Watcher's Council have her?" Riley asked next, expectant, squeezing Buffy's hand. "She's contained in some way, of course- is she sedated?"

"Uh, no…not exactly," Buffy sighed, deciding she might as well say it as bluntly as possible. "She's out with my mom, shopping for clothes."

At that, as she had expected, Riley blinked, his eyes widening slightly, and he shook his head. "Buffy… got to say, you've lost me on that one."

"Yeah, well, kinda lost Faith too," Buffy muttered, and Riley straightened quickly.

"She got away…with your mother? Is it a hostage situation?" he asked quickly, and Buffy could just see the gears turning in his brain. No doubt Riley as thinking of military-esque strategies designed to recover Joyce from Faith's clutches. He was probably already preparing in his head to send the entire Initiative after them.

In spite of herself, an image came to Buffy's mind of Riley and the other men, all decked out in soldier garb, bursting into Wal-Mart or Toys R Us or wherever Joyce had taken Faith, guns raised, shouting tense orders at each other to take out the "dangerous killer…" only to be completely dumbfounded to see a little girl in Buffy's frilly dress.

Picturing this, Buffy snorted involuntarily. When Riley stared at her, startled and more perplexed than ever, she laughed out loud. It felt good to do so, to slightly ease up on all the high emotion she was feeling.

"Buffy?" Riley asked with worry, some irritation in his tone as well now, and Buffy quickly brought herself under control, clearing her throat and closing her eyes briefly.

"No…no, it's not a hostage…she's not herself, Riley, the thing is… she's turned herself into a little girl. She's seven. So she doesn't have any clothes that fit her, so my mom took her shopping to buy her clothes."

Riley's mouth opened and closed, and he continued to practically gaze at Buffy, his eyes still narrowed slightly. Not exactly shocking for him to react like that…but he looked kind of like a goldfish with his mouth moving like that, she found herself thinking in annoyance. Shaking his head again abruptly, Riley asked her slowly, "What…how would Faith manage a thing like that? I thought she was just a Slayer…"

"We don't know, that's what we're trying to figure out," Buffy shrugged. "She used some metal device while I was fighting her and bam, mini-Faith. She doesn't remember being older, she doesn't remember me or anyone else she knew as a teenager. She's…she's just seven again, somehow.

For the third time Riley shook his head, seeming disbelieving of her words. His eyes were searching out Buffy's as he replied.

"Are you sure she doesn't remember anything? You told me about how manipulative Faith is…she could be malingering or have an entirely fictional mind base… or else she could simply be repressing her memories from an older age. There are a number of reasons she could-"

"She's not doing any of that, Riley," Buffy interrupted without much patience, shaking her head. The last thing she was in the mood to deal with right now was more people thinking Faith was a liar… and if anyone was rude to the little girl in front of her, or said another word about her future self…well Buffy just didn't think she'd be able to be held accountable for her actions.

"She's not faking or lying or deluded, and she's not crazy. She's seven again- she's been transported back in time, in body and mind, and that's all she knows or remembers. She's not dangerous, she's nothing but a little kid right now- an innocent. And until we figure out what to do, you need to treat her like that and not say anything to her or in front of her about her future self. Got it?" Buffy said somewhat tautly, and Riley stared at her, obviously taken aback. She had never spoken to him like that before, and he was clearly having a hard time getting his mind wrapped around it.

"You seem so sure, Buffy… how can you be so sure?" he questioned, frowning in seeming troubled thought. "You can't really know that, even if you think-"

"Riley, just trust me, okay?" Buffy cut him off in exasperation, her voice rising; she could feel her already agitated emotions flaring further and flattened her hands against her sides quickly, not allowing them to control her yet. "I just know- accept that. I don't' want to start going through all of it again, I can't right now, so just believe me already. You never even MET Faith- either version of Faith- so just let it go and believe me on this."

"Okay…okay, Buffy, if that's what you want," Riley said in a calm, pacifying tone, holding his hands out at her in a surrendering gesture, even as he continued to watch her intently, perhaps without even realizing it. "Of course I trust you… if you say she's whatever she says she is, I'm sure she must be."

Buffy wasn't too pleased with that tone or those words either- she recognized patronizing when it was being directed her way. Her lips thinning, she struggled to find a neutral tone and words to respond with but it was very difficult for her to keep from snapping back at him.

"She is. And whenever you meet her, please remember that. She's only seven years old, and she's had-" here she paused, having to swallow around a sudden lump choking her throat, before she was able to continue. "She's had a very bad life… so whatever she does or says to you, you need to remember that, Riley. She's just a child."

Continuing to regard her with curious concern, but allowing her words to pass without prodding for further explanation, Riley nodded seriously.

"I will do that, if that's what you want from me, Buffy… but I'm going to also keep an open mind. You never know, little girl like that coming from a girl you've described as a psychotic killer Slayer…she could produce a threat or danger you can't see yet. It's best to be prepared for whatever may happen- even though you're probably right, of course, and it won't."

"I know I'm right," Buffy muttered through gritted teeth – the only words she could force out at the moment while still maintaining a semblance of control. How could Riley doubt her like this- how could he not trust her? He'd never even seen Faith before! First he hadn't taken her descriptions of Faith as dangerous seriously- and now when she told him Faith wasn't dangerous anymore, he did?! Was he that unsure of her judgment?

She was just about to ask him this, her anger rising the more she thought about it, when Riley spoke up first, his voice quiet but oddly controlled.

"So what do you plan to do with her, Buffy? If she's not evil, and she's a child… what is she then? What will you do with her?"

Buffy exhaled, allowing her shoulders to slump slightly, and shook her head before answering more softly.

"I don't know, Riley… we'll try to turn Faith back, rehabilitate her, I guess… and for now, we'll take care of her. That's all we can do."

"Okay," Riley nodded, and his head lifted away from Buffy's slightly, his brow furrowing. "I guess she's your main focus right now then.. .you aren't going to concentrate on Adam?"

"He can wait… he's been quiet for a while, he's probably off hatching some evil plan to take over the world, and those things take time," Buffy replied tersely after a moment's pause. She had actually forgotten Adam entirely… how had she managed to forget him, even with everything that had been going on with Faith?

Riley nodded again, accepting this on surface level if not at its core, and held Buffy's eyes with his own, touching her knee again lightly in a way that made her tense involuntarily. She was so edgy right now that it was hard to be around anyone, even her boyfriend… or was it especially him? Or was she being unfair… was she projecting onto him what she really felt towards Giles?

Didn't know, couldn't bring herself to really care. All she knew was she wished he hadn't decided to come over right now.

She realized that Riley was talking and jerked her head up quickly, attempting to pay attention.

"Is there anything I can do to help, Buffy?"

"Oh…no, not really," Buffy replied, shaking her head. "But don't worry… it will be fine… I'll handle this."

"I can't do anything?" Riley asked, and there was a bit of a playful spark in his eyes. He put a hand to Buffy's face, making her look back at him, before running his hand over her hair. "What about this?" Leaning in, he kissed her slowly, gentle at first, then deeper. "Or this…"

Buffy let him remain close to her, let him kiss her, for a few moments, but she could feel herself stiffening. She didn't want this… she very much was not in the mood for this. But she didn't' feel like she could pull back, push Riley away…not right now anyway. It wasn't his fault.

But damn, she was irritated with him anyway… couldn't he leave her alone right now, couldn't he take a hint? Had she given him hints- had she forgotten to? Or had he just skipped past them like a typical oblivious guy?

Just then Buffy heard the front door open, the noisy sound of rustling bags and clomping feet through the doorway, and an excited, childish voice answered by a patient, amused older one, and she knew that Joyce and Faith were back from their shopping. Relieved to be provided with such a convenient and easy out, Buffy straightened pulling away from Riley quickly as her eyes went toward the living room doorway.

"That must be Mom and Faith… here, let me go talk to them, Riley. You can come meet Faith… see for yourself what I mean. And you can meet my mom too- you haven't met her yet, have you? You'll like her, she's pretty cool as moms go…"

Getting to her feet, glancing back at a slightly frowning Riley to see if he was coming, Buffy made her way to the kitchen, which was where her mother and Faith seemed to be headed. She felt suddenly and strongly that she needed to talk to her mother, to tell her about Faith's file and what Giles had done… if she could get Faith separated from them. But Riley was here, he could help with that…right?


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

As Buffy followed the sound of the voices into the kitchen, she was dimly aware of Riley following after her but made no comment. She soon caught sight of her mother and Faith standing by the small table in the room's center. Faith was smiling, dimples showing, and Buffy realized quickly that they were absolutely adorable on her childish face. She hadn't seen them very often since Faith had become a child…she had so rarely smiled. Even with her agitated, irritable state of mind, Buffy had to smile back, glad to see that for now, at least, Faith seemed happy.

"Hi, Mom, Faith," Buffy greeted them with as much casualness as she could muster, coming to stand near them. "How went the shopping?"

Judging from the bags at their feet, it had gone well- and amazingly quickly compared to most of Joyce's shopping outings. But then, Buffy was fairly certain that Faith would have been a tad more decisive and efficient in finding things she wanted than Buffy, who usually was Joyce's companion/captive while shopping. In fact, she bet the child was the type to be in a store for no more than the five minutes it took to grab something off the rack and throw it up on the counter to pay for it. She couldn't see Faith as a window shopper or browser, even as a little girl.

Faith was finally out of Buffy's dress and Mary Janes at any rate something that no doubt contributed to her present near glee. Instead she was wearing new Nike sneakers- Buffy had never thought about them being made small, for little kids- a pair of little-kid jeans that brought Buffy's attention again to how short and thin her legs were, and a loose navy blue t-shirt with a long sleeved white shirt layered under it. The second shirt, Buffy knew with a sick twisting of her heart, was to cover up her arms. Of course, the part of this outfit that was clearly thrilling Faith the most was the image of Batman across the t-shirt's chest. Buffy had to smile at that, in spite of everything. She knew Faith would make damn sure Xander saw it if she had to wear it every day until she saw him again.

"Well, you see the bags," Joyce smiled, making a vague gesture around their feet. "I'd say it was quite the success, wouldn't you, Faith?"

"Uh-huh!" Faith nodded, still smiling, and Buffy wondered if she knew what "success" was, or was just agreeing. Or was she not giving her enough credit?

"Look what I got!" Faith said excitedly, pulling at her shirt to make sure Buffy didn't miss seeing it. "Joyce got me a Batman shirt!"

"I see that, Faith," Buffy smiled, but the child was hardly finished. Still grinning- an expression that lit up her entire face, making her already attractive features seem even prettier than usual with her animation- she continued to share with Buffy excitedly, forgetting any lingering awkwardness from the morning entirely with her urge to share her good fortune.

As Buffy watched her, she was amazed by this change in her…she looked like any other little girl, a normal, happy one…and all this over getting some new clothes? What did that say about Faith and her life? Either she had been deprived of so many pleasures that she couldn't help but be pleased by something as simple as new clothes…or she was stronger and more resilient than Buffy could ever comprehend, in that she could still find joy in every day things…

"I got an X-Men shirt too, and a Hulk one!" Faith went on, and she seemed to not notice Riley, standing a good distance away in the doorway. She was too focused on all her new things- and Buffy. Joyce's back was turned to him as well, and he was just standing there, staring at Faith with a scrutinizing frown, not yet coming in.

Buffy felt a little guilty, knowing she should call him in and introduce him, but she didn't want to stop Faith in her thrilled ramble about her clothes yet… this was the first time she'd seen her so happy, and the first time Faith had ever addressed her so easily.

"You wanna see them?" Faith asked eagerly, and Buffy looked down at her, realizing that she was still talking about her new clothes.

"Yeah, sure, Faith," she replied, and she and her mother shared a smile over the child's head as Faith dumped one of the bags on the floor and extracted her prized new shirts from it, showing them to Buffy proudly. She looked so adorable, so innocent, holding up her little super hero shirts and grinning at her, as if she didn't hate her, wasn't' afraid of her, or maybe had forgotten to be for the moment, that Buffy felt her throat tighten.

"See, aren't they wicked?"

"Yeah…wicked, Faith," Buffy replied, more than a little startled to hear the older Faith's phrase coming from the little Faith. Someone she knew must have said it…her mother? But why would the older Faith want to use a word she associated with her mother, when…

"Looks like you have enough to share," Buffy said, deliberately forcing her mind off of Faith's mother and onto teasing her. She was NOT going to start getting angry and upset again, at least not with Faith right here. Even though just looking at the child was sometimes enough to kill her inside as she thought about what had been done to her when she was so obviously young and tiny, undeserving…

After her baiting comment, Buffy slowly stretched her hand towards one of Faith's shirts in her hand, as if she were going to snatch it away. Her eyes widening, Faith stepped back hurriedly, but she was still smiling, recognizing this as a game. Good- Buffy had worried for a second that she'd think she was really going to threaten her or take her shirt.

"Can't have 'em! You're too big…AND too slow," she added, dimples deepening at this last part, as if in challenge, or maybe pleasure over having "triumphed." Buffy grinned back, already feeling lighter, more at ease… she had, in fact, forgotten that Riley was still standing in the doorway.

"Yeah?" she asked, making another mock snatch, and Faith actually laughed, backing up more and knocking against Joyce. For a second her expression faltered, and she looked at Joyce quickly, but Joyce just smiled down at her, closing her arms around her in a quick hug and even kissing the top of her head.

"Go pick your clothes up off the floor and put them back in the bag, okay, honey?"

Faith went to do so, a little calmer now, but still clearly in a good mood- and she was STILL talking to Buffy, to the blonde's amazement. What magic had her mother worked on her in just a couple of hours alone with her?

"Didn't get no Superman shirts 'cause he's a wimp… I'm gonna show Xander my new shirt," she said, and with a mischievous gleam in her eyes, she added, "It's way better than his stupid underwear."

"I'm sure he'll be thrilled you think so," Buffy said wryly, shaking her head, but Faith shook her head too, replying in all seriousness.

"Nah, he'll be mad," Faith said gleefully, and it was clear she was looking forward to this with great anticipation. "I wanted some Batman panties too, but they didn't have none for girls. And Joyce wouldn't let me get the boy kind. They woulda been wicked."

"It's bad enough she wanted boy shirts," Joyce said, smiling over at Faith and ruffling her hair affectionately. "I had to make her buy some girl clothes too… next thing you know she'll be wanting to cut off all this pretty hair."

"Nuh-uh," Faith shook her head, and Buffy heard the surprise in her tone, even as she saw the pleasure mingled with unbelief in her eyes. "It ain't pretty, it's a rat nest."

Joyce smiled, even as Buffy stiffened slightly, knowing that the phrase must have been something her mother had told her. Undoubtedly Joyce realized this too, but she didn't show a reaction as she ran her hand over Faith's head again, keeping her hand resting at its side.

"It's not a rat's nest, honey, you brushed it this morning. And it IS pretty… and so are you."

Faith didn't say anything for several moments, seeming pleased, yet also not quite believing Joyce's words. She didn't move away from the older woman's touch, but her eyes went to Buffy quickly, and she attempted to change the subject.

"I got a Happy Meal too, with a race car, not a stupid Barbie that don't even move its arms and legs. AND I got a comic book."

"That's great, Faith," Buffy repeated, her attention once more drawn to Riley, who was still standing without making his presence known a little distance back from the doorway.

Neither Faith or Joyce had yet noticed his presence- and Buffy too had not yet found or made for herself an opportunity to introduce him. She knew she should have done so from the start, she should have at least given him the opportunity rather than let him stand there, awkwardly listening in, and ignore him. Guilt settled uncomfortably in her stomach…but she had been enjoying talking to Faith, seeing the child so clearly elated with her simple, really rather ordinary outing with Joyce, an outing that had only lasted a couple of hours. She had NEEDED to see Faith like this, to know that she could still BE like this, even after everything that had been done to her.

And Riley could have introduced himself, couldn't he have? He didn't have to stand back and stay quiet and mysterious and wait for her to do it like this so it would be a big awkward deal now when she introduced him. He should have come in with her…

Had she made it clear that she wanted him to come in with her? Didn't Riley know that? Did he think she didn't want him around? Well, Buffy hadn't really wanted him around actually…was that bad? Of course it was bad, she was his girlfriend, she should always want him around. She should always like it if he was being supportive or affectionate with her… shouldn't she? Even if he was being extremely patronizing…

Did Riley think she didn't want him around? Bigger question- did she want him around?

Of course she did! She told herself quickly, and she turned toward the doorway as if seeing Riley there for the first time, making herself smile and call out to him.

"Oh, Riley! Come on in…"

He followed her request, coming through to the doorway with something slightly awkward about his demeanor that Buffy couldn't quite put a finger on- maybe the way he held his shoulders. He smiled at Joyce and Faith, who looked over at him in surprise, but there remained intensity in his eyes in the way he looked at Faith…

Buffy, still smiling, went to his side quickly hooking her arm through his as he approached Joyce and Faith with an easy, if somewhat less than entirely sincere, and aimable smile.

"Mom, Faith, this is my, my boyfriend, Riley Finn. He stopped by while you were gone, so I guess it's time you met him. Riley, this is my mother, Joyce Summers, and Faith Lehane."

"How do you do, Ms. Summers, it's a pleasure to meet you," he greeted Joyce, holding out his hand for her to shake. Joyce, her left hand still resting against the suddenly silent Faith's head, lifted her right hand to grasp his with a gracious smile.

"The pleasure is mine, Riley, and about time Buffy brought you over," she said warmly, "I thought for a while there that Buffy was trying to keep you for herself. Too embarrassed to take you around her crazy old mom…"

"Not at all," Riley shook his head, still smiling as he released Joyce's hand. "It's obvious where Buffy got her looks from… and I'm sure most of the endearing aspects to her personality."

"Well, aren't you the flatterer!" Joyce laughed, shaking her head, and turned her smile towards her daughter. "Better watch this one, honey, he's too good with words."

"Just speaking my mind, Ms. Summers," Riley replied, and Joyce shook her head again.

"Call me Joyce, Riley."

"Thank you, I'll do that then. Joyce," Riley added, and his eyes slid down to Faith, who was still very quiet next to Joyce. The child was eyeing him with the same mistrust and suspicion she had every other person she had been introduced to so far… but she was also harboring a darkness in her gaze that looked to Buffy almost like specific dislike. But she had just met Riley.. how could she already dislike him?

"So, Faith, huh?" Riley said to the little girl in a friendly enough tone, giving her a slightly more reserved but still aimable smile as he continued to hold Buffy lightly against his side. "That's a nice name."

"It's alright," Faith said seriously, still not moving away from Joyce's side- not really moving at all, in fact. "I'd rather be Xena though. Or She-Ra."

Buffy and her mother both grinned, with Buffy barely holding back her snickering, and Riley too smiled.

"Xena or She-Ra, huh? You like superheroes?"

"Uh-huh," Faith said with a cautious nod, still eyeing him. "I have some shirts now. Batman's best."

"Yeah, Batman's pretty nice," Riley agreed, "but Superman's my favorite."

Buffy groaned inwardly, all too aware of what was coming- Riley had just managed to commit Faith's equivalent of a grave sin by saying that. There would be no peace now…

"Superman's a wimp!" Faith exclaimed, sounding shocked and indignant that she would have to explain this yet again as her eyes widened, her wariness abandoned for the moment with her need to express what to her was quite obvious. "Batman could totally kick his ass! How come no one around here likes Batman, are they all really, really dumb or somethin'?"

"Faith," Joyce said firmly, moving her hand to the child's shoulder and giving it a little squeeze in admonition as Riley stared, shock and something like horror rising to his eyes in a hurry. Clearly he didn't know what to make of her. Buffy seriously doubted there were any little girls like her in Iowa. Or anywhere, for that matter… and she had to admit, it was kind of funny to see his expression in reaction to Faith.

"What?" Faith asked, looking up at Joyce. "He could. He'd do it every time, everywhere, 'cause he's way better. They gotta be dumb if they don't see that. He could-"

"Faith, why don't you go put your new things in Buffy's room?" Joyce asked quickly, no doubt realizing that this was one topic the child could not let go on. "Then I think you'd better take a bath, since you didn't get one last night. I'll run your water for you and show you where everything is, okay?"

Faith's lively expression dropped in a hurry, but she muttered an unenthused "okay," not anticipating the prospect, but also not wanting to disobey Joyce. Giving her another smile, Joyce put a hand on her back lightly as she turned to address Riley again.

"Riley, I'll be down in just a minute- make yourself at home. It's good to finally meet you. Hopefully we'll be seeing more of each other."

"Yes, ma'am," Riley replied, still holding Buffy's arm in his, and though Buffy sort of wished by this point he'd let go of her, she didn't say anything. Not in front of Faith and her mom, anyway…

As Joyce led Faith from the room, presumably to show her the workings of the bathroom, Buffy let her mind wander for a few seconds, thinking about this. Faith could take a bath alone, right? She was old enough… well, maybe except for washing her hair, she had a lot of it. Had Faith's mother taken care of her hair, washing and brushing it for her? Surely at four, five, she had still needed that…

And here she was circling back in thought to Faith's mother, Faith's abuse- something she definitely had not wanted to think about. Especially in front of Riley… she didn't want him to see how upset she was, illogically. Shouldn't she want him to see, want him to reassure her? She wanted to talk to her mother about Faith, about Giles… why didn't she want to talk to him?

She turned towards him and smiled quickly, even as she subtly slipped her arm from his grasp, putting some distance between them.

"So…what did you think…"

"Well, you're right, your mom seems very nice," Riley said slowly, and from his tone Buffy could already see what was coming. "She seems like a real classy lady."

"And Faith?" Buffy prompted, an edge coming into her voice despite herself. "I mean, I know you barely saw her…and she was kind of blunt…"

"You could say that, yes," Riley replied carefully, and Buffy didn't fail to notice that his eyes were suddenly looking past her.

"What?"

"She just… I trust you, Buffy, I know I don't know this girl and I'm sure you and your mother and Giles know what you're doing. But this entire situation… " he said slowly, shaking his head in a manner of unbelief that made Buffy tense, her eyes boring into his as she waited for him to go on. "It just seems… even if she really is a child, if this isn't some deception…even so, wouldn't this maybe be better left to people who know how to deal with these situations?"

"Like who, Riley?" Buffy said icily, lifting her chin to stare him in the eyes. "The Council?"

When Riley didn't reply, Buffy's lips tightened, and she fixed narrowed eyes on him as she spoke in a very tersely controlled tone, the angry tension she exuded nearly visible and crackling around her.

"The Council would take her and terrorize her, Riley- they would throw her in jail, and who KNOWS what they would do to her. She's seven years old-"

"You told me she turned herself seven, Buffy," Riley said quietly, looking straight back at her. "Wouldn't that mean in reality she isn't? I'm not saying you're wrong… but if you were, wouldn't it better to go by the book with this, better safe than sorry?"

At that, Buffy couldn't even form an answer for several moments. She sputtered, her eyes wide with her rush of fury, and her muscles grew rigid as she spat out her response.

"She IS seven! She's not lying Riley, and it's not just a trick, or pretend, or…or…she IS! You haven't seen her, you haven't been around…you don't even know her! You have no idea what she's gone through- you don't have a CLUE what a horrible life she's had! How can you just judge her like that- just be willing to hand her off to the Council- when she's only seven years old, after all that's happened to her, when you don't even KNOW her?! And go by the book?! Better safe than sorry?! What kind of book says what to do when teenaged slayers turn themselves back to children? Do you have a book on that? And as for being safe, isn't it more edging on the SAFE side to not send a little girl to a bunch of strange men with guns who want to punish her for something she doesn't even remember? Doesn't that seem more SORRY than safe?"

She was working herself up as she went, growing more and more upset and enraged with him- almost to a level disproportionate to Riley's suggestion, or at least to his intent. All she could think as she glowered at him, her face flushing, fists clinching unconsciously at her sides, was how could he dare to even think such a thing…

For his part, Riley was stunned by Buffy's fierce and passionate reaction. He stared at her in amazed astonishment, his eyes wide and alarmed, and he lay a hand on her shoulder, his voice quiet, contrite, and confused.

"Buffy…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I know it must have been a frustrating few days with-"

"Riley," Buffy said quickly as she heard her mother's footsteps near the doorway, knowing Joyce was returning to the kitchen. She took a slow breath and tried to make her voice calm, to look at Riley calmly as well, even as her anger flushed her skin and made her veins pulse slightly. "Riley, I know you 're just trying to help… I know you care about me and you're worried, and I appreciate that. But you really don't understand… and it's not that I don' want to tell you everything, but I'm not at a liberty to, okay? And right now… I think I need to be alone for a little while. So…can I call you tomorrow?"

Riley regarded her for a few moments, his hand still resting on her shoulder, standing close. His eyes narrowed as he searched her face, and he seemed more than a little dissatisfied, maybe even hurt. But he nodded, giving her shoulder a squeezed before removing his hand.

"Okay…I'll talk to you tomorrow then."

"Thanks," she sighed, shoulders falling, and she tried to smile.

Just then her mother entered the room. Not wanting to make a scene, Riley glanced over at her before leaning in to give Buffy a quick kiss.

"Goodbye then, Buffy… "

Turning to Joyce, he smiled, inclining his head. "I'm sure I'll be seeing more of you soon, Joyce, again, a pleasure to meet you."

"Leaving so soon?" Joyce asked in surprise, glancing at her daughter, and Buffy tried to blank out her expression. "Well, okay, Riley, the same goes for you, of course. Come back any time."

As Riley left the kitchen, leaving the women alone, and headed toward the front entranceway to leave, he heard footsteps on the stairs just behind the door. Turning around, somewhat startled, he saw Faith's small form, wrapped in a newly purchased blue child's robe, standing halfway down the staircase. The ends of her hair were damp, and her feet were leaving wet spots in the carpet. She was staring down at him in the doorway, her dark eyes narrowed slightly, and her forehead was furrowed with thought. It made Riley uncomfortable to look at her when she stared at him like that, even without his knowledge and vague suspicions of her. Hadn't Joyce put her into a bath like three minutes ago?

Nevertheless, he tried for a smile and friendly tone, though not too loudly. "Hi, Faith… what are you doing?"


	20. Chapter 20

Author notes: Sorry this took so long to write…been busy and I've had the hardest time writing this and the next chapter. Thank you so much Lupo for your help with this, and with all my other chapters too.

Chapter 20

Buffy waited, watching Riley's back as he exited the room, until she was fairly certain he must at least be to the front door before turning to her mother, her posture much more relaxed than it had been during Riley's presence. There was still tension and apprehension in her voice, however, as she addressed her lightly, trying to psyche herself up for easing into her discussion that was to come.

"A bath, huh? In the middle of the day?" she asked with a lifted eyebrow.

"It was more like a spur of the moment diversion," Joyce replied wryly, giving Buffy a rueful smile. "I didn't want your guest to be too shocked too quickly. Plus she's been running around the McDonald's playground, and she didn't have a bath last night, so it certainly won't hurt her. I thought Riley would stay longer than he did- did he have somewhere to be?" Joyce asked with a curious faint frown, and Buffy nodded quickly.

"Uh, right, pretty much… so you guys went to McDonald's? You weren't really out all that long to have bought that much."

"If you ever end up taking that child shopping, you'll see why," Joyce answered with a laugh. "Faith is certainly energetic… and she knows EXACTLY what she likes and wants. Nothing will persuade her to the contrary. We went to four stores and bought her a week's worth of clothing at least, and it took less than two hours. She's definitely not like you were as a child, Buffy. I couldn't make her look at lace and ribbons and rainbows and pastels for anything."

"I bet," Buffy muttered, raising her eyebrows, and Joyce laughed, shaking her head.

"It's a shame, because she's such a beautiful little girl…I would love to dress her up, put ribbons in her hair like you used to like, Buffy…but I know Faith wouldn't appreciate that. You know, she wasn't too different from that as an older girl too…she was really a lovely girl, but she was always in those jeans and that leather, trying to look so much older than she was. I always thought if she would just pull her hair back more, show off her pretty face, and wear a nice dress… why, when she came over for Christmas that time in a skirt, all I could think of was that this was the only time I had ever seen her wear something like that. She looked very nice too. But you know-"

"Mom," Buffy cut in finally, unable to stand it anymore, to keep nodding and talking about something like Faith's appearance when she was so troubled by the day's revelations. She lifted her eyes to her mother's, taking a deep breath as she went on. "Mom, Giles knew."

Joyce's eyebrows drew together slightly, and she cocked her head, regarding Buffy inquiringly. "Knew…knew what, Buffy?"

"About…he knew about Faith, "Buffy replied tightly, and she was dimly aware that her jaw was clinching, her hands forming fists at her side as renewed anger came over her at her words. "Her past… her abuse…he knew everything all along."

"What do you mean, honey… that Mr. Giles suspected that Faith had an abusive childhood?" Joyce asked, still frowning, and she shook her head sadly. "I'm not really surprised, honey, he's an observant man… and it was really pretty clear talking to Faith that she'd had a rough life. Of course, without asking, or her saying something, it would have been nearly impossible for any of us to know just how horribly the poor child was treated-"

"That's just it, Mom," Buffy burst out with, her voice rising slightly, her eyes wide and intense with her emotion. "Giles DID know how Faith was treated he DID know what had happened to her. He had a file on her, on her past, he just showed it to me… Mom, Giles knew everything, he knew all along! He knew within a few weeks after Faith started living in Sunnydale and working with us! The Council sent him her files, he had them for a long time, he KNEW…" she had to pause, swallowing hard, because her throat was suddenly choked up as she remembered her readings, as anger and grief rose in her sharply once more.

Joyce stood listening with a look of shock and disbelief on her face. Was it really possible that Rupert knew about Faith's life and did nothing?

"Mom…it was horrible, what happened to her… what was done to her. She…she had a nightmare last night, I didn't tell you…but it was about her mom having an abortion, in FRONT of her. She thinks it's her fault…and it was in the file. All this stuff about her life, her abuse, her Watcher, it was in her file, he knew it, and he did nothing. He didn't talk to her about it, he didn't try to help her… he didn't tell me so I could help her, or you. He didn't do ANYTHING- he just ignored it! He just acted like he didn't know, like it didn't happen! And she was living in that horrible motel room, all alone, and he didn't make sure she was okay, or get her another place…and I was bad too! I didn't even think, Mom, I didn't even care… I just cared about what was going on with me, and what I wanted, I didn't care what was going on with Faith. She, I could have got her to stay with us, or with Giles… I could have at least asked! He didn't tell me anything, Mom, he didn't do anything, and he should have! I should have…I needed to know, and I didn't, but I should have! I should have…I needed to know, and I didn't, but I should have! And even if I didn't know, I still was wrong… I still should have been better to her, just as a decent person…"

Her voice grew faster as she spoke, but it remained quiet, nearly a pained whisper, and Buffy thinned her lips, fiercely blinking against the hot tears behind her eyes. She had started off angry, and knew she had every right to be, and she still was angry… what Giles had done was inexcusable. But now she felt guilty as well, guilty and pained…for she knew she too had played a part in keeping Faith trapped in the life she'd lead in Sunnydale. Everything Faith had done, all the blame Buffy had placed squarely on her shoulders… it had not been entirely her fault.

Joyce had been watching her, her eyes narrowed in stunned concern and some sadness and anger as well. She quickly reached for her daughter, pulling her into her arms. As Buffy hugged her back, exhaling shakily and leaning into her, she heard Joyce's own uneven breath before Joyce rubbed a slow circle on her back, speaking to her softly.

"Shh…Buffy, you can't do this, sweetie," she told her gently, smoothing her hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry you had to read that, that you have to know that..that you have to witness the way it affected Faith. And I'm even more sorry, and frankly, furious, that it had be happen to her, and that we didn't do all we should have to help her."

An angry edge colored Joyce's tone now, and Buffy felt her body stiffen against her own noticeably even as she continued to hold her daughter, to attempt to soothe here. "You're right… Giles was wrong to do as he did. He should have done more to actively try to help her, support her, and so should the Council have. We have all made mistakes in our handling of Faith and her situation then, serious ones… but we can't change that now, Buffy. We're all weak people… we can say all we want about what others should do, what we would have done instead, and we might be right, but when we're put into difficult, unexpected situations, we rarely live up to our own expectations for ourselves."

She sighed, resting her hand briefly against Buffy's head, and spoke in a softer tone. "I'm not excusing anyone, trust me… but I made my mistakes too. I could have reached out to Faith too…I could have asked her more often how she was getting along, if she needed anything, and I could have asked her to move in with us too. I didn't see her very often, but it was enough to have been able to do something… "

"You didn't know, Mom," Buffy said, her voice more in control now, and she pulled back a little, looking up into Joyce's face. "You didn't know what she had…"

"No," Joyce said quietly but firmly, cutting off the rest of Buffy's reassurance. "No, I didn't… but neither did you, Buffy. And it doesn't stop us from thinking we should have known. But we can't change that now, and however wrong and foolish he was in his actions, Mr. Giles can't change what he did either. All we can do is try to make this right now, to be for Faith what she needs from us now."

Buffy sighed, nodding against her slowly, and gave her mother another hug before pulling away, looking seriously into her eyes.

"I feel like I… like we should be keeping her, taking care of her… as a child, I mean. But we can't… I mean, there's a LOT of reasons we can't…"

"We can't worry about that right now," Joyce said quietly, briefly touching Buffy's cheek. "That's something for the future- right now, all we can concentrate on is the present, and what Faith needs from us now. All we can do is care for her, show her love and affection and understanding, while you and Giles and the others try to gain more information….and who knows how this will work out in the end? Even if it isn't like we'd want… just by caring for her now, maybe it can make a difference."

Buffy nodded, licking her lips as she continued to frown slightly, thinking about all that had been said. Her mother was right… she was doing all she could, she couldn't' change anything now. Even Giles…as furious as she was with him, what good would it really do? They would just be here for Faith now, try to be good in her life as long as they had her as a child, to balance some of the harm committed against her.

As silence fell between them, and Buffy's focus and emotion dwindled, she suddenly realized she heard a muffled voice in the distance…it sounded like Riley's voice. But he had left…hadn't he? And who would he be talking to?

Judging from her mother's shift in expression, she had just heard it too. Frowning faintly, and moving with slow caution, Buffy made her way from the kitchen towards the front door, where the voice seemed to have emerged from.

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As Riley remained just before the front door, regarding the child standing on the stairs before him with more than a little bemusement, Faith did not respond to his question directed at her. She simply continued to make her way very slowly, almost hesitantly, down the stairs, eyeing Riley every step of the way with such a serious, strangely un-childlike manner that Riley quickly grew uncomfortable. Regardless of what Buffy said, this Faith-girl- if she was indeed a child, as Buffy so vehemently kept insisting- was very, very strange… not to mention unsettling.

She stopped two steps above the bottom stair and came further; she was gripping the railing rather tightly in one hand as her narrowed darkened eyes searched Riley's face, scrutinizing. And she still hadn't said anything, she was just LOOKING at him… as if she were trying to see into his thoughts, or maybe through his skin or something.

Well, this was the girl who seemed to be very obsessed with super heroes…he guessed that was plausible.

When Faith didn't say anything, Riley, shifting his weight in awkward discomfort, cleared his throat. It occurred to him suddenly that the kid probably wasn't wearing anything under her robe…what would Buffy think if she came in here and saw him talking to her like this, when Buffy had told him to leave? She was so protective of the girl already…there was no telling what she'd think. He should leave, or better yet, go and get Buffy or Joyce.

But Riley had to admit he was curious. He didn't really want to be around this Faith girl, didn't want to be made so ill at ease and suspicious- for whatever Buffy's thoughts, he WAS suspicious of her. The whole thing, from what he'd heard from Buffy and observed himself, seemed highly likely to be an elaborate manipulation.

He had to admit that held still held reservations, that he wanted to be around Faith alone and see for himself without any others to influence his opinion or defuse any possible behaviors of the kid. And it was this part of him that tried again to speak to Faith, repeating his question to her slightly more loudly.

"Faith…what are you doing down here? Aren't you supposed to be taking a bath?"

"Uh-huh," Faith said somewhat more quietly than Riley had heard her speak so far. She nodded slightly, one hand moving up to hover but not quite touch near her mouth. And she still kept staring at him…it was almost like she was afraid to look away.

And that was all she said. Riley waited, but she simply continued to look at him, no information forthcoming in further explanation.

Beginning to grow irritated and impatient now in addition to wary, Riley took a subtle slow breath, reminding himself to be nice, gentle… there was no telling what Faith would tell Joyce or Buffy if the mood struck her. He better not give her any ammo against him.

"So, why aren't you then?" he asked nicely. "In the bath tub, I mean."

"I got out," Faith replied simply, and if it weren't for how seriously she spoke, how unchanging her expression, Riley would have thought she was being a smartass. Sighing slightly, and still having no idea what to make of this…Faith…he tried again.

"I see that… uh, do you need to see Buffy, or Joyce… do you want me to get them for you?"

The little girl shook her head wordlessly, still frowning slightly, still eyeing him… why was she so weird around him if she really was a little kid? What kind of kid just STARED at people they didn't even know?"

"Well," he said with a continued forced smile, then what do you want, Faith?"

She didn't respond for several moments, only continuing to look at him with stiff posture and but far from friendly eyes. Something about her made him think that she might be angry… or was it afraid? Why would she be afraid of him? She hadn't been when she verbally assaulted him for liking Superman, that was for sure. What kind of game was she playing at…

When she spoke, her words were quiet, with an audible edge to them- and far from what he had expected to hear.

"How come your hair looks like that?"

Riley blinked, not sure at first that he had heard her right. She had gotten out of her bath, come down stairs, and stood there and stared at him…to ask about his hair?

"Uh…what?" he asked, the confusion obvious in his tone and expression, and Faith repeated herself, as if it should be quite obvious what she meant.

"Your hair. How come it looks like that?"

Riley blinked again, bemused. So he had heard her right…was something wrong with his hair?

He felt it with his hand, then glanced behind him at the mirror beside the bottom of the staircase. He didn't look any different than usual…what was Faith talking about?

"Looks like what?" Riley asked her with a slight frown, and Faith replied again in the same unhelpful manner.

"Like that," she said, nodding towards his head, but she still maintained her serious expression, and she still hadn't come any closer. If she was deliberately trying to irritate and confuse him, she was doing a great job. But how could a little girl keep her face so straight while doing that?

Then again, whatever Buffy said, Riley wasn't so sure that he was convinced Faith WAS fully a little girl.

"Like WHAT?" Riley repeated, allowing some impatience to come into his voice this time, and Faith shrugged faintly, still eyeing him with probing dark eyes.

"Like THAT… weird. Kinda split funny," she said matter-of-factly, even as her face remained serious, almost solemn.

For Riley's part, he was completely taken aback- not to mention a little angry. This kid- if she was a kid- was RUDE… this was twice now she'd insulted him to his face, without so much as blinking an eye. What the hell…how could she-

Calm down, Riley… even if you don't think so, act like you do, for Buffy. Keep cool for Buffy…

And besides… if you act like you like Faith, like you definitely believe her… maybe she'll let something slip.

"I don't think it's weird," Riley muttered, but he found himself touching his head with some self-consciousness, glancing into the mirror again as if to make sure. Of course it didn't look weird- someone would have told him if he had weird hair, right?

"Well it is," Faith insisted in that same strange, almost flat tone, and Riley's jaw tightened. It took him a moment before he could control his voice enough to reply to her, and even then his voice was terse.

"I guess that's just the way it was cut, Faith. Sorry if it doesn't meet your standards of approval," he said, and he looked pointedly at Faith's slightly damp and tangled hair, as if to imply that hers would be in no Loreal commercials either. This appeared to sail straight over the girl's head though- or else she was good at pretending it had. She blinked, and Riley realized that ever since she stopped descending the stairs, she had been perfectly still… something that only made him more uneasy to talk to her.

"What's standard of approval?"

Riley exhaled somewhat impatiently at that, shaking his head. The kid was really unbelievable.

"Look, Faith…why don't we go get Buffy for you to ask all your questions to?"

He nodded his head in the direction toward the living room, though he assumed Joyce and Buffy were still in the kitchen. But Faith didn't budge. She only narrowed her eyes further, her small shoulders so tense that Riley could tell even through her robe how rigidly she was holding herself. She was still not looking away from him, still using that impenetrable stare he could not accustom himself to. And yet there was still something else in her eyes… a glinting of some faintly veiled thought or emotion. Anger? Hostility? Amusement? Triumph? Or was it dread…fear?

"Buffy said you were her boyfriend," Faith said suddenly, and Riley, not following the abrupt change of subject but glad to go along with it, nodded.

"Yes, I am, we're in a relationship," he replied somewhat stiffly, feeling odd to be telling this to someone who looked like a child. Especially someone who had been staring at him for a good five minutes now, as if waiting for him to break out in claws or fangs at any moment. "Buffy means a lot to me."

Faith didn't say anything for a while, her frown deepening. She was looking him up and down, the full length of him, his chest, arms, and shoulder width particularly… was she checking him out? Seriously?

But again, her words were hardly what Riley had expected to hear.

"You're really tall," she said almost accusingly, and there was definitely apprehension in her face now, even in her tone… she looked away quickly before glancing over him again, her eyes opening, still glittering with that same not quite readable sentiment. "Really big too…"

Riley blinked again, frowning, and looked down at himself before looking back to Faith. He was 6'2… the child wasn't even four feet tall yet, and she probably weighed less than a third of what he did. But she wasn't afraid, was she…was she hitting on him?!

"Well, yes, I guess I am," he said somewhat stiffly, and he glanced toward the living room door, wondering if he should go get Buffy. He even took a step in that direction…but Faith's next quiet but intense words stopped him in his tracks.

"Don't it hurt Buffy?"

Riley spun around to face her quickly, his chest tightening. What was she talking about now?

"Doesn't WHAT hurt Buffy?" he asked tightly, his eyes bearing intensely down into the much smaller girl's even as he kept a distance away from her. "What are you talking about, Faith?"

Faith's hands tightened around the banister, and she bit her lip, eyes darting away from Riley's face. She was looking at his chest again, his arms and legs, and her eyes widened a little more, but she didn't back any further up the stairs. She stood there, gripping the railing, before bringing her eyes briefly back to his face.

"You're real tall…and big…so don't it hurt Buffy when you fuck her?"

Her words came out small, soft, the last few in a rush, and she quickly tore her eyes away, as if afraid to see his reaction. She kept her face averted, her hair falling in her eyes, and Riley for his part could not take his eyes off of her. He stared, horrified, astonished…and slowly angry as well. She was serious… she was really asking him that, she really thought… how could she think he would hurt Buffy?! Was she insane?! Was this her way of asking if he was a rapist- how could she imply such a thing?! What was WRONG with her- she HAD to be crazy! What was Buffy telling her that she would-

It was some time before he found his voice, and even then it came out in shocked indignant sputtering. "Faith, I never hurt Buffy, I would never hurt her! How could you even think that?! I'm not…we are NOT talking about this!" he cried, his voice higher in pitch than normal even as it emerged in a hissing mock whisper.

Faith shook her head rapidly, seeming to have not believed him at all, and now she did back up a step, still gripping the banister tightly.

"You're lyin'," she ground out, her features drawing together tightly, and she too was nearly whispering as she backed up another step, pressing against the railing. "You must have hurt her…somehow…you just don't care…" The look in her eyes was different now…she didn't look hesitant so much as angry…maybe even furious.

"What?! I NEVER hurt her, I would never do that, stop saying that!" Riley hissed incredulously, his eyes wide, and he started towards her instinctively, wanting to grab her, to hold her still so he could look down at her, force her to confess the truth.

But fear and panic leapt into the child's eyes at his movement, and she paled, backing up several more steps in such haste that she almost tripped. Riley made himself stop, taking a slow breath, and he glanced hurriedly toward the living room. Buffy had probably heard them by now… this was not good at all.

"Faith… I never hurt Buffy, you can ask her," he said in a calmer but still very intense tone, but Faith continued to glare down at him fiercely. Even as she remained halfway up the steps, clinging to the banister tightly and standing on visibly shaking legs, she sent him such a look of dark hatred and fury that Riley was newly flabbergasted. This girl HAD to be insane…

"You ain't gonna hurt her no more! I won't let you… I'll tell Joyce, and she won't let you, she said no one can get hurt here! And you can't hurt me either… you can't, 'cause I'll hurt you, and I'll, I'll get away, and they won't let you…you can't hurt her," she almost whispered, her defiant, aggressive tone fading into one small and scared, much more in keeping of her physical appearance. As Riley gawked at her, her hand not on the banister crept into her mouth, and she bit down on her fingernail so hard Riley thought at first she had bitten her finger. "You can't hurt me…"

"What the hell are you talking about?!" Riley asked more loudly than before, unable to contain himself, and as he flung out his arms for emphasis, Faith flinched, backing all the way up the stairs in a scramble with an involuntary cry.

It was at this moment that Buffy chose to make her appearance on the scene, with Joyce just behind her. As the Summers' women's eyes flitted about rapidly, taking in the scene before them, Riley was very aware of how bad it looked. A grown man standing at the foot of the stairs, yelling up at a little girl in only a bathrobe, who had backed all the way up to the top and was standing there with high emotion flickering rapidly across her face. He dreaded to think what they might believe, based off the shocked bewilderment that was showing on their features…


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

"Riley…Faith?" Buffy asked anxiously, glancing between them. "What's going on? Riley, why are you still here… and Faith, why aren't you in the bathroom?"

"She came down as I was leaving, and just started saying all this stuff that didn't make sense," Riley tried to explain quickly, looking at Buffy with eyes praying for her understanding. "She's mistaken somehow, she thinks-"

"You can't hurt her no more, I won't let you… he can't, you won't let him," Faith repeated roughly, and she looked at Joyce as if for assurance even as she remained rigidly pressed against the railing. Joyce frowned, obviously disturbed and concerned for her, as did Buffy, her heart racing in time with her thoughts.

She couldn't make sense of the scene before her, couldn't understand what was going on… Riley, at the foot of the stairs, his muscles tensed with what seemed to be instinctive yet controlled anger and aggression, even as bewilderment filled his eyes. What had Faith said to make him react in such a way? But then there was Faith too… she was clinging to the banister on the last step as if she feared Riley would charge up there and pry her away from it. The fierce protective anger in her expression was contrasting sharply with the terror shining in her eyes, and Buffy's heart twisted just to look at her. What had happened… what had Riley done to put her in such a state of mind?

She wanted to push past Riley and go after Faith, to touch her and comfort her, to try to get an answer from her as to what was wrong, but her mother beat her to it. Almost immediately after Faith's rant about Riley hurting someone, as she had looked at Joyce with desperation in her eyes, Joyce had moved to squeeze past Riley. She slowly began ascending the steps while trying to set Faith at ease.

"It's okay, Faith… no one's hurting anyone," she said to her softly, soothingly, as she reached the second step and paused, looking up at the child above her. "No one is hurt. Let me come up here with you…I just want to sit here with you…"

Faith bit her lip, her eyes fixating on Joyce's form for several seconds before darting away, focusing on the staircase wall. But Buffy had seen what looked like a shimmer of held back tears… what could have HAPPENED?

She looked at Riley, hoping for an explanation, but when he just looked back at her, defensive, yet helpless, even a little guiltily, Buffy felt anger flare in her chest, stiffening her posture. This had to be his fault somehow… he had done something to upset Faith, to scare her. How dare he… and she hadn't even been in the room with them to know what was being said, he could have said anything! Had he planned this? Had he been trying to get Faith alone so he could ask her questions…maybe about who she had been before?

Faith had said something about Riley hurting someone… but he wouldn't do that. Would he? He couldn't have hurt Faith… but then why would she say so, why was she so upset?

"Faith," Buffy said softly, trying to keep her voice calm, her anger under wraps; she didn't want to scare her any further. "What do you mean, you won't let Riley hurt someone… who do you think Riley hurt?"

Joyce was halfway up the stairs by now and paused, looking back at Buffy and Riley quickly before turning back to Faith, while remaining where she was for the moment. Riley, however, interjected indignantly before Faith could reply, his voice rising in frustration…and panic.

"Buffy, I didn't hurt anyone- you have to know that! I didn't touch her, I didn't do anything to anyone. I have no idea why she-"

"Riley," Buffy said sharply, and Riley stopped, complete disbelief flooding his features. Seeing his hurt and astonishment at her tone and seeming lack of support, Buffy felt a twinge of guilt and doubt, but she only softened her tone slightly.

"We'll talk. But I'm trying to figure out what happened, and I want to hear what Faith's trying to say."

She gentled her tone as she looked up at Faith, drawing closer to the foot of the stairs, and Riley stepped back slowly, letting her have his spot. By then Joyce had reached Faith on the steps, and she stood beside her, tenderly reaching to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. When Faith didn't respond to Buffy's question but instead looked around rapidly, eyes wide, bare legs visibly shaking under her robe, Joyce put a hand over Faith's on the banister. She didn't exactly pry it away, but rather took it into her own and held it, trying to meet Faith's eyes.

"It's okay, honey," she repeated, and she sat down slowly on the stair, still holding Faith's hand lightly. "Come sit down with me, okay?"

When Faith looked down at her, still not speaking or making a move to do as Joyce had asked, Joyce reached up for her with slow, gentle movements, designed to give Faith ample time to move away if she wanted to, and pulled her into her lap, As she adjusted the little girl into as comfortable a position as was possible given where they were sitting, Faith, even with Buffy and Riley witnessing, did not protest. In fact, as Riley's jaw tightened, and he looked away, Buffy watched the defiant anger in Faith's posture and expression seep away into something much more vulnerable and young… a look that once more squeezed at Buffy's heart.

Continuing to hold Faith to her, Joyce rubbed her hand slowly up and down her terry-cloth-clad arm, speaking to her quietly.

"Faith, we'd like you to answer Buffy's question, honey. Riley doesn't seem to understand what you mean, and neither does Buffy or I. "

"Who do you think Riley is going to hurt, Faith?" Buffy asked as calmly as she could, watching with her lips thinning unconsciously as the little girl pressed herself back against Joyce's chest, perhaps without realizing she was doing so. Faith looked down at Buffy, into her eyes, and for a moment Buffy nearly shivered at how serious she looked.

"You," she said softly, her voice almost hoarse, and she turned her face away again, staring into her lap with such fierce concentration that Buffy suspected she must have been fighting tears. "I'm not gonna let him hurt you no more…"

Both Buffy and Joyce went still, eyes widening at Faith's words, and Buffy looked rapidly from her to Riley, not understanding. Her…Faith thought Riley was hurting HER? He had never hurt her- he would be stupid to even try, since Buffy could kill him with her bare hands. Why would Faith think-

It dawned on her almost instantly as her eyes fell on Faith's covered arms… of course she would think so. A child who grew up being treated so violently, how could she help but think that other girls would be treated the same? And if she sensed that Riley didn't like her…

"Hurt me…Faith, Riley never hurt me," she started to say, and Riley, obviously relieved and justified to have this out in the open, interrupted, nodding as if to underline what he said.

"I TOLD you, I never hurt her! Why would you say that…I never-"

"He would too!" Faith burst out with, and she turned her head to glower at Riley before quickly turning her face back to the wall. "He just won't say it-"

"Sweetie," Joyce said gently, and she stroked Faith's hair back from her face, trying to meet her eyes. "They both say that Riley never hurt Buffy-"

"But he's her boyfriend," Faith protested in a small voice, and though Buffy heard it, thanks to her Slayer hearing, she knew it was intended only for Joyce's ears.

Hearing her say that, seeing the pain and confusion in her posture as she huddled against Joyce- this from the child who had previously jumped away from her when Buffy entered the room- Buffy's throat tightened. It was occurring to her just why Faith might harbor mistrust to boyfriends…she hadn't forgotten that her file had speculated that Diane Lehane's lovers could have contributed to her abuse.

"Sweetheart," Joyce said very quietly, and Buffy could tell from her expression that she too was having similar thoughts as she continued to run her hand over Faith's head. "Not all boyfriends are like that. Just because a man is someone's boyfriend doesn't mean he hurts her- or anyone else."

Faith didn't dare look in Riley's direction now; she kept her face lowered, her head under Joyce's chin, and continued to fix her eyes on the wall as she spoke. She sounded doubtful, her voice still small, and addressed at Joyce.

"He don't hit her?"

"No, sweetie," Joyce replied, tightening her arms around her slightly in an embrace meant to transmit security to her. Buffy had to look away, unable to watch them, hating so much to hear Faith's thin, confused voice, to know the cause of her strange behavior.

She wanted nothing more than to find Faith's mother, to find every person who had ever hurt her, ever contributed to the fear in her eyes, the suspicion in her voice, and personally beat them until they had no words left to beg her with. She wanted to do something similar to Giles, for he had known about this, and still not had the decency to help her somehow… and she suspected the only thing holding her back was that she felt almost helpless to leave Faith right now.

Riley was still staring up the steps at Faith in Joyce's lap, his eyes narrowed, features stiff, with shock and resentful incredulity remaining in his gaze. He did not speak though, perhaps sensing that none of the other three would probably let him say very much before interrupting him. Buffy knew he was upset, but at the moment she barely noticed, and she couldn't bring herself to really care.

Looking up at Faith, even though she knew she wouldn't be able to see her eyes, Buffy tried her hand at reassuring her, even though all she could think to do was repeat what had been said to her several times already.

"Faith…Riley never hurt me, he never hit me, he wouldn't do that," she said reassuringly, having to work to keep her voice steady. "He doesn't hurt people… and he won't hurt you. I won't let anyone hurt you."

Faith still wouldn't look at Buffy, or even Joyce…she made no attempts to move from her arms, and Buffy wondered briefly if the child felt any better, any safer, with the close physical contact. Did she feel a sense of comfort or protection…or was she simply anxious to push them away?

She replied very softly to Buffy, and the quiet, sincerely questioning manner of her speech horrified them almost as much as her words.

"It don't hurt even when he fucks you? But he's way bigger…"

A terrible silence came over the room then, a quiet so extreme that Buffy could hear the slight choking noise Riley make, could hear his heartbeat and Faith's uneven breaths, as if they came from her own body. She could almost feel the heat radiating off Riley as he turned crimson, fists at his sides trembling, and she knew her own eyes must be huge. She felt sick to her stomach.

Buffy stared up at Faith, unable to think of any kind of coherent response. Riley too stood rigidly beside her, having obviously reached the limits of his endurance based upon his expression, yet still he said nothing. Perhaps he too was incapable at the moment. Even Joyce was too flabbergasted by the child's words to respond immediately. Maybe Faith sensed this and mistook their lack of response for confusion, because her shoulders hunched, and she elaborated in a mutter that Buffy heard anyway, still very careful to keep her face averted.

"It hurt my mama… she made noises and I saw her cry before after…and none of them were as big as him…"

God…oh god, Buffy didn't know if she could take any more of this. How the hell had Faith taken this…

Torn between equally strong feelings of grief, fury, and horror, Buffy was not sure which one to yield to, which response Faith needed. But Joyce again took the decision out of her hands as she looked down at Buffy and Riley with grave eyes, face more flushed than normal. Still eyeing them for a few long moments, as though asking for their silence, Joyce caressed Faith again.

"Please don't use that word again, honey…now I want you to come with me and finish your bath," she told her gently. "If it won't make you too embarrassed or uncomfortable, I'd like to talk to you while you're in there…or if it will, and I want you to tell me if you think it will, then we'll go talk first and then you can finish your bath. Okay, sweetie?"

Faith hesitated, finally raising her head up to look at Joyce, which gave Buffy opportunity to see the torment in her expression…when she nodded slightly, Joyce gave her another brief squeeze before setting her on her feet, taking her hand and glancing back quickly at Buffy and Riley.

"Maybe you two would like to go for a walk?"

Somehow Buffy didn't think it was a suggestion. But as Joyce disappeared into the hallway with Faith, and there came the sound of a door closing, neither Buffy nor Riley moved. Neither were sure they could yet.

Buffy's mind was clicking ahead rapidly, her run of thought a sharp contrast to her immobility. She still didn't know what had happened… had Riley provoked Faith deliberately or had it been some kind of misunderstanding? Obviously there had been a misunderstanding since he had never hurt Buffy… but he was so suspicious of Faith. Had he been questioning her?

And Faith…poor Faith, who saw nothing but danger and harm in connection to love interests… Buffy didn't want to think about her file, didn't' want to dwell on why Faith would be so confused. But how could she help it, especially after the child's words about her mother. Whether the boyfriends in question had actually beat Diane Lehane or if Faith had misinterpreted normal sexual sounds and acts as acts of violence… whatever the case, it was bad. She had been exposed to nothing but badness.

And the scars on her arms were no misinterpretation. Even if the men in her home had not hit her mother, they could have very well hit Faith…the child had implied as much. There was no way to know how many people had contributed to her physical and emotional damage.

Riley was speaking now, his voice slightly louder and more intense than normal, and Buffy tried to focus on it, to bring herself back to the present.

"I didn't say anything to her to make her act like that. I was just leaving, and she started talking, she brought all this up! I didn't do anything to her or to anyone, Buffy- you know I would never hurt you" he said urgently, taking her arm roughly and turning her to look her in the face insistently.

Buffy shook her head, weary, and exhaled, aware of how rapid her heartbeat , how tightly compressed was her chest.

"I know you didn't," she said quietly, exhaling again, "and I'm sorry…she's just…she…"

"She's insane!" Riley exclaimed, his eyes darker than usual as they bore into Buffy's incredulously. "She's insane…I don't see-"

"No she is NOT," Buffy said more sharply than she had intended, and she wrenched her arm from his grasp with a sharp jerking gesture. She clinched her jaw, making herself continue more calmly. "She…she didn't mean it… she just doesn't understand right now is all."

"She seems to understand plenty," Riley muttered, his voice tight, and he shook his head. "She seems to understand way too much for a person who's supposedly a child…"

Buffy's mouth opened, and she sputtered for a few seconds before she could form words. She had never seen Riley so angry, never seen him react so intently and antagonistically to anything. He had always been so calm, so reassuring to her… someone solid and dependable, someone she could count on to be logical to a fault. Granted, she hadn't been dating him long…and Faith HAD given extreme and falsely justified reactions to him…but how could he still accuse her after witnessing all that had just happened?!

"Are you trying to say she was FAKING, Riley?" Buffy managed finally, her eyes narrowing, voice sharp. "Did you not see the same thing I saw- were you not listening to her? Nobody could fake that, it should be obvious to you that she's not lying! She was upset, Riley, didn't you listen to her?"

"Yes, I did," Riley said tautly, and his jaw was still set, his face molded in a way that Buffy had never seen before today. He looked like an entirely different person to her. "I heard her flip out and accuse me of being an abuser and rapist out of nowhere- this "little girl" who's supposedly never even heard of me before. Even if she isn't deceiving you, Buffy, even if she doesn't retain adult memories and mentality, don't you think you're getting in over your head with this? Even if she is what she says she is, she's obviously disturbed…and she could become dangerous to you. Should you and your mother have a child like her around?"

Buffy's answer took no time or reflection to come forth, and she looked directly into his eyes as she replied with a fierce hiss, the anger in her voice and expression surpassing his considerably. Had she thought about it, she would have realized she felt almost hatred for Riley in that moment, an emotion matched in strength only by the defensive need she felt to protect Faith against him.

"Yes! Of course we should have a child like her- and you know who shouldn't, under any circumstances? The council- because that's what you're trying to hint at, isn't it, Riley? You think we should hand her over to the Council?"

"Buffy," Riley began, and though he lowered his voice, took a deep breath, he also stepped forward. "Buffy, let's-"

"Riley, I will NOT hand her over to the Council!" Buffy cut him off fiercely, and it was her eyes that held his now, narrowed with her determination and near fury as her muscles tightened. She did not step back from his approach. "I will never do that as long as she is a child- an INNOCENT- in my house and under my watch. Nothing you think- and nothing she says or does- is ever going to make me do that!"

"Buffy…listen to me. Don't you think-" he started in a reasonable tone, his hands extending.

"Riley, I'm not talking about it anymore. I can't, and I won't, and if you try to make me I really don't think you'll like what I'll have to say," she said roughly, her lips thinning, and she was aware of the heat suddenly coursing through her now, how hard and fast her heart was pounding from her emotion. Before Riley could start again, she went on quickly… she just didn't think she could talk to him any further, or even look at him, without exploding. She needed to be alone, needed to be away from him, before she did something she'd regret.

"Riley…I can't take this, I can't talk about this…I need to be alone a while," Buffy said in as controlled a tone as she could manage, bringing her eyes to him again with as much firm steadiness as she could manage. "So…if you would please leave right now…I"ll call you."

"Buffy," Riley began, startled, and he took another step toward her, reaching out to touch her. "Buffy, look-"

"I'll call you," she repeated more insistently, and she stepped back, leaving Riley's arm half extended in the air. As she continued to watch him, waiting for him to respond, he stood there, almost staring at her for several seconds. When he abruptly turned and walked away, exiting the front door and shutting it behind him, she couldn't bring herself to feel anything but relief.

Buffy started up the stairs; she intended to shut herself in her room until Faith and her mother emerged from their talk at least. All she could think of was what had just happened, all she had seen and heard…she couldn't process any of it, and maybe that was a deliberate effort on her subconscious's part. Either way, she didn't' want to think, didn't want to feel any of the emotions running rampant through her, affecting her physically as well as mentally in her bearing. But for the moment she could not help it, couldn't stop… and she could only imagine what Faith must be thinking and feeling.

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As Riley made his way to the car in the Summers's driveway in long strides, his shoulders were drawn up stiffly, his features rigid with anger and frustration, even as shock glinted in his eyes. He couldn't believe this had happened… any of this, it was all beyond his level of acceptance.

Buffy had just kicked him out of her home, basically, banished him, even if temporarily, from her presence. She had fought with him, been snappy and frustrated, for the first time in their relationship…and why? Because of Faith…because of someone she had described to him before as a murdering psychopath, the same someone who had somehow managed to totally change Buffy's view of her by turning herself into a child. Because of someone who was at best confused and quick to jump to conclusions, at worst, a lying manipulator or entirely insane…

How could this have happened? How could Buffy trust someone like Faith, take her into her home and care, especially after seeing what had just happened? How could she trust her over HIM? How had Faith managed to so quickly secure Buffy's loyalty?

As he got into his car, slamming the door behind him, and began to back out of the driveway, all Riley could see was Buffy's face as she glared back at him…all he could hear was her voice asking to be left alone.

It was all Faith's fault… she had been here less than a day and she had already managed to affect Buffy. Child or not, something should be done about her… whether Buffy knew it or not, she was dangerous. Something had to be done…it would be for Buffy's own good.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Sitting on the end of her bed, her back forming a C-shaped curve as she hugged her knees to her chest, Buffy glanced around her room, unable to stop the rapid thought her observations lent her. She was aware of Mr. Gordo, tugged under the blanket beside her where Faith had deliberately hidden him. Already scattered across her usually-reasonably-tidy floor were all the remnants of Faith's presence in the house. Her bags of new clothes and personal items, carelessly set by Buffy's bed, with items spilling out onto the floor, was one such example. Another was the T-shirt she had slept in, lying in a wadded up ball by the door.

Normally if someone came into her room and let their things lie strewn across the floor, the thoughtlessness of it would irritate and infuriate Buffy. But at the moment none of this bothered her- all she could focus on right now was what had occurred, and all that might happen now.

Buffy was still deeply disturbed, even outraged, in some aspects, by Riley's behavior. She knew he wasn't around children much, and especially children like Faith- who usually WAS? Certainly not Buffy herself. She knew he didn't know or understand much about magic, or about Faith- whether the older or younger version. She could understand him being concerned and suspicious, maybe even hostile to a degree… for Buffy had been herself, when she was first aware of what had happened. And Faith had accused him of some pretty horrible things.

But no matter how she looked at it, Buffy couldn't absolve Riley of his blame. He DIDN'T know about magic, he DIDN'T know or understand Faith or what had happened to her, what she must be going through now as a child. He didn't know the details of her and Buffy's complicated past, he didn't know how difficult it would be for Buffy to discount it in order to trust her now. He didn't know more than what he had seen, and what Buffy had briefly mentioned to him before he ever met Faith. And yet Riley had refused to listen to any view except his own… he had looked at Buffy, who he was supposed to care for and respect, and he had blatantly distrusted her and her opinions. He had been willing to hand a little girl to the Council…a little girl who had already undergone extensive abuse. A little girl whose childishness and emotional damage should have been obvious for him to see.

How could he not trust Buffy… how could he not realize that Faith was a child? How could he see her, huddling in Joyce's arms, unable to look back at anyone, and think her to be dangerous? How could he hear her small voice, see the fear in her posture and features, and still consider her to be an actress? How could he not realize that Faith's accusations to him were not driven by malice or manipulation, but rather by past experiences that lent way to angry expectation?

Anyone should have been able to take one look at Faith to realize that she was not lying, not evil, not dangerous..not anything but a child who had seen and survived more than any child should have to. And yet Riley hadn't… Riley had in his own way been more damaging to Faith than Anya, even if this was accomplished behind her back rather than to her face. Anya at least could be talked to and reasoned with…and as far as Buffy was aware of, Anya trusted her and her judgment, or at least Xander and his judgment. But Riley…

She didn't want to think about it, didn't want to consider what their mode of parting might mean… whether for Faith, individually, or each other as a couple. But this, of course, didn't stop her mind from doing so on its own at all.

Faith had not come into Buffy's room yet, nor had she heard footsteps in the hall, so Buffy assumed that she and Joyce were still together in the bathroom or wherever they were. She hoped her mother was having more success than she would have talking to Faith… but then, Buffy was so awkward with it that it wouldn't take much for Joyce to succeed based on those standards.

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At some point Buffy's mind must have blanked out, at last sending her into the aimless daze she had craved, because she was startled, by the door to her room opening across from her. Her head snapping up, Buffy let go of her knees quickly and sat up in a more conventional position as Faith stepped into the room. The little girl was dressed in the same clothes she had been wearing when Joyce brought her home, but the wet hair was pushed back from her face and lying heavily down her back made it clear she had been bathing. Buffy could see when Faith turned her body slightly that damp spots were spreading out onto the back of her shirt.

Buffy tried to read Faith's expression, her body language, without looking like she was staring. Faith appeared to be more at ease, more normal, if there was such a thing under the circumstances, than she had earlier. But then again, that wasn't saying much. Her face looked deliberately blank, but there was something in the way she held her mouth, in the brightness and slight pink tinge around her eyes and nose, that made Buffy think she had been crying recently. That wouldn't be surprising… she had been upset, and with Joyce probing at her, however gently…

"I'm just gettin' the brush and hair stuff Joyce got me," Faith said quickly as she glanced at Buffy, a stiff, slightly challenging tone to her voice that Buffy didn't really understand the reasoning behind. Did Faith feel like she still needed to prove something to her? "I gotta stand on the stool in the bathroom…is it okay if I use the mirror here?"

"Yeah, sure, Faith, of course," Buffy said quickly, realizing there was too much forced brightness in her tone. "Go ahead."

Faith didn't look at her as she fished out a brush and a packet of ponytail holders from one of the bags on the floor. As she walked over to Buffy's mirror, still careful not to look the older girl in the eye, she said in a mutter, "I won't bother you, I'm just gonna brush my hair is all."

"No, it won't bother me, Faith, it's fine," Buffy assured her, and she was trying to watch Faith without looking like she was doing so, trying not to make the young girl feel too uncomfortable. Attempting conversation, but not knowing how or where to start, Buffy asked, "So, uh, where's my mom?"

"Downstairs," Faith replied as she came to a stop before Buffy's mirror, still avoiding Buffy's eyes. She frowned faintly into the mirror. It appeared to Buffy that she was searching her own eyes… she wondered what Faith saw looking back at her.

Well if Joyce thought it was okay to leave Faith alone, she must have thought the girl was all right for now… she must have calmed her down. At least it seemed like it… and she had probably decided to give Faith a little space. Did Faith need space? Did she not want Buffy around? But where would Buffy go, this was her room…

She watched as Faith began to rake her new brush through her wet hair in rough, jerky strokes. It was more like battering her hair than detangling it. Buffy almost cringed; didn't Faith know better? She shouldn't brush so hard, especially while her hair was wet… she was going to get split ends and break her strands, weaken them.

Buffy tried not to watch her, to just mind her own business- or at least to feign fascination with the poster across from her bed. Failing that, she then tried to at least make it appear as if she weren't watching Faith, wincing uneasily at the way the child "fixed" her hair. But several harsh brushes later, Buffy couldn't' restrict herself even to that. If the kid brushed her hair like that every day, and while it was wet, no less, how the hell had she managed to make it to seventeen without being prematurely bald?

"Faith," Buffy spoke up, attempting to keep her tone casual, to make it look as if this idea was just being tossed out at Faith without mattering one way or another to her. "Want me to help you fix your hair?"

Faith's face turned toward her, brush pausing in her hair, and she shook her head hastily, eyeing Buffy with faint defensiveness.

"Nah, I got it. I can do it myself," she replied quickly. She turned back to the mirror, now struggling to pull the brush out as a tangle of thick damp hair resisted it. Watching her, Buffy bit her lip, bothered- the girl was going to ruin her hair like that. It didn't cross her mind that her concern over Faith's hair was probably an extension of her protective feelings toward Faith- all she knew was that it was killing her to watch Faith knot her hair up worse like she was doing.

"Faith, you should be really careful when you brush your hair- work at the tangles slowly and gently," she said quietly, nonchalant. "And you shouldn't brush it at all when it's wet. Dry it first, or if you can't dry it, then use a comb. See, if it's wet and you use a brush like that, it breaks the hairs."

Faith stopped again, removing the brush from her hair with some difficulty, and looked down at it with a frown, as if it had somehow disobeyed her will.

"Break the hairs?" she repeated as she looked up at Buffy, still frowning slightly. "Hairs don't break. They don't got bones."

"Yes, they can," Buffy tried to explain, pulling out a few strands of her own hair to show her. "You're right, they don't' have bones, but you can snap them apart- you know that, I'm sure you've done it before. And see, it will make the ends uneven and frizzy, and you want nice smooth hair like this…"

Buffy trailed off, flushing slightly and looking to the side. She didn't know why she was bothering or really caring how Faith brushed her hair. Here she was, lecturing on proper hair care tips to a seven-year-old tomboy in a Batman shirt, who had probably never had a ribbon or bow or curls in her hair in her life. If Faith even understood, she was probably bored stiff, and she definitely wasn't going to take her advice without daily reminders.

"It just helps keep your hair pretty," she finished somewhat lamely, and Faith looked down at her brush, then into the mirror quickly.

"My hair's a rat's nest most the time," she said quietly, and Buffy remembered that she had said that earlier in the day too. She had to wonder how many phrases Faith had stored up in her mind, insults that she had been exposed to over the years… and just how many of those had contributed to further damaging her sense of self-worth?

"It's not, Faith," she said quietly in response to the girl's remark, even though her hair did in fact look pretty tangled and messy. "And it never will be if you take good care of it."

She hesitated, wondering if she should really be trying when Faith probably wanted her to leave her alone… but then, the little girl hadn't left the room, hadn't tried to find another mirror…and she'd been talking with Buffy, she hadn't ignored her or been snappy with her responses. Maybe she was more open to Buffy right now than Buffy would have predicted.

She had to be… Faith had to like Buffy a little, trust her just a little at least… why else would she have been so protective of her against Riley? Faith had been willing to stand up to a man much larger and stronger than her, a man she regarded as abusive, for Buffy. Even if she had been mistaken and he was, of course, not someone who would ever hit or hurt a woman, it was still very impressive and touching that Faith would try to defend her against him. Especially after the way Buffy had initially treated her…it was frankly more than she probably deserved.

"Faith…why don't you let me do your hair for you?" she asked quietly, deciding to try again- what could it hurt? "I know you can do it yourself, but I can show you a new way to do it."

Faith hesitated, her hands tightening around the brush as she paused her movements again, and she looked back at Buffy with an indecisive furrowing of her brow for a few seconds, then nodded quickly. Smiling slightly, feeling relieved at this show of trust and acquiescence, even if slight, Buffy motioned for Faith to come stand in front of her as she sat on the bed. The child did so somewhat slowly, turning to face her, and Buffy smiled at her.

"No, turn around… there you go. Do you have a comb?"

Faith knelt to fish one from one of the bags and handed it to her, her eyes meeting Buffy's briefly before slipping away again. Buffy smiled at her, bringing the comb up to Faith's head and getting to work. Faith's hair was snarled pretty well in some places, and Buffy took pains to work slowly and carefully, not wanting to hurt her or her hair. Faith stood quietly, and much more motionless than Buffy would have expected, though she did shift her weight from side to side fairly often.

By the time Buffy had worked through the tangles in Faith's hair, it was almost dry. Running a hand through it experimentally, testing this, she told Faith that she would be right back, returning shortly after from the bathroom with a blow dryer. As she was plugging it in, Buffy noticed Faith eyeing it. The child had not spoken at all throughout Buffy's attentions to her hair, but Buffy noticed the way her shoulders had gradually relaxed, how she seemed to lean back slightly into the bed, enjoying the feel of fingers lightly moving in her hair. Buffy had wondered once again how often Faith's mother had actively cared for Faith after her miscarriage… had she really stopped entirely? Or was it so sporadic and brief that it hardly amounted to anything memorable or acceptable enough to the little girl and her needs?

"Mama has one of those," Faith remarked, still looking at the hair dryer, and Buffy tried to smile.

"Yeah? Have- did someone ever dry your hair for you with one?" she inquired lightly.

But Faith just shrugged, her face carefully blank again, even as she eyed the blow dryer with some interest. As Buffy began to use it on her, Faith flinched at first, startled at the feel of the air and the noise so close to her ear. Buffy kept one hand on her shoulder as she finished, holding her still.

Turning the blow dryer off and inspecting Faith's now-dry hair, Buffy ran a hand over it once more, then tucked a strand behind her ear, smiling with some satisfaction. It had calmed her too, in a way, to be actively involved in physical contact with Faith, to see that the little girl didn't cringe or pull away from her anymore…at least at the moment.

"There you go… it looks pretty now, see?"

She nodded her head toward her mirror for Faith to look, and Faith did, gazing at her reflection solemnly. Even so Buffy saw a pleased little smile emerge.

"Yeah…thanks…" she replied, swiping a hand over her hair as if testing to see how smooth it felt.

Buffy hesitated, debating, but eventually stood. Going to stand beside Faith before the mirror, she didn't touch her, but only watched as Faith's smile faded quickly. The child glanced at her, apprehension finally coming into her eyes.

"Buffy…can I ask ya somethin'?"

"Of course you can," Buffy replied, somewhat surprised by the girl's soft request, and she smiled at her warmly, hoping to set her at ease. "I'll try to help you with anything you want to know…what do you want to ask me?"

Faith frowned, looking at Buffy with her head tilting slightly, her expression very serious, probing. She seemed to be trying hard to understand something- maybe to understand Buffy. Buffy tensed slightly, preparing herself for any questions the child might level at her. Knowing Faith, they would be highly uncomfortable… but she had to show Faith that she could be trusted, that she was open to Faith talking to and confiding in her.

She just hoped Faith wasn't about to ask her about anything to do with sex.

The little girl hesitated for several moments, her eyes flickering back to look at herself in the mirror. Buffy noticed that the thumb of her left hand was picking and prodding at the cuticles of her right hand, and she had to suppress an urge to take the hand in hers and squeeze it to stop her. When Faith spoke, she did not look at Buffy, but rather Buffy's reflection in the mirror.

"How come you're not actin' like you're mad at me?"

Surprised by this softly spoken question, not having expected it at all, Buffy looked down at Faith, trying to meet her gaze. The girl continued to look steadily into the mirror, however, seeming to find it preferable to look there rather than into Buffy's actual face. Deciding to go along with it, Buffy looked into the mirror as well, at Faith's reflection, as she replied.

"Because I'm not mad at you, Faith," she said gently. "I'm not mad at you at all. Why do you think I would be mad at you?"

When Faith just shrugged, dropping her eyes, Buffy was not sure if she really didn't know or simply didn't want to say. Her eyebrows drawing together slightly, Buffy attempted to get through to her again, to assure her.

"Faith…it's okay. I know you misunderstood about Riley. I get that… I'm not mad at you."

She sighed slightly, attempting to get her thoughts straight in her mind- Joyce had probably done a much better job of talking to Faith than she seemed capable of.

"I know you probably talked to my mom a long time and you don't want to hear it anymore…but I promise you Faith," she began sincerely, "Riley never hurt me. Ever. I promise. And he won't hurt anyone else either- and he won't hurt you. Mom and I would never, ever let that happen."

She wanted to take hold of Faith's chin and turn her face towards her, to make sure she was listening, believing her. But instead she continued to watch Faith in the mirror, waiting for her response… and after a quick inner debate, Buffy lay a hand lightly on the child's shoulder, looking at her to gauge her reaction.

Faith looked at her hand quickly, and Buffy felt her shoulder tense, but she didn't move away. As Buffy suddenly remembered the only other time she had touched Faith's shoulder, she cringed, guilty. It was a wonder Faith allowed her to touch her at all…but since she didn't move away, Buffy kept her hand there, hoping Faith liked it on some level, or at least wasn't afraid.

Faith's question to her then was solemn, her face tensed, and again, hardly what Buffy had been expecting to hear.

"Buffy…do you and Riley make love?"

Buffy flushed; she'd heard the child ask similar questions no less than three times now, and a lot more abruptly and a lot less delicately than in this instance. Joyce must have given her another talking-to about her persistent use of swear words… but still, each time she asked, Buffy was freshly flustered and horrified. She hadn't even known what sex was at Faith's age, let alone found it perfectly acceptable to ask about people's romantic lives whenever she felt like it… it would never have occurred to her to have any of the fears or concerns Faith had been so clearly displaying. Buffy didn't want to think about why Faith was so sexually knowledgeable… she didn't want to consider what Faith might have seen or heard. Or even worse-and Buffy felt her teeth clinch at the thought, her stomach dropping- what she could have experienced.

Keeping her hand on Faith's shoulder, Buffy tried to keep her tone neutral as she replied, even as she remained highly uncomfortable. So much for telling Faith everything she wanted to know…

" Uh…Faith… making love, that's…that's something private," she stumbled, and prayed to any and all gods that existed that Faith couldn't read the answer plainly displaying itself across her features. "It's, grown-ups, they don't, they're not supposed to talk about it with children…it's something very personal, very private, you don't talk about it or ask about it or watch it because, because it's just a thing two grown-ups do, without-"

"Yeah, you do," Faith interrupted without judgment, nodding her head slightly, and Buffy flushed harder, looking away hurriedly. Damn the kid's lack of total gullibility- weren't children supposed to believe whatever you said without questioning?

Of course, this was Faith- the child who had informed Anya and all others present that she had kicked the Easter bunny in the balls. Whether she believed the poor costumed guy was really the Easter bunny or not was beside the point- the point was that Faith was clearly not a typical kid, in more ways than her upbringing. Or maybe because of it…

Faith was still eyeing Buffy with a faint, thoughtful frown, not troubled so much as musing. When she spoke again, her tone was hesitant, thick with confusion.

"Do you and Riley love each other?"

Oh god… was the girl going out of her way to try to make Buffy uncomfortable?

Still rather crimson, Buffy took several moments trying to come up with a response…and found, to her own stunned realization, that she didn't have one.

"Um…well, why do you ask, Faith?" she stalled, trying to come up with an answer even to herself.

She was furious with Riley now, didn't want to think about him or touch him…she didn't want to be anywhere near him any time soon. But did she love him? Buffy liked him- usually- she respected him- until after their confrontation today- and she likes spending time with him and being affectionate with him- most of the time. And she had, as Faith had put it, made love to him…

But did that mean she loved him? Could she love him and yet dislike him so much right now? Wouldn't she know if she loved Riley? Shouldn't it be clear to her?

"Well…if he don't hurt you," Faith was saying slowly, and she sounded extremely doubtful at this, her words slow in coming, "and you make love… then do you love him? Does he love you?"

As extremely awkward as this was, Buffy had to admit that Faith's logic, or struggle to make logic of the facts as she saw them, made sensed when looked at from her point of view. If Buffy herself couldn't know or understand if she loved Riley, then how could she expect Faith to understand anything at all about romantic relationships? Between her youth and childish, if precocious, mentality and what Faith had witnessed or experienced of love or lack thereof in her own life, whether from her mother's relationships or her own, it was no wonder the poor thing was struggling.

But that still didn't provide her with an answer to Faith's question….

"He's…he's a good man, Faith," Buffy said slowly, still avoiding her question. "He means well. He's a nice guy…and he does what he thinks is right. We all make mistakes with that sometimes…"

Her voice stiffened with those last words, and her mouth thinned, remembering Riley's ascertaining to her that Faith should be given over to the Council. As anger flooded through her once more, she was unable to continue for several seconds, even with Faith watching her intently. She could only think that Riley had definitely made a mistake today… an incomprehensible one. She still could not understand how he could possible believe his own proclamations…

"But he's a nice person, Faith," Buffy said more firmly, determined to stifle her own anger with more positive utterances in front of Faith. "And he would never hurt me- or you."

Faith didn't reply for some time; she just continued to look up at Buffy, her eyes darkened slightly, and her small face was drawn into serious expression before she responded.

"I'd protect you and Joyce," she said quietly but with intense earnestness; there was not anger in her voice so much as solemn promise. "If he hurt you…I wouldn't let him. I'd do better, now…"

Buffy bit her lip as her heart squeezed, equal amounts of respect, affection, and grief combining inside her chest. Faith was a little girl, seven, and she had known them for one day- half of which Buffy had treated her badly. Yet she was willing to protect her and her mother the best she could against a grown man twice her size…

It took Buffy some time and fierce self-admonishment to gain enough control to talk to Faith, to be able to look at her without excessive emotion, and even so her voice shook slightly.

"Faith… you don't have to try to protect us. You don't have to do anything… that's not your job. Mom and I, we're here to protect YOU… you're still a kid, so you don't need to worry about protecting or taking care of anyone anymore… even you," Buffy told her, and as Faith stared at her, still frowning faintly, she realized how very odd this must sound to the girl… even unbelievable.

All Faith had done from the age of four onward was take care of herself, try to protect herself… she'd had no other choice. Buffy had not failed to notice Faith's statement that she would "do better now" with her protecting, and to connect that with pained realization to Faith's mother. It seemed the child still blamed herself for whatever her mother had undergone throughout their lives together…or at the very least, for her miscarriage and the way her mother responded to her afterward. Buffy didn't know if this was because Diane Lehane had verbally told Faith this, or if the child's guilt had come about on its own… but regardless, it was little wonder that being protected was a strange concept to her.

She expected Faith to say that she didn't need to be protected or taken care of- the older Faith would certainly have said so. But the child Faith was watching her, frowning, and again her question surprised Buffy.

"Buffy…how come you like me now?"

Her words were soft, vulnerable, the faint anxious confusion in her eyes making her somehow seem even younger to Buffy than her age. Looking down at her, processing her uncertain question, Buffy swallowed. She wanted to hug her, to put assurance into Faith's dark gaze, but she settled for putting a hand briefly to the top of her head, smiling.

"Because…because I see how you are, Faith," she said slowly. "And you're nice and funny, and a good girl… and you're strong," she added on sudden yet truthful impulse, "as strong as Xena."

At that, Faith's eyes lit up, and she tried to keep a straight face, but Buffy could see the smile breaking out, the way her dimples flickered in and out of view on her cheeks.

"Really…nuh-uh. Am not…"

"Uh-huh, are too," Buffy countered, and she let herself smile back, glad to see how one comment, intended to mean mental and emotional strength in her mind, but interpreted as physical and supernatural in Faith's, could so quickly lift her mood. "Even stronger if you ask me."

Faith grinned, clearly thrilled to hear this even if she didn't entirely believe her- obviously she wanted to at least believe that Buffy believed her own words. She was still smiling when she spoke again, even though her voice was slightly subdued, almost questioning, as she looked up at Buffy.

"Riley don't like me though."

"Well, Riley… he was upset that you misunderstood about him hurting me," Buffy said carefully, even as she thought darkly to herself that Riley was never going to like Faith if he didn't learn to trust and believe what Buffy thought about her like he should. "But I like you, Faith, and my mom does… and everything will be okay."

As Faith eyed her, nodding very briefly before looking away, Buffy tried to appear as if she didn't doubt her own words…

"Faith," she said abruptly, on a spur of the moment decision, "do you want me to take you to play on the playground?"

As the child smiled, nodding her approval of the sudden suggestion, Buffy was still thinking back to their exchange, even as she smiled back at her. She had to concentrate to keep the smile from giving way to worried intensity of expression…because she couldn't trust that her words to Faith were not lies.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Leaning back slightly against a tall yet slim tree trunk a short distance away, Buffy watched in amusement as Faith rapidly and enthusiastically made her way through every piece of equipment in Sunnydale's small park. Based on the speed and alacrity that Faith made her way to and used each item, the little girl seemed determined to try out every piece of playground equipment as rapidly as possible. Maybe she wanted to make sure no one else would take them up before she got a chance to use each one at least once, or before Buffy called out to her that it was time to go home. Whatever her reasoning, Faith had been racing around the playground with such speed and energy that it almost made Buffy feel dizzy to watch her. If this was what it had been like for her mother to take Faith shopping, then Buffy was glad that was a trip she had missed.

It had been less than ten minutes, and already Faith had gone down both the big and little slides- head first, of course- climbed all over the jungle gym, walked on the balance beams, ran around the large "playhouse" structures and descended down each of their slides, and used the glider. She'd had to jump to grab the handle of that one. With only two more things left to try out, Faith's pace had slowed down a little, but that wasn't saying very much.

Currently Faith was using the monkey bars, making her way across its expanse with an effortless agility that impressed Buffy to witness. Buffy had always sucked at the monkey bars as a kid- her hands hadn't callused enough for it not to hurt. But Faith made it to the other side in, like, five seconds. The little girl was beaming, her hair tousled- all of Buffy's careful work on it erased in the ten minutes she had been running around. It didn't matter to Buffy. Faith was having fun, forgetting herself in her play, and that was all that mattered to Buffy as she watched her.

"Look!" Faith called out to her, and Buffy watched, smiling, as Faith now clambered onto the top of the monkey bars, hanging upside down from her knees and letting her arms dangle down along with her head. Her baggy t-shirt fell, gathering around her face and neck, and she giggled at this. The long sleeved shirt underneath luckily only rose up enough to show her navel.

"Look at me, Buffy!"

"I see you, Faith," Buffy called back, even as she cringed, half-expecting Faith to fall straight on her head. Was this the way moms thought- skipping past the "oh isn't she cute" straight to "I can already see the blood and brains and emergency room bills?"

"Be careful, okay?" she called to the younger girl.

"Don't need to be, I'm alright," Faith called back, her voice muffled in her shirt. Buffy started towards her anyway, preparing to catch her if needed. But just as she reached her, Faith swung herself back up, making Buffy flinch again when she narrowly missed hitting her head on a hard metal bar. Undaunted, Faith climbed down the side, jumping to the ground.

"I'm gonna go swing!"

As she scampered over to one of the two swing sets, Buffy followed, smiling, but still a little dazed by the child's energy. She guessed it was good though…a release of her stress and anxiety, adrenaline build-up. Or maybe she was thinking too much about it. Maybe Faith was just having fun.

Faith was already seated in a swing and pushing off as Buffy came up behind her. Buffy watched her for a moment before asking, "Do you want me to push you, Faith?"

"Nah," Faith replied with a quick glance, shaking her head. "I can do it myself."

She pushed off from the ground several more times with her toes, moving her legs in and out to push herself higher in rhythm.

"I can go really high!" she announced to Buffy, slightly breathless, as Buffy watched, holding onto a section of the equipment to the side of Faith. As Faith continued to pump her legs in and out, she went on, "I can go higher than YOU- higher than anyone! I can fly!"

"Fly, huh?" Buffy teased, unable to resist. "Like Superman?"

"No!" Faith replied sharply with a scowl aimed down at her fiercely, and she even kicked her foot out at Buffy. This defiant movement sent her careening sideways in her swing temporarily. "Not like Superman! Like Angel!"

"Angel?" Buffy blurted, surprise coloring her tone…and not only because Angel couldn't fly. But Faith didn't seem to notice this, nor Buffy's wide eyes, as she righted the swing's path.

"Off X-Men- he's got wings. I can go higher than you!" Faith challenged again.

Buffy took the bait obligingly, smiling. "Oh yeah? You think so?"

"Yeah!" Faith grinned, her hair flying out behind her, then falling forward over her shoulders as she moved through the air smoothly. "Too scared to try though, I bet…"

"You think?" Buffy repeated, and on quick impulse she slid herself into the swing next to Faith.

As the little girl laughed, delighted that she had "goaded" the older girl, Buffy pushed off strongly, pumping her legs powerfully to try to catch up with Faith. If Faith wanted to win, well, Buffy would at least make her work for it. Buffy had stronger, longer legs, but Faith's smaller body gave her less air resistance. At least, so Buffy told herself as competitive spirit arose in her.

"I'm winning!" Faith crowed, and Buffy smirked, pushing off harder.

"Not for long though…"

As Buffy swung herself higher and higher, almost drawing even with Faith, she forgot about everything but their competition. She forgot everything but moving higher and faster and more efficiently…she was enjoying the physicality of the moment. She enjoyed the cool air hitting her body as she moved back and forth, her hair covering her face, the stretching and folding of her legs as she pumped them back and forth. And the smiling…both she and Faith were smiling widely, even laughing, and it felt so good to be doing so.

"You can't catch me- you're never gonna catch me!" Faith shrieked, and Buffy loved to hear her laugh, to see how happy she was in the moment. It only encouraged her to pump harder. Well, her competitive nature may have had a little to do with that too.

Eventually they were so out of sync with each other that it was difficult to say which girl actually was going higher, and several mothers were looking at them because of their loud laughter. Buffy neither noticed nor cared. She was enjoying herself too much, had needed it too badly…

"I WIN!" Faith yelled triumphantly, and as her swing went forward, she waited until its highest peak before jumping off, landing on her feet rather impressively without so much as stumbling. Looking back over her shoulder at Buffy with a wide grin, she began to run, tearing across the playground mindless of anything else that might come across her path.

"I can run faster than you too!" she shouted at Buffy over her shoulder as she ran, "I'm gonna beat you, you can't catch me!"

Smiling as well, amused by the child's boasting and clear invitation to chase- and also admittedly feeling a nudge to prove something about her physical capabilities to Faith, however illogical this might be- Buffy slowed her swinging for a few seconds before jumping too, also landing smoothly on her feet in the grass. Scanning quickly for Faith, who was still shouting gleeful challenges to her, Buffy spotted her and took off, focusing on the running child in the distance. She didn't care how stupid or immature she looked, didn't care who might be watching her and Faith or what they might think. The only thing she cared about was that she and Faith were having fun, that they felt at ease, their bodies flooding with exhilarated adrenaline of the best kind. Well, that, and catching up to Faith so she could snag her around her waist and-

She was never to finish that thought, nor get more than ten steps away from the swings, because Buffy had barely began to break out into a full-out run before she collided into a couple standing in a warm embrace in the middle of the grass. They seemed in Buffy's mind to have popped up out of nowhere. Buffy hit them hard, and as the three of them crashed onto the ground in a tangle of limbs and sharp shrieks of astonishment, Faith, obviously focused on only her escape, continued to dart around the park, dodging all that came across her path.

"HEY!' screeched the female, in a shrill, indignant tone suspiciously familiar to Buffy's ears. "OW!"

"Ow is right," agreed the male, moving his hand to rub his head. "Ow!"

"YOU say ow?! You're the one who bit my lip!" yelped the female, and Buffy looked between them, startled by more than just the collision now.

"Xander…Anya?"

"Buffy?" Xander called, in a voice just as confused and startled as hers, and Anya huffed, rolling her eyes sarcastically.

"Yes, those are our names, we are in fact ourselves as usual. You know, Buffy, there are far more polite, decent, and less physically unsettling ways to greet someone than to fling them to the ground with painfully enthusiastic abandon," Anya griped, glowering at Buffy as she pointedly removed her arms and legs from touching her. She began to feel herself over, as if to see if she were still all in one piece. "A simple hello would have sufficed-"

"Sorry," Buffy cut her off quickly, pulling herself together and looking them over. "Are you okay? What are you doing here?"

"Or you simply could have waited to greet us until we were finished, which is obviously what we are- WERE- doing here," Anya continued pointedly, fixing narrowed eyes on Buffy. "It is just rude to greet someone while they are clearly engaging in a moment of passion, unless it is a matter of peril, such as if a building is burning and the money inside is in danger-"

The irony of Anya Jenkins lecturing her against rudeness did not escape Buffy. She smirked, about to respond, but Xander interrupted before she could.

"So, what were you in such a hurry for, Buff- decided to take up jogging? Ants in your shoes? Or was there- were you chasing a demon?" he asked in a suddenly lower tone, and he glanced around quickly, as if to check that none were lurking behind him. "Because if that's the case, rapid demon chasing, don't let us stop you. Carry on- and point the way too, we'll be right behind you, right, Ahn?"

"No, wrong," Anya snapped, giving Xander a withering look conveying exactly how displeased she was by this assumption. "We were heavily engaged in a moment of mutual passion! Such moments do not give way to demon chasing, especially when-"

"I wasn't chasing demons…just Faith," Buffy replied somewhat distractedly, and her eyes narrowed slightly as she turned around slowly, attempting to locate the child in question. Surely Faith had stopped running at some point, right? She wouldn't have just kept running out of the park, when she didn't even know where she was…

Buffy spotted the girl a good distance to her left and saw that she was correct. Faith had stopped running and was standing there staring back at her with a slight frown, probably confused. As Buffy called her name, motioning her over, Faith returned to them slowly, still frowning as she drew near.

"How come you stopped… ohhh," she realized as she recognized Xander and Anya. A slow grin came over her face as she looked at Xander, and Buffy noticed Faith slyly touching her Batman shirt, no doubt hoping he noticed it.

"Hey, Faith," Xander greeted her with a genuine smile, and Anya too smiled broadly. Her irritation was apparently diminished by her continued interest- and ally in bunny hatred- with Faith.

"Hello, tiny changeling child-Faith," she said brightly, "I see that you are still small and sane and a child."

Buffy glared at Anya, willing her to shut up before she did some damage, but Faith was already looking up at her blankly.

"Am not TINY… and what's sane?"

"Something Anya seems entirely unfamiliar with at times," Xander replied flippantly, fixing her with a pointed stare of warning that made Anya scowl back, nonplussed.

"WHAT?"

Faith looked between them again, confused, but shrugged it off, turning her eyes to Buffy with mischief popping into their surface, her mouth curving up slyly.

"I was beatin' you… you're WAY slow."

"Hey, you had a head start, Faith," Buffy pointed out, smirking back at her, "that's not a fair way to judge things."

"Is too fair- you're way bigger, so it's totally fair," Faith retorted, her smile widening as Buffy rose to her challenge. "Can't help it if you're just too slow."

"She's got a point though, Buff," Xander said in mock serious thought, even as he grinned at them both- conspiratorially at Faith, teasingly at Buffy. "Do you mean Faith BEAT you?" He shook his head in mock sorrow. "Shame, shame."

"Yep," Faith grinned. Buffy shook her head at him wryly, but also with a small flicker of annoyance. He was definitely going to make sure Faith never let the matter go.

But as it turned out, Faith herself dropped it in favor of a new teasing victim. Her smile widened, and with her dimples flickering into view, she spoke to Xander "casually."

"See my new shirt, Xander?"

Oh god, Buffy thought in half horror, half resigned amusement. Here begins the battle.

"I did notice it, in fact," Xander replied, his overly casual tone contrasting with the teasing gleam in his eyes. "But I didn't see anything particularly interesting about it, so I didn't say anything."

He had started that one deliberately…clearly he enjoyed arguing with children, so that came as no surprise. Taking the bait hook, line, and sinker, Faith persisted, still smirking, pleased with herself.

"My shirt's got Batman on it," she informed Xander, as if he couldn't see this for himself. "I picked it out 'cause he's way cooler than Superman."

She grinned, lifting her chin devilishly as she cast her eyes to Buffy, including the older girl in her sly teasing as well now. "Batman can beat Superman any day, any time…just like I beat Buffy…"

"Hey!" Buffy protested, not pleased to be included in this. Especially since Faith had NOT beat her. Well…not exactly…

"The race wasn't over yet, you didn't beat me! I ran into them!"

"We noticed," Anya deadpanned. "You know, for someone who's supposed to have heightened senses of sight-"

"I didn't run into anything…and you didn't catch me," Faith said with an infuriatingly smug tone, continuing to grin up at Buffy. "So I win."

"What?" Buffy sputtered, even as she failed to come up with a good counter to Faith's logic. "No you didn't- the race had just started, there has to be an official destination and, and, an official stop for it to have a winner-"

"I think it stopped when you knocked us down to the ground," Anya said bluntly, and Xander, seeing the look on the women's faces, held up his hands between them, attempting to distract them.

"So, uh, Buffy… how've you been?"

"Well, I haven't been LOSING," Buffy muttered, giving Faith a pointedly and half serious look that made the child giggle, delighted with herself. "I'm fine, Xan, everything's fine."

"No," Xander said more pointedly, and he shifted his eyes to Faith, briefly but meaningfully. "How have you BEEN?"

Ohhh…so that's what he meant. How had she been, dealing with Faith… or maybe, how has she been discovering what happened to change Faith and what to do about it.

"It's…it's fine," she repeated, trying to sound nonchalant and to not look at Faith even as she also attempted to convey herself to him in a way he would understand. "Nothing really new or exciting…or…newsworthy…no news with me, it's just the usual craziness."

"You already asked her that once," Faith piped up, looking between Xander and Buffy with a slightly confused frown. "How come you asked her again?"

"Who, me?" Xander stalled, all exaggerated innocence. "Guess I'm just forgetful."

He grinned then, speaking the magic words sure to throw Faith off topic. "Maybe I should have worn a Superman shirt to help power up my memory, huh?"

"NO!" Faith shot back, as Xander must have predicted, quickly forgetting her line of questioning. "Superman wouldn't help you! No one would- not even Batman. 'Cause they don't like you, you like SUPERMAN."

Her mischievous expression returned, eyes twinkling impishly. Looking at Anya too to include her in her claim, Faith announced, "I can beat you two, too. Both of you- I can beat ya just like Buffy."

"Oh yeah?" Xander asked, glancing at Buffy with amusement. She rolled her eyes, sighing, though this was partly for show. "Is that right, Faith?"

"Yeah," Faith grinned, nodding, and she jerked her head towards Buffy as she went on. "It's right. Buffy said I'm stronger than Xena, didn't you, Buffy? Guess that's how come I can beat her so easy."

Buffy should have known that one would backfire. At least the kid seemed to be saying it to tease more than because she seriously believed it…or did she? Did she really think she was physically able to best Buffy in everything? And why was a small part of Buffy kind of bothered by that?

Just then Buffy's cell phone rang. As she reached into her pocket, grateful for the diversion, she noticed Faith looking at it with wide eyes. It didn't make sense to her at first, but then she realized that when Faith was seven years old, there was no such thing as cell phones.

"Hello?" she said into the receiver, giving Faith a quick smile, but the voice that answered her was neither what she expected nor what she wanted to hear.

"Buffy? I know you probably do not wish to hear from me right now…"

Buffy's jaw clinched, and she found herself gripping the phone too tightly, her voice coming out to strained that Faith and Xander stared, concerned. It was Giles on the other line… Giles, one of the last people she wanted to speak to right now.

"You thought right," she informed him. "I don't."

"I know," Giles sighed, and she heard the regret and awkward guilt clearly in his voice even through the spotty reception. "And I do not wish to push myself upon you in any way… I am sorry for this, Buffy. But what I have to say to you is terribly important."

Buffy's eyes narrowed, and she switched the phone to her other ear, glancing quickly at the others. Taking the hint from her expression, Xander began to distract Faith by starting up a banter-fest again, drawing her focus away from Buffy and what she was saying. Even so, Buffy was very aware of her proximity as she replied.

"What?" What's going on? Is something wrong?"

"Not wrong, per se, but I do think we need to talk," Giles said quietly. "I…I suppose I'll get right to the point."

He sighed, then continued in a rushed manner, as if to say it faster would make it easier for her to hear. "I have been visited upon by the Council in their quest for Faith. I of course denied knowledge of her whereabouts, as well as your knowledge, but I would expect that they will also pay a visit to your home- if they haven't done so already."

Buffy' s stomach dropped, and she heard herself suck in her breath sharply as her hand tightened further around the phone. She had known, of course, that the Council would not just give up and pack their bags without Faith. She had known they were still looking, that they would come around to those she knew eventually. But to think of them coming to Giles about Faith, while he KNEW where and what she was now…

"You didn't tell them anything? You swear that you didn't?" she demanded hoarsely, and Giles rushed to reassure her.

"No, Buffy, I did not, I would never do that. Especially now," he replied quietly. "I owe her much more than that."

"What do you want me to do?"Buffy asked, even as she ignored the implication of his last sentence. "I'm not alone…I'm not sure where we'd meet. Can't you just talk to me over the phone?"

"I'm not sure that would be wise," Giles said slowly. "I think we had better meet… why don't you bring Faith home, and I will meet the two of you there. It would be better if you could get someone to stay in a separate room with her from some time- to make sure she didn't overhear this time. And perhaps, after we talk, I could hypnotize her, as I suggested… it could be very helpful in the information it yields."

"No," Buffy said shortly. "Willow or Tara, maybe, if they can. But I don't want you to do that, and I think you understand why. Maybe you can be present, but I don't think you should be the one entrusted with her psyche enough to do that."

"Yes…I suppose I do understand," Giles said quietly. "Very well then… Willow or Tara. I will see you at your home then. "

"Okay. Bye." Her voice short, Buffy hung up, taking several seconds to simply stare into space with her muscles still tensed. She knew this was something they needed to do…but that didn't mean she looked forward to it. The Council…why couldn't they just give up and go home? Let them deal with Faith… it wasn't like she was going to do any further harm right now.

It hit her suddenly, the way that she was thinking, what it was she wanted…she wanted Faith to stay. She didn't want her to be turned back into a teenager, didn't want the Council to take over her case…she wanted her to stay here, with her and her mother. She wanted Faith to stay a child…

But she couldn't. She knew she couldn't let Faith do that. Could she? There was the Council and the Slayer line, the question of Buffy and her mom not being able to take off from work and school for all that much longer to watch her. If Faith stayed she would have to go to school… they would have to have legal rights to raise her, papers both for Faith and Joyce. Her birth certificate and social security number…of course, Willow could probably find a way to track one down or invent it, but still.

And then there was the fact that Faith had in fact left a trail of crime in her literal wake, before becoming mini-Faith. Could she really just let all that go without bringing her to justice? Even if there were reasons for Faith's behavior- many reasons, not all of them entirely her fault- she had still chosen to do what she had done. And what would they say to child Faith? What if she got her memories of being older back somehow, or overheard them talk one day…

But she wanted Faith to stay. And that pressed more urgently in Buffy's mind than any other logic.

She realized that the others were watching her, apprehensive, even a little frightened in Faith's case, judging from the shiny glint in her dark eyes. The little girl had stopped arguing with Xander to stare up at her, her brow creasing in anxiety, even as she didn't say a word. Buffy could only imagine what she must be thinking.

"Buff? Something going on?" Xander asked lightly, though he looked a little worried too. "You got all quiet there for a sec."

"Yes, is it danger? Is there an apocalypse coming? Is mass destruction on its way any minute?" Anya asked in a considerably less casual tone, her voice tight with anxiety, face pinching as she stared at Buffy intensely. "How unfair- tomorrow's pay day!"

"No, no, everything's fine," Buffy said hastily, for the third time that day, forcing a smile at each of them in turn. It was a mark of Faith's worried state that she hadn't bothered to ask what an apocalypse was, although surely Anya's tone must have done nothing to reassure her.

"It was just Giles," Buffy said his name carefully, hoping her face showed nothing. "He just wants to talk to me some more, it's okay… so Faith, we need to go home now."

She reached to take the little girl's hand, giving her another quick smile, and Xander asked quickly, "Oh…okay… should Anya and I be there?"

After the last fiasco? No way.

"It's okay, why don't you guys just hang around here? You can catch up on your…passionate endeavors," Buffy said wryly, glancing at Anya. "I'll call you if you need to know anything…I'll call you."

As she began to walk off, still holding the suddenly quiet Faith's hand, Buffy knew Xander and Anya might be a little upset she had left them out. But she wasn't too bothered yet. The fewer people were around, the better it would be for Faith…and for Buffy.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

"How is she, Buffy?" Giles asked quietly.

The two of them were upstairs, seated apart from each other in Buffy's bedroom. This in itself would have been awkward for them, for as far as Buffy could remember, this was the first time Giles had ever been inside her room. It didn't help matters that it wasn't exactly looking the way she would have chosen to present it to someone for their first viewing of it. It also didn't help that they were alone with the door closed behind them. As Buffy looked around the floor of her room, she was aware of Faith's new clothes and toys still scattered about…and quite suddenly and with embarrassment, her bra hanging half out of one of her dresser drawers.

But then again, what the hell did she care what Giles thought about her room? Why did she care about what he thought about anything right now? She hoped he was embarrassed and uncomfortable to be here right now- and not because of the state of her room. She hoped he felt extreme discomfort to be facing her, attempting to keep from looking her in the eye.

From his position seated on the edge of her bed, Giles shifted, one hand reaching to touch his glasses unconsciously. From where she sat at her desk, straddling the chair backwards, Buffy sighed. How was she supposed to answer his question? What WAS the answer to his question?

Faith had not asked any questions as Buffy walked her home. She had merely followed her with lips pressed together, eyes glittering anxiously. But even as Buffy tried to assure her that nothing was wrong, the little girl had picked up on her mood and was reluctant to believe her. Undoubtedly Buffy's responses to Giles on the phone had set Faith's mind to work as well. Even with Buffy attempting to distract her, Faith's eyebrows had remained slanted downward slightly in worry. Though Buffy had only taken her hand in the park to get her attention, the younger girl had not let go of it for the rest of the way home.

Giles was already there by the time Buffy and Faith had arrived, standing rather awkwardly with Joyce in the living room. Buffy half regretted having missed what looked like had been a stilted and rather amusing conversation. But then, listening to it might have reminded her of their sexual history, and that was definitely something she didn't want to acknowledge. After some exchanges between the adults, Buffy, and Faith, Joyce had asked for Faith's help with preparing dinner. The child agreed to it readily enough, though she still cast slightly nervous looks in Buffy's and Giles's direction. With this settled, Buffy had led Giles up to her room where they could be sure Faith wouldn't overhear them.

Buffy had had several hours and participated in several conversations that should have helped her mellow in her anger at Giles, to understand a little, if not accept or condone, how he had ignored his knowledge of Faith's past. She didn't feel quite so overtly angry, so incapable of looking at him, as she had previously. But this didn't mean that the anger was gone, nor did it mean that she could bring herself to feel much respect for him at the moment. He had disappointed her deeply, and she was not sure when she would recover from it…or if she would ever fully be able to.

As she looked across the room at him now, pondering his question, she sighed, shaking her head before she answered.

"She's…she's okay. She was pretty happy earlier actually, I took her to the park… she liked that. She's… I mean, she's okay as she could be considering. She seems really adaptable," Buffy finished, and she looked over at Giles pointedly. "But I guess all things considered, she would have had to be."

Giles had seemed deliberately to be stalling from discussing the Council, and Buffy was not trying to speed him up in his disclosures. Whatever the Council had said and done, she wanted to hear about it about as eagerly as she wanted to be alone facing Giles right now. Across from her, Giles bowed his head slightly, and he exhaled in a slow breath before looking up and speaking to her quietly. Regret was stark in his tone and expression as he gripped the knee of his pants in one hand, then flattened the same hand against his leg.

"Buffy…nothing I can say to either of you will be adequate, nor will it change anything, no matter how much we may wish it," Giles began with difficulty, the drawn appearance of his features showing her how hard he found it to come up with his words. "I do want to tell you again though…and if it would not harm Faith or confuse her, I would tell her now as well. Perhaps when she's herself again…if she…"

Giles sighed, running his hand through his hair, and kept his fingers on top of his head for a few moments before returning them to his legs, resuming his attempt to explain.

"I want to tell you again, Buffy, how sorry I am for my failure to Faith…for my failure to the both of you. I cannot undo what was done long ago… but if there was any way to undo the damage it has caused, I would gladly do whatever action would ensure that," he said softly, meeting her eyes with sincerity clear in their surfaces. "But as I cannot do that, I wish only to mend the damage as best as I am able to. I will be for Faith now whatever she needs from me, as I should have been the moment she entered our lives… even when she is returned to her older state once again," he concluded, still looking Buffy solemnly in the eye. "No matter how she is…how she responds, once restored… I will do what I can to make sure her best interests are served."

"And what are her best interests?" Buffy asked, controlled in tone, though her posture remained stiff, only barely civil. "Because I seem to remember you thinking that totally ignoring the evil, abusive people and circumstances in her life was 'in her best interest' before…"

Giles flinched slightly at that, not meeting Buffy's eyes. When he replied, the guilt coloring his tone reflected the equal sentiment in his eyes.

"I don't believe, Buffy, no matter how Faith might be when restored to her original state, that the Council is the best way to deal with her. There must be a better option… a better way to contain her until we can rehabilitate her in safe conditions for all. At this point, rehabilitation is not the Council's concern for Faith's case," he said quietly, and Buffy felt goosebumps ripple slowly down her arms. What did Giles mean by that…was he saying that the Council would hurt Faith? Kill her?

"I do not believe that Faith, the adult Faith, that is, is too far gone for us to help her," Giles finished in the same low voice, looking directly into Buffy's narrowed eyes. "Talking to her now, as a child… that little girl is still a part of her, deep down inside of her, just as our childhood selves are within you and I. As long as that part exists in her, then there could still be a chance."

Buffy nodded slowly, dropping her eyes for several moments. She was glad to hear that, obviously… but would he stick with his intentions when push came to shove? Would he even be able to try? She hoped he was right, that it wasn't too late to impact the adult Faith and her life. If- WHEN- they turned her back, would she remember being with them as a child? And if she did… would that make it easier or harder for them to change the course of her life?

"Let's hope so," she said to Giles shortly. "Now tell me what the Council said to you. How many of them were there? Did you know them? Where did they come to you? What did they say about Faith?"

Giles removed his glasses, beginning to clean them without looking at Buffy as he replied somewhat haltingly, no doubt glad not to see her expression in reaction to his words.

"They didn't say much more than I expressed to you over the phone… they came to me in my home, three men from the Council, but I did not know them. They were younger than me- I suspect they are trained in capture and the like rather than as Watchers. They asked me if I possessed knowledge of Faith's whereabouts or had come across her recently, or if I knew if any of the rest of you had. I of course denied such knowledge, as I told you, but I am fairly certain they did not believe me. After my interference with your Cruciamentum, and certainly after our attempts last year to defy their orders, I'm afraid the Council no longer trusts me or my word… which could be a problem for us," Giles said levelly, looking up at Buffy as he replaced his glasses.

"They implied that they would soon be paying you and your mother a visit much like mine… and they implied to me as well that if I was discovered to have told untruths or to have been uncooperative with them, that they would make sure I underwent consequences of a serious nature."

"Just what exactly do they meant by that?" Buffy blurted, sitting up hurriedly, and Giles shook his head. "What the hell are they saying, that they'd punish you somehow? Hurt you- kill you?"

"It would not be something beyond their capabilities, if they believed it necessary," Giles said quietly. "Particularly as you and I have severed ourselves from the relationship we once took part in with them."

Buffy stared back at him, eyes wide, her thoughts reeling with her disbelief at this. As her mind struggled with Giles's statement, she could not focus on her negative feelings for him in the moment. All she could do was think of the Council and their threat. If they could harm a man who had done nothing but lie to protect the life of a little girl, then what more could they do to Faith?

They would kill her… of course they would kill her. It wouldn't matter to them whether she was an innocent child or a psychopathic teenager. Either way she was a liability, a loose cannon… and mostly, a threat to their polished, successful exterior as Council. Faith was an anomaly as a Slayer, one as independent and estranged from them as Buffy- in fact, she was even more so. Faith was proof of their failure… and for that, they could not allow her to remain in public, or even under their watch.

As this sank into Buffy's consciousness, she felt her facial muscles stiffen, her back drawing up into a rigid alignment, hands clinching around her knees. She had never approved of the Council… she had always known they were smug, self-serving pricks. Bu to be willing to callously kill people for not falling into their line of order on how things should be…

The energy she had put into her anger at Giles waned further, distracted and replaced by quickly growing rage at the Council. If they thought they could hurt her- hurt Giles or Faith or anyone- then they'd see who would experience 'consequences of a serious nature,' all right…

"They also indicated that they would be keeping an eye on you, Buffy," Giles went on, keeping his eyes carefully on Buffy's, as if to get a read on her thoughts. "Both as a Slayer and in your personal life. For as long as Faith is in your care, in her current state of being, you will have to be very careful, very protective. I have no doubt you are doing so, but now that you are aware of the greater threat…"

He sighed, running his hand through his hair again, and continued, "Make sure that Faith is not out in the public eye very often, and that she is not alone for more than a few minutes at a time. As I'm sure you intend, we must not let her realize at this point the truth of who she really is. That would only complicate our part in this that much more in our dealing with her. There is no telling how she would react to such shocking disclosure."

"Trust me, I don't plan on telling her," Buffy said tightly. "I won't hurt her like that, Giles. Not like they would."

She paused, beginning to picture Faith's face in the park, how very happy and carefree she had been, how singularly childish she had looked as she ran from Buffy, dimples popping with her taunting glee. She would do all she could to preserve Faith like that, to let her have that, and to have that with her, until they could turn her back into a teenager. And whoever tried to get in the way of that damn well better fear the wrathful vengeance of Buffy Summers.

"This hypnosis thing, Giles," she said abruptly. "Do you think it will work? If she's really only seven now, then how would she be able to remember anything to help us figure out how she changed herself?"

"Well," Giles began thoughtfully, frowning slightly. "This is just a hypothesis, of course. But the older Faith did not cease to exist, simply because she is at the moment not present before our eyes. It is my belief that she has simply been subdued. Both girls are real, both exist. They simply exist within one another. For instance, in theory, the child Faith was always present in the older Faith even if we could not physically see her and look upon her as you would a live child. Though Faith grew and matured physically and mentally, her childhood self did not entirely disappear. Nor does anyone's, including our own. They are still inside us, a part of us, though of course buried deep inside our subconscious. We carry the memories and personalities of our childhood selves… I imagine that Faith simply has managed to also physically and mentally conjured hers into dominant existence, where it can be seen by all. It is well known that childhood selves can be called up to surface in adult sessions of hypnosis… so in Faith's case, I am hoping the reverse can be accomplished. Of course, it is just a theory, we have yet to prove it valid."

Somewhere around the fifth or sixth mention of childhood versus adult selves, Buffy had lost track of what Giles was saying… but hey, if he knew what he was talking about, and if Willow or her friend Tara could do it…

She blinked, then nodded quickly, giving a brief and not entirely genuine smile.

"Right then… let's do this."

She just hoped he did know what he was talking about.

Author note: Meant for this to be longer but it would be reeeally long with the next chapter…so not next chapter but next will be actual hypnosis.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

As Buffy went downstairs, Giles following behind her, she could dimly hear the sound of voices coming from the kitchen. As the two of them stepped inside it, she could smell something casserole-y in the oven, not fully identifiable by scent. She also saw that Willow and her friend Tara had already arrived and were seated at the small table with Joyce and Faith. It would be Tara, rather than Willow, who hypnotized Faith, the girls had decided over the phone. This arrangement was settled both because Willow felt more confident in Tara's abilities than her own, and because as someone more neutral and removed from Faith's life as an older girl, Tara might be able to more effectively elicit answers from her.

The girls and Joyce looked up as Buffy and Giles came to stand near them, greeting them. Buffy thought to herself that Tara looked more at ease than she had the day before. Maybe she felt more comfortable in smaller groups, or maybe she was just getting used to them. Buffy noticed that Faith looked fairly comfortable as well. Seated beside Joyce, across from Tara and Willow, she had been engaged in earnest conversation with Tara as Buffy came in. Faith seemed to be doing most of the talking, however- Tara was just nodding and smiling gently through most of it.

Willow, leaned in closely toward Tara, was quiet as well. She didn't appear hostile, or even suspicious, so much as reserved. She looked at Faith frequently, but it seemed to be not from wariness or unbelief so much as bothered incredulity. Buffy guessed she couldn't blame Willow for that…it was pretty incredible to see Faith like this if you weren't yet used to it.

"Hi, guys," Buffy repeated, "how's it going?"

"I asked them to stay for supper, but it seems everyone has already eaten," Joyce said wryly after they replied in the affirmative to Buffy's question. "Either everyone's too scared of my cooking to risk it, or they're afraid there won't be any left for them after Buffy takes her share."

She grinned mischievously at her daughter, and Buffy scowled back at her. Faith was such a bad influence on her daughter. Sure enough, Faith giggled impishly.

"I told 'em you'd probably eat it all," she said mock innocently. "Like you ate all the pizza."

"Oh yeah?" Buffy asked, shooting her mother a look that Joyce deflected with an equally innocent and irritating smile. "What other tall tales have you been sharing?"

Giles was still standing behind her; though he had said nothing beyond a greeting to Willow and Tara, Buffy could almost feel his eyes on her, on Faith. She tried to ignore it. Let him watch Faith… let him see her as she was, be faced with the reality of how she had once been…

Faith grinned back at Buffy. The child version obviously enjoyed making her uncomfortable or irritated as much as the older Faith. Some things never changed.

"Nothin'… just told them how I kept beatin' you in the park today is all."

"Okay, you did not," Buffy couldn't help but deny as Joyce smirked, and even Tara and Giles smiled slightly. "We weren't finished either time! And, and if you did win, it's because I let you."

She felt ridiculous to be arguing with a first grader over winning races… but not as ridiculous as if everyone really thought Faith had beat her. Which she HADN'T…not exactly. But jeez, the kid was fast for a first grader…

"Nope, you were just too slow," Faith replied, undaunted by Buffy's tone and protest. If anything, based on her wide, dimpled smile and glittering eyes, she enjoyed it entirely too much.

Just as Buffy was about to reply, the child piped up again in a tone that implied she had definitely come out on top with her newest revelation. "AND you knocked down Xander and Anya. And you made Xander bit Anya's lip, she said so."

As Giles's eyebrows raised slightly, no doubt getting an all-too-vivid image in his head of how the lip biting had come about, Tara flushed slightly, ducking her head. But Buffy could see that she was trying to hide a smile. Willow and Joyce made no such attempts; Joyce, in fact, was outright smirking. Fine, Buffy glowered to herself, see if I ever take Faith back to the park again if this is the kind of payment I get. Aren't Xander and Giles supposed to be the ones everyone makes fun of?

"Oh, so Xander and Anya were there too?" Willow asked, still leaning near Tara, a hand absently resting on her shoulder. "Making with the make outs like usual, huh?"

Buffy looked over at her, about to reply, but Faith had turned to regard the redhead several moments earlier. As the child frowned, staring at them intently, both of the girls grew uncomfortable. Tara flushed again, her features tensing slightly, and Willow stiffened, looking back at Faith almost defiantly. But the little girl was looking at Willow's hand, at the posture and proximity of their bodies, and when she spoke, eyes still narrowed thoughtfully, her voice was slow, as though a realization had just occurred to her.

"Are you guys the make-love kind of friends?"

No one in the room had even come close to expecting anything remotely like that question to come out of her mouth- the girls she had addressed it to probably least of all. Both Tara and Willow turned bright red, Willow actually choking, eyes bulging in shocked horror at Faith's question. But was that fear Buffy saw in her eyes before she hurriedly looked away? She knew behind her Giles must be cleaning his glasses furiously…

No way, right… Faith was just a kid, it wasn't true. It was just in her head… no way was Willow gay. Buffy would know a thing like that about a girl who was her best friend, a girl who lived with her. Plus she'd always been straight… you don't just change sexualities.

But she had never mentioned Tara to Buffy before, and they seemed like such good friends… and they WERE sitting close, and Willow had snatched her hand off Tara as if it burned when everyone turned to look at her. And both girls looked so horrified and guilty… and they weren't saying anything…

"What?" Faith said with an impatient little scowl, looking around at her speechless, mortified elders in total incomprehension. "I said make love instead of fuck like you told me to, Joyce…so how come you're all actin' like that? Are you or not?"

"Faith, you don't ask questions like that," Joyce managed fairly calmly, possibly for the tenth time since yesterday. She was trying her hardest not to look at Willow and Tara, but as Buffy rapidly glanced around the room at large, she could see that Joyce was trying not to do the same. "It's not polite."

"Why? I'm just ASKIN'…"

"Dear Lord," Giles muttered behind her, and as Buffy hurriedly snuck a look at Willow, the other girl did not look furious so much as terrified. Oh god…

"Uh, let's go do that hypnosis thing," Buffy said quickly, fumbling for an out for them all. "In the living room… let's do it NOW."

Clearly relieved by this new focus, the others stood, beginning to move towards the living room in unspoken consent. But though Faith stood as well, she looked around at everyone in confusion, not following.

"What? What are we doing, where are we going?"

"Living room," Buffy repeated quickly, glancing down at her. She knew she hadn't explained to Faith that they would try to hypnotize her. Had her mother, or Willow or Tara? It didn't seem like it… the little girl seemed bewildered by their movement. "Just, just go sit on the couch, Faith, and we'll explain in a minute."

As Buffy- and undoubtedly Willow and Tara- had fervently hoped, Faith was too distracted by her perplexity over what they were doing now to continue to press them to answer her question about Willow and Tara's sexuality and relationship with one another. But Buffy was still thinking about it regardless with more than a little unease. Could Faith be right? They were pretty touchy with each other… but wouldn't Buffy had KNOWN?

In the living room, as Faith sat hesitantly on the couch, Tara sat on her right, Buffy on her left, the closest two in positioning to her. Willow sat on the arm of the couch near Tara- again, very close to her, Buffy noticed with new observance of their demeanors. Giles and Joyce each took an armchair, and as they all settled into their positions, Faith continued to look from person to person with growing nervousness. Buffy noticed that she was pushing and picking at the cuticles of her left hand with her right, almost to the point of making them bleed.

"What's goin' on?" she asked again, her voice getting softer, tense. Buffy put a hand on her shoulder quickly and gave it a little squeeze.

"It's okay, Faith," she said reassuringly, giving her a little smile. "We're just going to hypnotize you for a little bit. Well, Tara is, right Tara? It will be okay, don't worry."

"What? Why?" Faith asked hurriedly, a sharp note of alarm in her voice that quickly reflected itself, glittering, in her eyes. "How come, I didn't do nothin'."

Everyone was watching Faith with Giles, Willow, and Tara doing so in silence with slight frowns. Buffy frowned as well, trying to think of a way to explain and more fully reassure her, but Joyce leaned forward in her chair, smiling at Faith warmly and questioning her in a gentle tone.

"Faith, do you know what hypnosis is, honey?"

Faith nodded cautiously, her eyes still darkened with her concern.

"Uh-huh… saw it on cartoons. You take a swirly necklace thing and wave it back and forth, and the person they're doin' it to goes to sleep, and then they do whatever you tell them to, like quack like a duck or somethin'. Right?"

"No, honey, not exactly, I'm sure," Joyce smiled, and she glanced at Tara for confirmation.

Buffy knew without looking at her mother, even without Joyce saying so, that she wasn't pleased with the idea of Faith being hypnotized. Joyce was behaving perfectly normally, not indicating any such thought to Faith or the others, but Buffy knew her mother- and especially how she was with the child Faith. She didn't want them messing around in her mind, even if it was to help, because it could also hurt her. And maybe a part of her didn't' want them to find answers, because she wanted to keep Faith as a child…

"No, no, it's n-not like that," Tara said quickly in response to Joyce's statement to Faith, and she smiled shyly at the child as well. "No necklaces or quacking, p-promise. "

"I don't wanna do it," Faith said, unconvinced, still frowning between the girls beside her and Joyce worriedly. "Can't we do it to Buffy instead?"

Joyce laughed, and the others smiled slightly, even Giles. Buffy shook her head with a faint smirk. The kid as always ready to make a fool out of her, wasn't she?

"Faith, it has to be you. You don't remember some things, so we're going to try to help you remember with hypnosis," Buffy tried to explain. "We won't do anything to hurt you or make you look silly, I promise. Tara's just going to ask you some of the things you've forgotten so, so we can understand everything, right Tara?"

"Th-that's right," Tara replied, giving Faith another quick smile, but the little girl still looked discomfited as she continued to pick at her cuticles anxiously. Buffy felt an urge to take Faith's hand to stop her, but she made herself sit still, allowing Faith the physical venting of her worry. Across from them she saw her mother eyeing Faith's hands too and knew she was feeling the same urge.

"How am I gonna answer all your questions if I forgot them?" Faith asked next. Surprisingly, it was Giles who spoke to her next, less assuredly than he had when explaining his theory to Buffy, however.

"You have forgotten here, but, but a subconscious part of you may not have. There are different parts to everyone, and while a part of you may very well-"

"Giles," Buffy said dryly as the young girl's eyes squinted and she stared at him with complete incomprehension. "Generally Psychology For Advanced Eggheads isn't taught to first graders."

"Ah…right," Giles muttered, looking away quickly and clearing his throat. "Well then…you-"

"Sometimes you remember things when you're asleep that you don't remember when you're awake," Willow spoke up, to Buffy's surprise. She hadn't heard her friend say much of anything at all since she had gone downstairs...and after Faith's question to her, she had been more silent than ever, avoiding looking at anyone. Buffy would have thought she would have been furious at Faith. And yet now Willow was explaining to Faith calmly, even looking her in the eye…she might not sound like a mother hen, but neither did she sound overly tense or hostile.

"So Tara will sort of put you to sleep, and maybe then you'll remember," Willow finished up, and Buffy saw Faith thinking this over with a furrowed brow. It occurred to her that with the sort of dreams, and memories within dreams, that Faith seemed to have, the little girl wouldn't want to be put to sleep. But Faith nodded faintly, looking over at Tara as she briefly and unconsciously bit her lower lip.

"It ain't gonna hurt?" she asked softly, meeting her eyes.

"No," Buffy and Joyce said simultaneously, reassuring her, and Tara tried to explain to her again.

"All you have t-to do is s-sit still and relax, and, and listen to what I say to you. I, I'll feel out your aura and k-kind of guide you to sleep… it, it won't hurt. It might even feel kind of nice…"

Faith hesitated, her eyes flickering to Willow, maybe not sure that she liked her to be present while this occurred. She didn't say anything for several moments, so Tara tried again.

"Faith? Is, is it okay if I do this… h-hypnotize you? I can't do it if, if you d-don't' want me to, it won't work right… so, so will you let me?"

Tara wasn't looking at any of the others, only Faith, and she seemed to have almost forgotten they were there. Her voice was soft, low-key, and as Buffy watched her, she found herself becoming impressed with her demeanor with Faith. Tara was awkward and shy, yes…but there was something about her, an intensity that gave her a unique strength in her affect.

Faith paused for a few more moments, looking first at Joyce, then Buffy, as if to gain one last dose of assurance, before looking back at Tara and exhaling. "Okay."

As Tara smiled back at her and Giles leaned forward slightly, Buffy felt her muscles tense in anticipation. Here we go…


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 25

"Okay, Faith… I n-need you to lie back against the couch and relax," Tara began softly, and she shifted her body so that she was fully facing the little girl, fully able to look her in the eye. "Loosen up your muscles and, and look me in the eyes… and breathe. Breathe in…breathe out."

This was more than she'd ever heard Tara say all at once before, Buffy realized faintly, as Tara continued to address Faith softly, ignoring the others watching around them. Maybe she had managed to block their presence from her mind- she certainly was concentrating hard on Faith. Faith obeyed Tara's instructions with a slightly creased brow, leaning back into the couch and breathing exaggeratedly as she looked the older girl in the eye.

"Good," Tara smiled at her, still using the same soothing tone. "Very good… I want you to listen to m-my voice. Just, just think about what I'm saying, the way it sounds… d-don't pay attention to anyone else. I'm all that's here… I'm the only one you can hear…"

Faith's breathing evened out slightly, though she was still breathing in long, exaggerated breaths, probably assuming that this was what Tara wanted from her. Staring into Tara's eyes, her tensed brow smoothed out slowly, and the slight tension in her face began to ease. Buffy watched with intense interest, realizing that she was almost holding her breath as Tara went on quietly. It occurred to Buffy as Tara spoke again that the other girl was barely stuttering at all right now.

"Right now, you are getting very, very relaxed," Tara said softly, and the growing rhythm of her tone caused Buffy to lean forward slightly, finding herself drawn in partially as well. She wondered if Tara was using magic…was that what any form of hypnosis really was? How else would she know how to do it? Did Willow?

"Your face is relaxed… your, your shoulders are relaxed…you can f-feel all the fear, all the anger, all the s-sadness, draining out of you," Tara addressed Faith, her voice maintaining the same level tone and volume as she continued to look Faith in the eye. It occurred to Buffy that for someone who normally almost seemed to find it painful to make eye contact with someone, Tara was having no difficulty doing so with Faith at the moment, and for such a prolonged period of time too. "Your chest is relaxed now…your tummy… all the tension, all the bad things you feel are l-leaving you now, so you feel light, and free, and safe…"

Buffy watched closely as Faith's body noticeably loosened up, sagging farther back against the couch with each body part Tara named. Her small face was still, all stress and negative emotions wiped free from it. She almost looked blank. Looking between the two girls, Buffy was fairly amazed… it was stunning to think that such a quiet, seemingly ordinary person as Tara could wield such influence on someone like Faith, that she could so strongly affect her. Judging from the silence and close watching from the others, they too were intrigued.

"When you are very relaxed… very comfortable… I want you to close your eyes," Tara said gently, and after a few moments Faith's eyes slowly drifted shut. Leaned back into the couch, with her features perfectly at ease and her eyes closed, she seemed as if she were merely asleep. Buffy wondered if she was. All she knew about hypnosis came from bad movies and the crystal thing Giles had used on her for her Cruciamentum.

Thinking of this, Buffy glanced over at Giles, seeking his reaction. He had been watching the girls with a concentrated frown, but sensing Buffy's eyes on him, he looked up and gave her a very small smile. Clearly he thought this was going well… and from where she leaned in close to Tara on the couch's arm, Willow seemed to think so too. Joyce was still frowning as she watched Faith's face closely, her forehead as creased as Faith's had been, but she too made no move, merely watching.

"Very good," Tara almost whispered, and she wasn't stuttering at all as she paid attention only to the child in front of her. "I'm going to ask you some questions now… but I need you to tell me now if you trust me, so I'll know that you'll talk to me. Do you trust me? "

"Yes," Faith replied almost immediately, her eyes still closed. Her voice was still childish and slightly higher than an average female's, but it was subdued, calm, carrying none of the vivid feeling it usually conveyed.

"Good," Tara smiled, "so will you answer what I a-ask you with the truth then?"

"Yes," Faith replied, and Buffy tensed, preparing herself.

But Tara wasn't going in for the kill yet. She seemed to be confident of what she was doing… and clearly she believed it best to ease into getting Faith to confide in her.

"What is your name?" she asked her, and again Faith answered almost immediately.

"Faith…Faith Eliza Lehane."

"Right, thank you," Tara murmured, and she continued to smile slightly at Faith, even though the younger girl's eyes were closed. "Can you tell me how old you are right now, Faith?"

"Seven," Faith replied, and Tara nodded, continuing along the same line of non-threatening questions.

"Seven, that's nice… when is your birthday?"

"December 14."

"I see…all right, Faith, we're going to d-do something different now," Tara told her, and the others heard the way her tone changed slightly, growing a little deeper, slower. It was as if she were making sure she had Faith's attention, that she was following along with this change in focus. "We're going to travel back in time… back to yesterday. It's one minute earlier… two minutes earlier… five minutes… ten. The m-minutes are peeling away, the hours are disappearing… where are you right now, Faith? What are you doing?"

"I'm tryin' on clothes," Faith said faintly, her eyes still loosely shut. "These pants are too big for me."

Buffy saw her hands drift over to her jeans, and Faith fumbled at the zipper, as though preparing to pull it down. Tara must have seen this too, because she rushed ahead quickly.

"Right…now, more hours are peeling away… one, two, three, four… time is erasing, and now today has not yet come. It's yesterday… tell me what's going on. Do you see it, Faith?"

"Yeah…" came the child's voice, small, tight, and anxious.

As everyone watched, a change came over Faith quickly. Her features tensed, body stiffening, even beginning to shake a little. Buffy saw that her closed eyes were shut tightly now, the hands once limp at her sides trembling, and she began to breathe harder and faster, her chest hitching. Buffy stared, alarmed- was she okay? What was Tara doing to her? Had something gone wrong?

"Can you tell me about it, Faith?" Tara asked softly, and Faith's voice came out in a rasp.

"It's someone's house… I don't know whose…I don't know them…"

It's us, Buffy realized, her stomach tightening. It's us… Mom and me, when she first saw us as a child.

She wanted to stop Tara, to keep her from going through with this, but she knew she couldn't. She had to listen to this… she had to know how Faith had viewed what had happened.

"You don't know who's in the room with you?" Tara asked, frowning, faintly. She probably didn't' realize, as Buffy and Joyce did, what Faith was referring to.

"No…it's women… two women," Faith rasped, and her trembling escalated. Had she opened her eyes, Buffy knew the terror and wild panic they would have seen there…for she had seen it once before. Buffy glanced at her mother and saw the way her lips thinned, her eyes guilty and conflicted as she regarded Faith, still leaned forward. She knew Joyce wanted to go to the girl. Buffy wanted to touch her too, to lend her assurance…but she stayed still, afraid she might mess up what Tara was doing with her.

"She's holdin' me," Faith said suddenly, her voice rising, sharp and panicky.

Suddenly she began to jerk her body, her face drawing into an almost grimacing expression as she twisted and writhed frantically on the couch, hitting out at the girls beside her wildly. Her voice grew even louder, shrill, angry, yet terrified as she thrashed about, her eyes still closed, seeing and experiencing the events of 24 hours ago.

"Stop it!!! Get offa me, I don't know nothin', I didn't do nothin'!" she screamed, and her foot made contact with the coffee table so hard Buffy knew she would have a very large and tender bruise from it later. "Let me GO! I don't know, I didn't do nothin', let me GO!!!"

"Faith…Faith," Tara began, obviously stunned and somewhat horrified by this, and especially so because the child's occasional blow landed on her leg or side from her thrashing. She sat almost frozen, staring at Faith and blinking in indecision, as if she were afraid of doing something to make it worse. The others too were gaping at her with wide eyes, stunned by her sudden and intense reaction, and not seeming to know how best to deal with it either.

Buffy was as horrified as any of them, even more so because she knew what was going on, what it was that Faith was reliving… and her own part in it. It was she that Faith was yelling at, she who had so terrified her. She was the reason that Faith was lashing out right now, that the hypnosis might go wrong.

She could see her mother jumping up, no doubt intending to go to Faith and hold her, stop the hypnosis right then and there. But as much as Buffy thought they should, she was also afraid to let her. What if it hurt Faith somehow… what if it damaged her mind, or the shock of it was bad or something… didn't she need to come out on her own, or have Tara bring her out?

Running purely by instinct, Buffy grabbed hold of Faith the best she could with the child thrashing, sliding off the couch, and yelling out at her past captor as she frantically resisted both current and past attempts to restrain her. Putting her arms around Faith in a firm embrace, holding the still-struggling girl against her side, she spoke to her above Faith's outcries.

"Shhh…shhh, it's okay…"

Her heart pounding, mouth dry, stomach twisting in guilt at what she was doing, Buffy looked over at Tara hurriedly. She was still trying to hold Faith without causing her to actually come out of her hypnotized state. Joyce hovered a foot or two away, wanting to help, but clearly unsure now of what to do.

"Tara, tell her to calm down!" Buffy called out to the other girl sharply as she tightened her arms around Faith, praying that she wasn't hurting the child, or causing her more harm than she was trying to prevent. "Send her back in time further…hurry!"

"S-sorry… I…I…" Tara stammered, her eyes round and anxious, and she faced Faith again, pulling back from her a little so as to avoid coming in contact with any flailing limbs that might break free of Buffy's hold. Taking a deep breath, she began in a shaky voice that quickly grew stronger as she looked into Faith's face.

"F-Faith… Faith, l-listen to me. Faith…she, she's let go of you. Do you hear me? The woman, she…she let go of you. She isn't holding you anymore."

For a few moments Faith continued to fight Buffy's hold, yelping hoarsely, but a few seconds after Tara had spoken, her words seemed to hit the little girl. Her eyes still closed, breathing heavily, chest heaving, Faith slowly turned her face toward Tara. She was still quivering slightly, and Buffy could feel her heart racing against her arm, but she was no longer yelling or lashing out at anyone. As Buffy loosened her hold slightly, Joyce sat on the arm of the chair near her, peering over at her daughter and Faith from this closer position with an anxious intensity. Seeing that things were calming, Tara went on, the relief vivid in her voice.

"That's right… no one is touching you, n-no one's going to hurt you," she said softly, picking up again her rhythmic cadence of voice as before. "No one is trying to, to hold you down. D-do you see that…do you see her walking away?"

Faith nodded slowly, letting out a ragged breath that shuddered through her body, causing Buffy to shiver as well. The little girl's voice was small, but calmer, quieter, when she replied. Her eyes remained closed as her body began to relax again, leaning into rather than resisting Buffy's arms.

"Yes…" she almost whispered, and everyone present visibly relaxed.

Buffy distantly noticed Giles rub a hand across his face, his expression rattled, and Willow's features were drawn, her face slightly paler than normal as she continued to look between Buffy, Faith, and Tara worriedly. Buffy also noticed that the redhead's hand had crept over to rest on Tara's upper back, and she looked away hurriedly, uneasy. Beside her from where she was now perched on the other arm of the couch, Joyce too looked between them intently, searching Faith's slowly loosening features. She didn't touch the child, apparently able to restrain herself now that Faith seemed better, but she did lay a hand on her daughter's shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.

Seeing that everything, to her own gratitude as much as anyone's, was again under control, Tara exhaled in relief before going on in her addressal to Faith.

"Good, Faith… n-now, we're going to travel back in time again… only this time, for only an hour. Picture the minutes melting away, one, two, three, t-time flowing backward…and now it's an hour earlier. Where are you now, Faith…what do you see?"

Almost as soon as Tara had stopped speaking, Faith's face began to change. Somehow, without actually physically altering in form, her features appeared to be shifting, seeming larger, more defined and mature. She was still clearly a child, both in face and body, but as she moved slightly in Buffy's continued embrace of her, Faith somehow appeared to simultaneously grow older.

As the others stared at her, nearly holding their breaths in anticipation of her next words, they were all the more stunned by the voice that emerged. For from the child's mouth and oddly differing-yet-not features came the deep, husky voice of a mature adult female… a voice they all recognized, other than Tara, as the voice of the older Faith.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

"I'm on the street," the older Faith's voice replied in answer to Tara's question. "It's night…I'm walking down the road."

Her voice was subdued, cooperative, not particularly emotional in any specific way. But it was neither her words nor the way she said them that so astonished those around her. It was the fact that they were hearing her "normal" voice at all. The deep voice, the husky tones, lightly accented from her Boston upbringing… it couldn't possibly come from the small child's body. It was noot the voice of the child, of the little girl whose body remained before them… but the older Faith's. The one who had killed, the one who had brought about the confusion surrounding their circumstances… the one currently lost to them. Tara had brought her forth among them, even as she remained physically unseen…

Buffy blinked several times, finding herself suddenly awkward and more than a little weirded out to be holding the child Faith's body against her so protectively, as the adult version's voice spoke. It felt wrong in some way, creepy, and she found herself releasing Faith quickly, edging away from her slightly. Faith fell back against the couch gently, but her features were tensed, as was her body. Buffy continued to stare at her, her heart speeding up, distinctly shaken…and were her hands actually shaking a little?

She had known this would happen… that was the whole point of getting Tara to do this, to get Faith to answer her questions as her adolescent self. But she hadn't expected Faith to answer in her adolescent voice…and somehow, though Buffy wasn't really sure of why, this made things entirely different.

Apparently the others felt the same way, for all displayed shock of some form, except for Tara, who merely continued to look into Faith's face as if she had been expecting nothing other than to hear her adult voice reply. Of course, this was probably true, given that Tara was the one performing the hypnosis . As Willow gawked, mouth slightly open even as her eyes narrowed, eyebrows drawing together, Giles blinked rapidly, apprehensive guilt and anxiety glittering in his eyes. Joyce inhaled in sharp surprise, her eyes fixed on Faith's face as Tara addressed the girl before her quietly, ignoring the others' reactions.

"You're walking down the street, Faith? Where are you going?"

"B's," Faith replied, and there was a definite terse edge to her voice now. Buffy knew then what she must be remembering. If this was from yesterday, it must have been just before she turned herself into a child, just before she arrived to keep Joyce captive in Buffy's house.

"You're going to B's?" Tara repeated, and she glanced at Buffy for confirmation. "You mean to Buffy- Buffy's house?"

"Yeah," Faith replied in the same slightly strained way. A mixture of several emotions flickered across her face, mainly pain, guilt, and anger, before finally settling onto simply anger. This happened so quickly that no one seemed to notice- no one, that is, except Tara, who's eyes darkened slightly.

As Buffy glanced at her, she noticed suddenly that there was anger in her voice as well…which of course made sense. Faith had to have been angry when she held Joyce hostage, when she was preparing to fight Buffy. Thinking about this, still keeping her body carefully apart from Faith's, Buffy continued to regard her. Across the room, Giles had somehow come up with a small notepad and pen and was prepared to take notes. A good idea, she supposed, though she doubted she would be able to forget anything Faith said now if she tried.

Faith didn't add anything else to her answer to Tara's question, and Buffy thought to herself that this was typical. Even hypnotized, the adult Faith seemed to be trying to get away with revealing as little as possible about her intentions, or at least so it seemed to Buffy.

"Why?" Tara asked Faith next, gently but firmly prodding her along in her recounting. "What do you want to do when you get to Buffy's house, Faith?"

"I want to get her back…want to make her get hers," Faith ground out, and she was beginning to breathe faster, the childish chest moving noticeably with each intake of air as her hands made fists at her sides. Buffy half expected her to get up and start pacing. What would she do if Faith did that- should let her go or try to stop her?

"I wanna make her pay for what she's done, make her sorry…she's gonna be sorry now. Not so high and mighty after this… see a little of what she did to me after this…"

At first Faith's darkly muttered oaths provoked defensive anger in Buffy. She barely was able to restrain herself from snapping back at her. It took considerable self control to remind herself to stay still and quiet, that it was still the child Faith's body, if not her voice, before her. Had she looked over to see her mother's troubled frown, the way Giles paused in his scribbling, or how Willow's wary scowl had turned into an expression bordering on hostility, Buffy would have realized how difficult it was for them to hold themselves back too, though perhaps for differing reasons.

It struck Buffy suddenly, just before Tara began another question…the way that Faith was talking, the things she was saying, didn't make sense. At least not from the angle that Buffy had been thinking from over the last few days. If Faith had been planning for whatever reason to turn herself back into a child, then how did what she was saying fit? How could she make Buffy "pay" or "get hers," how could she seek any vengeance at all on her, by making herself into a child who not only was small, young, and physically without power, but also did not remember that she knew and harbored vengeful feelings towards Buffy?

She couldn't have… that was the only possible answer, that Faith would never have done so. She must have messed up somehow, something must have gone wrong, backfired on her. It was the only thing that would make sense.

Feeling suddenly lighter, as though her flash of insight had also given her a flash of relief along with it, Buffy glanced at Giles, hoping he had caught this and its importance.

Tara was speaking to Faith again, choosing her words carefully, and Buffy made herself stop her track of thought to listen.

"You want to m-make Buffy pay…how will you do this, Faith? What- what do you have planned?"

"Gonna use this silver hand thing," Faith muttered, and with her eyes still closed, she began to stroke her hand over an imaginary object. "It's gonna show her… probably never gonna know what hit her, the little blondie tightass…"

"What is this hand thing, Faith?" Tara asked. "What does it do? Who…where did you g-get it?"

At those questions, Buffy leaned forward, eager, expectant… in fact, she found that she was almost holding her breath. Finally they were going to get some answers… finally they would know what was going on…

Only, she was quickly disappointed, for Faith didn't answer the way she had anticipated. No details of the hand device and its purpose came forth… no confessions of depth and length of any sort. Instead, the childish face frowned slightly, even as the husky adult voice spoke with some puzzlement.

"Don't know… he called it something. Transcorpo…Transcuerpo? Don't know what it does either."

Buffy's eyes widened, and she straightened, looking from Faith to Tara and the others. Faith didn't KNOW? How could she not KNOW- how could she be so excited about using a weapon when she didn't know what it did?! It didn't make sense… she HAD to know! But then again, the older Faith had never seemed exactly fully logical in her actions to Buffy…

STILL. How could she want to use a thing she knew nothing about- how would she know what it might do to her or Buffy? Was she really so crazy that she didn't care?

"Where did you get it, Faith?" Tara repeated and she too was frowning slightly in incomprehension. "Who gave it to you? Did you find it somewhere?"

He, Buffy remembered suddenly, and she snapped her eyes down to Faith's face again as she remembered the girls' remark when she struggled to recall the object's name. Faith had said that HE had called it Trans- something… so someone HAD given this to her… why?

"Demon guy gave me an envelope," Faith mumbled, and she was looking straight ahead, as if she were staring, even with her eyes closed. "It was in there… had a note too, about going to the Boss's office and watching this movie…"

Her voice dropped, and her head lowered slightly as her mouth twitched… and if Buffy was right… before she had, even subconsciously, concealed her face, that Faith looked different. The anger and tension in her face had softened, and for the brief moment that Buffy had been able to see her clearly, she had looked sad. Almost…grieved.

But that was silly… she couldn't be grieving the Mayor, could she? Buffy knew the Mayor had cared for Faith… it was the reason she had been able to kill him. But Faith, could Faith have cared for him too? Could she have seen him as more than a guy giving her knives and food and Playstations in exchange for her evil-doings on his command?

But why was she thinking any of this right now? It wasn't important, at least at the moment. Faith was talking about the Mayor… she had watched a video, somehow posthumously sent to her by the Mayor. The last time Buffy had seen him, he hadn't had hands to send anything with, between being a demon snake and also burnt to a crisp. So how could he have sent Faith anything?

Tara looked slightly confused; she looked to Willow, who clarified for her with eyes still darkly set on Faith.

"She means the Mayor… her boss would be the Mayor. You know, giant snake guy."

"Oh…right," Tara nodded, and she did seem to know what Willow meant. Distracted momentarily, Buffy looked at them… how much time had they spent together?

"Tell me about what happened, Faith," Tara directed at the other girl again, "you said a demon was sent to give you a note and-and a video and this, this device… tell me what you remember of what happened, after you s-saw the demon."

"He said he had a message for me," Faith replied, and she was frowning still, half concealing her face, as though she were troubled or concentrating hard on her words. "I broke his neck. He dropped a big envelope, so I picked it up, and the note was for me. It said…it said to go to the Mayor's office. There was a note for me there too, and this video by the TV. It had been set up for me. I watched it…and it was the Boss. The Mayor."

Buffy watched her intently as Faith paused, pressing her lips together firmly. She could see her shoulders tensing, and her fists uncurled against her thighs, flattening out against them and pressing down hard. As Faith had gone on, her voice had grown lower, even fumbling as if under strain… and she still kept her face lowered. She looked and sounded more upset than Buffy could ever remember seeing her as a teenager, apart from when they had been faced with Kakistos when Faith first came to Sunnydale. On her little-girl face and body, it was all the harder for Buffy to look at… and again, it came to her mind that Faith looked like she was grieving.

"What did he say in the video, Faith?" Tara asked her softly, after giving her a few moments of silence to collect herself. "What message did he have for you?"

Across the room Giles's pen was poised ready for action, and all the others watched Faith closely too, ready to gain understanding of some kind. With every word she gave to shed light to the situation, there only seemed to be more questions emerging…

"He…he made it for me before he died," Faith said slowly, her words reluctant, still hoarse and slightly uneven as she continued. She kept her eyes closed, her face tilted towards her lap. "While I was in a coma… he made this tape in case we lost, and I woke up. To tell me what to do."

To Buffy, this revelation was faintly astonishing. In her experience, bad guys had always been too cocky to even entertain the notion that they might lose. She would never think one of them would carefully prepare a plan of action and a seeming will to surviving minions in case they didn't. But then, the Mayor had been different… when was the last time she'd come across a demon or evil immortal thing so obsessed with being clean and germ free? Judging from the many times Buffy had come home splattered in demon pus and blood and reeking of their stench, never.

"And what was it he told you to do?" Tara continued quietly. "Did he t-tell you how to use the…Transcuerpo? Did he say what it did?"

"Sorta…he said to… to use it on B. He said I'd go out with a bang, even if it was over for me. His Faith," Faith said slowly, her voice tight, and her hands pressed harder against her thighs. "You put it on your hand, he said, like a glove… and make physical contact. With the other person."

She didn't go on, just took a slow breath in and let it out again, still not raising her head. It was so weird for Buffy to see the little girl's body before her, looking so small and helpless and sad… and yet to hear that husky adult voice at the same time, to realize that it was not the child Faith mentally present before her. It was not the child Faith who showed bodily the distress Faith was feeling, but rather the adult Faith. To think of Faith as being upset at all in a way that didn't involve anger or violence was almost a foreign notion to her. And judging from the strange glinting in Willow's eyes, it was for her too. A glance at her mother told Buffy that this was the not the case for Joyce Summers. The soft empathy in her features made it obvious that Big Faith speaking or not, Joyce was finding it hard to restrain herself from reaching out to touch or comfort her in some way.

"The Mayor- he didn't tell you what this… hand glove thing… would do when you used it?" Tara asked, still attempting to get a good view of Faith's face as she spoke to her. "He just told you how to put it on, and to make physical contact with Buffy while wearing it?"

When Faith nodded slightly, mumbling in the affirmative, Buffy didn't' know how to take this piece of information. Assuming the device had worked as he had intended it to, why would the Mayor want Faith to turn into a child again, one who was clearly harmless and couldn't carry out any evil plans for him in such a state? And why Buffy specifically- how did that make sense? Why wouldn't he give her, say nuclear war weapons, or some magical thing to maim or destroy the world? Why give Faith something that would make her utterly powerless and instruct her to use it, without telling her what it would do?

An idea came to her then, one that stunned Buffy to even consider…but maybe the Mayor had done exactly that, because he cared about Faith. Maybe he had wanted to turn her into a little girl, because he thought it would be the best thing for her. She wouldn't have to deal with or remember the crimes she had committed, and no one would recognize her or hold against her what she had done.. it would be like a second chance at life. Maybe he had sent her to Buffy because he had known she would take care of her… could this be why he hadn't explained to Faith what using the thing would do to her? Because if she knew it would make her a child again, she might not use it?

No…that was ridiculous. The Mayor had been evil… he wouldn't have put concern for Faith's welfare above chaos and world domination, even if he did care for her in his way. Something must have gone wrong… Faith must have used it wrong somehow.

When Tara glanced up at the others, seeming confused and unsure of what to ask Faith next, Giles looked up from his notes and said quietly, "Ask her to describe the demon who gave her the message."

Turning back to Faith, Tara repeated the question to the girl, and she answered with details a little too vague to make an exact portrait from.

"Tall…pointy ears, horns… he had long hair, kinda reddish, and a beard."

"Ask her if she noticed any others nearby, when she killed the demon in the alley," Giles told Tara next, "whether human or demon or vampire. In the Mayor's office as well, were there any others with her, or does she know of anyone who might have known the Mayor's plan for her?"

As Tara relayed his request to Faith, Faith lifted her head slightly, frowning as she considered.

"No…don't think so. Don't know of any that did anyway."

Great… so then we might never know what this thing is or why the Mayor wanted to use it, Buffy thought with some frustration. Or even if she used it right… he really covered his tracks.

But Giles wasn't through with his questions yet. Pushing at his glasses slightly, he asked Tara, "Ask her where the Mayor got this device."

"Don't know," Faith shrugged in response when Tara repeated this. "He said from a friend…he had connections or something. I didn't really care."

Oh… so maybe there was a chance. Maybe they could trace it back to someone, or something… unless it was the demon Faith had killed that knew, of course.

Taking this in with a slight frown, Giles nodded. Tara looked from him to the others quickly, as if seeking their approval.

"Is- is there anything else I should ask her?" she asked them quietly, quickly glancing back at Faith. The girl was sitting still and compliant, if tensely, and waiting for her to address them again.

Giles thought for a few moments, skimming over his notes, before shaking his head at Tara. "No, I suppose I'm finished… I believe this is all she knows, or at least all we will be able to get from her," he replied slowly. "But if anyone else can think of anything…"

Tara looked around at the others again, and Joyce and Willow shook their heads, though Buffy noticed Willow hesitated. Joyce just looked relieved, eager to bring Faith back into her child self and a fully conscious state. When Tara's eyes met hers, Buffy meant to shake her head as well… but an anxious need tightened in her chest, and she found herself blurting out to Tara something she had never intended to request, that she hadn't even been aware of thinking.

"Tell her… tell her that I'm, I'm sorry… tell her I wish it could have been… could have been different…"

She was aware of everyone turning to stare at her, with varying reactions in their eyes… she was aware of her suddenly quickening heartbeat in her chest, of her mouth going dry as she met Tara's eyes almost urgently, somehow knowing even without having planned any of this that she needed to do it. She needed to tell Faith this while she was still in her older mindset. In some way she hoped it would stick with her subconsciously, carrying on over to when the child Faith returned to strengthen her sense of security with Buffy. And even when they restored Faith to her adult self, maybe if Buffy said this to her now, if Faith knew this subconsciously, it would be different between them this time around. Maybe it could be better…somehow…

Or was that a hopelessly naïve thing to think? Maybe Faith would simply flip out on her, furious… after all, didn't she think that she was on her way to Buffy's house right now to use some unknown device on her? Wouldn't that imply that she was furious with her and in no frame of mind to hear apologies?

"Faith," Tara said hesitantly, glancing between Buffy and the brunette beside her, uncertain even as she complied with Buffy's request. "Buffy is sorry… she wishes things were different between you. She wishes you didn't feel like you do."

Buffy waited for Faith's response in almost breathless anticipation, bracing herself for the other girl's reaction. But it never came. Faith didn't say anything at all. Her eyebrows drew together above her closed eyes, and her jaw tensed, her lips narrowing in a thinner alignment than normal… but she didn't reply. Buffy didn't know if that was because Tara hadn't asked her a direct question or if Faith simply didn't want to respond. She didn't look angry so much as bothered… maybe even confused.

When Faith didn't say anything for almost a full minute, the silence stretching out around them noticeably and very awkwardly for all, Tara attempted to get a response from her again. Looking back at her, she asked her softly, "Faith… do you believe me when I tell you that Buffy f-feels that way?"

Several more moments passed before Faith replied, each small section of time seeming an eternity to Buffy in her anxiety to hear the girl's answer. Faith's expression did not change, and her words came slowly; her tone was no longer taut with anger and aggressive intent, as it had been when she explained to Tara that she was on her way to Buffy's. She sounded confused, her voice softer than Buffy had heard…ever. The sound of Faith' adult voice speaking in such a way, so very similarly to the way Buffy had often heard her younger self speak, made Buffy swallow with her suddenly strong, if rather bewildered, emotion.

"Buffy hates me," the older Faith said slowly, quietly, and from her tone it was obvious that she found any statement to the contrary to be baffling, if not outright wrong. "She tried to kill me."

Buffy gritted her teeth, as much to keep from calling out unthinkingly in response as from stress. She didn't hate Faith… not now, anyway. And she HAD tried to kill her…but that was after Faith tried to kill Angel. And Faith had tried to kill her too…

But even as those defensive thoughts came to mind, they were matched and they dominated by her guilty ones. She shouldn't have tried to kill Faith… she knew that now. There could have been a different way. And she didn't hate Faith… Faith needed to know that, both as a kid and while older. If she had known that, maybe she wouldn't have been so angry…

The others were being remarkably quiet, but Buffy had ceased thinking about them long ago. Giles was still scribbling his notes, pausing once in a while to look up at Tara and Faith intently. Willow was staring at Faith with something between angry resentment and uncertain neutrality in her eyes. Joyce was simply looking between each of the girls on the couch in turn with an expression seeming to imply that they were all abandoned kittens she wanted to pick up. Though she kept her hands to herself, Buffy nonetheless was dimly aware of her watching worriedly.

"You think that Buffy hates you, Faith?" Tara repeated quietly, and the narrow child shoulders shrugged, her answer clear before she said a word.

"Well, yeah."

"Is that why you're doing this- using this device on her?" Tara asked in the same soft tone, remembering to address her as if the time they were speaking of was the present rather than the past. "Is that why you want to harm her?"

Buffy thought that was a pretty dumb thing to ask. Of course that was why. Did she have to ask Faith, rub Buffy's face in it?

But no… Faith was shaking her head slightly, her frown deepening as she responded, "No.."

No? How was it a no? Why else would Faith want to hurt her, to kill her? It was for revenge, because Faith had hurt her. It was jealousy and anger… and because she thought Buffy hated her. How could Faith deny that?

Tara too seemed confused by this reply. Frowning a little as well, she asked Faith, "Then…then why do you want to hurt Buffy, if not because she hurt you or you th-think she hates you?"

Though her question was long and awkwardly worded, it was still expressed in the same soothing tone Tara had been maintaining, and Faith replied after a long pause. Her words were slow, barely audible… and painfully raw in meaning as well as tone.

"Because she doesn't love me."

The people around her couldn't have been more astonished… no other sentence Faith could have uttered would have shocked as much as that one. Willow actually choked, her eyes nearly popping, and her eyes darted to Tara for a reason no one made a connection to. Giles too looked up sharply, his pen halting mid-page. Joyce's eyes widened slightly, but she remained more composed than the others, as did Tara.

But Buffy… Buffy's mind was reeling. Her eyes round, she stared at Faith, barely seeing the girl lowering her face once again and just heard her words circling her mind.

Love her… she wanted to hurt Buffy, to hate her, because Buffy didn't LOVE Faith? What kind of love was she talking about? Friend love? But Buffy had tried to be her friend! Well, she hadn't been a very good one all the time…but…

Or did she mean romantic love? Was Faith gay? Did Faith have- HAD she had- a crush on her? God, had there really been something else behind all that innuendo and sex talk all along? But she'd had sex with guys! A LOT of guys!

Whichever she had meant- and Buffy couldn't begin to guess- Faith had wanted her to love her… and Buffy swung between shock and incredulity, guilt and anxiety, regret and self-disgust, to know this. Why had she never seen this before? How could she not have guessed that Faith wanted her to love her?

Well, that wasn't such a hard question. It could be because all the girl ever did was harass her or fight her, whether verbally or physically. But still…now that Buffy thought about it… there had been other things too. She had asked Buffy to go to Homecoming with her… she had saved her, even after she had killed Finch. She'd brought her gifts on Christmas Eve, however hastily and shabbily wrapped…and sometimes, she would just say something in a certain way, or get an odd look in her eyes. Buffy had never really paid attention. But if Faith had been trying to tell her something all that time… if she had wanted Buffy to give her attention, to give her love…

Had Buffy ever loved Faith? Did she love her now? A few days ago she would have laughed incredulously at such a stupid question… but now she wasn't so sure it was stupid. She knew she didn't hate Faith. If she ever had, it wasn't for more than a few hours or days. But did she love her?

She might love the child Faith… or at least, she could see herself being able to do so. But what about the other Faith?

She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't realize at first that Tara was speaking to Faith again, asking her another question. But it looked to Buffy as if Faith were not responding to her anymore. The girl was sitting very still, very tensed, and even with her eyes closed the pain in her face was unmistakable. Though she was still of course possessing of a child's form, there was nothing in her expression that any child should have to feel, and Buffy's eyes widened. This was the adult Faith…she had felt that way? She had…

Tara spoke to Faith again, but a change was coming over the girl's face, not in response to her words. The girl shuddered, and her features seemed to soften, appearing smaller, more round and vaguely, childishly defined, though they hadn't changed physically at all in reality. Her eyes opened with a gasp, and she looked around the room rapidly, her features tightening in anxious bewilderment. Buffy knew looking at her that it was now the child Faith present…somehow she had brought herself out of hypnosis without Tara's help or instructions.

"What happened?" she asked in a high voice, her eyes darting to briefly land on each person before skittering to the next, pleading for reassurance. "What's goin' on…"

For several moments everyone was too taken aback to say anything to her, stunned to hear her speaking again in her child's voice as well as fully conscious. Then Tara, Buffy, and Joyce, the three closest to her, all spoke up at once, attempting to calm her and explain.

"We h-hypnotized you, Faith, remember? We said we would…you just came out of it t-too early is all…"

"Faith, it's okay, you, you were hypnotized-"

"It's okay, sweetie…. You're all right. Do you remember-"

"What happened?" Faith said again overtop their words, her voice rising, quickly growing more panicky, and Buffy saw that she was beginning to breathe faster, more shallowly, in danger of hyperventilating. "I don't know…I don't…"

"Faith, it's okay, sweetie," Joyce repeated, and she jumped up from the arm of the couch, moving somewhat awkwardly past Buffy to sit across from Faith on the coffee table. She took hold of one of the child's hands and squeezed it gently, looking her in the eyes. "You're okay, baby.. breathe slow, big deep breaths. There you go…"

As her mother spoke to Faith gently, calming her, Buffy stared towards her, though not exactly at her, shaken. It crossed her mind that with her disorientation, Faith might be reminded now of when she had first appeared in Joyce's bedroom as a child. No wonder she was afraid considering how the last time had gone…

Willow, Giles, and Tara were watching her as well, a range of feelings varying from relief, guilt, concern, and lingering wariness flitting across their features. Buffy looked back to Joyce, who, along with an occasional supportive word or two from Tara, was still reassuring Faith. Taking a slow breath, forcing all other thoughts aside for the moment, Buffy looked down at the child, speaking up as well, though less smoothly.

"It's, it's okay, Faith. We, we didn't do anything bad to you. You're not hurt… nothing happened," she told her, and wondered if she was flushing, if this sounded like the lie it felt like. "It's okay."

Faith looked up at her with her lower lip caught in her teeth, holding Joyce's hand in a tight grip…and her eyes were shining suspiciously, in a way that made Buffy think she was holding back tears. She spoke in a very small voice, the sound as much as the words sharply stabbing into Buffy's heart.

"Then why do I feel so sad right now?"

For a few moments Buffy's breath caught, and she continued to stare at Faith… she was no longer seeing or hearing the little girl, but rather the older Faith, and the pain she saw in the girl before her fully hit her for the first time. She had known Faith's pain intellectually, after reading her file. But this was the first time she truly could connect it to the Faith she had known, even if it was through the lingering emotion felt by the child….

Abruptly, impulsively, Buffy wrapped her arms around Faith, even though the child was still clinging to Joyce's hand, and hugged her to her fiercely. As Faith stiffened, startled, but then relaxed, allowing he to hold her, Buffy didn't' care if any of the others were watching or what they might think. At the moment she didn't care about any of the information they had wrested from Faith or what they would do with it. She just held the little girl somewhat awkwardly, if sincerely, into her side, hoping that she was beginning to feel less "sad…"


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

"So…so that was pretty weird," Willow said hesitantly, and she glanced over at Buffy quickly before her eyes almost skittishly darted away. As she continued to keep astride of her friend, her eyes flitting about the cemetery's exterior continually in search of vampires and other similar beings, she tried to fumble through an attempt at conversation.

"Intense… that, the hypnosis, it was pretty intense…and weird…"

"Yeah… yeah, it was weird, weird is a good, a good word for it," Buffy said as awkwardly as the other girl, nodding in a way she hoped wasn't too forced or overly enthusiastic. It had been quiet between them since they had started out on patrol together, way too quiet, and now they were attempting just a little too eagerly to cover up the extreme awkwardness they both were feeling with meaningless talk.

Only thing was, no meaningless topics were coming to either girl's mind…and the topic Willow seemed to have finally settled on would only help lend more discomfort to their already heaping helpings, Buffy suspected.

After the hypnosis, Buffy and Joyce had spent time calming Faith down. The little girl had been frightened, confused, and feeling the lingering effects of the older Faith's emotions on her own. After a few minutes Joyce had taken her into the dining room, making her a plate for dinner, and also separating her from the others, allowing them time and space to talk about what had just occurred.

It had not been mentioned among them, what Faith said about Buffy. Her words to Tara, the way she had looked and sounded when she said them, had been carefully avoided, though they were most likely front and center of everyone's minds. Okay, well, maybe not Giles's- he was too concerned over her words about demons, hand devices, and the Mayor's video. And Tara, never having met the older Faith in person, didn't' seem too terribly impacted by her words, other than maybe concerned about how Buffy and Willow were taking them. So maybe it was just her and Willow…but as narrowly as Buffy was focused on this, it seemed to her that it must be on everyone else's minds as well.

Faith had wanted Buffy to love her… it was still something so new and astonishing for Buffy to wrap her mind around that the words echoed in her thoughts, almost to the point of losing meaning. Faith wanted her to love her…she had performed desperate acts for many reasons, but the main reason was because Buffy hadn't loved her…

It had been decided among them that the first thing to do would be to find out all they could about the device- Transcuerpo, Faith had thought it was called. The best way to do that would be to search the Mayor's office and home for any evidence or clues as to what it might be, including the video Faith had described. It would be helpful to see it on video, since it had disappeared and they had only Buffy's memory and very bad sketch to go by. Giles would go home to gather appropriate weapons, just in case, and then call Xander and Anya to fill them in on what Faith had told them. Then the two of them would go with him to search the Mayor's office and home. Meanwhile, Joyce would keep Faith while Buffy and Willow patrolled. Ever since Faith's return to Sunnydale, Buffy had not been able to slay, and it was no doubt needed by now. After all, even if Giles found the answer to what the Mayor's device was and how to turn Faith back into an adult tonight, it was unlikely they would do so right away. After all, there was still the question of what to do with her once she was a teenager again… and that, Buffy didn't' have the energy to consider at the moment.

She had asked Tara if she would like to come along with her and Willow as they patrolled, out of politeness more than anything. It had crossed Buffy's mind as soon as the words left her mouth how very awkward that might be. But Tara had declined quickly, stammering that she had some things to do and she was sure Buffy would be fine with just Willow helping her. Buffy knew the girl was probably petrified at the thought of the extreme awkwardness that would come about from walking alone with her and her… lover? Girlfriend? Crush? Buffy wasn't sure. Nothing had been clarified, and she hadn't dared ask yet. At any rate, walking with Willow and Willow's best friend, who she barely knew and who had just found out about her…whatever it was she was to Willow… well, it was just a guaranteed set up for extreme discomfort. No doubt the girl had also figured that Buffy and Willow might want to have a talk.

The thing was, they didn't… both of them really, really didn't. But it was necessary… and from that knowledge came the discomfort and stalling, stilted attempts at conversation.

"When she… I didn't know what to think… it was really weird when she, when Faith, started- when it was her voice," Willow fumbled to express, and she glanced at Buffy quickly while fiddling with the stake in her hands. "Not the little girl's… but Faith's…"

"The little girl voice is Faith's too," Buffy said automatically, glancing over at her. A vampire leapt out suddenly, but two words into the beginning of his gloating announcement of his murderous intentions, Buffy staked him casually, an almost bored apathy to the movement. She didn't break stride in conversation.

"She IS Faith, Will… just, just what Faith was, before, is all. She's Little Faith."

"Yeah, I know," Willow replied uneasily, even as her voice continued to carry some apprehension. "It's just…you know, hearing that voice…what she said about everything… I mean, Little Faith is okay, even if she's incredibly Anya-like. She's even kinda cute in a way… but Big Evil Killing Faith? Not so much."

"Yeah…yeah, I get that, Will," Buffy replied, though there was a noticeable edge in her voice now. "But she's back to Little Faith again… so don't worry about it right now."

Even as she said it, Buffy knew she could not do so herself. Ever since Faith returned into her life, she had been unable to think of anything else, whether big or little version. And the passing of time only seemed to make it worse.

"You think she's telling the truth?" Willow asked suddenly, looking at Buffy again with perplexity in her slightly creased brow. "All the stuff she said…about not knowing too much, and the Mayor giving her that video… you think it was real?"

"Yeah, I do," Buffy replied, and she took the time deliberately this time to look Willow in the eyes, to speak with firm conviction. Neither really wanted to look at each other so closely, without hiding themselves or their feelings in some way, but she made herself do so, and forced Willow to as well. "You heard what Tara said…don't you trust her?"

Just before she had left, Tara had taken the time to assure everyone that she had felt the older Faith's aura during hypnosis, just as she had with the younger version the day before. She had assured them that Faith wasn't lying under hypnosis…but she had also described the younger Slayer's psyche in more detail than Buffy had thought she could know.

"The older Faith's aura isn't e-evil," she had said quietly, her dark blue eyes serious as she glanced between the others in the room, ducking her head briefly before looking back up at them again. "It's- it's darkened…it's damaged… but it's not, it's not completely gone… she's not evil yet."

She had taken a deep breath then, still trying to get across to them what she was thinking.

"I think- I think you can still reach her… th-that it's not too late. I think deep down, she…she wants you to."

Tara had left shortly after this, mumbling something once more about needing to go. The others had been left with uneasy thoughts as her words lingered in their minds…for if what she said was true, then not one of them knew how to go about it.

Buffy looked at Willow now and waited as the redhead bit her lip, confliction in her eyes. The other girl answered her slowly, reluctantly, as though not pleased with her own reply.

"Yes… yes, I do trust Tara. She, she knows what she's talking about with magic and auras and reading people… she's very strong in magic, it's really amazing. SHE'S really amazing. She-"

Willow cut herself off abruptly then, her eyes snapping away, and she blushed hotly. Buffy cringed, knowing that this was the time to bring up what they'd so studiously been avoiding. They would have to talk about it eventually anyway…but how was she supposed to start a conversation like that? God, this was uncomfortable…

Taking a deep breath, Buffy went for it, knowing full well that her face was flushing even as she made herself look Willow in the eye.

"So, uh, Willow…so, so you and Tara… you two, you're…"

"No!" Willow blurted out in a rather alarmed near gasp, her face coloring to a shade nearly matching her hair. Her eyes wide, shining with panic, she shook her head vehemently, jerking her face from Buffy's view as she stopped in her tracks, just short of tripping over a headstone. "I, I mean, yes…I mean, we-"

"It's…it's okay, Will," Buffy cut her off, to save both of them the embarrassment of Willow continuing to stumble along in the same vein. Her voice was still a little odd-sounding, and her face felt a little stiff and unnatural, but Buffy was pretty sure as she looked back at her unnerved friend that it was at least close to a normal color again. "You, you don't have to say anything about it if you don't' want to… I was just, you know, uh, confirming…"

"No…no, but, but I want to," Willow said determinedly, and she turned to look Buffy in the face. Taking a deep breath, she tried again. "She's…yes, we… we're…we have, a, a thing…I mean, not a THING thing, but a thing…"

Oh god, Buffy thought in near desperation as she grimaced involuntarily, feeling Willow's disconcertment all took keenly as the redhead struggled for coherency and breath control. This is about as much fun as getting yellow demon slime splashed on me head to toe… on second thought, maybe the demon slime isn't as bad.

"It's okay," she said quickly, hoping to dispel further babblings before Willow choked on her tongue or burst a brain stem or something. "I…I don't mind, Will…open mind here, my, my mind is wide open. It's, it's like a window. That's open. Not that it matters if I mind! I mean, even if I minded, it wouldn't matter, because, because it's you, and it's your life, and it's okay. I mean, it matters, but-"

Dammit, I'm worse than she is… somebody finish out this conversation before we die here…

"She, she seems like a really great girl," Buffy finished up hurriedly, nodding. "I mean, she's very nice… and, and with the Wiccan…"

"Yeah! Yeah, she IS great," Willow agreed rapidly, nodding her head in vigorous relief. "She's really great…she-"

"Willow, look out!" Buffy shouted, and as Willow spun around to face the vampire behind her, both were vastly relieved for the good excuse to drop the conversation.

Once Willow had rather proudly staked the vampire, it seemed that she had given some signal for a battle to begin. Vampires began to appear in groups of two or three, one bunch after another, mainly dressed in business suits or dresses. Likely this meant they were newly turned. Buffy and Willow kicked into action, with Buffy hitting, kicking, and throwing any who approached before slamming her stake home, making new piles of dust to scatter into the night. Close by Willow was holding her own, using magic to deflect their blows from landing before staking them as well.

It felt good, to be physically involved again, to be given an outlet to pour all the stress and anger and grief of the past couple of days into. As Buffy's adrenaline pumped heavily through her veins, she thought of nothing but her moves against the vampires, of what a relief it was to be doing this.

Fourteen dustings and eight minutes later, the vampire activity seemed to have come to a stop, or at least a lull. Willow was breathing hard as she looked up at Buffy, appearing worn out but nevertheless grinning, pleased with herself. Buffy grinned back, showing no signs of weariness or any sort of bodily strain as she congratulated her.

"You got four, Will, nice…way to make with the magic."

"I know, did you see me with that one?!" Willow exclaimed, her voice rising excitedly. "He was trying to run, and bam! Little spell and he wasn't so fast… stake in the heart, and hello dust bunnies!"

"Awesome," Buffy smiled, and the girls walked around in silence for a few more moments, still scanning the ground and basking in their victory. After a minute or two Buffy turned toward Willow again, however, her mind returning to their earlier conversation.

"So, so you and Tara… how did you…I mean, now HOW…but when, I mean…"

"She just… I don't know, we…she…" Willow began after an initial startled and slightly fearful look. This time her voice wasn't quite as panicky as it had been the first time when she attempted to reply. "Tara and I… we, we have something. I mean, I didn't know…I didn't try… it was just there. You know? This bond… she's different….it's different. We're, it just feels right…you know?"

Her voice dropped, and it came out smaller and more uncertainly as she looked at Buffy sideways again. "You, you don't hate me, do you?"

"Hate you?" Buffy repeated in shock, her eyes widening, and she shook her head hurriedly. She was amazed that Willow would ever think such a thing. Willow was her friend…her best friend. How could she hate her just because she liked girls…a girl? "No! Of course I don't hate you, Will! I could never hate you, especially over something like this!"

"But…are you disgusted?" Willow asked next in the same small voice, biting her lip unconsciously as her eyebrows slanted downward, her eyes moving to the side. "I mean…it's…people usually think…"

"No," Buffy said firmly, and she stopped walking, turning to fully face the other girl while continuing to talk to her seriously. "No, I'm not disgusted at all. I'm just surprised. I wish you had told me…how long have you known? No, it doesn't matter," she answered herself decisively, shaking her head. "I'm, I'm glad for you, Willow… you deserve this. To have someone you like so much who likes you."

"Really?" Willow said hopefully, and she smiled, tentatively at first, then more widely. "Thanks, Buffy… I'm…I'm really glad you think so."

"Don't worry about it," Buffy smiled. "And hey, if you're worried over Xander's reaction, the guy's gonna be happy to be given more mental images to drool over. He'll be thrilled."

Willow laughed, and after a slight hesitation the girls moved to hug each other, holding on for several moments. After their earlier unease it was a relief to simply behave affectionately, and Buffy felt a rush of warmth and love towards the other girl as she continued to hug her. She hoped Willow really did realize that it was okay…

Just then, however, the peace of their moments was interrupted. Not by another vampire or anything else one would reasonably expect to see in a Sunnydale cemetery at that time of the night. Nor did the voice calling out to them sneer with recognition of the Slayer, threatening to dismember or harm her in some other brutal fashion. Rather, the voice calling out to them triumphantly was young, human, and female, and both of them jumped in shock to hear it- for it belonged to the child version of Faith.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

"There you are! How come you guys are in a graveyard?"

Buffy's eyes widened, and she pulled back from Willow and turned to face Faith so fast she almost fell over. Sure enough, it WAS Faith, walking towards them with completely casual disregard for her shock. The little girl seemed unbothered to be out alone at night, walking into a cemetery of all places. She appeared to be merely curious as to what Buffy and Willow were doing there. Buffy saw that she had on jeans and sneakers, but also her newly purchased pajama top, as if she had been dressed for bed but decided rather hastily to sneak outside and go after them instead. Which was probably exactly what had happened- no way would Joyce Summers have let Faith go off alone in the dark without her full knowledge of her having done so.

Coming towards them undaunted by her physical surroundings, Faith looked small and bold and oblivious to Buffy- not to mention very, very much the tempting target to some evil being. Alarm came over Buffy sharply at the very sight of her, and she began to rush over to her, her heart pounding. How long had Faith been alone out here like that?! What about vampires, what about the Council? What about plain old human child molesters or kidnappers? Anything could have happened to her! Why had her mom not been watching her better?

"Faith, what are you doing here?" Buffy called out, more loudly and harshly than she had intended to. She made her way to the girl's side rapidly as Willow followed, also looking at Faith in shock. "You're not supposed to be out here like this! What are you doing out here?!"

"Joyce said you guys were gonna go walkin'," Faith replied, looking between the two of them with a little frown as if she didn't understand why they were speaking so loudly and seemed so upset by her presence. "I wanted to come too… what are you doin' out here, it's boring."

"You can't come too! You can't be out with us, especially not walking over here alone, at night, in the dark!" Buffy exclaimed, and she unconsciously threw out her hands for emphasis. She had told herself to speak softly, more calmly and reasonably to Faith, but those intentions had gone out the window when the child spoke. "You have to go back home, Faith, we're going to have to take you home. You can't be alone out here like this!"

"I'm not alone," Faith pointed out with logic all the more infuriating since Buffy could tell from her tone and expression that she wasn't trying to be a smartass. "I'm with you and Willow."

"Well, you were before now," Buffy said quickly, fighting to control the strong combination of adrenaline, anxiety, and anger towards Faith still heavily present inside her.

It wasn't Faith that she was angry at, so much as the possibility that something could have happened to Faith. God, it still shook her up just to think about Faith, wandering around the Sunnydale streets alone at night, as a seven-year-old…it was a wonder nothing had happened to her. What the hell had she been thinking? Weren't normal kids afraid of the dark?

"Faith," Buffy tried again, and she looked over at Willow for support. Though how Willow was supposed to be any help, she didn't know. The redhead hadn't said a word since Faith showed up, and from the frozen, wary-yet-fearful look in her eyes, Buffy suspected she was wondering frantically just how much of their conversation Faith might have overheard.

Buffy wasn't sure why it mattered to her. After all, Faith had been the one to point out Willow and Tara's true relationship to everyone. Whatever her reason, Buffy knew Willow wouldn't be comfortable attempting to explain to Faith or to correct her. She was going to be on her own with this.

"Faith," Buffy tried again, taking a deep breath as she looked down into the child's eyes. "You can't leave the house like that and go wandering around in the dark. Actually, you can't leave the house and go wandering around even when it's light out… you're only seven years old, Faith, you're too old to do that."

"Too young? I'm not neither too young!" Faith cried out indignantly, her eyes widening in startled protest as she crossed her arms.

Something about her defiant eyes and adult-like posture reminded Buffy of the older Faith, and for a moment she couldn't move, seeing her in the little girl's stead before her. Not noticing this, Faith went on loudly, intent on conveying her disbelief at Buffy's declaration.

"I'm not a baby! I've done this before, Buffy, honest. All the time. I walked around alone all the time outside, night and day both. Mama didn't care… sometimes she even told me to," she added.

Her voice changed slightly with this last sentence, softening, and her eyes dimmed. Regardless, shaking off the memory of whatever it was that had come to her mind, Faith fixed her eyes on Buffy again, revving up her determination once more as she used her "logical" voice on her again.

"See, I'm not too young, 'cause I did it when I was younger and no one cared."

"Well I care, Faith," Buffy replied deliberately, and as she responded to the child's claim, she hoped Faith realized that she was talking about more than simply caring if the girl walked alone outside. Looking her in the eye, she spoke with quiet yet firm sincerity, hoping Faith saw this and believed her.

"I care, and my mom cares… and you didn't tell her you were going out to look for us, did you? You just dressed really fast and snuck out when she thought you were in bed or something, didn't you?"

As well as she might have developed the skill in her teenaged years, the child Faith was definitely not a good liar at age seven. Her eyes shifted sideways guiltily, and she grimaced slightly, her body tensing as if bracing herself for Buffy's reaction against her.

"Uh…well…"

"Uh-huh, that's what I thought," Buffy said dryly, shaking her head, and she rolled her eyes to Willow over Faith's head. Willow smiled back, slightly at ease, and Buffy looked back down at Faith.

"My mom would never let you go out alone like this if she knew about it, and I think you know that or you would have told her. She's probably worried sick if she's realized you're gone," Buffy told her, and she looked at Faith steadily, hoping to impress guilt on her, or some other emotion to make her learn to stay at home at night where she belonged. "And do you know why she would be so worried, Faith? Because it's dangerous. She doesn't want you to get lost or hurt out here, and neither do I. It's dangerous even for me and Willow out here at night, let alone a little girl like you."

"I'm not little!" Faith bristled, lifting her chin in continued defiance. "And if it's so dangerous, then how come you two are out here?"

Buffy looked over at Willow, stumped by that question… what was she supposed to say? Because she was a Slayer and Willow was a witch? That it was dangerous because of vampires and ghouls and demons, not to mention the Council, who wanted to snatch Faith up because she was a de-aged serial killer Slayer?

Nope. Couldn't say that…definitely couldn't say that.

Still looking at Willow, who returned her gaze with a helpless shrug, Buffy's mind scrambled for an answer. "Uh…well, because…"

In an instance of timing that had the distinction of simultaneously being wonderful and horrible, a figure appeared in silent sudden movement from behind Faith. Buffy had just noticed him, just opened her mouth in an involuntary gasp of horror, when the vampire spoke, his voice a self-assured husky growl.

"Wow, I always did like the kiddie meals… something about the innocence makes their blood so sweet…"

"Faith, get back!" Buffy screamed, total panic coloring her tone. Instinctively she rushed towards them, blind fear for the child and rage for the vampire and his desire to harm her, to KILL her, twisting itself in her features. But the little girl was still a good distance away from her, and the vampire was so close…

Buffy's heart pounded in terrified knowledge of what was to happen as she threw herself in the two's direction, wanting only to knock them straight to the ground away from each other, to beat the vampire into a bloody pulp for daring to even think of hurting Faith.

The vampire had already lunged at Faith before Buffy was close enough to block her from harm. But the scene Buffy had seen so vividly in her mind's eye never occurred. There was no teeth sinking into Faith's tiny neck, no spill of blood, no scream of terror and pain as she went limp in the much larger figure's hold. He never even touched her… but this was because of the actions of Faith, rather than Buffy or Willow.

As the vampire had thrown himself towards her, Faith's eyes had widened, and she had yelped in shock, reacting with rapid, if illogical, instincts. When the vampire reached out to grab her, bending his head towards her neck, Faith had pushed both hands out at him, shoving at his chest. She was intending, no doubt, to push him off of her, to attempt to fend off his attack.

What utterly flabbergasted the older girls, however, was the fact that Faith's attempt to keep the vampire at bay WORKED. When she hit him flat-palmed in the chest, she actually affected him…in fact, he went flying, landing hard on his back into a headstone, even breaking it in half.

Willow, who had also began to move towards Faith to help her, simply stopped all movements and gawked, utterly astonished. It was clear that her mind was balking at the reality of what she had seen. Though Buffy too could hardly believe what she had just witnessed, what the child Faith had just managed to do, she nevertheless didn't stop in her racing towards her. But again Faith reacted much faster than she had, much faster than Buffy would have thought possible. In what seemed to Buffy no more than a second or two, Faith was at the fallen vampire's side. As he struggled to get up, crying out confused indignations, Faith kept him from rising by her kicks and punches…kicks and punches that actually emitted cries of pain from him, that brought damage to his skin. Kicks and punches that did not seem to hurt Faith's small fists or feet, her skinny arms and legs…despite how large and hard the vampire's body was.

Now Buffy too stopped short of her, unable to bring herself to move in her total bewilderment. How could this possibly be right…how…

"You can't hurt me!" Faith was screaming, her voice loud and shrill, intense anger tightening her features as she hit him over and over, deaf to his cries…or perhaps feeling vicious satisfaction to hear them. "You can't hurt me…you've never gonna hurt me!"

Not seeming to find fists and feet effective enough, she grabbed a stick near her on the ground and hit him with it several times, not seeming to notice that his eyes bulged and his sentences came in even more frenzied pleas as he took in this new weapon in her hand. Despite the child body before her, as she stood and watched Faith in utter shock, Buffy could only see, only think about the teenager…

One of her jabbings with the stick happened to land right in the vampire's chest…penetrating through his heart. As he scattered into dust, Faiths' eyes grew round in awe, and fury was displaced with total fascination and childish glee in her face and voice.

"Whooooa…" she breathed, her voice much more normal and appropriately childish than before. "That was totally wicked!"

Willow and Buffy had no such reaction. They continued to stare, their mouths open, eyebrows raised high in nearly identical expressions of disbelieving horror. Any passerby would have found their expression rather comical, but neither girl felt even the faintest amusement as their eyes swung rapidly between Faith and the spot the vampire she had dusted just a few moments ago had been lying. She had slain him… somehow, seven-year-old child Faith had slain him… and before that, she had been wailing on him with total success and strength. Strength that she in no way should have possessed at her size and age…

How was that possible? Was it lingering effects from the hypnosis? Was a part of the older Faith remaining with her after all, like her emotions had been when Faith first came out of the hypnosis? Had she somehow carried over her Slayer strength to the child too?

Or…had Faith been like this all along? Was she still the Slayer, even though her body had regressed, and her mind? Once you were a Slayer, did you stay a Slayer no matter what happened to your body or mind?

How had she not seen this? Hadn't she noticed… on the playground, Faith had ran so fast, much faster than the other kids. Buffy had actually had to try to keep up with her. Same with on the swings… the quick reflexes, when Faith had been falling and grabbed the sink to catch herself in the bathroom. Her appetite was much larger than a seven-year-old girl's normally would be… and how difficult Buffy had found it to restrain her in several instances, even though Faith was so much younger and smaller. How had none of this added up until this moment… how could she not have understood….

It had to be true… somehow it had to be true. Somehow Faith had retained her Slayer powers.

"Buffy," Willow said hesitantly as she looked between them slowly, her eyes still huge and shiny with shock, and also quickly growing nervousness. "Buffy, you… you couldn't do that when you were seven…right?"

"Faith…Faith, how did you…" Buffy began weakly, but Faith wasn't listening to either of them. Sitting back on her haunches, she grinned widely, seeming utterly thrilled by her own accomplishment.

"That was so cool! I wanna do it again, I wanna do more! Are there any more?"

She jumped to her feet and began to run around the cemetery grounds, looking for other vampires…and Buffy noticed in a daze how rapidly and stealthily she moved, how easily she avoided running into gravestones. The child wasn't even looking at the ground…she seemed to just know what was there. Like Buffy…

"Faith, stop that! Hang on a minute!" Buffy called after her as the child darted around.

Faith was clearly undaunted by her surroundings, and by what had just happened…what she had just done. If anything she seemed thrilled by it…as revved up as the older Faith would have been. She was excited…but wouldn't a normal kid who had just seen and staked her first vampire, displaying such a blatant show of strength and power, have been shocked by it? Wouldn't she have been terrified? Why was Faith EXCITED?! Why was she bouncing around like she'd just consumed an entire batch of cookies plus several caffeinated beverages? She hadn't, had she… surely her mother wasn't that much of a soft touch with her. She hadn't let Buffy eat like that when she was a kid.

Was it possible that the Child Faith had somehow already know she was a Slayer, that she had already known about vampires and what she could do? Was that why she didn't' seem stunned or afraid? But no, she hadn't known what a Slayer was when the word was mentioned around her…

"Faith, stop it- come here!" Buffy called out futilely as Faith sped around.

Willow remained unmoving, blinking at the two of them as Buffy finally snagged Faith by the arm, holding her firmly and pulling her to a stop. Not seeming to mind Buffy's stopping her very much, Faith let her keep hold of her arm as she grinned up at her, dimples popping as she spoke rapidly and in a higher pitch than usual. The little girl was almost bouncing up and down on her toes from her enthralled mindset.

"Did you see that?! Did you see that ugly man try to get me, did you hear him?! He turned into dust! Did you see me, I hit him and he turned into dust! Like a video game or somethin'!"

"Yes, I saw him, Faith, and I saw you," Buffy said in a tone much less excited and much more tense than Faith's. Still holding her arm, she turned her towards Willow, attempting to walk her toward the cemetery entrance. This wasn't very successful, for Faith wasn't walking with her. It wasn't that the child was trying to be defiant or to resist her so much as that in her hyped up state of mind she didn't notice that Buffy wanted her to come with her.

"Come on, Faith, we need to go home now," Buffy tried again, looking over at Willow for support, but the other girl's helpless, leery expression made it clear that she was on her own. "Come on…"

She attempted to pull her away again, but Faith finally noticed what she was doing and stood her ground, this time deliberately. She was sturdier than she looked…to get her to move, Buffy would have to be rough with her, or else pick her up and carry her. There was no way she was going to do either, so for the moment she was stuck.

"But I don't wanna go home yet! I wanna go get some more of those things! Are there any more?" Faith asked, still wiggling around, her eyes darting from Buffy's to Willow's to their surroundings. "Are there lots? I wanna get lots!"

"Yes, there's more, and there's lots," Buffy muttered, "and that's exactly why you're going home. Faith, come on."

She gave the girl's arm a tug, but Faith wasn't easily swayed by any means. Her eyes still bright, she looked at Buffy pleadingly.

"But that was so cool! I didn't even know I could do that! I was hurtin' him- did you see how I was hurtin' him?"

"Yes, Faith," Buffy repeated through gritted teeth, and now she too was looking around worriedly, hoping fervently that another wasn't going to spring itself out at them. Although Faith had looked quite capable of defending herself…too much so.

"I saw that too… but we're still going. Aren't we, Willow?" she said quickly, looking to her friend pointedly for help. Willow nodded, no doubt seeing the near desperation in Buffy's eyes and knowing she better at least verbally back her up.

"Yeah, yeah, um, we need to go, Faith…"

"I was like a superhero," Faith said, surprise in her tone. She continued to hold herself firmly rooted in place, but it seemed now that this was more because she was distracted by her own thoughts rather than in rebellion. "I was way faster, and I hurt him, even though he was bigger. I did cool stuff… can you and Willow do that too? The stuff I did?"

"Uh…Well…" Willow hedged, put on the spot, and she glanced at Buffy for cues, guilty knowledge stretching across her expression. Buffy didn't know what to do any more than Willow did. Faith was getting closer to the truth than ever now… what if she somehow found out, what would happen? Dammit, her face was probably totally giving her away!

"Faith, we have REALLY got to go now," Buffy repeated insistently, tugging at the child's arm again. But Faith wasn't about to go without one last shot at getting her way. Obviously her stubbornness as a teenager hadn't been anything new to her as a person.

"But I didn't even know I could do that! I wanna do it again! I wanna see what else I can do! Do you think I can make ice, or fire or somethin'?" Faith queried, her eyes glittering in hopeful expectation. "Can I go through walls or read minds? Ooooh! Can I fly?! I wanna see if I can fly!"

"Faith, stop it!" Buffy yelped in real alarm as Faith pulled out of her grasp, starting off. The child's eyes were fixed on a tree at the other end of the cemetery, and gruesome images of her head cracked open were already leaping in all their disturbing glory into Buffy's mind as she snagged her by her shirt. "You can't fly, trust me. Now we are going home, and you're going to bed and staying there this time, because I'm going to watch you. Willow, maybe you should head over to Giles's, call me if you guys need me?"

When Willow nodded, Buffy turned toward Faith, moving to clamp an arm around her shoulders to keep her close to her. "Come on…"

As Willow set off toward Giles's place, calling goodbye and keeping a noticeably quick pace away from them, Buffy continued to steer Faith toward home, unable to settle her shaken thoughts. The little girl sulked at first, muttering and scowling at Buffy as she deliberately shuffled her feet to offset Buffy's pace. However her curiosity got the better of her within minutes, and the questions started up again, hitting Buffy much harder and faster than she could keep up with.

"That man was a real wuss, I totally kicked his ass. What was wrong with his face? He was way ugly. He felt weird. He felt like he was bad. He WAS bad but he felt like it too. How come he turned into dust? How come he wanted blood?"

Buffy's head was spinning, and she had no idea how to answer. She could only respond over and over through gritted teeth, "I don't know, Faith, I don't know." It wasn't a total lie… she didn't know how Faith could have done it. All she could focus on was getting her home.

The irony- or was that the wrong word- didn't fail to register, however, as Faith piped up again. "I'm hungry…can I eat dinner again?"


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

Buffy had barely begun towards home before her cell phone rang, and the frantic voice of her mother informed her of Faith's newly discovered missing status. It had taken several minutes of reassuring and a discussion with the still-very-peppy Faith herself to assure Joyce that Faith was safe and accounted for and on her way home. Buffy couldn't blame her for her worry… she had the child's hand held tightly in her own and had just witnessed Faith in action against a threat to her life, and she still was on edge, looking warily at every shadow cast their way.

Faith bubbled over with questions Buffy wasn't ready to answer and enthusiastic recaps of her "superhero moves" and "ass-kicking" all the way back to Buffy's neighborhood, right up until they had stepped up onto Buffy's porch and were opening the door. Through it all Buffy simply gritted her teeth, avoiding answering whatever she could… even had she wanted to, her cognitive functioning was fairly distracted then. All she could think about was Faith's extraordinary agility and strength, and what it must mean…

It made no sense… or at least, at the moment, Buffy's mind could make no sense of it. She would leave it to Giles to figure. With all his books and theories of the Slayer line, he should be able to understand what was going on soon, right?

Even with Faith chattering nonstop throughout their walk, Buffy was able to tune her out enough to realize something that only added to her inner conflict. If Faith was somehow still a Slayer… then Giles's concern that her reverting to her childhood form and mind may affect the Slayer line had no validity. If she was still a Slayer, then the Slayer lineage had continued, unbroken and undamaged. The only difference now was that the Slayer the lineage continued from was now a child.

So that reason for causing Faith to turn back into a teenager again was no longer true… and in Buffy's mind and heart, it was becoming harder to remember just why they were going to do so. The more time passed, the less she could feel a conviction to make Faith pay, to bring her back physically to her adult form. She didn't even want to consider it now…but she knew she had to. Right now at this moment Giles and the others could be on the cusp of realizing how to change her back, and Buffy would have to prepare herself for this reality. She would have to stay focused…

As soon as they had crossed through the doorway of the Summers' house, Faith attached herself to Joyce's side, enthusiastically telling her too about all the events of her now nearly legendary vampire killing. Buffy had watched her mother's eyes widen, the alarm and shock at the child's tale mixed with instinctive protectiveness flickering prominently across their surface, but Joyce had not said much. Other than shooting a quick look at Buffy for confirmation, she had simply responded in appropriate phrases Faith would want to hear. A gentle but firm lecture about sneaking out and the dangers of the night streets for children later, along with a relieved hug that Faith actually returned for once, and Joyce led her off to the kitchen for a snack.

Joyce had given Buffy a meaningful look to let her know another talk would soon be in order…but though Buffy had nodded, her attention was on Faith. Faith's repeated declarations of her hunger had made a certain statement of Big Faith's come to mind… and seeing the way the child squirmed in her seat made her seriously hope that it was Faith's hyper nature and nothing else making her act like that. Little kids couldn't GET horny, could they…. She was seriously wrong and bad to even think about that. Stupid Big Faith…making her think like that…

It wasn't very long before her cell phone rang again, and Buffy stepped onto the porch, out of Faith's hearing range, to answer. "Hello?"

"Buffy?" Giles's voice asked, and he went on before she could reply. "Willow called, she told me a little bit about what happened… are you able to meet me at home without taking Faith with you?"

Buffy glanced towards the front door reflexively, even though she knew Faith was not listening, could not hear her. She knew that the little girl would be safe, that she wouldn't be able to go out again, because there was no way Joyce would let her out of her sight now. But still she hesitated before replying.

"Yeah…did you guys get the Mayor's tape from his place?"

"Well, that is quite the story," Giles muttered dryly. "But yes, we have it… we will watch it as soon as we all arrive. I continue to hold out hope that we will obtain more information from it than Faith gleaned and passed onto us."

"Right…I'll be there soon," Buffy said abruptly. "See you."

Returning inside only for the few moments it took to inform her mother that she was going to Giles's, Buffy had to also take the time to pry Faith away from her as she begged her to let her come too, to let her kill some more "wussy ugly bad men." She didn't envy her mother the job of containing her… maybe if she snuck some Benadryl into Faith's soda or something…

As she managed to pull away from Faith's eager and weirdly strong hands and make her way outside, Buffy considered walking for only a few moments before heading to the car. She really didn't feel like running into another vampire tonight if she could help it.

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When Buffy stepped into Giles's home, the others were already gathered about his living room, taking up a good bit of the already small space. As she squeezed in beside Willow and Anya on the couch, Xander jumped up, sitting on the arm beside Anya to give her more room. If he even noticed the look Giles gave him for his new seating position, he ignored it.

"Hey, Buff," he said a little too casually. She could see from his face that he was dying to question her, or maybe it was to watch the Mayor's video. Whatever it was, Xander clearly wanted to get on with it, because he could barely hold still.

"Yes, hello, Buffy," Giles said more formally, and Buffy met his eyes briefly, attempting to feel him out, as she replied to the room at large.

"Hey, everyone."

"Hi, Buffy. I hear that the tiny changeling child Faith is still a Slayer," Anya responded brightly, intense curiosity flashing in her eyes as she turned to face Buffy fully.

Buffy smiled slightly, rolling her eyes. "New travels fast around here," she remarked, her eyes shifting to Willow, and Willow flushed, instantly setting off into apologetic babble mode.

"I'm, I'm sorry, Buffy…it's just, I knew you'd have to tell them anyway, and, and I saw it too, so I just thought-"

"It's okay, Will," Buffy interrupted, giving her a little smile. She wondered if the real reason for Willow's babbling was the fact that she knew about the conversation she and Buffy had had, and knew as well that she would have to eventually have it again with the others. "You're right, I wanted to you to tell them, so…glad you did… and now that you guys know…" she finished up slowly, carrying little hope as she turned to face Giles. "Now that you know, what does it mean? Faith still being a Slayer, still having all the abilities- well, at least some anyway- that she had when she was older… how did this happen? It wasn't from the hypnosis, was it?"

"No…no, Buffy, I do not believe so," Giles began slowly, his eyes narrowing in thought. "I don't believe that a physical change, especially one as extensive as those in question, could come about simply from hypnosis. I suppose that Faith- the child Faith, of course- must have possessed Slayer skills from the beginning. She must have retained them from her older age… and if one thinks about it, it does make sense," he mused, to himself as much as to anyone else now. He was almost muttering as his eyes unfocused slightly, lost in his line of intent theorizing. "I suppose that once a Slayer is called, it would be impossible to remove her identity as a Slayer, except, of course, through death. And even you, Buffy, have proved that this may not always be the case either," Giles added, turning to her and giving her a slight smile. "Being called as a Slayer goes beyond one's breath and body…it changes one's mind, one's soul… the course of one's identity and destiny. No matter what may happen to a Slayer's body or mind, her IDENTITY as a Slayer cannot be altered… and thus, Faith's abilities are doubtless secured."

He cocked his head, an "interested-gleeful-academic" look in his eye, one of those that Buffy had learned to be wary of from the first few days she had met him. Such a look usually meant tons of questions and stupid Giles-designed tests of her ability, and even worse, research. Sure enough, the next words out of the man's mouth were along the lines Buffy had predicted.

"It would be interesting to test the child Faith's reflexes and reaction time, even her fighting and defensive style, to see how her smaller size and younger age affects her abilities. Her new physical statistics would have to be noted as well, of course… I am certain I have my notes and observations of her from when she was older. I could refer back-"

"Giles," Buffy cut him off, putting her hands on her hips and staring him down. "First off, you're not "experimenting" with her like she's a lab rat or one of the Council's puppets. She's a little girl, she wouldn't know what you were doing, and you're not getting her around weapons or anything or anyone that would try to hurt her. No way. If she didn't cut off her own fingers with one of the battle axes, which, might I remind you, are as big as she is, then she would cut off someone else's. Second off, we have more important things to worry about than whether Faith can catch a ruler at a certain speed."

"Yeah," Anya agreed, nodding vigorously, matter of fact even as her eyes showed anxiety. "Like whether or not she's gonna flip out and try to kill us all again now that we know she's still the Slayer."

"Anya!" Buffy cried indignantly, spinning around to face the nonchalant blonde, her mouth dropping slightly open involuntarily. "How many freaking times do I have to tell you she's seven, she isn't going to kill anyone! She doesn't want to, and she's not going to! And hey, what do you mean she's still THE Slayer? I'm THE Slayer, I came before her. Faith is /a/ Slayer. "

"No, no, you died that one time, remember?" Anya insisted with a little frown, shaking her head. "And then she was called, right? Into being a Slayer. So since she's still alive the line goes through her. So SHE would the THE Slayer, not you. YOU are /a/ Slayer," she concluded with a pleased smile, as if she had finally puzzled it out to herself.

Buffy, however, just gawked at her. Whether Anya's words made zero sense to her because they were actually illogical or because she didn't like them was unclear, but either way she rejected them quickly. What did Anya know about her or Faith or being a Slayer anyway?

"What?" she sputtered, blinking. "That, that has nothing to do with anything. And besides, Faith is still a child, she's not going to kill anything, which is what we were talking about-"

"Yes, I do know, but being a child and being a psycho serial killer is not mutually exclusive, is it, Xander?" Anya insisted, turning to her boyfriend for his support. "Xander has shown me several movies in which the child was both, so I'm sure it's entirely possible. There was the little girl from The Bad Seed, and from The Little Girl Who Lives Down The Lane. There was that child from The Omen, and also the little girl from The Exorcist-"

"Ahn, let's not go there, okay, honey?" Xander interrupted hastily as he lay a hand on her shoulder, casting a hasty glance in Buffy's direction and finding himself discomfited by the growing frustration in her features. "And next time, why don't we try an action or romantic comedy movie for a change…"

"So," Buffy said somewhat tightly, after forcing herself to smile rather than to snap out at Anya or anyone else around her, whether or not she felt like it. "But you did get the video though… tell me what happened. It was still at the Mayor's office like Faith said?"

"Well, yes it was," Giles replied, and he, along with everyone else but Anya, looked rather relieved to be back on topic. "It was a big more difficult to obtain than we originally anticipated, however."

"He means there was this demon hanging around and we had to coerce him into cooperating," Anya interrupted, shrugging. "Praxus demon. You would have thought that someone like the Mayor would have associated with something more deadly than a Praxus demon, wouldn't you? I mean, for someone who turned himself into a pure demon, a simple Praxus demon is-"

"Thank you, Anya, for your input, but I believe I can finish the summation from there," Giles said stiffly, giving her a pointed look. Anya rolled her eyes, crossing her arms with a huff.

"Well I was there too you know… and I was the one who recognized him as a Praxus demon and told you about the horn-"

"As I said, I do believe I can take over from here, Anya," Giles repeated more firmly, and as Anya huffed again, he ignored her, turning toward Buffy.

"As I'm sure you know, we all met outside of the Mayor's office, Xander and Anya and I, to search together for the video Faith described. Once we had all arrived we entered the building together and looked for it. We found the television and VCR set up as Faith described, and the envelope and note she mentioned on the floor before it. I have the note here," Giles added, touching his front pocket of his jacket, "If you would like to read it."

Buffy nodded quickly; she did want to read it, but at the moment she wanted to focus her attention on Giles and his tale of their obtaining of the Mayor's video to Faith.

"I will later. So what happened?"

"Well, we looked in every possible location we could think of, but we simply couldn't find the tape we were seeking," Giles went on, shaking his head slightly. "We considered at first that Faith may have destroyed it, or taken it with her, but during hypnosis she made no indication of any such thing. It seemed that someone else had taken it, or hidden it so that we would be unable to find it."

"A theory that seemed pretty clearly right when the demon came out of nowhere and said "You won't be able to find it," Xander added wryly, and Buffy looked over at him in mild surprise.

"Oh…so this demon…the Mayor set him up as a guard? For eight MONTHS? Where was he when Faith came in, why didn't she mention him?"

"Well it appears that he had specific instructions from the Mayor," Giles attempted to explain. "Upon news of Faith's awakening from her coma, he was to make sure that she received his video. He had it in his custody until she awakened and he sent the other demon to give it to her- no doubt wishing to spare his own neck the fate of the other in Faith's hands. It appears that he then lingered near the office to make sure she received and watched it, though without approaching her, and that after she left the video, he took it and continued to guard it, not sure if the task was yet complete."

"A demon bodyguard…for a video?" Willow asked, blinking, as her forehead scrunched up into a slightly confused frown. "Okay…"

Buffy blinked as well, then laughed briefly, shaking her head. "You've gotta be kidding me… okay, so, what, you're saying you got all this information from a casual conversation with the guy?"

"Well, not exactly," Giles allowed, and Buffy saw a small and very suspicious smile twitch the corner of his mouth. "We managed to persuade him to see our side of the matter, one might say."

"We beat him with various weapons and made quite creative threats to his life and well-being until he cried," Anya translated, stretching out her arms casually as she faced Buffy.

As Buffy blinked again, Xander half smirked, half grimaced between her and his girlfriend, commenting, "That's my girl… really knows how to clear up any lingering confusion, doesn't she?"

"I see…so…what else did you get out of him?" Buffy asked, turning again towards Giles for an answer, and he gave Anya a slightly exasperated look before replying.

"Well, he claimed to know nothing about the device itself, either what it was, what it would do, or why the Mayor wished to give it to Faith. He claimed to know only that he was to guard the video until Faith's awakening, and then to insure that she received it along with the device. The device he was not personally given, but was rather informed of where in the office it was hidden. He was told to check regularly that the office had not been disturbed, but to not touch or handle the device until Faith was awake and recuperated enough to receive it. He admits to having watched the video but claims to not understand what the Mayor was talking about or to have ever heard of the device in any way," Giles summed, exhaling through his nose as he looked across the room at Buffy.

Buffy nodded, taking in his words with a look of concentrated thought intent in her features.

"And you believe him? Where is he now, did you kill him?"

"I am fairly certain he spoke the truth," Giles replied dryly, and Anya nodded.

"Things generally tend to do that when in pain and under threat to receive further pain. If you only knew the confessions given under torture I've heard throughout my career as a vengeance demon, it's really enough to-"

"Is he dead?" Willow interrupted, her eyes skipping from Giles's to Xander's to Anya's and briefly to Buffy's before returning to regard Giles again. "Did you kill him?"

"Oh he's alive," Anya said cheerfully. "But he's a little TIED UP at the moment." She snorted, turning her head to grin expectantly. "Get it? Tied up? It's a humorous play on words."

"I think they do, Ahn, nice one," Xander said dutifully but affectionately, and Anya beamed.

"I think I am definitely improving in my sense of humor. I can be a very funny person when I want to be."

"So, what, you tied him up and left him in the Mayor's office?" Buffy asked, confused, and Xander nodded.

"Gagged too, the guy was pretty loud."

"I thought it best to leave it as such that we could return for questioning if necessary," Giles explained, and Buffy shrugged. She couldn't argue with that logic.

"Well then, maybe I'll stop by later…but you guys have the video. And you haven't watched it yet?"

When they all shook their heads, Buffy settled back against the couch, gesturing at Giles's TV.

"All right then, what are we waiting for?"


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

The VCR had been borrowed from Xander, and it took much less time for him to set the movie up than if Giles had attempted to do so. As he rewound it, then sat on the arm of the couch again, Buffy found herself tensing slightly in anticipation. She knew basically what was on it, but it still seemed surreal to her that she was about to hear the Mayor's voice after so long, addressed to Faith.

Looking at his face as he came onto the screen, grinning jovially and making joking remarks that had been typical of him from what she remembered, Buffy's thoughts drifted to ones centering around Faith. She remembered the girl's restrained, quiet manner of telling them about watching the video, the pained, unusual softness of her features. She could clearly visualize the way Faith had held herself, her arms crossed protectively, shoulders slumped…and as she watched the Mayor, listening to him speak to Faith with cheery warmth and affection tinged with some sadness, she found herself thinking of how the other girl must have felt.

Faith had obviously cared about him, based upon her behavior when she relayed his death during hypnosis. And it was no wonder, because watching the video made it even more clear that the Mayor had also cared about her. He had given her things, gave her approval and a sort of fatherly regard in some ways. He had given Faith attention and complimented her, believed in her…all things Faith had been missing for most of her life. It was no wonder that she came to trust him, or that his side of things seemed more desirable than theirs had to her.

When the Mayor held up the silver device Faith had used onscreen, beginning to explain to her how to use it, Anya spoke up excitedly.

"I know what that is! Is that what you guys have all been talking about all this time here?" she asked, sitting up straighter, her eyes brightening. "Why didn't you say so?"

"How could we say so if we don't know what it is?" Willow pointed out, and everyone else's head swiveled toward Anya now, their bodies tensing in anticipation and hopeful excitement at her claim. "That's kind of what we're here for, right…"

"Well, what is it then?" Buffy asked, aware that her heart had began to beat faster, that she was leaning towards the other girl, her voice holding an odd tone to it. If Anya knew what it was it was probably demonic in some way. Or maybe really old…or both…

"Yes Anya, do explain," Giles added, his eyes focused more intently on her than Buffy could remember him looking at anyone for some time. "You believe you know the usage of this device?"

"Well, yeah, it's a Transcuerpo," Anya said a little impatiently, as if she were frustrated by their ignorance. "I wonder where he got one… they're very rare, you know, I would have thought they were all gone by now. The last ones I saw was back in 1733, and then again in 1859- in fact, I used the one in 1859 myself. There was a woman whose husband was quite a horrible little man. He had cheated on her and sold her favorite goat even though-"

"Ahn," Xander interrupted, seeing the impatient frustration on the others' faces and attempting to head her off more tactfully and less violently than they, particularly Buffy, might be tempted to. "Can we get back to talking about the Trans-thing?"

"Right… I really had thought those had all been lost or destroyed," she mused, and then her eyes brightened suddenly. "I'm sure it's worth a lot of money… there's no telling how much it could make if you put it out there-"

"Maybe so, but the problem is that we don't have it anymore to sell or do anything else with," Buffy interrupted, her voice slightly sarcastic, but also tinged with her irritation at Anya's way of going about explaining. "It disappeared, remember? So can you PLEASE explain what it is, how to get it back, what we all should be doing here?"

"I was getting to that, you don't have to get all huffy about it, Buffy," Anya said in a slightly injured tone, lifting her chin defiantly. She smirked suddenly then, her eyes brightening in amusement at her own self. "Huffy…Buffy…"

"Anya, please," Buffy interrupted, all the more annoyed because the others, even Giles, did look somewhat amused, if also impatient, by Anya's rhyming. "Get to the point here. What. Is. It."

"Well it basically switches out people into other bodies," Anya shrugged, as if this were quite obvious and there was no need to further clarify. She gave Buffy a dark look as she went on, "You don't have to be so snappy you know, I'm helping you out here. You'd think since you NEED me and my knowledge you would-"

"Switches bodies?" Buffy blurted, obvious surprise in her voice as she straightened, looking the other girl over closely. "What do you mean, it switches bodies?"

"Like Faith did?" Willow asked, her forehead creasing slightly as she too regarded Anya. "From being older, having an older body, to having a younger one?"

"No, not at all," Anya said, to everyone's further confusion, shaking her head. "It's not just you that's affected by it. See, like he said," she started to explain quickly, jabbing a finger at the Mayor on the now-paused TV screen, "whoever's wearing it, it works once they make physical contact with another person's skin, through simultaneously touching each other's bare skin, usually by hand, and also the Transcuerpo. When they touch in this way, they switch bodies, each person taking on the physical form of the other."

The others took several moments to let this sink in, each struggling to make sense of Anya's claim. Buffy simply could not understand it… why would the Mayor want Faith to switch bodies with her, if Anya was right about this and this was what he had intended for her? Did he hope the Council would take Buffy in Faith's body instead… well, yeah, probably, that would make sense. He might even think the Council would kill her, carrying out his vengeance upon Buffy after his death. But did he really think that Faith, in Buffy's body, would be able to fool anyone into thinking she was her for long? Did he really think no one would find out? And how had Buffy somehow not been affected then… how had she remained the same, whereas Faith became a child?

Finally Xander gave voice to everyone else's thoughts, speaking with plain confusion.

"But…that didn't happen with Faith…right?"

"Well, no, of course not," Anya said with some exasperation, rolling her eyes. "Quite obviously Buffy is still Buffy and Faith has become a mini-child-person. Although I suppose that IS rather like Buffy in many ways, she is a very small human, even for a female-"

"Anya," Giles broke in insistently, taking his turn to interrupt her. "Can you think of any reason why the device would not work in the manner it was supposed to? Could Faith have used it incorrectly in some way? Is there a history of such misuse as far as you are aware of?"

"Well, I don't know about a history… those circumstances I am aware of in which a Transcuerpo was used, it was a person knowledgeable in magic and vengeance putting them to use. Not some homicidal psychotic teenage child," Anya qualified, shrugging. "She must have used it incorrectly, of course she did, or she'd be Buffy right now, wouldn't she? She must have broken one of the finger loops…yes, that makes sense, I bet it was the third Chakra on the little finger loop…"

"The…what? Chocka?" Buffy asked, baffled, and Xander too looked blank. Willow and Giles suddenly appeared as if something Anya was saying made sense to them, though. Willow's eyes brightened, and Giles nodded thoughtfully, his eyes fogging over.

"Ah, the Chakra points…" he murmured, and Willow spoke up as well.

"You think that, the Transcuerpo was based on the transference of Chakra points? And that one of them broke, upsetting the balance, so then Faith-"

"Well, it's great that everyone seems to get it now… but you lost me at Chakra," Xander remarked, and Buffy smiled at him, glad for his outspokenness. This was what happened when the majority of your reading consisted of Cosmopolitan…you didn't know about things like Chocka points. But then, why did she need to know as long as she had friends who did?

"Chakra points represent proper alignment of a person's body, mind, and soul," Giles attempted to explain, leaning towards Buffy, and she noticed wryly that the "academic-knowledge-fun" gleam had returned to his eye as he relayed the information to her. "A person should strive to keep all seven in alignment for the most all around health. Buffy, really, I do believe that I assigned you reading on the matter once or twice-"

"Which explains why I know nothing about it," Buffy replied dryly. "Go on- so these points, what do they have to do with the Transcuerpo thing?"

"Well like I said, the finger loops around the base of the palm of the device represent aspects of the seven Chakra points. When they are transferred to another, they make it seem physically as though the two involved have switched bodies," Anya began. "It's quite a complicated procedure to describe, though it is rather simple to carry out… usually anyway. So, Chakra six and seven, Sahasrara and Ajna, control the brain once combined, and represent air. The ring containing them on the Transcuerpo circles the index finger. Chakra Five, Vishuddha, would be for the middle finger, it represents water and is associated with communication and creativity. Chakra Four, Anahata, would be for the ring finger, representing fire, and it is the heart chakra. It allows one to love and balance oppositional psyches. Chakra Two, Sdvahisthana, is for the thumb, representing balancing half of water, and is related to emotion and sexual pleasure. Chakra One, Muladhara, is for the palm piece and represents earth, relating to identity. But it's the third Chakra, Manipura, that I suspect was damaged in Faith's case," Anya lectured, nodding to herself as she addressed the room at large. She seemed quite pleased to at last have their full attention and respect as she spoke.

"See, Manipura represents the balancing half of fire. It would be for the little finger. It also controls ego identity, self-definition, and personal power and authority. So if Faith used the Transcuerpo while the Manipura loop was damaged or broken, she would be reverted back to an age of damaged or non-existent power and autonomy and ego identity…which she obviously did, as she has become a child, who would have none of those things," Anya summed up, and she smiled, as if awaiting their appreciation.

"Yes…that does fit," Giles said slowly, blinking thoughtfully. "If the Manipura ring was harmed in some way, the transference between Faith and Buffy would not be completed… the mystical energy would overload…"

"Making her become a kid," Willow finished, her eyes shining with interest and understanding. "Maybe that was why it disappeared after… because the energies consumed it."

"That is very true… a good point, Willow," Giles nodded at her briefly, his eyes still narrowed thoughtfully. "Faith's memory loss as well…perhaps this came about because of the confusion of the Chakra points in her. They must be very much out of line now…"

"So if we re-age her… find a spell…line up her Chakra points… then she should go back to how she was," Willow added. "But it can be fixed…right Anya? We can undo what she's done by mistake?" she asked, turning towards the other girl hopefully.

"Well, I suppose so…I'm not sure, I never saw it undone before or undid it myself," Anya shrugged. "It's likely there is a way, of course, there usually is for these things."

"So we find it," Willow said enthusiastically, looking between the others smiling in excitement at this newest piece of information. "It should be easy to realign the Chakra points, I'm sure I've read somewhere… maybe we won't even have to re-age her if we do that, maybe it will just correct itself. Or maybe if we re-age her, her Chakra points will realign themselves on their own. Either way, we should definitely be able to switch her back to her normal self again. Well…not that Faith was normal…but you know what I mean."

"So we can do this then… no more mini-Faith. Just scary, evil, murdering, strangling Faith… who may come back a tad bit pissed off about her stint as a little kid," Xander clarified.

Though his tone was more upbeat than his words, Buffy saw the hesitation in his eyes. She had to admit that he had a point…several points actually. All were very good reasons to give at least a little more thought about the turning-Faith-back business… but none of them were the main ones to Buffy personally. Buffy hesitated, even balked, at the idea of turning Faith into a teenager again, not because of what Faith would become…but because of what she would no longer be. She didn't want to lose Faith, the child Faith, and know she had had an active hand in destroying her. She didn't to lose their relationship…she didn't want to go back to disliking her, being wary of her, of Faith not trusting her…

Willow, however, was looking at Xander with a frown beginning to crease her forehead, regarding him closely before she spoke. "Xander…you don't think we should turn Faith back into a teenager?"

"I'm not saying that," Xander said quickly, holding up his hand as if to fend off any possible criticism to come. "Just, you know… if we do turn her back… put her back to being what she was…well then what? How are we supposed to deal with her now when we couldn't figure out how to before?"

It was a good question, one that they needed to consider, even if they also wanted to avoid it entirely. But it was something they HAD to think about… if they were really going to do it, then they better think about every possible outcome and how to prepare for it. They had to be ready.

"That is something I suppose none of us yet have an answer to," Giles admitted in response to Xander's question, exhaling as he absently pushed his glasses a little further up the bridge of his nose. "Depending upon her behavior after the transference is complete… we could try rehabilitation…"

"Because that worked so well the first time," Buffy muttered, and there was more tension in her voice than she had intended. "Who would be rehabilitating her, Giles? The Council? Not only did they fail to even keep her with them last time, but they also would probably kill her. You said so yourself. Plus if we hand over Big Faith to them like that- big, huge, almost impossible if, since she would never let us do that unless we knocked her out with a sledgehammer, drugged her, and then carried her there- then they might start piecing together from her or some other way about what really happened. Who knows what they might try to pull then…and if you think we would rehabilitate her? Maybe…but how? How would we keep her confined, how would we hide her from the Council forever?"

The others fell silent, knowing she was right… whatever happened, if they switched Faith back to her normal age, it could not be a perfect or even decent solution.

"I don't think we should do it," Anya spoke up in a tone that left no room for the others' possible doubt in her own eyes. "The little girl Slayer doesn't kill anything but vampires. The evil psycho Slayer kills everything that crosses her path. Why do you think a murderer is preferable to a Slayer?"

"Anya…" Willow began weakly, but Buffy interrupted, suddenly emboldened by Anya's words. She had to let them know what she thought, even if they disagreed or disapproved…how else could they come to a decision that was right?

"I'm…I'm not so sure we should turn Faith back either," she began slowly, raising her eyes to look at the others in turn. "I mean, she's still a Slayer, so the Slayer line isn't affected… there will still be Slayers if she died. And this…it just seems better. I mean, she's not hurting anyone… she likes us, she's not going to kill us or betray us…and my mom likes her. I…it's better like this," she concluded somewhat lamely, and sat back again, flushing.

That had hardly been her strongest argument… what was wrong with her. They were supposed to be persuaded based on that?

The others were quiet, all showing looks of concentration and heavy thought in their features, before Willow lifted her head to reply.

"Buffy," she began hesitantly, her head tilted. "She's cute, and sweet and all…sorta… the way she is now. But we have to change her back. She hurt people, she killed people…we can't just let her get away with that by letting her be a little kid everyone takes care of for the rest of her life."

"Mom wouldn't look at it as something she has to do, she would want to," Buffy said quietly, and though she didn't say it out loud, she thought to herself she might not mind it either anymore. "She's already so stuck on Little Faith. And besides…Big Faith doesn't even really exist right now. If we get rid of a child like that, it's like we're punishing her for something she didn't even do-"

"The child shouldn't be here at all, Buffy," Willow said gently, but she stood her ground as she looked her friend in the eye. "She was gone from the older Faith long ago. And as for Big Faith not existing right now- didn't you hear her speaking through Little Faith's mouth?"

"Maybe Little Faith IS supposed to be there, maybe that was meant to be for her to come back!" Buffy said defensively, stiffening involuntarily as she looked at the redhead tersely. "And if Big Faith exists when Little Faith is here, then Little Faith exists when Big Faith is there, doesn't that make sense? So you WOULD be punishing her-"

"Buffy, Willow," Giles interrupted, his voice weary but insistent. "We do not have to discuss this… we do not have to decide anything tonight. We have been given more information, and it will be useful to know, whatever we decide to do. For now it is late, and perhaps it would be better if we all rested and left decisions of this magnitude for a later time."

The other agreed, Xander and Anya quickly and eagerly, Buffy and Willow more slowly, giving each other lingering troubled glances. Despite their talk in the cemetery, and despite the way Willow had eased up in her opinion of Little Faith, this was something Buffy knew they would not be able to agree upon. How would they all come to an agreement on this?

As everyone stood to go, exchanging good nights, Buffy's mind was still swirling with her rapid line of though. She WAS right...wasn't she? It would be better to keep Faith, because that WAS better, right…not just because Buffy wanted to do that?

Her heavy thoughts continued as she drove home and dropped by her mother's room. Joyce had been waiting up for her, and had probably also been trying to make sure Faith didn't slip by her again. After assuring her mother that she was fine and would talk to her later, and receiving assurance herself that Faith was okay and still present in the house, Buffy slipped inside her room. She didn't bother to brush her teeth before undressing and slipping into bed beside Faith.

As Buffy lay there, turned on her side to face the child beside her, she simply stared at her, knowing she would be unable for some time to fall asleep. Her mind was still too actively involved in her worries, in relaying each of the revelations the long day had brought her. And there were so many of them…it was astonishing that she could take them all in at once. There was Riley's attitude towards Faith…Giles's betrayal of her… the fuller knowledge of her past. Willow was gay, Faith was a Slayer still, and they now knew what she had used to turn herself, who had given it to her, and what had gone wrong…

And Faith had wanted her to love her. Faith…had wanted Buffy…to love her…however and whatever that might mean…

Faith lay deeply asleep as Buffy watched her, clad in her new pale blue pajamas and clutching Mr. Gordo close to her face, two of her fingers barely inside her mouth. Buffy bet Faith had been a thumb-sucker as a smaller child, judging by the way her hands hovered near her mouth when she was very stressed or entirely relaxed. Maybe it was something she had still not entirely broken herself from doing at that age. As she breathed in and out slowly, Buffy watched her, letting her mind run without attempting to solve or make sense of any of it.

When Faith's breathing began to quicken, growing louder, more shallow, and almost panting, and she began to move in her sleep, Buffy sat up, watching her more closely as her attention finally focused on something- on Faith. The little girl was clearly having a nightmare, as she had the night before, and Buffy steeled herself to deal with it if Faith didn't settle back into more peaceful sleep on her own. Watching her, her chest tightened with empathy for her as the child's features tensed, pained.

When Faith began to whimper, then to yelp, crying out for someone or something not to hurt her, Buffy had to step in. She shook her awake, as gently as was possible to get the job done, her heart squeezing at the terror in Faith's eyes when she first came awake.

Buffy held Faith's head to her chest, comforting her with her hands slowly rubbing her back, running over her hair. Her throat closed over as she listened to Faith's raspy breathing as the child struggled valiantly not to cry. As Buffy kissed the top of the younger girl's head, tightening her arms around her, she found herself wondering with real grief, even through her show of love for her, if this would be the last time she ever held her.


	32. Chapter 32

fChapter 32

When Buffy finally drifted off to sleep, she slept lightly, and not for very long. When she awakened at 7:30 am, much earlier than she would have normally chosen, she knew she would not be able to sleep for any longer. Faith had fallen asleep again the night before with Buffy's arm loosely wrapped around her, and she had in sleep burrowed more closely against the older girl's side. For the second morning in a row Buffy had to figure out a gentle way to untangle the child from her so she could rise before she was able to go downstairs.

Joyce looked up with a slight smile and greeted her as Buffy padded into the kitchen, but Buffy could already see that her mind was whirring, wide awake and ready to ask about the events of the night before. She gave Buffy a few minutes to let her mind unwind before jumping to the point.

"Did you find out anything helpful last night?"

"Yeah…" Buffy sighed, letting her shoulders sag a little. She was hardly in the mood to go over this now, but she had kept her mother in suspense all night. And now, while Faith was dead to the world, was probably the best time to go over it. "We know what the thing Faith used to change herself with is, and what went wrong. The Mayor left her a video before he did, but she used it wrong, or it broke or something. It was supposed to make us switch bodies, but it messed with her Chakra…"

Joyce was frowning faintly, obviously not following this, but she nodded anyway. "Okay…so do you know how to…to change her back?" she asked quietly.

Buffy sighed, running a hand through her hair. "We know OF a way… still working on the how, I think."

"All right… I can understand," Joyce said slowly, and she went quiet for several moments, not meeting her daughter's eyes. When she lifted her eyes again she spoke quietly and calmly, but Buffy saw the discomfort and hesitation in her eyes.

"If you do find a way soon…you would still decide to change her?"

Buffy hesitated, her shoulders rolling inward further…for that was the million dollar question. She knew what she wanted…but she didn't know what she SHOULD do.

"I don't know, Mom," she said slowly, knowing her mother was doing all she could to read her, and wondering just how much she could see. "Nothing is decided yet."

Joyce watched her for several moments, feeling her out, before nodding, giving Buffy space. Well, from that particular question anyway. She moved onto the next with the same quiet insistence.

"Faith told me quite a few tales about her little adventure last night… can you please explain to me just what happened when she caught up with you?"

Buffy sighed again; she had seen the anxiety and fear in her mother's eyes, the way she held her mouth, even if she was keeping it in control. Somehow Buffy didn't think it was because of the child Faith or her abilities that her mother felt this way…at least not because she thought Faith would harm her. Rather, it was probably emotions appearing in reaction to the additional danger Faith would be under as a Slayer, even a child Slayer, a person naturally drawn to battling and darkness. Buffy remembered all too well her mother's reaction when she found out Buffy was a Slayer… were they going to go through a version of that all over again? Because if so, Buffy wasn't entirely sure she had the energy to deal with it this early in the morning.

"Well, good news is, we don't have to worry about Faith being helpless and defenseless against anyone trying to hurt her anymore," she tried flippantly, giving a quick little smile. "But…"

As she briefly filled her mother in on what had taken place in the cemetery, editing largely portions that would especially shock her, Buffy watched her closely for her reaction. Joyce's jaw tightened, eyes narrowing, mouth pressing into a thin line as she went on. But she said nothing until Buffy had concluded, and the concern in her expression outweighed anger and disbelief. She looked as if she might be able to handle the knowledge without completely wigging out… was that because she already had practice from the first time around, when it was Buffy? Or was it because Faith wasn't her biological child? Whatever the case, it would've been great if she'd reacted like that with ME, Buffy couldn't help but think to herself with a quick twinge of resentment that she quickly shoved aside.

It took Joyce a little time to do more than nod; when she gathered her voice again, it was slow but coherent and focused.

"I see…Buffy? How is she?"

"She's okay," Buffy assured her, again a little surprised by how her mother was handling this. But then, Faith had probably told her every last detail several times over at top volume, so she had to have had at least a sneaking suspicion as to what was going on. "She had a nightmare, but it wasn't over the slaying. She was THRILLED over that," Buffy added, rolling her eyes.

"So I noticed," Joyce said dryly. She let a few moments pass before she exhaled, leaning towards Buffy and addressing her again. "Buffy…I know she's…still a Slayer somehow…so she can fight…as entirely mind-blowing as that seems to me. But I don't want her going with you again. Even if she has your abilities…she's still a child, with a child's judgment and cognitive capabilities, a child's tendency to be easily distracted or let to incorrect conclusions. I worry about you out there enough as it is, and I know you're a strong, mature, very capable young woman. I think you'll understand me when I say that Faith doesn't need to be putting herself into those kind of situations right now, before she's ready for them…whether or not she thinks she is."

"Oh, I'm right with you there," Buffy agreed quickly, nodding. "I didn't and don't want her patrolling, or being anywhere near me when I patrol, ever again."

"Good," Joyce replied with a small, slightly relieved smile, and she touched Buffy's hand before changing the subject. "Buffy…it seems to me that we'll be keeping Faith for an indefinite amount of days, weeks, whatever time is decided upon… and it concerns me to think that you would miss class to watch her all that time."

Oh no, Buffy thought, grimacing. Here it comes… I was crazy to think she's let more than two or three days off slip…

"I want you to go to your classes today, Buffy," Joyce finished firmly, looking her in the eye. "I'll watch Faith in the morning. I'm going into work around one, and I'll take her with me. You can pick her up after your last class to take her home with you. I would leave her with your friends, but they have work and school….and Mr. Giles…I'm sure none of us would feel comfortable with that arrangement, him included."

She was right about that, Buffy thought somewhat grimly. Though she agreed, her voice and posture was reluctant, and she could already feel her worrying begin.

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Willow had been surprised and a little worried to see Buffy return to class with her, and Buffy wondered briefly why the girl was behaving so awkwardly upon seeing her. Maybe she was nervous at the thought of Faith being left with only Buffy's mother to watch her again, after what had happened the night before. Or maybe she thought that by returning to class so soon Buffy was giving up on finding a way to change Faith back or even to think about it. Maybe she thought Buffy was already settling into making Little Faith a permanent part of her life…and after her comments last night, it had been clear that Willow didn't think this was right, even if she was softening somewhat in her stance on the child Faith.

Whatever the case, there was a hushed exchanged between them before their first class, invoking a pointed stare from the professor that caused Willow to flush and gulp anxiously and Buffy to cringe. Off to a terrific start…

Buffy quickly found herself unable to concentrate, her thoughts occupied instead with worries of Little Faith, the looming possible event of turning her back into Big Faith, and the Council's continued threatening pressure. Studies of World Literature put her to sleep even in the best of times, and that day there was no competition over which train of focus would feature itself in her mind. Oh well, she would ask Willow for her notes later…

It seemed a long day to Buffy, even longer than usual as far as class-attending went. Her classes had started at 10 am and carried on, with breaks ranging from 15 minutes to an hour and a half, until after 4:30 pm. When she had more than an hour between classes she dropped by her house for a few minutes to make sure everything was okay. She wouldn't have been able to relax at all if she hadn't. Of course by one pm Joyce had taken Faith to the art gallery, but she dropped by her house short after anyway. After all, a demon could have come by earlier or something, or the Council. She just felt better to check it out when she could.

When her final class ended, Buffy was more than ready to leave, for reasons much more than boredom. She felt as restless as though she had been forced to sit perfectly still for a week or two, and it didn't sit well with her. Part of it- most of it, she told herself firmly- was a control issue. She wanted to be sure everything was okay, that nothing happened to anyone while she was gone. But part of her knew that it was probably excessive. She was worried about Faith and her situation because it affected so much… but also because she had become attached to her already, in a way she would never had predicted possible. And this…considering everything…was probably not good. How would it be if they did turn Faith and she had to lose that child and the affection she felt for her, if even her memory was tainted by the older Faith's return? What if Big Faith came back and it was like nothing had changed, none of it had ever happened?

She should take Faith to do something once she picked her up. The beach maybe…hadn't the older Faith said one time she'd never seen the ocean before Sunnydale?

Buffy tried to shove all this aside as she made her way down the crowded hallway, heading for the entrance of the college. She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she wasn't aware of the man walking behind her until he abruptly stepped out in front of her and blocked her path in the doorway.

"Buffy," he said, hesitation and a little hurt in his tone, and Buffy's eyes widened.

"Riley…"

"I've been right at your elbow for a few minutes now," Riley said in what Buffy knew was supposed to be a casual, playful tone, but she could still see the slightly offended, defensive look in his eyes as he walked outside just ahead of her, letting other people pass through the doorway. "Didn't you see me? Or were you just ignoring me?"

"What? No, of course I didn't see you, Riley… I was thinking," Buffy said quickly, already feeling herself tense up as he followed astride of her. Having another "talk" with Riley was far from being on the list of things she wanted and needed to do right now. Possibly it wasn't even in the same general galaxy. "Thinking thoughts, very hard…it hasn't exactly been the kind of days lately where I can get away with not doing that."

She turned away from him slightly and increased her pace, hoping he'd get the hint that she had somewhere to be, things to do, and she wasn't in the mood for this conversation even if she wasn't or didn't. If Riley got any of this thought, he either didn't care or chose to ignore it.

"Buffy, can you stop a minute so I can look at you while I talk to you?"

Buffy stopped, turning to look Riley in the eye and exhaling as she began. "Riley-"

"I meant to call you, or come by…but after what happened the last time, it seemed better to talk to you somewhere else," he said somewhat tightly, before taking in a slow breath himself. "I saw you in the hall and thought I'd catch up to you… that things would go better if we talked here."

"Yeah…you're probably right," Buffy conceded, "but look Riley, now's not a good time for this."

"Buffy, I want to work things out," Riley said, the hurt to his tone more obvious as he cocked his head, looking down at her as if he couldn't understand why she wouldn't agree to speak with him. "I know you're angry with me, or hurt, and I'm sorry for causing you to feel that way. I want to work things out between us, Buffy… I want us to be okay again."

Buffy paused, frowning, unsure of what to do, how she should respond. A part of her warmed to Riley and his clear sincerity, his desire to patch things up and attempts to reach out to her. But part of her wanted to step away, hardening… and she could not forget the way he had spoken to her about Faith, how he had wanted to pack her right off to the Council, even if it was proven to him that she was merely a traumatized child. She couldn't forget the way he had spoken to her so condescendingly, and so she held back, keeping her tone cool, if very civil and honest, as she replied.

"I know, Riley, and we can try eventually. But now is not a good time. I have to be somewhere, I don't' have time. Mom took Faith to the gallery with her today so I have to pick her up before she gets so bored she starts practicing headstands against $500000 statues or something…so later, okay?"

Riley's eyes darkened, his features tightening as the earnest softness left him, and an edge audibly tainted his tone as he addressed her.

"So…you think it's okay to let her out in public like that… to leave her alone with your mother?"

"What?" Buffy asked in an almost dangerous tone as her spine stiffened, eyes flashing at Riley's question. "Of course I do, Riley. What the hell are you trying to say?"

"You think that's safe?" Riley clarified, and Buffy stared at him, eyes narrowing. His words paired with his tone and expression were really ticking her off… hadn't she SAID so before, hadn't she explained to him in detail the entire situation? How could he still not believe her?

"YES, Riley," she said in a less than patient or civil tone, her words coming through clinched teeth. "If I had any doubts whatsoever that it wasn't safe for her, do you think I'd do it? It's less safe for Faith than it is for my mom, with all the Council after her- and I thought I made it very clear to you last time, Riley. Faith is a child, she would never hurt me or my mother or anyone else unless she was being tortured or something and it was self-defense!"

Or if it was a vampire, she thought to herself somewhat uneasily. But Riley didn't need to know that. The way he was acting now, he didn't need to know anything. The way he was acting now, he didn't need to know anything. And hey, hadn't she told him she was too busy for this conversation?

Buffy started to turn away, but she couldn't help but jerk herself to a stop when Riley spoke up again.

"She didn't seem like someone who would never hurt anyone when I met her," he insisted darkly. "You heard what she was saying, Buffy. You saw the way she was. She's not DANGEROUS?! She's completely unbalanced!"

"You scared the hell out of her, Riley, how did you expect her to behave?" Buffy exclaimed indignantly, almost sputtering as she threw her arms out for emphasis. She didn't care if anyone was looking at them, and several people were- there was no way she could let Riley keep talking like that. "She's a little girl, and she's had it horrible. She had the kind of life you can't begin to comprehend! You don't know anything about her or what happened to her, and I'm not going to stand back and let you say things like that about her!"

"Okay," Riley said quickly and he held up his hands, even backing up a step, his eyes fixed on Buffy's. His features smoothed out, his eyes taking on a hurt weary resignation, and he sighed, putting down his hands. "You know what I think, Buffy… and I know I won't be able to convince you. You'll do whatever you think best…but are you at least trying to figure out what happened, how to change Faith back to what she was?"

"Yes," Buffy replied stiffly, crossing her arms, and she lowered her voice some, even as it retained her angry tone. "We made some breakthroughs with that last night. We haven't decided how to handle it yet though."

"Good," Riley responded, nodding slightly, and he sighed again, his expression softer, earnest, as he continued to look into Buffy's eyes. "I don't want to upset you or anger you, Buffy. I hate that we've disagreed over this…I wish we could come to a mutual agreement that works for us both."

He paused, and Buffy watched him uncertainly, feeling herself hesitate… she knew he was sincere. It was probably all his military guy training that made him think and act the way he had been… and he was apologizing…

But then he blew it.

In the same soft, pleading tone he continued to entreat her, "I love you, Buffy… don't let Faith come between us."

All inner softening on Buffy's part hardened in an instant as she felt her anger surge strongly once more. Faith…still he was blaming this on Faith… and she was supposed to nod and just agree with him?

"Riley, Faith didn't come between us," she said tightly, pointedly, as she returned his gaze. "You did."

At those words Riley's jaw muscle tensed, his eyes widening, and he stiffened noticeably. He looked as if someone had slapped him and he was trying not to react. Buffy though he was going to turn and walk away, but then he spoke up roughly, eyes narrowed almost as much as Buffy's.

"She will destroy you if you let her, Buffy…she'll destroy us," he began tersely, one hand forming a fist unconsciously. "She manipulates and lies to everyone around her until she has them completely fooled… I know her kind, Buffy, and she will-"

"She loves me, Riley," Buffy blurted out loudly, and Riley's words jerked to a stop as he blinked, mouth partly open as he turned to face her.

"What…what did you say?"

Oh no…shit, Buffy thought frantically as she froze, momentarily unable to explain. Why had she said that- she hadn't meant to say that! What would he think…what would he do? WHY had she said that to Riley of all people?

"She loves you," Riley repeated, his voice odd, as if he couldn't quite form the words. "She told you that…the child version told you she loves you? Did you ever think she was manipulating you, or-"

"It wasn't the child Faith who told me, Riley," Buffy said more quietly, exhaling slowly. "It…it was the older Faith."

She tensed, anticipating and dreading Riley's reaction. It couldn't possibly be good… but it was too late now, she had to be honest. It was just that he might take this all wrong…

"When?" Riley asked in a very controlled tone, but Buffy saw the fury in his eyes, barely held back in his tone and body. "Before she was changed…"

"No," Buffy replied, sighing. "We hypnotized her yesterday…that was how we learned a lot of what had happened. We got her to speak as the older Faith… and that's when she said it. Well, actually," she amended quickly, "she didn't say she loves me…she said she wanted me to love her."

"And…you believe her," Riley continued in the same strained tone, his eyes fixed on hers. "You think she really wants that."

"Well…yes, I do," Buffy asserted, and she nodded, meeting his eyes. "I do, Riley."

Riley was quiet for several moments, and Buffy could almost hear the thoughts running through his mind. She was hardly thought-free herself…but Riley was so stiff in appearance that she almost expected him to start shaking from the effort it would take to hold his muscles so still.

"Do you love her," he asked finally, only there was no question to his tone. There was only a flat, bitter certainty that made Buffy cringe, even in her anger with him.

"In some way…I think I do," she told him softly. "I-"

"You love her?!" Riley almost shouted, and now it was he who didn't seem to care about staring passerbys. "You love her- this girl who lied, who manipulated everyone you know, who killed people and swapped out her body to escape punishment- this girl who accused me of being an abusive rapist?! You love HER, when you won't even listen to me without-"

"Riley, no, it's not like that- not like you're thinking," Buffy cried out in frustration, eyes widening as she shook her head hurriedly. "I don't love her romantically, even when she's not seven! I don't even know if that's what SHE meant she wants-"

"Of course it was," Riley muttered, shaking his head. "What else would a girl you've described to me as a skanky, cleavage-y maneater have meant?"

"No- Riley, it's not- oh, come on!" Buffy started off automatically, and then froze, unease crossing her features. "Did I really call her that?"

"You said you needed to go pick her up from your mom's gallery, Buffy," Riley said stiffly, taking a step away from her. "Guess you better do it, she's waiting."

He turned away from her, and Buffy stared, barely believing this turn of events. As angry as she was, and as much as she couldn't stand his behavior, this was not how she'd want to end things…

"Riley!" she called, but he continued on, not so much as glancing her way, shoulders drawn up rigidly. Dammit…whatever. She hadn't wanted this…but if he was going to…dammit, why did he have to BE like this?!

As she walked the rest of the way to the car, she found herself wondering uneasily if it was entirely over between them. Did she care? Mostly though…what was Riley going to do?


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Author notes: Thank you so much to Lupo for all your help and support in this story…and also for coming up with the entire Chakra point idea, which I neglected to mention during that chapter. Sorry. Also, I may not update for some time because I'm going on vacation Saturday and may not have internet.

"Can't catch me, Buffy!"

Already grinning broadly, Faith shot past her, her small bare feet digging into the sand and leaving shallow footprints in her wake. Her long ponytail flew out behind her, slapping against her back and shoulders with a few pieces coming undone to straggle down her face. She pumped her arms, already laughing gleefully as she avoided the rocks and shells scattered about the beach shore without looking down. Her leaps and nimble dodging past them was far more skillful than any normal child of her age would be able to move. What few people were out among them so late in the afternoon on a work and school day either ignored her or smiled, unbothered by her exuberance.

Buffy smiled as well, feeling a rush of affection and gratitude for the child's obvious pleasure before she dropped her towels and beach bag and took after Faith, not bothering to rein in her Slayer speed. She could hear Faith shriek with laughter as she became aware of Buffy's pursuit, and though Buffy loved to see her happy, even to admire how quickly and smoothly she moved, there was no way she was letting Faith get away with thinking she was faster this time.

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After her confrontation with Riley, an occurrence that Buffy still couldn't full process or think too deeply about, she had headed to her mother's gallery to pick Faith up, if her mother was still there with her. No doubt the little girl was more than ready to leave…Buffy was nineteen and it bored her to tears to spend more than twenty minutes there. Poor Faith had been there for more than four hours…what had her mother been thinking?

When Buffy showed up, she had spotted Faith off in the distance, ostensibly looking at the art on display but in actuality simply roaming about restlessly. One look at Joyce and the state of her office as Buffy stood in its doorway told her all she really needed to know. Discarded comic books, color books, crayons, Matchbox cars, snack wrappers, and what looked suspiciously to Buffy like HER walkman were scattered in one corner, and Joyce had a rather weary and distracted look in her eyes as she smiled and greeted her daughter.

"I see she's been busy," Buffy said wryly, glancing over towards where Faith was still pacing around, pulling her body away quickly and suspiciously from anyone who happened to pass her. She didn't seem aware of Buffy's presence yet, and Buffy chose to wait a few moments before calling her over.

"Oh, she's been busy all right," Joyce replied dryly even as she smiled. "Problem is she makes me busier too."

"I could have told you that this wasn't a great idea," Buffy couldn't help but point out. "But hey, you want me in school… but if you really-"

"You're going to school," Joyce said firmly, fixing a stern eye on her. "And it's not that I don't want her here, that's not it at all. It's certainly not her fault. I suppose I simply didn't think this through very well…we may need to find a better arrangement for her while I work and you go to school. I don't want her with just anyone though," she frowned, bothered. "She should be with someone she trusts, who cares about her… preferably someone who knows what she is," she added, giving Buffy a meaningful glance.

"I know," Buffy nodded, still unable to keep from smirking slightly. "But we've already ruled out Giles, and if you insist on me being in school, then the only other one available is Anya, and I think we can rule that out too, don't you? No telling what the girl would do and say to her before one of us got back to try and repair the damage she created."

"She should be in school," Joyce frowned, "she's so smart, no wonder she's bored without any stimulation. A child her age should be in school anyway. That way she'd only come over here for an hour at the most before your classes let out and you could get her, Buffy."

"Mom," Buffy shook her head, preparing to bring her mother back to reality. "We can't enroll Faith in elementary school. One, there's the date on her birth certificate that puts her age at seventeen instead of seven. There's the fact that Giles, not us, or maybe it's the Council, has legal guardianship of her and proof of it. There's the whole… strength issue… where any kid or teacher she got mad at on the playground could be seriously hurt without her even meaning it. And lastly, we're supposed to be laying low, not drawing attention to her… I don't think she'd be the kind of child to blend into the wall with the other kids."

"I suppose that's true," Joyce said, disappointed, and though Buffy tried not to show it, she was discouraged too. If they didn't turn Faith back into her normal self, those would be real problems to deal with. How would they keep a child like her on low profile for any extended time period? How would they care for her?

As Buffy thought about this, her expression must have sobered, for Joyce looked at her closely, her forehead furrowing. Between her current course of thought and what had just happened with Riley, Joyce must be seeing quite a lot of conflict in her features.

"Buffy…are you okay, honey? You look strange…"

Just then Faith turned her head, and seeing Buffy, she lit up immediately. She hurried to her side, almost bouncing.

"Buffy!" she called, grabbing her hand enthusiastically, and Buffy blinked, startled by her impulsive touch. The child would never have done such a thing just a day or two ago. "You gonna take me home now?"

"Not exactly, Faith," Buffy smiled down at her, ruffling her hair affectionately. "I was thinking we'd go home to get some stuff and I'd take you to the beach for a little while. You ever seen the ocean, Faith?"

"No," Faith shook her head, and Buffy nodded, still smiling down at her. Just talking to her made her feel better, worry less about what had happened and what might come their way.

"Well you definitely need to come then," she proclaimed before turning to her mother. "Mom, it's okay, right?"

"I don't know, Buffy- so late?" Joyce said slowly, frowning. "It will be dark in a few hours."

"Oh I'll have her back before then," Buffy reassured her. "Promise. I don't want her out after dark either. She'll be fine- you know I'll protect her if she needs it."

"I don't need it," Faith piped up, putting her hands on her hips and scowling slightly. "You saw me, I can kick total ass, I-"

"Faith, language," Joyce said quickly before looking back at Buffy. "She doesn't have a bathing suit, but I guess she can wear pajama shorts and a t-shirt of yours, Buffy. I'd give her money to buy a bathing suit, but by the time you do that it will be too late for you to go. Well…there's some beach toys in the basement if you want them…this late in the day you won't need sunscreen," she reasoned, then nodded. "Okay… don't let her go too far out in the water though, Buffy."

"Thanks, Mom," Buffy smiled. She realized that part of the reason Joyce had given in was simply because she couldn't get anything done with them standing there. "We'll be careful, I promise."

She looked down at Faith, seeing her dimples standing out with her smile, and Buffy's own smile grew slightly as she regarded her. "Come on, Faith, let's go. We need to hurry if we want a lot of time there."

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Buffy had returned home with Faith and gathered towels, a beach ball, flip-flops, and put on a bikini with shorts. Faith she had directed into one of her oldest, smallest shirts and the shorts from the pajama set Faith hadn't worn the night before. Faith had been quiet once she saw what Buffy had told her to wear, asking once why she couldn't just wear what she had been wearing all day. But when Buffy had explained how wet and dirty she might get her jeans and Wolverine shirt, she hadn't protested.

She had remained unusually quiet as they headed out to Buffy's car, and Buffy realized as she noticed Faith repeated glance down at herself that she must still be worried about letting people she didn't know or trust see the injuries on her body. She felt a quick jab of guilt and pity for her as she pretended not to notice, wondering if she should have let Faith go as she wanted. Why was she not yet healed if she was a Slayer? Did her child body have to remain EXACTLY the same as it had been for whatever reason? Stupid Chakra points…

But as they had arrived and Faith had taken her first steps out onto the ocean, her eyes had grown round, shining with awe, and she seemed to forget all about her discomfort with her odd, baggy, skin-exposing getup as she stared across the sand into the waves breaking onto the land. She didn't speak, didn't say anything at all, and Buffy had smiled with pleasure at her reaction. She set the beach things she had been carrying down and put a hand atop Faith's head.

"That's the ocean," she said softly, petting Faith's hair a little. The little girl didn't react to her touch, barely seeming aware of it. "Isn't it beautiful, Faith?"

"It's big…and loud," Faith replied in a near whisper, her eyes still round and dark with fascination. Buffy laughed, squeezing her shoulder.

"Take off your shoes, Faith, see how the sand feels in your toes."

Faith had bent to do what she said, still fixing her eyes on the water as she did, as if afraid it might leave if she looked away. It took her a little while to undo her shoes without looking, but once they were off she wiggled her toes into the soft damp sand at her feet, giggling.

"Oooh…it's cold…"

And that was when she had suddenly grinned, dimples flashing, and tore off down the beach, calling out her challenge for Buffy to catch her over her shoulder.

Buffy grinned as she ran, her eyes fixed on the child's slim form ahead. She loved this, to just be able to cut up and have a good time with Faith… to spend time and be totally relaxed with Faith…to spend time and have fun without complications, without tension or resentment or anger that was always present between her and Big Faith even before Big Faith had gone to the Mayor. It had never been this simple between them…if anything happened to change this, she was going to miss it so much she wasn't sure she could think about it.

Shoving this thought aside hurriedly, Buffy put on a fresh burst of speed, coming up behind Faith. Grabbing her around the waist, she tossed her up over her shoulder playfully but carefully, not wanting to hurt or scare her. Faith shrieked painfully close to her ear, squirming rigorously and kicking her legs, but she was careful not to kick Buffy, and Buffy knew she was enjoying herself.

"Put me down, Buffy…. put me down!"

"But you like it here," Buffy said mock innocently, grinning. "Gives you a new view…"

She started spinning around in a circle, still holding Faith over her shoulder. The little girl squealed with laughter, one arm moving to clamp around Buffy's neck for better support.

"Put me down! Hahahahaha… put me down…"

"You gonna run from me again?" Buffy smiled playfully, and Faith shook her head hurriedly, still giggling.

"Nooo…put me down…"

"Okay then," Buffy pretended to consider before setting Faith down, steadying her until she had calmed down a little. Once Faith was sure on her feet, however, she looked at the blonde with her eyes sparking impishly, dimples flashing as she ran off in the opposite direction.

"Hahaha, you can't get me!"

After the thrill of Buffy chasing and catching her a few more times had worn off and both girls felt nearly sick from laughter, Faith looked out over the ocean again as she caught her breath.

"It's like the sky," she remarked seriously. "It keeps going on and on…"

"That's right," Buffy smiled, slightly breathless as well, and she looked down at Faith, touching her back. "Do you want to get in?"

Looking up at Buffy, then across to the ocean, with apprehension in her eyes, Faith shook her head.

"Come on," Buffy prodded her gently, keeping her hand on Faith's back. "Just get your feet wet if nothing else. I won't let anything bad happen."

When Faith still hesitated, Buffy slipped her hand into Faith's and began to lead her without asking again. As they stood out at the edge of the ocean, letting the outskirts of the water run over their toes, Faith smiled slowly, then more widely, laughing.

"That tickles…it's cold!"

Looking up at Buffy to make sure she would stay with her, Faith took a few slow steps forward so the water was up to her calf. Emboldened by her enjoyment of the water's sensation and Buffy's hand in hers, Faith kept going, Buffy following with her until the water was up to Faith's thighs, wetting a good portion of Buffy's shirt she had loaned to her.

"It smells funny… how come it smells funny?" she asked, cupping a handful of water and holding it up to her face.

"It's saltwater, Faith," Buffy told her. "Don't drink it, it's really nasty-"

She hadn't even finished her sentence before a wave rolled up upon them, one surprisingly large compared to the last few. Water hit Buffy in the chest, soaking and shocking her with its coldness so that she shrieked, but Faith, being shorter, was hit in the face. She staggered and would have fallen into the water if it weren't for Buffy's firm hold on her hand. The look of complete stunned disgust at the taste of the water that had gotten in her mouth would have been hilarious, if Buffy hadn't been worried that she was alright.

"Faith, are you okay?" she asked hurriedly as Faith's face screwed up and the girl sputtered, spitting repeatedly and wiping at her face with her palm. Her hair was stuck, damp and sticky, to her cheeks, and Buffy reached out to comb it back from her face with her fingers.

"Yuck!" Faith gasped, her mouth still puckered, eyes wide, but there was noticeable angry indignation gleaming in them as well. "That's nasty! Ew! How come it tastes so bad?"

"It's saltwater," Buffy explained. Now that it was obvious Faith was okay she snickered, grinning as she remembered the look on her face just after the wave hit and saw how pissed off and grossed out she looked now. "It has salt in it."

She chuckled again, a little louder this time, and Faith glared at her before abruptly splashing water onto her face with admirable aim. Buffy yelped, caught off guard by this, especially since her mouth had been opening laughing. The little brat was so vindictive, even as a kid…

Spitting out the water that had gotten into her mouth, Buffy splashed Faith back, earning the sound of her angry yell as well. From then on the battle was on. The girls shoved at each other, pushing and pulling limbs without actually hurting each other as they exerted all energy into splashing and wetting each other as much as possible. Buffy's t-shirt on Faith bagged out around her in the water so that it weighed her down and made it easy for Buffy to grab hold of, but she fought back fiercely and enthusiastically. It didn't cross Buffy's mind how strange or mismatched it must look for her to be so vigorously splashing a little girl…besides, Faith was giving back as much as she was getting. She was fast and determined- and totally set on winning.

It took some time for the water fight to run its course, but eventually the girls began to make their way back to the shore, both smiling widely. Soaked and thirsty, they nonetheless were very happy, their limbs loose and relaxed as they hadn't been in quite a while.

As Buffy picked up the towels by her bag and spread them out, she found herself taking out the disposable camera she had stuck in the bag on impulse. She had thought to herself that she would want to capture this day, capture Faith in all her childish innocence and irresistible being, in case she didn't have her for much longer. She took several pictures of Faith, some posed, some not, and it soon became obvious to her that Faith had not had many pictures taken of her. At first she would only look at Buffy seriously, even frowning; her later attempts at smiles looked fake or uncertain. But Buffy got one good one after making her laugh, with her eyes sparkling, dimples displayed fully, and another that she had taken of both of them with her arm held out in front of their faces.

Less she get too serious, Buffy had quickly gotten out a plastic bucket and pail, intending to introduce Faith to the art of sand castle making. Faith had regarded her with complete disinterest and skepticism at first, but as Buffy started to form one on her own, pretending to ignore her, she had began to watch with her interest peaked in spite of herself. Within a few minutes Faith was attempting to build her own castle, totally absorbed in her efforts. Buffy was faintly amazed- it was the most focused she had ever seen her.

"Look, I did it!" she announced proudly about ten minutes later. "See?"

Buffy looked over at her castle with a smile. The sand wasn't packed very well, so it was already half crumbling, and it wasn't very elaborately designed. Nevertheless, Faith was pleased with herself, and Buffy smiled at her, squeezing her shoulder.

"Looks good, Faith. You gonna make a moat?"

"Nah," Faith decided, shaking her head. She was still smiling, satisfied, and didn't flinch or duck away from Buffy's touch. But the older girl had noticed her glancing down at the hand on her shoulder, noticed that Faith was quiet for a few moments as a thoughtful demeanor came over her. When Faith spoke, her voice was casual, but Buffy knew the question wasn't.

"How come you guys do that?"

"What guys?" Buffy asked, a little confused as to her train of thought. "And do what?"

"You and Joyce," Faith clarified, and she frowned faintly, though she didn't seem troubled so much as bemused. She pointed awkwardly at Buffy's hand still on her shoulder. "Do that…touch me like that. And pat my head and stuff."

"Do you not like it?" Buffy asked, frowning a little more, and she took her hand away quickly, looking with some worry into Faith's face. "Do you not want us to? Because we don't-"

"No, no, it's okay," Faith said quickly, shaking her head, and Buffy could tell she meant it. "Don't' care…just…how come?"

Her voice was quiet, hesitant, and she looked up at Buffy with eyes more serious and vulnerable than she could possibly be aware of. Looking down at her, Buffy's heart twinged. Moments like this always killed her, to think that Faith would wonder frequently and seriously about someone's affectionate touch to ask about it…

"Well, we like you, Faith," Buffy began slowly. "And…and when you like someone like that, sometimes you touch or hug them like that to show it. It's supposed to make them feel good."

Faith thought about this a while, her head still tilted and brow furrowed. "You call me stuff too… is that the same thing?"

"Call you stuff…like sweetie or honey or something?" Buffy asked, thinking to herself wryly that her mother probably called Faith names like that more often than her actual name. When Faith nodded, Buffy nodded too. "Yes, that's the same thing. You call people that to show you like them."

Faith thought about this for a little while, her brow still creased, as she bent her head over her sand castle, attempting to smooth over some of the rougher-looking sections. She didn't look up at Buffy as she spoke, and her voice sounded odd in a way that Buffy couldn't pinpoint exactly.

"My mama calls me Firecracker sometimes."

"She does?" Buffy repeated, trying to sound nonchalant, to keep her face neutral and non-threatening even as her pulse sped up and her stomach dropped, not sure where Faith was going with this. It startled her to think that Diane Lehane would have a pet name for Faith. But then, according to the detached and detail free report in Faith's file, she had been at least an adequate mother for her during her infant and toddler years. Maybe the woman had had periods where she treated Faith better than at other times…maybe she had cared about her and loved her in her own way.

But Buffy didn't care whether or not this was true. All she cared about was that Diane Lehane had hurt Faith badly and repeatedly, and exposed her to others who had probably hurt her as well. Regardless of whether she had been mentally ill or unstable, poor or uneducated, without support… regardless of her intentions, or whether or not she had loved Faith in some way, she had damaged her permanently, and Buffy could not in any way forgive her for that.

"She calls me Faithy too sometimes," Faith went on quietly, nodding in reply to Buffy's addressal. "I don't like that though."

It wasn't her words so much as the way she said them that made Buffy swallow, watching her closely. The little girl was still not looking up at her, apparently intensely focused on repairing the already crumbling sand castle. She didn't go on, and this left Buffy's imagination wide open to interpret her tone. Maybe Faith didn't like to be called Faithy by her mother because Diane had said the name sarcastically, using it to mock or belittle her. Or maybe she had used it only when she was angry with her…maybe Faith had come to associate being called Faithy with being hurt…

"Well, no one will call you that if you don't want them to," Buffy told her, still working to keep her voice casual. "You don't' mind anything else we call you now, do you?"

Faith shook her head, and Buffy thought for some time that the conversation was going to end right there. She wasn't sure what had brought it on, or what Faith was thinking, but she was okay with her taking the lead. Talking about her mother was only bound to upset Buffy or piss her off, and Faith didn't need to see that.

But Buffy could see that her shoulders were stiffly drawn up, even through the much-too-large shirt, and she was keeping her face averted. She wasn't surprised when Faith spoke up again, her voice small, uncertain.

"Buffy…I wasn't tellin' the truth."

Buffy looked over at her quickly, and though she didn't know what Faith was talking about, she already felt her stomach drop. She shifted subtly, still watching her as she replied.

"What do you mean, Faith? What weren't you telling the truth about?"

Buffy heard her take a deep breath, and she let it out in a shuddery sigh, her hands passing over the sand. She didn't even attempt to pretend that she was interested in it any more. She looked over at Buffy very slowly, and Buffy's chest hurt to see the pain in their depths, equaled by her shame and fear of her words to come. For her to be opening up like this to Buffy, Buffy knew, making herself so vulnerable, must be scary for her…and still Faith was doing it. This was an honor that Buffy could not put into words, for Faith to show such trust in her…

She saw Faith look down at herself before she spoke, and after that the child couldn't seem to bring herself to look back up. She still spoke very quietly, her words aimed towards her lap, but Buffy understood her all the same.

"I didn't fall down."

She didn't clarify, and didn't look at her arms or touch any part of her body. She seemed to think that Buffy would understand without any further explanation, and she did. Pain for Faith and what she had been through, the vulnerability paired with strength and courage she saw in the child now, spiked through her torso, wrapping itself around her heart. She blinked several times, refusing to let any tears come, but when she spoke her voice was hoarse.

"I know, baby. I know."

Neither girl spoke, barely moved, the weight of what had been at last acknowledged between them hanging in the air. Faith stole glances at Buffy, her body still tensed, seeming still to be waiting, half holding her breath. Maybe she had been expecting something else, something more in reply. Or maybe she simply was uneasy now…Buffy didn't know. She didn't know what Faith wanted or what she should do. All she knew was what she felt, and what she wanted…

And in the end that was what she did. After giving Faith a minute or two of space, both verbally and physically, she saw that the little girl had still hardly moved, had not spoken again or changed the subject. So Buffy reached for her and pulled her into her lap, closing her arms around her. She had expected Faith to stiffen, maybe even protest at first, for she had never held her other than when she was crying, upset, and disoriented after nightmares. But Faith didn't… in fact, she pressed herself against her as if this was what she had wanted all along, her cool damp shirt chilly against Buffy's bare stomach and upper chest. As she rested her head against Buffy's shoulder, exhaling again, Buffy leaned her head briefly down to Faith's, her heart twisting.

For some time she simply held her, listening to the sound of her breathing, the occasional sea gull cry from above, the gentle crash of the waves onto shore. Faith was silent too, leaning back into her without saying anything or even squirming for once, but it was she who broke the silence eventually.

"Buffy…is Joyce my new mama now? And you're my new sister?"

Buffy paused, trying to word things carefully as she looked down at her, briefly smoothing a hand over her hair. "She is for right now, Faith."

"I don't gotta go back…do I?" Faith asked with some solemn anxiety in tone and expression, meeting Buffy's eyes. Looking back at her, Buffy was unable to say anything but no. Regardless of what would happen, there was no way she could have looked into those dark eyes and told her she would lose the small bit of love and security she had managed to obtain.

"No," she said softly, and she hugged Faith closer, glad that she was able in the moment to make herself believe her own words. "Never…you'll never go back to her again."

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After their talk, Faith had been reassured enough to resume her play, though not quite as exuberantly as before. Buffy on the other hand felt that every smile, every cheerful word she gave was false and obviously so. Though she was glad that Faith had bounced back, she was also relieved when she could take her home at close to sunset.

It had been decided between her and her mother as they cleaned up after dinner that Buffy would go on patrol while Joyce sent Faith up to bathe. While she was out Buffy could also call Giles and check in on him in privacy. This had seemed a good plan…but when Buffy went to open the door, someone was already standing there. As Buffy's eyes widened, he shifted his weight, uncomfortable.

"Angel…what are you doing here?" she sputtered, and Angel grimaced slightly.

"Uh, hi…may I come in?"


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

For several beats Buffy could only stare, blinking rapidly. Angel…that was ANGEL at the door, her mind kept informing her, though she could quite clearly see this for herself. What it wouldn't explain to her was how or why he was there, especially after the awkward exchange between them the last time she had seen him in LA. Before that he had showed up in Sunnydale- even been inside her house, for God's sake- and never even told her he was there. And why? To protect her, of all things. Well he hadn't been too worried about protecting her when he left town… at least not in that way.

Once she had found out about his little Sunnydale visit, she had gone to LA to confront him directly about it. The brief "visit" had been awkward in the extreme, to the point where she'd suggested they call each other the next time they needed to tell each other something. And yet here he was, standing all sheepish-yet-concerned, looking at her with those dark broody eyes narrowed at her…

Buffy shook her head, attempting simultaneously to clear her thoughts to ones more relevant and logical and to find her voice. She had no idea why Angel was here, but she was quite positive that it was for no reason she would be pleased about. Damn it… this on top of everything, and after she'd had such a nice time with Faith… AND after the blow up with Riley! Two exes in her space in one day… someone out there really hated her. Maybe there was a spell, or a voodoo doll or something… or maybe it was just the Slayer curse. That wouldn't surprise her either , if there was some rule somewhere that the Slayer couldn't have a minute of fun without ten minutes of agony.

Wait…had she just called Riley her ex in her head? So was it official now… was that what he was? Was that what she wanted? Did she need to try to talk to him again, to let him know that was happening?

As she attempted to bring her mind back to the situation at hand, she found herself focusing on Angel's words, responding only to his question about entering her home, even though what she really was wondering was exactly why he was standing there at this very moment.

"Why are you asking… don't you still have a standing invitation?"

"Well, yeah," Angel admitted, shifting his weight slightly again. "But it's always polite to ask… especially if you're not sure that you'll be welcome."

Buffy didn't know whether that was supposed to be a fishing for reassurance that he was welcome or not, but she kind of doubted it. For one thing, Angel knew he wasn't exactly welcome in her life… not after everything. The possibility of him showing up at her doorstep whenever he felt like it was not one that exactly pleased her… and if he did, it had better be for a damn good reason. Plus, hinting around at things might be Angel's way, but not in that manner. He usually went the route of "cryptic, vague, and annoyingly close-mouthed" rather than "manipulative and making pointed jabs meant to make you feel guilty."

"What are you doing here, Angel?" she asked, quickly glancing behind her as she remained standing in the doorway, not letting him pass through it. Her mom hadn't come over to her yet to see what was going on, but that didn't mean she wouldn't soon. Buffy stepped out onto the porch, closing the door behind her, rather than letting Angel inside.

"What happened?" she asked, and Angel sighed, but said nothing about her actions. "Has to be something big going on for you to come down here…"

A thought occurred to her, and she looked up at him sharply. "Wait- did that guy who works for you have a vision of me again? What's going on this time?"

"Doyle?" Angel asked, frowning, and an odd, distracted look crossed his eyes. "No, not Doyle… it was Cordelia. She had a vision, she saw-"

"CORDELIA?" Buffy blurted in startled near amazement, her eyes widening. "CORDELIA has visions?"

"What? Oh, yeah, she does," Angel blinked, shaking his head. "It's a long story. She had a vision..it took place in LA, but at the end she saw a brief flash of Faith's face… and she says it was in Sunnydale. Wesley said I should call you, and I know it was what you originally told me, but I thought-"

"You've seen Wesley?" Buffy interrupted, barely hearing the rest of his words as she again zeroed in on the part that caught her attention.

"Well, yes," Angel replied, looking a little confused and thrown off guard by her second interruption, "he works for me, he has since Doyle died."

He paused, as if waiting for her to ask about Doyle dying now, but Buffy was too busy almost gawking at him. Wesley working for Angel… Cordelia having visions… apparently things were more insane than she had thought even.

"So, so I thought it would be better if I came by in person," Angel finished finally, when Buffy failed to interrupt for a third time. This got her attention focused sharply again, and she stared at him, eyebrows rising in disbelief.

"Oh, you mean because it went so well the last time you "just dropped by." Angel, you can't keep doing this. You know…you know I don't like it when you do this, it makes things harder," Buffy said slowly, taking a deep breath. Once again she glanced toward the door, hoping her mother wouldn't come out to check on her.

"I know, and I'm sorry," Angel said quietly, his eyes dropping before coming back up to hers and holding them seriously. "It's just that when I think that you will need my help… and the Powers that Be sent Cordelia a vision, directed towards me…and it's Faith. Have you seen her? Have you heard from her at all? Wesley contacted the hospital and we know she isn't a patient there anymore. Did she come out of her coma?"

Buffy sighed. So this was it…all roads lately seemed to lead back to Faith. She just wished she knew where they would all be going from there.

"Yes…she woke up a few days ago," she replied, trying to stall in order to come up with a logical way to explain what had happened. Only her brain didn't' seem to be working so great with the logic now…

"And did she contact you? Have you heard from her?" Angel repeated intently. "Has she made herself known to anyone?"

"You could say that, yeah," Buffy said dryly, glancing back again at the door. "Angel- why are you here? I know you were concerned about Cordelia's…vision…but I don't need your protection from Faith or anyone else."

"I didn't come to protect you…I came to warn you," Angel said, his brow furrowing slightly as he looked down at her. "To help you, if you wanted it or needed it…to help her."

"To help HER?" Buffy asked, startled. "You want to help- wait, Cordelia's vision- was Faith hurt in it?" she asked anxiously, and Angel's brow creased further in confusion at her tone, the look in her eyes. "What was she doing- what was going on? Did she still look like her normal self?"

She had not yet explained the whole Faith situation to Angel, but in the moment of her worry she forgot this, expecting him to understand her concern for her.

"No…she didn't seem hurt, Cordelia said, and she wasn't doing anything," Angel said slowly, still looking at her in puzzled regard at her reactions. "It was just a quick glimpse of her face. Buffy, how has she contacted you? Do you know where she is?"

"Oh…right," Buffy sighed, running a hand through her hair. She was relieved to hear that in Cordelia's vision Faith had been okay…but what did that mean then? And why would Angel come over here- was he really that phone-phobic? Or did he think she couldn't handle Faith on her own? Okay, so maybe the last time things had gotten screwed up…but that was Wesley's fault. Well, mostly…

"That's kind of a long story," Buffy sighed, shaking her head. "Okay…look, Angel…"

"Buffy?" came the sound of her mother's voice as she opened the door a crack, "Is that you out there…oh!"

Seeing Angel's form a few feet away from her daughter, Joyce blinked quickly, shock, disconcertment, and some resentment flickering across her face before she put on a quickly but not entirely friendly smile. Buffy knew her mother had never exactly been comfortable with her dating Angel, even before the Angelus period and knowledge that he was a vampire. She must be apprehensive now that he was back, after he had left Sunnydale…left Buffy. Afraid he'd try to take her back or something… but he wouldn't. And SHE wouldn't, of course… of course she wouldn't.

Why was she even thinking all this?

"Angel," Joyce addressed him carefully, shooting a glance toward her daughter questioningly before looking back up at him. "I thought you had left town."

"Hello, Ms. Summers," Angel greeted her quietly with a nod, his tone and expression passive, respectful. "I did. But I guess I'm back tonight."

"Well, what brings you here?" she asked him casually, but she was looking at Buffy again, and Buffy could almost feel her unasked question. Joyce must think that Buffy had invited him, or at least wonder if she had.

"Well, Faith does, I guess," Angel replied, and Joyce looked over at Buffy again with her eyes widening slightly.

"You know about Faith?" she asked him casually, and Buffy, deciding it was time to start correcting people's misconceptions, stepped in.

"I didn't tell him, Mom- and I didn't ask him to come here either. He just- he heard she came out of her coma, and he thought we might need help," Buffy began. "He doesn't know about…recently."

"Recently?" Angel questioned, clearly uncomprehending, and Joyce seeming to quickly realize the way things actually were, smiled a little more easily.

"Oh…well, whoever you heard that from, Angel, things are probably a little different from what you were expecting," Joyce began, shaking her head. "We have things quite under control right now. Why don't you come in? Well, that is, if you'd like," she added quickly, glancing at Buffy as if to ask her permission.

Buffy nodded very slightly, trying not to sigh again. What the hell… she had to let him in on what was going on after he'd come over all this way, worried. But she still wasn't really clear on WHY he had to come instead of just calling and asking her first…

"You said Faith made contact with you," Angel repeated as he followed Joyce and Buffy into the doorway towards the living room. "How? What was her attitude? Is she back to her full strength yet? Did she threaten or harm you?"

"Well, yes- but Angel, something happened," Buffy started as she sat in one armchair, leaving Angel to take the other. She had been careful as they walked not to accidentally brush against him, and now she made sure to keep apart from him while sitting. "Faith…she's different now…"

"You think she has changed?" Angel frowned, taking in her words seriously. "How is she different? Her attitude, her behavior? Her physical appearance or fighting style? You think she is showing that she would like to be rehabilitated or that she could be?"

"Well, maybe. Yes. I think so," Buffy said slowly, blinking. He had caught her off guard with the question. "But that isn't what I mean," she added, looking over at her mother for confirmation. "Faith, she's-"

Almost as though she had heard her name- and now that Buffy thought about it, it was possible she had-Faith's voice suddenly called out to them in almost a scream.

"Is someone here? Who's here? Is it Mr. Giles? Is it Xander?"

All three heads snapped around to the doorway, startled; it sounded to Buffy like Faith was maybe standing at the top of the stairs. But it was Angel who was most shocked by her call. Because though the voice was young, obviously belonging to a child, it also was similar enough to the older Faith's to be recognizable if you thought about it. From the frozen, incredulous look on his face, Angel's sensitive hearing had picked up on this.

"It's not Mr. Giles or Xander, honey, it's someone else," Joyce called back, and she stood, exiting the room in obvious intent to go to Faith. As she left, Angel's eyes went to Buffy's, and he gestured toward the doorway.

"The girl- the one who called out- she isn't…"

"She is," Buffy cut him off simply. "I told you she was different."

"But she…she sounded-" Angel began, unable to wrap his mind around it for the moment, and Buffy shook her head at him.

"Just wait, Angel. Just wait."

A few moments later Joyce re-entered the room with a damp-haired, pajama-clad Faith at her side. As Angel's eyes almost bulged, his mouth opening then shutting quickly, Faith stared back at him just as boldly.

"Faith, this is Angel," Joyce introduced with a hand between the child's shoulder blades. She gave Angel a warning look over the top of Faith's head as she spoke, silently indicating for him not to blurt out something about her vastly changed appearance or to continue looking at her with such obvious incredulity. "And Angel, this is Faith, she's staying with us."

Buffy noticed that her mother didn't specify even in vague terms for how long Faith would be staying with them, and knew that Joyce too didn't' want to even estimate where Faith could hear. She didn't want to give Faith hope that she could stay if she might not be able to…but neither did she want to scare or upset her with the possibility that she might not. Neither did Buffy… and especially now, after their time together and their conversation at the beach, the thought of changing Faith back made her increasingly anxious. The thought of losing the loving, amusing little girl she had grown so attached to and replacing her with the lost and bitter young woman made Buffy's stomach twist.

Angel blinked quickly, shaking his head a little, as if in an attempt to snap out of his shocked near paralysis. But even as he attempted to smile at Faith, the disbelief still registered in the way he looked at her.

"Uh, hi…Faith…" he said awkwardly, her name forming strangely in his mouth as if he could hardly make himself say it.

None of this escaped Faith's notice, nor did she fall for his attempt at a smile. Her eyes narrowed, and she looked at him with eyes glinting suspiciously…and what looked like fear to Buffy too.

"How come you're lookin' at me like that?" she demanded, putting a hand on her narrow hip. "I just took a bath so I know I don't' got nothin' on my face. Plus you can't see my panties either 'cause I don't have a zipper to come undone."

Angel looked more startled than ever by this, his eyes going to Buffy quickly, and Buffy smiled at Faith, making her tone playful.

"Oh, Angel just does that because he's weird and rude and, and from Ireland. He stares at everyone, don't you Angel?"

"Uh…sometimes…." Angel said completely unconvincingly, but Faith was already focused on something else as she continued to look him over critically.

"Angel is a dumb name for a boy. It's a GIRL name. Did your mama want you to be a girl or something? Are you Buffy's boyfriend too?" she asked without pausing to wait for any answers.

Buffy was used to this by now- well, mostly- but Angel wasn't. Still reeling from his realization of what had happened to the girl he had come to Sunnydale to round up, he shook his head again, not focusing on Faith's string of questions so much as the entire situation. He did catch her last question, however, and his eyes widened, his voice tensing.

"Her boyfriend TOO?"

"No! No, he's not my boyfriend!" Buffy blurted out hurriedly, unsure if she was more horrified to even have to think about that right now or to know that Angel now knew she had a boyfriend. Or had had…wasn't too clear anymore…

"Angel is NOT my boyfriend, Faith. He's just, he's just Angel. He's just a friend-"

"A make-love friend?" Faith interrupted, and Buffy was newly horrified to see that her mother, who had been suspiciously silent once she introduced Faith, looked suddenly very interested in Buffy's reply. God, did no one she knew ever thing about ANYTHING but Buffy's sex life?!

"No! NO, Faith, he's not," Buffy replied, trying to sound calm, but her voice was shrill in spite of herself. "I mean, well- he's NOT."

"That's what you say about everyone," Faith retorted, disbelief in her eyes and marking her tone. "Don't you make love to anyone, Buffy?"

"Faith, that's not something polite to ask about," Joyce finally stepped in, looking down at her, and Buffy thought to herself it sure took her long enough to get around to it. She was probably only saying so now for fear of hearing details of Buffy's sex life. "Especially in front of other people, it's a very inappropriate question."

"So it's like a secret?" Faith frowned, looking up at her. "'Cause then you can just whisper it to me, I can hear then."

In spite of her utter mortified dismay at what was taking place, Buffy almost burst out laughing. It didn't help to look over at Angel, who had been darting his eyes between her, Faith, and Joyce with complete discomfort and confusion stretched across his features…something too funny for words to witness. Joyce's lips twitched too as she attempted to answer Faith seriously.

"Sort of like a secret, yes, but one no one tells, honey. Especially young girls like you. People are embarrassed or uncomfortable to talk about it…making love…so it's not polite to."

"Well that's dumb," Faith scoffed. "If everyone's too embarrassed to talk about it then how come they're all doin' it in the first place?"

A pretty good point, Buffy had to admit- one she really couldn't answer. Not that Faith would have given her a chance to- she was already running ahead with even more comments.

"Are you as nasty as that other guy?" she asked seriously, hands still on hips, looking over Angel carefully. "You don't seem like it… but you feel weird. Not bad, but weird…kinda like those kicks I kicked ass on," she decided. "The ugly wuss ones. But you're not ugly."

Buffy hadn't failed to notice that Faith hadn't told Angel he wasn't wussy, and from the way his eyes glinted slightly, neither had he. Normally Buffy would be amused, but she was busy now thinking about what Faith was saying.

She could "feel" Angel… feel him like a vampire, sense him, in a way. That made sense to Buffy, of course. She could do the same, and since Faith was a Slayer… could Faith sense her too, as a sister Slayer, like Buffy usually could? Was she even aware that she could? Faith had felt the difference between Angel and the other vampire…she had probably sensed his soul as well…

"Nasty?" Angel asked, looking to Buffy frowning. "No I'm… what is she talking about, what guy?"

"Faith, why don't you go fix your hair," Buffy said rapidly, turning towards her and forcing a smile, and looking at her mother meaningfully. Why wasn't she doing something to help?

But Faith shook her head. "Nah, I want you to do it again, Buffy… so you gonna ask me questions then?" she asked Angel, looking up at him with some renewed apprehension in her eyes.

"No, honey, he's not…that's not what he's here for," Joyce smiled down at her briefly, squeezing her shoulder. "We're all through with questioning you, you don't need to worry about that."

"'cause I don't like getting' hypnotized," Faith explained in a smaller tone, looking up at Joyce before her eyes moved to meet Buffy's. "I don't wanna do it again."

"Hey, you don't' have to, Faith, don't' worry," Buffy assured her softly, and though she was looking at Faith, she could feel Angel's eyes on them, his confusion palpable. "That was only for one time, you don't' have to do it again."

"Okay," Faith said softly, hesitant relief in her voice, and she looked back at Angel, still regarding him with unrestrained curiosity. "So how come you're here then if you don't' wanna ask me questions or make love with Buffy? 'Cause those are the only things people that come over here have done so far, unless you wanna go-"

"Faith, no one's come over here to make love to me!" Buffy sputtered, unable to believe the kid's persistence in thought over this, and Faith cocked her head, frowning.

"Well what about that mean man who lied…and Giles went to your room with you-"

"Faith! Giles was, Giles was NOT making love to me!" Buffy yelped, her voice rising up shrilly with her combined disgust at the very thought, disbelief and frustration that Faith continued to think in this manner, anger at Faith's mother and whatever people in her life had forced her to have those kind of convictions by the time she was seven, and severe mortification that Angel was there to hear all this. Glancing over at the vampire furtively, she saw that he was struggling to keep an impassive expression even as shock, disgust, a flicker of curiosity, and what looked to her irritation like amusement flitted across the surface of his gaze.

Amused, was he? Okay, when Faith started in on HIS sex life Buffy wasn't lifting a finger to stop her. Except…dammit, the guy couldn't HAVE a sex life! But that wouldn't stop Faith from imagining one for him, and maybe Buffy could help her along with that-

"Angel, would you like something to drink?" Joyce asked quickly, anxious to dispel the awkwardness and tension hanging in the air. But then, realizing what she had just asked him, she flushed, her hand partly covering her mouth.

"Oh, I'm sorry- I didn't mean that. Well if there's anything you'd like…I'm not sure if you want to eat, but if you do-"

"How come he doesn't eat or drink?" Faith asked curiously, and she moved away from Joyce toward Angel, looking him over as if he were a statue or animal rather than a person. Well, sort of a person, Buffy amended to herself. She half expected Faith to start poking him as the child walked around him, examining him. Angel stared at her, obviously unsettled but not touching her or asking her to stop. "You on a diet or somethin', cause you could still drink water."

"He, he's on a special diet," Buffy fumbled, looking at her mother meaningfully for giving Faith yet another tidbit to question. "Uh, Angel, maybe we should-"

"But he's not fat," Faith pointed out. "Well, I think, it's kinda hard to tell under the jacket," she added critically, narrowing her eyes as she assessed him. "I thought just girls go on diets…are you really a boy?" she asked in sudden suspicion, and Angel's mouth opened indignantly in spite of himself.

"Of course I'm a boy! I mean, a man. I'm a man…in a manner of speaking…"

"Faith, honey, go brush your teeth," Joyce said quickly, taking hold of the child's hand and pulling her back towards her. "Buffy, weren't you and Angel going for a walk?"

Buffy had said no such thing, but she nodded hurriedly now, grateful, if also somewhat stunned, that her mother had given her an out to be alone with Angel. Maybe she trusted him more than she thought…or maybe there was a point of Angel being mortified that Joyce couldn't take watching.

"Yeah, yeah I did," Buffy said brightly, shooting Angel a look. "Come on."

"I wanna go too… can I go too?" Faith called out as she turned away, Angel at her heels. "I wanna kill some more ugly men, there's more, isn't there? I wanna go too!"

Buffy had no idea how her mother was going to keep Faith home if she didn't want to be, but she'd let her worry about that problem. Once outside she walked quickly, waiting until they were a block away and sure Faith wasn't following before she spoke. Angel had been silent as well and now looked up at her frowning.

"So…told you she was different."


	35. Chapter 35

CChapter 35

"That was…incredible," Angel said slowly, his voice still tainted heavily with disbelief as he shook his head, eyes open a little wider than usual. "How did that…did she…"

"Some thing called a Transcuerpo… little parting gift from the Mayor," Buffy sighed, pacing around a little as she spoke. "Something went wrong, the spell went bad, and here she is."

"And she doesn't remember," Angel stated, remaining still as Buffy moved around him. "She doesn't know who or what she is…what she became."

"No," Buffy said softly, stopping to look up at him, feeling quiet gratitude that he seemed to accept this, to understand. "No…she's just a little girl now. That's all."

Rethinking that quickly, she added, "Well a little girl who still has Slayer powers…but other than that…"

"And you haven't figured out how to change her back yet," Angel went on, watching her expression, and Buffy shook her head, sighing again.

"No…and Angel…I don't even want to."

Angel thought this over, his forehead creasing slightly, and Buffy wondered as she so often had around him what it was that he was thinking. When he spoke his voice was calm, quiet.

"I'll call Wesley, if you would like. I'll tell him what's going on, and maybe he can help in some way. He won't mess it up like he did the last time… trust me, I won't allow that to happen. If he doesn't already know a way to re-age her then he can research, I'm sure. Once you have that knowledge, you'll have all your options there so you can decide what to do."

Buffy smiled as she looked up at him, silently thankful. He wasn't going to give her his opinion, to tell her what she should or shouldn't do…maybe he got that it wasn't his place to. Whatever his reason, she was glad for it.

She tried to bat away the little nagging voice reminding her that Riley certainly hadn't been as she replied.

"Thanks…between Wesley, Giles, Willow, and the others, I'm sure we'll find a re-aging spell that would work on her soon."

Angel nodded, his eyes still fixed on hers; when he cleared his throat, shifting his weight slightly, Buffy waited, letting him take the lead.

"Well…I guess you don't need me here, then," he said, his eyes on hers, searching… for what? Was it something she didn't' even want him to see? "You see to have it all under control for now."

"Yeah," Buffy replied, her voice quiet, and she looked back at him, hoping that it could just end like this… if only things could be so simple in reality as they might appear in words. "Yeah, I think we do, Angel. We've got it covered."

"Okay," Angel replied, nodding briefly, but he did not back away from her, nor did he lower his gaze. Very aware of his eyes locked on hers, Buffy wanted to break the visual contact, to turn away. But somehow she couldn't… she just waited , knowing he had more to say.

"Buffy if you need anything…help with her, if you change her back.."

She waited for him to finish, but he let the words trail off, an open offer, half extended but not entirely within her grasp. She knew Angel was sincere, but she also knew how dire the situation would have to be before she could make herself ask him for help, with anything.

"I'll call you," she told him, "if I need you."

He nodded, and for several moments a silence hung between them, born more from a faint sadness and reflection of how very changed things were…how changed they were… rather than discomfort. After some time Buffy looked up at him again, attempting to clarify herself.

"Angel… thank you for being concerned," she told him quietly. "For wanting to help, if I needed it. But I got it…I'm okay."

As she held his eyes with her own, she hoped he understood that she was talking about more than the current situation. And he seemed to. Regarding her seriously, Angel nodded, his tone matching hers.

"I know." Several moments passed with them simply watching each other, attempting to forge an understanding, before he spoke again. "So…take care then, Buffy… I'll…I'll see you."

"Yeah," Buffy agreed, and she knew it was true. Even if she never came to Angel again, and he never came to her, some part of her would always see him, whether or not she wanted to…if only in dreams. "I'll see you."

As Angel turned, with one last look, and began to walk away, eventually disappearing into the darkness before him, Buffy stared after him, not really focusing on him so much as her own thoughts. She would never be with Angel again… she knew this, she knew she couldn't be, and really didn't even want to be anymore, not if she truly thought about it. But to see him still filled her with a bittersweetness that she let take over her for a minute or two. She allowed her mind to wander down the path of impossibilities she knew did nothing for her to even consider.

As she finally turned, heading towards the cemetery to begin her patrol, Buffy took out her cell phone t let her mother and Giles know where she was. As she spoke first with her mother, continuing to walk, she was too distracted by her run of thoughts and current activities to notice Riley in the shadows a distance from her where she and Angel had been standing, watching with his lips thinned and his eyes narrowed. As Buffy continued to walk, he turned abruptly, striding in the opposite direction at a rapid pace.

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When Buffy returned from patrolling a few hours later, she felt much more at ease. The slaying pure physical activity had adrenalized her, and she called out a greeting to whoever happened to be listening and interested before heading straight for the kitchen to make a snack. Her mother came to stand behind her as she brought her selections to the table, smiling wryly.

"You might want to talk to Faith, Buffy… she was very disappointed that you left without her with Angel. She apparently is in quite the rush to go kill some more 'bad ugly men,'" Joyce informed her, some amusement in her tone, but also an edge of exasperation and concern. "I couldn't get her to sit still or calm down. She's been pacing all through house since you left, but once she heard you come in she went upstairs."

Buffy sighed, first inclination being to roll her eyes at Faith's stubbornness. But then she thought it a little more… had she hurt her feelings? It was strange to think a little girl's feelings could be hurt because she couldn't go killing vampires and demons with her, but this WAS Faith here… and she was apparently very proud of her new abilities to "kick ass." Maybe she was hurt that Buffy was implying she was weak or something…

Or maybe, it occurred to her slowly, Faith felt like she /needed/ to slay. She was still a Slayer, after all, and as an older girl Faith had enjoyed slaying immensely. She had seemed to need it and crave it, even to get off on it. Buffy knew she herself grew irritable and restless if she skipped slaying for a few nights, or if the patrolling was uneventful, and she knew how good it felt to dust a vampire…was Faith pacing all around the house not just because she was an active, easily bored and distracted child, but also because she was feeling a physical need to do something active and violent…to go slaying?

Buffy sighed as she looked over at her mother, knowing full well she couldn't tell her that. It would only worry he to think that Faith not only want but actually NEED to slay.. .

"I'll talk to…is she in my room?"

"I think so, honey…once you're finished here, that's what I'd do," Joyce said, smiling at her briefly, but she still looked distracted, worried. "I tried to talk to her earlier but I think it's you she needs to hear."

Buffy nodded, frowning too now, and Joyce waited a few moments, before prodding gently.

"So…Angel, he's…"

"Left," Buffy replied, glancing up at her and holding her eyes meaningfully. "He's getting Wesley and Cordelia to help us research…but he left."

"I see," Joyce nodded, and though they didn't say another word, Buffy could tell that she was assured, that she did see. They remained together in not-uncomfortable quiet until Buffy finished her food and stood to make her way upstairs to Faith.

Faith was sitting on the floor by Buffy's bed when she opened the door, her hair dry and tangled down her back. Obviously she hadn't combed it or let Joyce do so either, from the look of it. She had her Matchbox cars surrounding her and was making them crash into each other repeatedly, complete with sound effects. Buffy grinned, moving to sit down beside her, and Faith looked up quickly, then just as quickly turned her attention back to the cars, pretending complete fascination.

"Hey, Faith," Buffy tried for cheerful, and when the child ignored her, she was amused to see that her scowl kept wavering into something almost like a pout. She had never seen Faith pout before and found it incredibly funny.

When Faith didn't answer, she sighed, regarding her more seriously. "Come on, Faith, look at me. Why are you upset with me right now?"

"You went without me," Faith muttered, her forehead scrunched up, and she continued to display the same partial scowl, partial pout as she looked down intently at her cars. "You took that girly guy instead of me, and I wanted to go kill some bad guys with you. And Joyce said no. I coulda went anyway but I didn't. I was good. But I wanna go and that's dumb you won't let me 'cause I can do it."

"I see," Buffy replied, nodding speaking quietly, calmly, and trying to address Faith as if she were not a child but someone equal to her. Obviously that was one of the things upsetting her, being considered young or little… even if she seemed oblivious to the fact that she weighed fifty pounds. "So you're upset I didn't ask you to go, and that Mom told you that you couldn't."

She had to force herself not to snicker at Faith's description of Angel as "that girly guy." She could just imagine his expression if he had heard that…

"Yeah," Faith muttered, and she was still holding her little cars as she looked over at Buffy, a little more willing to vocalize her irritation to her now. "I'm not a baby."

"I know," Buffy assured her gently, and she looked Faith in the eyes as she spoke to her quietly. "We just want you to be safe though, Faith…that's all anyone's trying to do here. We don't want anyone or anything to hurt you."

Faith stared back at her, and she nodded very faintly, licking her lips. Buffy knew she believed her, or at least was trying to, but she still didn't look very happy.

"They're not gonna hurt me…not anymore," the little girl said softly. "I'm not gonna let them."

Buffy watched her, wondering what thoughts could be going through her head, but she didn't ask. After everything else today, she was pretty sure she had a good idea, or enough to not want to know more. Instead, she touched Faith's tangled hair gently.

"I have an idea, Faith…you want to fight a little while? Have a little fun? Then why don't you let me comb your hair, and then we can go down to the basement and I'll show you some moves. Maybe I'll even let you fight me a while. What do you think?"

At that, Faith's eyes brightened, and she nodded quickly, her resentment replaced by excitement. "Uh-huh, let's go!"

She started to jump up, but Buffy took hold of her wrist, smiling. Well, she'd found a way to motivate her to do things finally… one that didn't involve asking her mother to ask her.

"Sit down, Faith, hair first, remember? Go get your comb for me."

As Faith grabbed it up from the dresser with impatience and sat with back presented to Buffy hurriedly, Buffy began to gently pick through its knots as she had the day before. Faith squirmed regardless, and Buffy attempted to distract her with talking.

"So, what did you think of Angel, Faith?"

"I like him better than that other guy," Faith said after thinking about it for a few seconds seriously. "But he's weird and kinda girly. I think I could kick his ass probably. Yep…I could."

At that, Buffy couldn't help herself. Letting the comb drop to the floor, she burst out laughing, made all the more hysterical by Faith's stare of total uncomprehension.

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Around an hour later, Buffy heard her mother call for her. She wasn't sure what it was for; maybe they had been too loud, or maybe Joyce thought it was time Faith settled down so she would be able to go to sleep. Maybe it was something else entirely.

Buffy looked over at Faith, grinning in spite of herself. In the past hour the little girl had done cartwheels, backflips, and jump, tuck and rolls around the mats Buffy had set out for her on the basement floor, always landing well and ready to jump out at any attackers. Buffy had started to show her basic self-defense and fighting moves and quickly realized that it wasn't necessary; the child's muscle memory had somehow remained with her, even though her physical muscles were very much smaller than they had been. Before long, the tiny seven-year-old was hitting and kicking Buffy's punching bag, boxing her, and even sparring her. As completely weird as it was to be fighting a little girl half her size, at the same time it felt right…familiar. She consoled herself with the fact that she wasn't really giving it her all though. She didn't want to hurt Faith, even accidentally… the girl had already been hurt too many times before. Buffy was amazed she would even allow Buffy to spar with her, to seem as if she might be about to hurt her in any way, even if it were all in fun. Either Faith had very badly needed to hit on someone, or she trusted her even more than Buffy had thought now.

Pulling away from Faith, almost laughing at how brightly Faith's eyes shone, at the dimples cutting into her cheeks, she called back up to Joyce, "Coming!" before turning back to Faith, giving her a playful tap on the shoulder with her knuckle. "Be right back, Rocky."

She grinned when Faith giggled, and as she reached the top of the stairs Joyce handed her the telephone. Buffy looked at her curiously as she stepped out of the basement.

"Who is it?"

"I'm not sure…he's British and his voice sounds familiar but it's not Giles," Joyce said slowly, and Buffy's stomach dropped. British… the Council? Was it the Council? Oh shit…

As she took the phone, her heart was pounding and she swallowed, trying to normalize her voice. "Hello?"

"Buffy? This is…this is Wesley Wyndham-Price," came the voice on the other end of the line somewhat awkwardly. "Angel told me about the…situation…and I think I've found a spell…well, a counter spell…"

Buffy sat down as the "oh shit" in her thoughts repeated with entirely different connotations.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Buffy breathed in slowly, her chest caving inward with the effort, but somehow it seemed to stick inside her so that she could not release it again. Sitting in the hallway beside her bedroom door, hugging her knees to her chest, she let her head droop forward as she fought the hot tears prickling behind her eyes. She had been sitting here for almost five minutes now. She knew she had to do this, and soon..but god, it was so hard…

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When Buffy had heard Wesley's words to her on the other end of the line, it had been difficult to breathe. He had launched into a lengthy explanation for a spell that would undo the effects of an aging spell or curse- one that he was convinced, if it were adhered to precisely, would work for Faith. It had soon become apparent to Buffy that his efforts would have been better exerted on Giles or Willow, who might actually understand what he was talking about, and she had suggested exactly that. When Wesley hung up, preparing to relay the information to Giles, Buffy had stood there for several moments, stunned. She had known this would happen, that they would find a spell to counteract what had happened with Faith… she just hadn't realized it would be so soon.

She had gone back down to the basement to finish sparring with Faith, and it wasn't very long after she had finished up the last five minutes of exertion Faith had needed in order to settle down before Giles called. By then Joyce was attempting to head Faith towards the bed; between them, Buffy had attempted to slip out the house quickly to meet Giles and the others. Faith, however, had spotted this immediately and instantly morphed into beg mode, grabbing her and looking up at her pleadingly.

"You're gonna go out again! Take me too, please! Please? I wanna go too! I wanna kill some bad guys, let me go too!"

Again she'd had to pry Faith off of her, thrusting her towards her mother, who now had the thankless task of trying to get the child to sleep in her renewed frustrated and hurt state. All Buffy's efforts in the basement with her seemed to be forgotten in seconds when Buffy tried to leave her again. But it couldn't be helped… Buffy knew they had to talk about what they should do, and having the little girl anywhere in the vicinity while they did would not be a good idea at all.

Once everyone had gathered at Giles's house- Giles, Buffy, Willow, Xander, even Anya and Tara- Giles had started to go over the spell with them, analyzing the difficulty and what they would need to be able to carry it out. Though the spell was complex, the few items they would need were already owned by Giles, Willow, and Tara, so the performance of the spell itself had not been an issue. What it was that they were all there to debate was whether they should use it… and what would happen, whichever decision they made, as a result.

They had been debating back and forth for five to ten minutes, laying out the strengths and drawbacks of either choice… or rather, Giles, Buffy, Xander, and Anya had been. Willow and Tara were quiet throughout this, not saying anything… something bothered that Buffy once she noticed it. She wouldn't have expected Tara, given her shyness, to say much…but Willow? Usually Willow would be vocalizing her thoughts, particularly since she still carried some reservations about Faith, still thought that they should turn her into an adult again so she could pay for her past crimes.

Buffy had been about to ask her what she was thinking, why she was being so quiet, when the redhead spoke up suddenly, her face pinched, eyes shining with apprehension.

"Guys…we have to change Faith back into what she was before," she said slowly, quietly, and she glanced over at Tara as though for support.

Buffy sighed; so this was it, finally. She knew it would have to come sooner or later. Willow just couldn't seem to understand…

"Will…look, I know you think that," she sighed, turning to face her friend. "But it's not that black and white. Either way it's gonna have problems with it, that's why we have to talk this out. But I really think it's better in the long run if we let her stay little. I mean, she's an entirely different person then, she's-"

"Buffy…it doesn't have to do with who she is or isn't or what she did or didn't do, or how hard or easy it will be either way anymore," Willow interrupted, holding up her hand. "It's about saving Faith's life."

At that, everyone present other than Tara turned to stare at her, stunned and rather confused by her declaration. Buffy frowned, her eyes narrowing slightly. What exactly did she mean, saving Faith's life? From the Council? That was the only thing she knew of immediately threatening it…

"Will, what are you talking about?" she asked, and Xander and the others spoke up as well.

"You lost me… why exactly does it need saving?" Xander questioned, cocking his head, and Anya eyed Willow almost suspiciously.

"I thought that the nice miniature amusing version of the big scary killing Faith is a Slayer still and quite capable of defending herself. Has something changed? We need to start contacting people with memos about important changes… or has Xander simply neglected to inform me again?"

"Yes, do explain, Willow… what is it that you mean?" Giles queried, pushing his glasses further up his nose as he frowned at her.

Willow looked a little unnerved, if also slightly amused by the barrage of questions aimed her way. She blinked a few times before glancing over at Tara again. When Tara smiled at her, supporting her, Willow seemed to gain confidence, and she turned back to address the others again, taking a deep breath before explaining herself.

"I've been thinking…and I've, I've talked with Tara, and she agrees, she thinks this makes sense…but what happened to Faith… it's not natural," Willow began, her brow creasing. "I mean, obviously it's magical…but even in a magical sense it's not natural. It goes against physics… and of course there's her Chakra points, with those being all kaflooey that's never good either, any number of things could happen…"

"Well name some," Buffy said quickly, the rising tension she was experiencing audible in her tone. "WHAT could happen?"

"She…well, one of the main ones I considered…" Willow tried again, looking at Buffy nervously upon hearing her tone, "one of the ones I think is most likely… well, like I said, what's going on with her right now, it's against physics. Faith and her body is in an unnatural state. You know, matter can't be created or destroyed obviously, even with magic. Like with making something disappear or appear, you're simply altering matter already in existence around you. But that can't be what happened here. Faith's larger body has been condensed… even if it doesn't look or seem like it, the child Faith, to match with the natural laws, has to have been forced into bearing the same composition, maybe even density as the older Faith."

She paused, waiting for the others' reactions, but with the exception of Giles, there were blank stares all around. Xander gave voice to the others, as he usually was willing.

"Uh…huh?"

"So all the matter that made up the teenage Faith has to have been forced into the body of the child Faith," Willow said with a hint of impatience, obviously having expected more comprehension than that. As if Buffy, Xander, and Anya were prize winning science people. "And see, it's all there, in some way or another, it would have to be… but her body is so much smaller now than it was, that I don't know how it could contain it for long… it has to be exerting a lot of physical strain on her."

Buffy was distantly aware of her mouth drying out, the fact that her heart was beating faster than ever… she was trying to make sense of this, to understand what Willow was getting at. How could she be as dense as the older Faith…didn't that have to do with weight or something? She hadn't felt heavy…no way could the weigh more than fifty or sixty pounds. Maybe she was proportionately as dense… god, she didn't know. Did any of this even matter? Why in the world had Willow started dwelling on it?

"I see," Giles said slowly, comprehension coming to his eyes that Buffy certainly lacked. "And this stress on her body…this unnatural state…"

"It's like the stresses building up in a black hole," Willow blurted out, seeming now that she had started to need to go on, to make herself understood, or maybe just to finally be able to get out everything she had been thinking. "And I think with Faith… in time…if we don't revert her to her natural state… that it's gonna be the same thing."

"The same thing," Buffy said slowly, trying to keep the fear from her voice, calmness in her expression, as she looked back at Willow. "You mean…you think Faith's body will… go into a black hole?"

"She thinks it will tear itself apart since it's trying to stay confined in an unnaturally small and long-abandoned space," Anya said casually, her eyes suddenly bright with interest. "She's right of course, that's what will happen sooner or later."

Five pairs of incredulous eyes turned her way, and Anya shrugged, unbothered. "It will. It happens eventually, if someone is turned into something unnatural, such as a monster or small animal of some kind, by magic. Well, if it is smaller, of course if they're turned into something larger, then that's a different story. I saw it all the time as a vengeance demon. Give them long enough and they explode. It's a rather-"

"You knew this, and you didn't feel the need to MENTION it?!" Buffy rounded on the older girl, her voice rising, and Anya shrugged. Her voice was still casual, even as she now watched Buffy warily.

"I didn't think about it."

"You didn't THINK about it?! You didn't-" Buffy began furiously, her eyes flashing, but Tara spoke up at last, her words much louder and firmer than usual. In fact, they were so much so that everyone stopped and turned to regard her in surprise.

"Anya…h-how long is it before the person… has this happen to them?"

"Oh there's no real time frame," Anya shrugged. "A week, a month, a year… it's very sudden, you know, and I think it depends on how much mass is being crammed into the form. A large man turned into a snail, for instance, will be gone within a few days. But a small man turned into, say, a chimpanzee would last longer. Someone of Faith's size turned into a child of the size she is now, I would say it wouldn't be very long. Two weeks maybe… like I said though, there's really no telling with these things," she said with another shrug. "Could be two weeks, could be two hours, or two years. But it will happen, it always does. It's part of what makes the punishment of the transfiguration so satisfactory to my client, because they know the one who hurt them is waiting for death."

Buffy had sat there, speechless, horrified, her heart rising in her throat; she was unable to move. She had known then that there was no other option to weigh out… there was no choice to make. There was no way she could keep Little Faith… not if by doing so, she was killing her.

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On the floor beside her bedroom door, her back hunched against the wall, Buffy drew in another deep breath, forcing herself to exhale, forcing back the tears that persistently rose to surface. She knew she couldn't do this. She couldn't stall any longer, waste any more time… to do so was to risk Faith's life, to only hurt her own heart more deeply. They were all in the living room, waiting for her, and it was getting late now. But Buffy still could not yet stand up… she couldn't yet bring herself to enter the room.

They had set up a course of action in restoring Faith to herself as well as was possible, considering… what they would do once she was back, they still were unsure of, but everyone agreed that it was best they do it tonight. They couldn't take chances.

Buffy had spoken privately with Joyce, and she had watched as her mother nodded, swallowing, and agreed. Even so her emotions had still shone in her eyes, twitched the corners of her mouth. Seeing her mother work so hard to keep it together had almost made Buffy burst into tears right then and there. Instead she had hugged her mother briefly but tightly, and as the others prepared, discussing last minute reminders of what they needed to do, Buffy had gone to awaken Faith.

She had volunteered to do this… she had wanted to be alone with Faith one last time, to be able to touch her, to explain to her. But now she sat frozen, and all she could think now was how unfair this was… how wholly and entirely unfair.

It was some time before Buffy managed to bring her breathing under control, to fully shove back her threatening tears and straighten her face into something not resembling a Greek tragedy mask. When she stood a little shakily, she had to repeat to herself over and over…

You have to do this. To save Faith's life, you have to do this…

As she opened the doors, crossing the room to stand beside her bed, she looked down at the sleeping child upon it with a new thought coming to her….a thought that set her to blinking fiercely again. No one but Buffy was ever going to touch Mr. Gordo again…


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

Notes: This is long…is there any point I could cut it in half?

As Buffy looked down at Faith's small, sleeping form in her bed, she swallowed, breathing out shakily before carefully sitting on the bed beside her. For a few moments, she just gazed down at her, watching the child's impassive face. Faith seemed for the moment to be resting peacefully. After her fitful, traumatic sleep of the past few nights, Buffy hated to awaken her when she seemed to be sleeping well. But it had to be done. The sooner they changed Faith back, the easier it would be for Buffy to let Willow do it. And most importantly, the least likely it was that she would be…hurt…before they could do it.

Exhaling slowly again, attempting to get both her face and her voice back in control before Faith woke up and saw it, Buffy ran her fingers gently over the little girl's head. When Faith didn't stir, Buffy lay her hand flat against her cheek and spoke to her softly.

"Faith…Faith, you need to wake up now, honey. Faith…it's time to wake up."

Faith didn't respond at first; perhaps she was too deeply asleep to hear her. But when Buffy shook her shoulder slightly the child's eyes flew open, and she bolted up in her bed, her eyes darting about wildly. Seeing the fear clearly displayed her features, along with anxiety, Buffy hurried to reassure her, giving a quick if not unbothered smile as she kept a comforting hand on her cheek.

"It's okay, Faith, don't worry…it's okay," she soothed vaguely, stroking her hand slightly up and down the child's face, and praying that her voice wouldn't crack. "Don't be scared, it's okay."

"Then how come you're gettin' me up?" Faith asked in a slightly shaky voice, her round brown eyes fixed on Buffy's, searching for reassurance and understanding. "What's goin' on? How come I gotta wake up…what's wrong?"

"Nothing, baby," Buffy lied through her teeth, attempting to smile down at her. "It's okay…"

How was she supposed to explain this to her…what could she possibly say to Faith that would make her cooperate? How do you tell a seven-year-old that as much as you love having her around, you're replacing her with an older version of herself- even though you don't want to. How do you tell her that she might die in a horrible, gruesome way if she doesn't let Willow work her wonders?

She couldn't, that was how… there was no way she could tell Faith any of that. She had had a speech all planned out earlier, a way to get her downstairs that wasn't a downright lie, but looking into the child's face now, Buffy's mind froze, and she had to struggle not to panic. She knew damn well that between her actions, her lack of a quick explanation, and most likely her facial expression as well, regardless of her efforts to keep it smooth, that Faith would have to know something was wrong.

The little girl was staring at her, her eyebrows slanted, forehead wrinkling, and the anxiety in her dark eyes made Buffy's heart squeeze. Her voice was a little raspy as she spoke, and the way her mouth turned down at the corners absolutely killed Buffy to see.

"You don't look like it's okay," she said in a small voice, biting her lip. "You look like you're gonna cry…are you gonna cry? What's wrong? Tell me what's wrong…is it bad?"

Buffy felt her eyes grow hot, and she gritted her teeth, forcing back the tears that had indeed arose at Faith's concerned, scared little voice, the trapped, almost terrified look in her face. She was doing this so wrong… she was only making this worse for them both. She had to get it together.

Taking a steadying breath, Buffy widened her eyes to further drive back the threatening tears. When she was sure they were gone, she pulled Faith close against her side, wrapping a comforting arm around her shoulders and impulsively smoothing back her bangs to kiss her forehead. Faith looked up at her with no lesser amount of fear, letting her hold her close and attempt to calm her even as she held Buffy's eyes in her own, seeming to be waiting tensely for Buffy to provide her with answers.

Buffy ran her fingers over Faith's hair again, still attempting to transmit reassurance to her as she gathered her thoughts. Pulling herself together enough to decide what to say, she kept her arms wrapped around the little girl as she tilted her head close to her ear.

"Faith, you know we've been trying to get your memory back."

Faith nodded, twisting her head a little to look up at her, and Buffy swallowed, keeping her voice even.

"Well, Willow thinks she's found a way that she can help you remember, Faith. But we need to do it right now… that's…that's very important, because you might not remember some things you really need to remember. And we need you to so we can know them and take care of you better."

She really felt horrible about that last part… not only was she mostly lying, but she was lying in a way that made it sound like what they were doing was for the child Faith's benefit. God, she hoped Faith couldn't tell looking at her.

Faith looked up at her with a confused little frown, and Buffy realized that she was leaning closer to her, her hand close to Buffy's hand on her leg without actually touching or holding it.

"You take good care of me already," she asserted with sight defiance in her tone. "I don't need to remember… you don't gotta make me. I don't want to."

Looking at her, Buffy knew why she would say that. Faith was afraid of more than what Buffy had been keeping from her… she was afraid too of what she might remember. Given her life until age seven, it was hardly surprising that the little girl might not want to remember things she had forgotten. She probably figured it could be nothing she wanted to be aware of.

Buffy squeezed her a little closer to her as she struggled to come up with a reply.

"I know, Faith… but we can do better, much better. You… we want to do what's right," she said softly, and she knew her sincerity showed through in that sentence at least. "We want to do all we can to protect you."

She exhaled again before continuing, her voice very quiet. "We need to do this now, Faith… it's what is best for you. Will you please come downstairs with me?"

Faith didn't say anything for some time, but Buffy was aware of her heartbeat, of how she seemed to be pressing even closer to her side. Buffy took the hand hovering nears hers on her thigh and squeezed it gently; Faith took her time to look up at her again, and when she did her eyes were round and solemn.

"Is she gonna hypnotize me…or is it like that, what's she gonna do?"

"No," Buffy assured her, quickly giving her another little squeeze and smoothing her hand over her head. She couldn't seem to stop touching her, showing her affection and support. "No, no it's not, it's different."

"'Cause I didn't like that," Faith said softly, biting her lip, and Buffy noticed that the hand not already in hers was wrapped tightly around Mr. Gordo's pudgy middle, squishing him. "It made me feel bad."

"I know," Buffy replied, biting her lip in an unconscious imitation of the other girl. She rubbed the child's shoulder slowly with her fingertips, almost a caress. "But we need to do this, Faith. Do you…do you trust me, when I tell you we need to do this?"

She hated this, appealing to the child's trust in her when in essence what she was doing would destroy her, rid her from existing…at least in the same way she did now. Certainly the older Faith didn't trust her… and she might love her, want Buffy to love her…but it wasn't the same. The older Faith would never look at her with trust, caring, and vulnerability shining in her eyes as the child Faith was now… she would never open up to her, speak honestly and clearly about her feelings or thoughts. She would never joke with her or play with her, never interact so easily with her friends as the child had… and she would definitely never show the affection or impulsive signs of caring that Faith did now, nor would she let Buffy show caring towards her. The older Faith would never sit in Buffy's or her mother's lap, never hug her or let herself be hugged without protest, never hold Buffy's hand… she would never accept terms of endearment or let herself be comforted, let Buffy hold her as she cried. The current sleeping arrangements would never happen again… and Buffy couldn't see herself offering or even wanting to offer anything of the above to the older Faith.

And yet… the fact that she had been able to so quickly get to the point where she could do all this with the child Faith, that she could give her such an abundance of physical contact and assurance now and have it accepted, even sought after… could that mean that there was potential for her relationship with the older Faith? For as unbelievable as it seemed at moments like this, the child Faith WAS the older Faith… and therefore carried at least her core personality, her soul. Didn't she? Faith still had a soul as a teenager, didn't' she, even after what she had done…

Little Faith was still a part of Big Faith, no matter how deeply buried… and Big Faith had said she wanted Buffy to love her. Was it possible that they could still fix things… that Big Faith could be brought back from the edge of the cliff? That maybe they could have something a little bit closer to what she had with the child…

Did she want that…did Buffy want to have a closer relationship to the older Faith? Did she want to fully forgive her, try to help her?

Before, Buffy might have said yes…but she doubted that she would have meant it. But now…she knew without a doubt that she did.

Faith was looking up at her seriously now, considering her question, and she nodded slowly, swallowing, even as her hand squeezed Buffy's hard.

"Yeah…I trust you," she said softly. "But…what's gonna happen…what's Willow gonna do to me?"

"I'm not sure," Buffy told her, leaning her head against Faith's, and bittersweet gratitude for her trust in her mingled with her guilt. She was being truthful… she wasn't exactly sure how Willow would do the spell.

"Is it gonna hurt?"Faith asked next, and her hand tightened around Buffy's almost to the point of pain, her eyes darkening, even as she struggled to sound nonchalant. Looking at her trying so hard to be brave, Buffy's heart twisted more sharply than ever.

"No, baby," she managed, even as a memory of the older Faith's screams came unwillingly into her mind. "No…I won't let anyone hurt you. It's going to be okay."

Faith nodded faintly, and though she didn't say so, Buffy knew she was still scared; she could hear her heart pounding, her breath coming a little noisier than usual.

"I'll be right with you," she attempted to reassure her, still rubbing her shoulder gently. "And so will Mom and everyone else… nothing bad will happen."

She couldn't believe that her voice didn't crack when she said that… she couldn't believe that Faith wasn't calling her out right now, asking her a thousand questions. But maybe the little girl wasn't' doing so deliberately… maybe she wanted and needed to believe her so much that she didn't' dare question her.

Buffy knew she was going to have to go downstairs… she had been up here a long time. Sooner or later someone was going to come up after them. Besides, she couldn't stall forever… they had to do this, and soon.

She stood slowly, pulling Faith up with her while still keeping her close.

"Come on," she said quietly. "Let's go do this."

She began to walk towards the door with Faith pressing close to her side, and had almost stepped through it when a sudden thought struck her. The tiny little pajamas that Faith was wearing now, suited for her seven-year-old form, would in no way contain Faith's seventeen-year-old body once they changed her…she would most likely re-emerge not only angry and disoriented, but also naked.

"Hang on a second," Buffy murmured to Faith, "Do you know where Mom put the clothes you were wearing when you first came here? The ones that were too big?"

Faith frowned, confused, but nodded. "Yeah… they're under the sink in the bathroom. Why?"

"Well…" Buffy faltered, searching for a reason. "You need to be wearing them… because, because the thing Willow's doing might not work otherwise. Because, because the reason you were in those clothes is one of the things you forgot."

Faith was still frowning, seeming to think this over, and she narrowed her eyes.

"They're gonna fall off… they ain't gonna stay up. They're gonna see my panties."

"No, we'll make it work," Buffy assured her, though she too wondered just how the child was going to wear not only Faith's clothes, but also her underwear without putting on a child porn show. Dammit… this entire thing was so complicated and sucky…

In the bathroom Buffy found Faith's old clothes for her and turned away as the little girl stripped, struggling to put on and keep on the clothes much too large for her. The pants simply would not stay on, and it was impossible for her to walk in them. In the end Buffy ended up carrying her on her hip downstairs and into the living room, just to insure that her clothes wouldn't slide down to her ankles as soon as Faith stood. Although she could tell the child was embarrassed by this, being carried in front of the others like a toddler, she didn't protest. In fact, the arm wound tightly around her neck told her that the little girl found this extra physical contact on the way to her newest prodding reassuring.

The others looked up as Buffy entered with Faith, and each gave small, mostly forced smiles as they greeted her. Faith answered back in a small voice, her arm tightening around Buffy's neck, and Buffy hugged her closer against her for a few moments, glancing in her mother's direction. Joyce's heart was in her eyes as she looked at Faith, her face soft and sad even as she smiled at her, and Buffy knew she wanted to take the child into her arms and never let her go. That was pretty much how Buffy felt too. Gritting her teeth, knowing that Faith must be feeling the physical tension in her body and only growing more frightened by it, Buffy rubbed her hand on her back where she was still holding her- and her pants- on her hip. Legs dangling somewhat awkwardly, for she was nearly too big to carry as comfortably as one would a small child, Faith's eyes darted to each person one by one, seeking out answers to questions she didn't voice. Buffy knew from repeated experience that Faith usually blurted out any question that crossed her mind without a second thought, so for her to be holding back now, she must be terrified of the answer she would get.

She wished she could just tell Faith what they were doing and why, that she could stop dancing around the truth… but she knew she couldn't. There was no telling how the child would react. She would probably only be even more freaked out. They didn't need to tell Little Faith the truth of what she was… why not let her stay innocent for the last five minutes of her existence?

"How you gonna put me down?" Faith almost whispered, still gripping Buffy tightly around her neck and waist. "My pants are gonna fall off…and you told me not to wear no panties."

Buffy knew she had; once the older Faith and her much larger body was back, the child's underwear would in no way survive being ripped at the seams. She could hear in Faith's worried tone how very much she didn't want to expose herself and could hardly blame her. God, this had been a traumatic few days for the poor kid…

Buffy glanced over at Willow, who, along with Tara, was mixing ingredients from her large black bag into a flask and putting it in a strange looking vase in preparation for its use. Willow, realizing that Buffy was asking where to place Faith, nodded distractedly.

"Um, you can sit on the floor until this is ready…or on someone's lap… it will be just a few seconds."

"I can hold her, honey," Joyce called out quietly before Buffy could start to set her down, and Buffy looked over at her, a moment passing between them silently. This was her mother's chance to say goodbye… she couldn't deny her that.

Carefully Buffy stepped over to her, transferring her into Joyce's lap. As Joyce's arms closed around her, Faith huddled back against her chest, her head lowering to rest on the woman's shoulder. Joyce's lips thinned as she tenderly lay a hand on the child's head, and Buffy had to look away; she couldn't stand to watch.

Xander too was looking away, uncharacteristically quiet; though he had interacted with Faith comparatively little, Buffy suspected that he had grown fond of her. Tara too was nearly silent as she often checked over the instructions from Wesley on Giles's notebook paper, making sure she and Willow were mixing exactly as they should. Only Anya looked at Faith with open curiosity and a distinct lack of self-consciousness or tension. Buffy, noticing this and seeing the girl open her mouth to speak, hurriedly tensed up, preparing to cut off anything she might blurt out that Faith didn't need to hear.

"Those clothes look pretty silly on you now that you're so small," she said almost cheerfully, and Buffy prayed that Faith hadn't noticed the significance in Anya's use of the word 'now' in her sentence. "You know, I will be strangely disappointed when you leave, you are an amusing human in your own way."

Oh dammit… why had she let Anya come?

Well, there was the fact that she seemed to be the one with all the answers as far as Faith went lately, even if she was extremely frustrating in her reluctance to give up any without threats and prodding. But how the hell could she just SAY shit like that when Buffy had made it abundantly clear that she wasn't going to tell Faith what they were really going to do to her?!

In Joyce's lap Faith's eyes widened, and she pressed herself even more firmly back against her, as if she were afraid that something would attempt to snatch her away.

"Leave…I gotta leave?"

"No!" Buffy said hurriedly, giving Anya a vicious glare that promised future violence if she said another word to make it any worse. "No, Faith, you're not leaving."

"But she said I was…she said-"

"She's crazy, don't' listen to her," Xander broke in, giving Faith a goofy grin that Buffy was pretty sure the child, not knowing him as well as Buffy, would think genuine. "She never knows what she's talking about."

"I do so know what I'm talking about! I know perfectly well what I'm talking about! She's-" Anya began indignantly, but she choked her words off when every person in the room, even Tara, looked at her as if she were an insect. Cringing slightly at this, though some indignation remained in her eyes, Anya gave off a big, insincere smile instead.

"Oh yes, how true, I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm just talking… throwing out words…"

"You're not leaving, sweetie," Joyce told her softly when Faith, unconvinced, said nothing, her small body tensing. Joyce rubbed her back as her daughter before her had, and Buffy was amazed that her voice didn't shake, that the lie wasn't stark and obvious. "Don't you worry about that."

"Besides, you can't believe the word of someone who thinks Batman's better than Superman like Anya does," Xander said slyly, nudging Anya playfully while simultaneously giving her a brief but meaningful look daring her to contradict him. She didn't say anything though she hardly seemed happy about it. Faith, however, looked back at Xander solemnly but there was a slight smile at the corner of her lips now.

"Batman IS better than Superman."

"I knew it! Another crazy one!" Xander cried dramatically, throwing up his arms, and Faith smiled a little more. Buffy, even in her turmoil, felt a rush of love and affection for him for his efforts to reassure Faith, and she gave him a quick smile too. It disappeared when Willow looked up and called out to them.

"I think we're ready now, right Tara?"

When Tara nodded, giving a quick smile in Joyce's and Faith's direction, Buffy looked at her, searching the other girl's eyes. Tara looked determined, but also a little uneasy, nervous, and that really didn't sit well with Buffy. It could just be that she was shy and unconfident in herself, of course…but she had been certain when she proclaimed to them the purity of the child Faith's aura. Did that mean she wasn't entirely sure they were doing this right, that what she and Willow were doing would work?

Stop it, Buffy told herself quickly, even giving a little shake of her head to stop her thoughts. Of course she's unsure, it's a spell she's never done before. That doesn't mean she can't do it… of course she can.

But what if she couldn't? What if it was too hard? What if it hurt Faith? What if-

"Okay then…Faith, can you come sit on the rug, in the middle of the room?" Willow asked, gesturing. Before they had awakened her, Giles, Xander, and Buffy had cleared out the room by moving the coffee table and other items to leave open space, and other than the couch and armchairs and TV, all that had been rearranged to provide more room, the living room was clear.

Faith's eyes darted to Willow, and she made a movement as if she were about to stand. But then, glancing down, she seemed to remember her adult sized pants and looked up at Joyce, biting her lip. Readjusting her hold on her, Joyce picked her up and carried her to the rug herself, setting her down carefully- but not before hugging her tightly and kissing her cheek. She looked over at Willow while staying by the child's side.

"What about the rest of us, Willow, where do you want us to be?"

"You can be anywhere, as long as you stay out of the circle," Willow told her, and she picked up the vase of liquid she and Tara had concocted.

Tara had two dried plants of some kind in her hand as she walked towards Faith with the other girl. Buffy could see the little girl bite down on her lip yet again as they knelt beside her, her dark eyes glowing anxiously, and she wanted to take her hand, pick her up again…but she just stood beside Xander on the couch, her arms crossed, heart in her throat. Here it was… no more putting off, Faith would be with them for no longer…at least, the child Faith.

"No one but the two of us can speak from this point on… it could affect things," Willow said quietly, with a very pointed look at Anya in particular. As she turned to Faith, Buffy's eyes flitted rapidly to each of them. Xander's attempt at casualness even as his eyes showed his troubled thought… Anya's intense interest… Tara's uncertainty… Willow's determination… her mother's reassuring smiles through the pain in her eyes… and Faith. The look in Faith's eyes that was so lonely, so scared, utterly screaming her feelings of abandonment and fear…

God, she hoped this would be over quickly… even dealing with homicidal teenage Faith would be better than having to look into the child Faith's eyes…

Giles had been strangely silent, but Buffy could see his disturbance in his face as well. She couldn't exactly blame him for that… he couldn't be looking forward to facing the older Faith, knowing he had failed her as a teenager and now having the child as a reminder to him of what she had suffered… what he hadn't attempted to help her deal with. Buffy had her own guilt, but Giles's had to outnumber it.

She only hoped that once Faith was back they would know what to do, how to deal with her. There were weapons and ways to restrain her conveniently hidden under the couch, armchairs, and up the sleeves of Buffy and Giles, plus there were Tara's and Willow's ability to cast spells if needed for defense against her. Buffy really hoped they wouldn't have to use any of it… that Faith wouldn't try to run, or to attack them. But she was unpredictable, and her "not fighting" was probably a near impossibility, whether or not she would remember the past several days of being cared for by them while she was a child. Plus, even if she did behave peacefully, what would they do with her?

All good questions… Buffy had no idea, and was pretty sure no one else did either. And yet here they were, jumping into this blindly… because if they didn't, she would die.

She watched as Willow began to pour the liquid slowly in a circular yet jagged pattern around Faith, chanting something in Latin. When the circle had closed around Faith, it began to glow, emitting a low humming noise. The little girl gasped, eyes darting, but she didn't speak even as her face paled. When her eyes locked on Buffy's, bewildered, pleading, and so, so young, Buffy's breath stopped… she hated this so much.

Tara placed the plants in a specific position outside the circle, and she and Willow began to chant more loudly, their voices insistent, imposing. Buffy could feel the air change, could see sparks swirling inside the circle, coming down closer and closer to Faith's body as she cringed, too terrified to speak even had she tried. Her mouth opened, and she trembled…and Buffy felt a tear roll down her cheek without her volition, a tear she didn't bother to wipe away.

The sparks drew closer, pressing in on Faith's body… and then they were on her, in her, pressing closer and closer, spreading out, expanding. Faith screamed, the noise shrill, raw with pain and terror, and now she too was expanding, growing before their eyes.

The clothes she had been unable to keep on her body without someone helping to actively hold them there were filling up, as her limbs lengthened, her shape growing longer, fuller, more mature. She was broadening, becoming more defined, aging… it was working. Buffy could see clearly that it was working…

And then it was over. Her screams cut off, the circle around her disappeared, all the sparks gone, and it was just the adult Faith's body before them, her clothes fitting her all too well. Her chest was heaving, her eyes still darting about wildly, and Buffy could see that she was trembling heavily.

Everyone in the room tensed, catching their breaths as they eyed her sharply, preparing to defend themselves, and Anya took out her knife and held it without even bothering to be subtle, eyes glinting with suspicious fear. The room was silent for several moments as everyone eyed her, waiting for her reaction.

But no violence was coming…she said nothing, made no move. For the first several seconds, Faith simply sat there, her shoulders hunched, still trembling visibly.

And then she very slowly lifted her hands, looking at them with shock, as if they were strange, horrifying objects that did not in any way belong to her. She shook them twice, hard, then began to touch herself clumsily, as though she could not figure out what they were for. She tapped her chest, her stomach, her legs, even cupping her breasts as everyone stared at her, stunned. What was she doing… why was she doing that? Was she just trying out her control of her new body again?

But no, there was terror still shining in her eyes… only now, even more clearly so than it had been in the child's. And her movements were growing faster, more frantic, until she was almost hitting herself, touching herself all over. She made no move to stand, speak, touch anyone, but her lips were trembling, her eyebrows tilting downward, and Buffy swore that her eyes were blinking too often for that to be normal.

What was going on? Did she remember who she was…did she know what had happened? Had something affected her brain?

Or did she remember… was this the older Faith as they had known her, but so guilty now, so sorry for her crimes that she was like this?

"Faith?" Xander said hesitantly, to Buffy's surprise, the first one to speak up, and Giles and Joyce echoed a few moments later.

"Faith…are you quite…"

"Faith, are you all right? Do you remember?"

But now she was turning to look at them all, and it was obvious that there had been something wrong. Glancing down at her body one more time, her face crumpled, and Faith burst into tears. The voice that sobbed at them was the older Faith's husky, adult one… but it wasn't she who spoke.

"I'm all big… why am I so big…why am I so BIG?!"

Oh god…Buffy thought in complete horror, as her mouth dropped. Oh god, this couldn't be happening.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

Buffy, Giles, Joyce, and the others stared at Faith's adult form, hunched over in the center of the room, and not one of them was able to make a sound. One each face was etched an expression of their complete shock and disbelief of the situation they seemed to be currently faced with.

It couldn't be…no way could this be true, Buffy thought rapidly, her mind working hurriedly to explain what was going on to herself, to make it okay. Maybe Faith was just disoriented right now…maybe part of her mind was caught back the way it had been before Willow's spell. Maybe the spell wasn't done yet- maybe her mind just hadn't caught up with her body yet. Maybe she just feels guilty or scared or something and is trying to cover up… or maybe she's outright lying.

But it couldn't be what it looked like… it couldn't be that Willow's spell had backfired so badly. It couldn't be that she had aged Faith only physically, while her mind and memories remained those of the child Faith…

But as they stared, Faith continued to cry in a gasping, high-pitched manner that was nevertheless the voice of the teenage Faith rather than the child. Buffy had seen Faith cry only once before as an older girl, and since it had been while they were fleeing for their lives, she hadn't exactly taken the time to look at her or listen to her. It was extremely shocking now to see her with her features collapsed in terror and grief, shaking, totally vulnerable… somehow, even in her adult body, Faith managed to look younger and smaller than her physical age, perhaps because of her tears.

"Why am I big?" she sobbed again, crying in ragged gasps that made it quite apparent how she, the child no longer a child physically, had reached the end of her stamina for the day. "You made me big… you hurt me, you made me big…"

She looked at Willow with wounded, deeply mistrustful eyes still streaming tears, seeming on the verge of jumping up and running away if the redhead so much as gestured in her direction again. As they all continued to gawk at her, numb with horrible realization, Giles mumbled almost inaudibly under his breath.

"Oh dear…"

That, Buffy thought, was the understatement of the year. 'Oh dear' was somehow not adequate to sum up what was going on… 'oh shit,' or something even stronger, might be more appropriate.

"Does that…" Xander began, his voice slow, almost dazed as he blinked several times, "is she…Faith, she's…"

He looked at Willow, as if expecting an explanation, but she was still staring at Faith along with Tara. Both seemed incapable of moving, let alone speech. As usual, Anya recovered quickly enough to voice her thoughts to all.

"You did something wrong, didn't you?" she said to Willow accusingly, pointing at the still-weeping Faith, whom no one had recovered from their shock enough to think to approach. "She still talks like a child. Why did you go and make her big if you wanted her to still be a child? I know that the miniature nonviolent child Faith is amusing, but there is the problem of her bodily stress while exerting-"

"I didn't, Anya! I mean…I didn't try…" Willow muttered to herself, shaking her head. She was defensive, but obviously disturbed as she attempted to think out loud. "It must be her Chakra points… they must still be out of line somehow… that has to be it…"

"You s-said I'd remember!" Faith cut in hoarsely, looking at Buffy, then at Willow and Tara with her feelings of betrayal still shining with her fear in her eyes. She was almost hyperventilating now, her words hard to understand through her heaving sobs. Her nose was starting to run, but she didn't try to wipe her face or hide it. She was beyond embarrassment or pride, beyond anything but giving way to her run of strong emotion.

"You s-said it wouldn't h-hurt… you s-said…you made me BIG!" she wailed, and the tears continued steadily, soaking into her chest and the sides of her hair.

Joyce had been almost entirely motionless until this point, unable to look away from Faith or to bring herself to move. Now as Faith's distress entered her awareness, she jumped up a bit clumsily and knelt beside her on the ground, pulling her into her arms. Faith buried her face in the older woman's shoulder, her arms going around her so tightly and needily that Joyce gasped in pain.

"Not so hard, sweetie…"

When Faith loosened her grip a little, her face firmly planted against the crook between Joyce's neck and shoulder, Joyce rubbed her back, rocking her slightly as the girl sniffled against her.

"Shh…it's okay, sweetheart, it's okay," she soothed, running a hand through Faith's hair. "Don't' cry, honey, it's okay."

It was so surreal, to see Faith crying like that, the ADULT Faith, at least in body… and weirder still for Buffy's mother to be holding her, comforting her. And of course, there was the fact that it wasn't Big Faith at all she was looking at…

God this was weird… what were they supposed to do now? What was SHE supposed to do?

"It's okay, baby," Joyce was saying softly, rubbing Faith's back in slow circles. "Something didn't turn out…quite right… but it's okay. I'm sure Willow and Tara can fix this-"

"No! Don't let them touch me! Don't let them do it again!" Faith cried, her eyes flying wide open in panic, and she clung to Joyce.

As Joyce went to work calming her again, Tara, Willow, and Giles started a soft but intense debate over what exactly had happened to Faith's Chakra points and what they would have to do to have a better chance of realigning them properly. Buffy couldn't listen to them. She was still gazing at the child-yet-not-child Faith, marveling at this new magnitude of badness. She wanted to go to her and help comfort her, but at the same time she shrank from the thought. After all, it would not be the child Faith's body she was hugging and petting… how could that not bother her mother, that she was holding the body of a girl who had knocked her unconscious?

Anya was watching with great interest, and she said suddenly, "This is the first time I have seen any of you cry. Is this what it sounds like for everyone? It looks hot and painful. Much like the fiery sauce on a cracker that made Xander sweat and swear at and drink all our soda at that store with the peppers on the sign. It seems a waste to me. How do people who are crying stay hydrated?"

"Anya," Xander cut in, and he looked over at Faith in Joyce's arms without finishing. "She's…Faith, she really…"

"Yes," Tara answered him quietly, her eyes finally moving from their stunned regarding of Joyce and Faith to look at Xander. "I can s-sense it… she's still… she's sincere in her emotion… and, and her m-mind…"

With this said she moved closer to Faith on the floor, her eyebrows knitted, forehead creased with guilt, anxiety, and concern for the child in Joyce's arms. Hesitantly she reached out and lay a hand on the brunette's arm. Faith jerked at first, burying her face even more firmly against Joyce, but Tara persisted in stroking her arm slowly, awkwardly, yet gently.

"Faith…it's okay," she told her softly, though the thoughts showing themselves unbidden in her eyes stated otherwise. "You're not hurt… and, and we're n-not going to hurt you. We, we won't leave you like this, I promise."

She looked at Willow for support as the child in the older Faith's body continued to cry, her sobs weaker, more weary than sharp and distressed as they had been at first. She seemed too tired to exert the effort she would need to stop, yet also too tired to be able to cry as forcefully as she had before. As Joyce rocked her slightly, rubbing her back and hair, Willow nodded in response to Tara's answer with wide eyes, scrambling for a response to satisfy all.

"I'm sorry… I'm so, so sorry, this, it wasn't supposed to be like this, you know it wasn't supposed to be like this! I thought if we just, just did the spell, it would be okay, I completely didn't think that her Chakra points would be too out of line for only this spell to work on her…but we can fix it! We can get the chakra point stones, we can-"

"If we are doing anything at all to remedy this we will of course take measures to insure that we know what we are doing and what the full outcome will be," Giles said dryly, fixing both Wiccans with a look that made Tara cringe and Willow stiffen defensively. "The gathering of the stones should be simple enough with our connections, but we cannot and will not allow for any further mistakes. There is no telling what the consequences could be if more were to occur!"

"I, I won't, we won't," Willow assured him rapidly, her eyes wide as she looked between the others. "We can go get them right now- we can do it again in an hour or so. I'll-we'll fix you, Faith, don't worry-"

"No!" Faith cried out, and she held Joyce even tighter, her head swiveling to stare at the redhead in horror, her face still damply smeared with tears and mucus. "No, don't let her! I don't wanna, don't let her! Don't let her…"

She started to cry again, and as Joyce continued in her efforts to soothe her, the others alternately watched helplessly or looked away, frustrated and unable to think of what should be said or done. For a moment Faith's eyes met Buffy's, and Buffy's heart leapt to her throat… even in the adult Faith's face, it was the child looking at her. She could see her…

All this time she had been struggling against disbelief and her unwilling knowledge, horror and guilty empathy… a need to comfort the child Faith and to keep physical distance from the older Faith's body. But now as Faith looked at her, more distraught than she had ever seen her even after nightmares, Buffy couldn't stand to be still and quiet any longer. It was still the little girl, still her Faith, even if she were in the wrong person's body now.

Buffy moved to kneel on the ground alongside her, her mother, Tara, and Willow. As Faith continued to look at her through teary eyes, Buffy reached out slowly to smooth her hair back from her- from the OLDER Faith's face. She had barely touched Faith before the girl hurled herself into her arms. Now it was Buffy she was clinging to, Buffy's shoulder quickly dampening from her pressing her face into it, Buffy becoming temporarily short of breath from Faith's strong arms tightening around her.

Oh god, Buffy thought at first as instinctive panic and defensiveness arose, a need to shove Faith's body away from her, to separate them and keep them that way. Oh god, she's hugging me… she's pressing up THAT CLOSE to me…Big Faith…

She was so intensely uncomfortable she almost transferred Faith right back to her mother to take care of. But she could feel the girl's chest against her, still hitching with the sobs she was trying now to stop, could feel her hot breath shuddering against her neck… and she could feel her pain, her desperate fear and weariness, almost as if it were her own. This was the child… whatever her appearance, Faith was still a child, badly in need of her and her reassurance, and there was no way Buffy could deny it to her.

She closed her arms around Faith slowly, gingerly, and began to rub her back awkwardly. After a few moments she felt more comfortable with rubbing her more strongly, though she had to remind herself again that it was only Big Faith's body she was holding. She ignored the strange stirring in the pit of her stomach…

"Shh," she said, even though Faith's sobs had tapered off almost entirely within the first minute of her holding her. "It's okay. It's okay…"

Buffy was not conscious of the others watching, their continued general disbelief at what they were seeing.

"Uh… have they ever been so close to each other without bloodshed?" Xander whispered to the others at large, and Giles shook his head.

"To my knowledge? No."

"Does everybody make such horrible noises when they cry?" Anya repeated, eyeing Faith with suspicion. "I much prefer the sound of screams or whimpers; they are satisfying, whereas crying is just irritating noise."

When the others' heads turned to stare at her in disbelief, Anya shrugged, nonplussed.

"What? It is a very shrill sound, particularly irritating when the person in question is an infant or small child."

"Ahn, why don't we go…help out in the kitchen a while," Xander said with a glance toward Buffy and Faith- in particular seeing the blonde's dangerously narrowed eyes and no doubt wanting to be away from the tear fest for his own sake. "There's, there's stuff we can do there."

"What stuff? Are you speaking in code? Does 'stuff' imply the causation of pleasurable sexual activity, because although I don't oppose the notion, it is an open area and-" Anya began as Xander took hold of her wrist, leading her out hurriedly. Buffy was just glad that Faith seemed in no state of mind to pay attention to Anya's words, because they would no doubt have resulted in questions Buffy and Xander, if not Anya, were far too uncomfortable to handle.

Once they were gone Willow looked toward Tara and Giles, then Buffy and Faith before trying again. "If I could go get some Chakra stones, and a book on how to align them, I could fix this, I know I can. We can do it tonight-"

"No," Joyce said firmly as she met Willow's eyes; though Faith was only sniffing now, with no active tears, Joyce was still tenderly patting her beside Buffy. "No, I think Faith has had enough for tonight. We don't need to try anything while you're flustered and she's upset, we need to be very, VERY careful. Right now she's going back to bed, and we'll worry about doing this right tomorrow."

Her tone left no room for argument; it was clear that Joyce had had enough for one night too. Regardless of her maintaining that nothing else would be done to Faith for the night, the girl's face jerked up from Buffy's shoulder, and she stared at Joyce with eyes widening in panic again.

"No, not tomorrow! I don't wanna- she's gonna turn me into more, I don't wanna, she might make me a frog, or, or a mouse- or- don't let her, I don't wanna!" Faith cried out, her tone growing shrill, and Joyce smoothed her hair back from her face gently.

"Don't worry tonight, sweetheart. In the morning it will be better."

She stood, gesturing for Faith and Buffy to do the same, and after some hesitation they did. Faith's legs were slightly unsteady, as if she weren't quite used to using them, and as Buffy helped steady her, she supposed that made sense. Her legs as a child had been much smaller and shorter than the ones she was currently possessing.

Her mother was a lifesaver, taking over like this. Other than comforting Faith, as weird as that had felt, Buffy had had no idea what she should do. But Joyce was right- as urgent as it was to change Faith mentally, it couldn't be as urgent as it had been to change her physically. Right? I mean, there should be no danger of her body exploding on itself now. And if Willow and Tara were rushing to fix this they might make an even bigger mistake…and if Faith was upset, that might affect things badly too. Joyce was right. They should put Faith to bed and talk about this out of her sight and hearing.

She looked over the others deliberately, almost daring them to say otherwise. For now an irrational anger was stirring within her as well as the situation.

"We might take a while," she said shortly, and before anyone could reply she touched the small of Faith's back, guiding her toward the stairs with Joyce following.

It felt so odd for Faith to be taller and larger than her now, to look at the face of the girl she had sometimes despised, once tried to kill, and know that it was not she who was behind the wheel. Faith leaned against her heavily, stumbling, and Buffy wasn't sure if this stemmed from physical exhaustion, emotional weariness, or an uncertainty of how to control her limbs. Likely it was a combination of all three.

"Let's go by the bathroom, Buffy," Joyce said quietly as they reached the top of the stairs, so Buffy turned her toward its door. It became pretty crowded in there as Buffy got Faith a glass of water and Joyce, sitting her on the edge of the tub, helped her wash her face and blow her nose. Once Faith looked and seemed to feel a little better they herded her toward Buffy's room, beginning to prepare her for bed again.

"Buffy?" Faith said in a small voice as the older girl rummaged through her drawers for something more suitable than a crop top and leather pants for the now larger girl to sleep in. The thought of the strangeness of the adult Faith in her bed, even if only in body, certainly had not escaped Buffy.

"Hm?" Buffy asked, turning quickly to look at her. Even though she knew and believed that Faith was still a child mentally, and even though she wasn't exactly leery of her, she still couldn't quite bring herself to address her by a name like honey, sweetie, or baby. Joyce, however, clearly had no problem with that, and even now was gently running her fingers through the girl's hair.

"You said it wouldn't hurt," the not-so-little girl said in the same small voice, biting her lip as her shoulders rounded. "It did though… it hurt bad. Please don't make me do it again… please, I'll be good, I'll be real good…"

Buffy regarded her with her chest compressing, her stomach twisting in guilty empathy for her. She didn't want to make her, and she knew all too well how afraid Faith would be the next time after this fiasco. She knew as well though that she had to. She couldn't let them turn Faith back into a child again, and she certainly couldn't keep her a child in Faith's teenage body.

Or couldn't she? Was it possible that she could have the best of both worlds…keep the child's personality and mind, and yet also keep her from exploding by keeping her in the older Faith's body?

No way- what was she thinking? That was completely ridiculous!

And yet she couldn't help but wonder if she should…in a way, she wished for it.

"I'm sorry, Faith," she told the girl softly, "I don't think it was supposed to hurt, but, but Willow and Tara made a mistake… it wasn't supposed to turn out like this."

"It has nothing to do with you being good, honey- you're already a good girl," Joyce told her, putting her arm around her and giving her a quick squeeze. "You don't need to worry about this now, sweetie. You need to try to sleep and let us take care of the worrying."

Faith was silent, frowning uneasily as Buffy handed her a t-shirt and some baggy shorts to sleep in. Faith stripped without modesty, either not caring anymore who saw her since she didn't feel the body was her own, or else too tired to bother trying to hide anything. It quickly entered Buffy's awareness that, as the child Faith had been wearing neither a bra nor underwear, she was about to see the adult Faith fully naked. Horrified and embarrassed by the thought, Buffy quickly turned away, cheeks flushing. If Joyce was flustered, her cheeks slightly darker than usual, she composed herself more calmly than her daughter as she gently directed for Faith to put on the clothes Buffy had given her.

But Faith had finally shown a reaction to her "new" body that went beyond fear or shock. In fact, as Joyce held her clothes out to her she stared down at herself with the beginnings of interest, even going so far as to hesitantly cup her breasts in her hands.

"How come this happened… I got boobies now," she said more calmly. Glancing over at Buffy critically, she added, "My boobies are bigger than hers."

She was looking below her waistline, about to comment on the changes she observed there with the same candor, when Joyce, still flushing a little, interceded.

"Every little girl will look like this some day, honey. Now you're tired, it's time for you to go to bed-"

"I know that, I seen my mama," Faith interrupted, still eyeing herself, and causing Buffy to not dare turn back towards her until she could hear her dressing again. "But I'm not old enough…right?"

Nevertheless she let Joyce lead her, once fully clothed, to bed, let her tuck her blanket under her chin and smooth her hair back to kiss her. Though Buffy kissed her as well, she pictured the child Faith as she did. Tucking the older Faith into bed and kissing her good night was just too weird even if it was just her body. This was definitely an adjustment… but for how long?

"Buffy?" Faith called out in a small voice, her eyes glittering uncertainly as the blonde turned. "Can you…can you lay down with me…just until I go to sleep?"

Buffy glanced first at her mother, then Faith, her hesitation fading when she thought about the tone of the girl's voice as she asked. The others could wait, and she could get over how entirely freaky and awkward this was, just until Faith fell asleep. She needed her…Buffy couldn't turn her down. The little girl couldn't help that she wasn't little anymore, or how Buffy inwardly cringed at the thought of showing the older Faith or her body the same affection she had so easily given the child.

"Sure," she told her quietly, and she climbed onto her side of the bed, slipping under the covers. Joyce too sat on the edge of the bed, apparently intending to stay with the child as well, and handed her Mr. Gordo- unaware that she had been sleeping with him for the past few nights. Faith clutched him to her, taking a deep breath.

When she rolled closer to Buffy, cuddling up against her, Buffy froze. The awkwardness of Faith's legs against her, her head on her shoulder, the feel of her breast on her arm, was all she could think about at first. When she finally made herself put her arms around Faith, she was very aware of the other girl's heartbeat near hers as the child closed her eyes. Wow, was this weird…


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

Author notes: I know nothing much happens in this, it will in the next chapter.

When Buffy opened her eyes, it took her several moments to realize where she was and what was going on. Disoriented, with her eyes squinting, her forehead creasing into a frown of confusion, she had at first understood nothing. When memories of the night before had began to come back to her, she had thought them only dreams, and even began to feel relief for it. That is, until reality sank in abruptly. Nothing had been a dream… all of this was all too real.

She had lay with Faith in her bed the night before as her mother sat close by, keeping her arms around her enlarged body until the awkwardness of the position, of her touching her, had dulled considerably. She had listened to the sound of Faith's shuddery breaths and occasional snuffling, endured how closely the child in the unchildish body was burrowed against her, seeking out her comfort via physical contact, and she had remained silent until she could tell that Faith was deeply asleep.

Almost the moment that she was sure of this, it was as if something in Buffy had given her permission to switch off, to let go, and she began to cry. Her sobs were painful, choking, rattling in her chest with harsh force. There was little release in it, as she was trying so hard to keep her tears quiet and controlled, for fear of waking Faith and upsetting her all over again. Instead Buffy gritted her teeth, her features tightening markedly as she continued to hold Faith against her, hoping the girl didn't feel her body shaking.

She was crying for so much then, more than she could know or name. She was crying because of Faith's hurt and fear, because she had only increased it further by not explaining to her, by betraying her, in the child's eyes. She was crying because a small part of her, as selfish as it was, was glad that she had the child Faith at least mentally, at least for a little while longer, even if it caused Faith distress. She was crying because Faith had not slept a single night without tears and terror since she had come and probably never would, because her life was such that she couldn't. She was crying because even after what had happened, what she had done, Faith still loved her, had still come to her for comfort. She was crying because it was so hard for her to give Faith that comfort even when she needed and wanted to now. She was crying for what had been done to Faith in the past and what would be done to her in the future, for everything she would no longer be to her…and for what, she, Buffy, would no longer be able to have.

Joyce was still sitting close, and when Buffy's tears started, she said nothing. She only stroked her daughter's head with tender compassion, her touch slow, soothing, gently easing her weeping even as her own grief was stark in her eyes and the way she held her mouth. When Buffy closed her eyes, she didn't intend to fall asleep, but that must have been what had happened. The light coming into her room weakly from the window was obviously not resulting from stars and moonbeams, and the heaviness of her limbs told her she'd been out for several hours.

When she opened her eyes a little wider Buffy could see that her mother was gone, of course, and that Faith was still entwined with her. She could feel the brunette's heavy head on her chest, her dark hair tickling her chin and arm, and Faith's breasts were low against her stomach, her legs overlapping with Buffy's heavily. Once she became aware of this, Buffy cringed. Okay, so she had been wrong about the change of sleeping arrangements once Faith was big again… did she /have/ to have her legs on Buffy like that?

It would be a lot harder to disentangle herself from her now that Faith was so much bigger and heavier. Damn…maybe she should just lay there and deal with it, let Faith lay any way she wanted to until she woke up…

No! No, she wasn't going to do that, because, because she had to wake up. She had to get out of bed and, and start the day…without Faith. Yep…she had to do that…

Not bothering to think up a more convincing reason as to why she needed to get up immediately, Buffy began to work at gently prying herself away from Faith. Unlike when Faith was smaller, she wasn't able to successfully do so this time around, and the child came awake with a gasp, her eyes flying open. Unlike Buffy, however, she wasn't disoriented at all upon awakening. Her eyes wide and alert, she grabbed hold of the older girl with tight panicky grip, not letting her pull away any further than she already had.

"Buffy, where you goin'?" she asked with her voice tight, scared, her fingers pressing hard into the blonde's skin in her effort to keep her from going away from her.

Buffy made herself smile at the child quickly, trying to sound calm and comforting even as simultaneously attempted to pull away from her a little.

"Nowhere, Faith. I'm just going downstairs. It's okay, go back to sleep."

But Faith would have none of that. Obviously her trust in not being harmed, further changed, or abandoned in some way had been badly damaged, if not shattered completely, the night before. She latched onto Buffy now even harder, her dark eyes threatening tears, mouth turning down at the corners.

"No, don't go… don't leave me! I wanna come too, Buffy, don't go…"

Looking across to the fear in Faith's eyes, the entirely vulnerable sentiments showing themselves in her face, Buffy almost wasn't aware that it was the adult's features she was looking at. She knew only that her heart twisted with her empathy and frustration for her, and it was a little easier now to hug Faith, to run a hand over the hair that didn't really look or feel much different from the child's. This was still strange, not very comfortable or natural… but already a little easier.

"Shh, it's okay, Faith," she said softly, patting her back a little awkwardly and realizing that the little girl's pulse had sped up considerably. "I'm not leaving you. I'm going to find Mom, she's probably in the kitchen, that's all."

"Don't go… don't leave me," Faith almost whispered, tears still audible in her voice. She either couldn't focus enough to listen to Buffy or just didn't believe her, and Buffy couldn't really blame her for that. As Faith pushed her face into Buffy's upper chest, Buffy swallowed, putting her hand atop Faith's head gently.

"All right, Faith, it's okay," she told her softly, trying to ignore how warm the other girl's body was against hers, how dense and heavy…and… mature. "Don't get upset, it's okay. I'm not leaving you…why don't you come down with me so you'll feel better about it?"

Faith hadn't been crying- she had only been on the verge of it. But as she pulled her face back cautiously to peer into Buffy's face, she sniffed nonetheless, scrubbing at her face tiredly with the back of her hand. Instead of answering Buffy she just nodded, pulling away but immediately grabbing her hand. It was as if she thought the older girl might try to make a break for it if she didn't keep her anchored to her side.

Buffy took her downstairs with Faith still clinging to her hand, staying close to her side even while going down the stairs. Had she not been so big and the situation so weird, Buffy would have just picked her up and carried her. No doubt Faith wouldn't have minded, even in her new larger body, though she would probably never have asked Buffy to. But Buffy minded. Keeping her mind on Faith's ass, even if just to support her weight while carrying her, would be just a little past her comfort level now that Faith was an adult physically again.

As Buffy padded towards the bathroom, Faith insisted on following her in there, not wanting to let her out of her sight for even a few minutes. Buffy battled this, not wanting yet another moment of total discomfort and mortification to add to the several other incidents which had occurred and were sure to come in the future. There was no way that she wanted Big Faith, when or if they brought her fully back, to have any memory of being in the room with her while she used the bathroom. Not that the idea of Child Faith there wasn't entirely unwelcome to Buffy's modesty too. But the child had been so obviously stressed at the thought of leaving Buffy even for a few minutes, and was so clearly still tired and close to emotional meltdowns carrying over from the night before, that Buffy ended up letting her come in with her to keep the peace. She told her sternly not to look, but still her cheeks flamed at the situation she had let Faith put her in. Plus she was fairly certain that even with her back turned, Faith had looked- and she definitely could hear everything.

She couldn't blame the little girl for her determination to keep her in her sight, though. After being lied to multiple times, turned into a person and body she didn't view as her own, overhearing god knows how many remarks over the past few days about dealing with her, making her leave, or how bad, evil, serial-killer-esque, or unwanted she was, how could Faith not be totally paranoid and freaked out? She was amazed that the little girl still had any trust in anyone at all.

As they went downstairs and headed toward the kitchen, with Faith's hand in hers once again, they saw that Joyce had not been up for much longer than they had. She was just beginning to make coffee. Buffy was slightly puzzled by this until she remembered it was a Saturday. The gallery wasn't open today.

"Good morning, Buffy…morning, Faith," she greeted them, smiling warmly at both girls. But Buffy could see that she was also looking over their faces and demeanor surreptiously, assessing their moods. "Did you sleep okay?"

Buffy shrugged with a small forced smile, knowing her mother knew very well that she hadn't. Faith, on the other hand, didn't say anything at all. Instead she let go of Buffy's hand and went to stand close to Joyce's side without actually touching her or asking to be touched. It was obvious nevertheless what she wanted, and Joyce, her face softening, pulled her into a hug, kissing the top of her head. Now that their heads were level, it looked a little strange, for she didn't' have to bend to do so.

"Morning, sweetheart," she said in a softer tone again to Faith, and Faith almost whispered good morning back to her, not pulling away from the hug. Joyce kissed her head again before looking up at her daughter, questioning. Buffy just sighed, moving to sit at the table as her heart twisted. She'd let Faith cling to her mother a little now if that was what she needed… her mother didn't seem to mind anyway.

"So, I guess everyone left last night," Buffy remarked, and Joyce looked over at her past Faith's shoulder.

"Yes, you fell asleep, honey, so I told them they should go… it wasn't a good time to talk any further. Faith," she addressed the girl whose arms were still wrapped around her waist firmly, "do you want some cereal or a Pop-Tart or something? Come sit at the table next to me, okay?"

Faith pulled away from her only reluctantly, and only with some gentle prying from Joyce. When the woman returned with orange juice and cereal for Faith and coffee and toast for herself, Faith scooted her chair as close to Joyce's as it would get before she began to eat. Seeing how insecure and skittish she was now made Buffy feel suddenly near tears again, and she stood quickly to make herself food she didn't' want to eat, forcing her emotion into control before she rejoined them at the table.

"Am I gonna go to work with you again today?" Faith asked Joyce as Buffy sat down, eyeing her in such a manner that Buffy suspected the girl didn't' know if she would prefer a yes or no response to her question. Joyce shook her head, smiling, and paused to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

"No, it's a Saturday, honey. I think today is a good stay at home day, don't you? You had a rough time last night, and I think we all need a chance to relax today."

Buffy had to approve of that, and not only because of the relaxing part- which she knew was something she wouldn't be able to do. But if they kept Faith at home, no one would see her in her adult body on the street- something they definitely didn't' need right now. There was the Council, of course, but also just regular cops, stupid and inefficient as they usually were. Big Faith was a wanted felon, and letting her roam all around town in her adult body was just asking for trouble.

"They're not gonna come back though- right? You're not gonna let them- don't let them!" Faith said anxiously, her eyes moving between Buffy's and her mother's. Though she hadn't specified who "they" were, Buffy knew very well that she meant Willow, Tara, and the others. "You said they'd come back today- don't let them! Please don't' let them…don't let them turn me into stuff, they're gonna mess it up again!"

Her voice was small, her eyes almost pleading, and again Buffy had to look away, thinning her lips. She knew she couldn't keep that promise…

Joyce wrapped her arm around the little girl's shoulders, pulling her close to her side, and spoke softly, sincerely, even as she avoided the answer.

"Don't worry, sweetheart, we won't let them do anything to mess anything up again. We won't let them do anything that we don't' know for sure is safe."

Though Faith seemed doubtful of Joyce's words at first, her eyebrows drawing together with her thoughts, she nevertheless didn't contradict her, even nodding her head very faintly.

It was Buffy who sat in silence, her stomach taut with nerves, staring down at her plate.

Joyce had promised Faith not to do anything to her that they didn't know was safe…but how could they guarantee that? How could they possibly keep a child like Faith, in her current extremely complicated situation, perfectly safe, regardless of her age or mental status?


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

"Faith, look out!" Buffy shrieked, her eyes widening, voice rising sharply.

The other girl pivoted gracefully, and in several quick reflexive motions moved to meet the vampire barreling towards her from behind. Cutting him off, having leapt over a gravestone in the cemetery grounds to get to him, she grabbed him by the shoulder in one hand and the wrist with the other, using a combination of her momentum and his surprise to catch him sharply off balance and fling him to the ground. As his head struck a nearby gravestone, causing him to yell out, Buffy tried to make her way over to Faith to help her, protect her. But more vampires had come after her, two of them heading her off, and she had to fight them off before she could get to her…

Her heart pounding anxiously, mouth dry, Buffy kept looking toward Faith worriedly even as she pummeled the distracting vampires fiercely, attempting to weaken or disarm them enough to get them in a good position to stake. But across the cemetery from her, Faith didn't really appear to need her help. In fact, she appeared to be having the time of her life. Her eyes were lit up with exhilarated pleasure and she was partly glowering, partly beaming, her dimples plainly in view as she hit the hapless vampire in the face several times more than was necessary to subdue him. Looking at the child in the teenaged body, Buffy experienced extreme de ja vu.. had she not known it was the child present, she would have been sure the Rogue Slayer was back with her in full force. And as it was, her heart skipped a beat.

Dusting one vampire, Buffy grabbed the other, turning her head slightly to glance at Faith again. In the time it took for her to give that fast look in her direction, the child had grabbed a wooden decorative cross from a nearby grave and slammed it into her attacker's heart with a skillful instinct that should have surpassed her knowledge base- but since she was still a Slayer, Buffy supposed it was all there in muscle memory, if not the conscious one. As dust scattered in the breeze and Faith whooped in childish proud excitement, Buffy stared, simultaneously dusting her own vampire. She was still utterly stunned by this…

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Until that moment, the day had been pretty uneventful. Buffy, Faith, and Joyce had stayed at home, both to give Faith a chance to rest and feel secure, and out of practicality. In her adult body yet childish mindset, it would be that much more dangerous if the police or Council came across her, and Buffy had to keep her from them or even knowledge of them being after her.

They still had not explained to Faith exactly what had happened to her, or what Willow had been trying to do. Buffy hated this, in essence having to lie to her, but she didn't see another option. She couldn't' tell Faith the truth- the child wouldn't understand. She couldn't handle it, and Buffy didn't' want her to have to. She'd been through quite enough in the past few days without having to learn that she wasn't even real anymore, not the way she thought she was… that she really was supposed to be a seventeen-year-old Slayer.

Faith hadn't behaved like her usual active, playful self throughout the day, not that Buffy blamed her or was very surprised by it. She was quieter than usual and anxious, even clingy; as the day wore on, she still didn't want to be left alone. She reminded Buffy of a toddler rather than a first grader in her insistence that someone stay near her, and she seemed to have almost entirely abandoned any attempts to seem strong, tough, and unafraid. Clearly Faith had regressed under the stress of her experiences, or maybe this was typical of how a seven-year-old would react. Buffy wasn't sure. All she knew was that she felt horrible for her, not to mention guilty.

Even so, as secretly glad as she was to have at least a little more time with the child Faith, Buffy was worried about her- and growing tired. As badly as she felt for her, and as much as she wanted and tried to reassure her, Faith's fear, though mostly unspoken, was wearying and contagious.

And the physical contact didn't help much either. It was still jarring for Buffy sometimes to look over at the little girl and see the older Faith's face looking back at her, or to hear her husky voice asking a completely childish question. The child using the teen's body to take Buffy's hand, touch her arm, sit close to her, all of that was still very strange and somewhat uncomfortable to Buffy. Buffy wanted to show the little girl the same affection and kindness she had before, and she knew Faith wanted and needed it too, now more than ever. And though she made herself do it, it wasn't natural or comfortable, because she was always aware that it was the older Faith's body she was touching- the older Faith, who was not a child at all.

The issue of showing Faith affection even in her adult body was clearly not issue at all for her mother, however. Joyce carried on as if nothing had changed at all, still speaking to and touching Faith as she had when she was mini-sized, and every bit as lovingly. Buffy had witnessed her hug and kiss Faith, touch her head and hair, and she still called her pet names more often than her actual name. As big as Faith was now, Buffy had even seen her mother pull her into her lap on the couch once. Seeing that, Buffy had been unable to stop herself from staring. The sight of Big Faith's body leaned back against Joyce's in her lap, almost curled up, her head on her shoulder, was such utter insanity to look at that Buffy could barely believe it. If there had been any doubt that the person in the older Faith's body was a little girl, that sight would have ended it straight away.

And then there were all the other issues of Faith's "new" body. Not only did she have to look at it and be used to it in that way, but she also had to deal with several incidents of extreme awkwardness revolving around it.

There was the realization that Faith needed a bra to wear during the day, but had no idea how to put it on. Though it had been her mother who ended up helping her, just being in the same room had made Buffy blush fiercely. Even worse had been when Buffy was brushing her hair for her, and Faith asked with total innocence if she had to wash and brush the hair "in my panties" too. Buffy had choked, dropping the brush at that question. This was all soooo wrong…

Faith had also spent a good amount of time poking and prodding at herself, examining her body with intent, if worried, curiosity. She stared at herself in the mirror, while dressing, with concentrated scrutiny before looking away, as though her transformation simultaneously thrilled and spooked her. All three of them had noticed that other than small scars, barely noticeable, from where Faith had previously broken bones as a child, Faith no longer had injuries on her limbs.

But what had been worse for Buffy than any of it, even more so than Faith's mortifying hair question, had been when, standing before her mother and her in jeans and a snug bra, Faith had fingered the scar on her stomach gingerly… and then lifted trusting, guileless eyes to Buffy to ask her where it had come from. To look back at the child and lie to her that she didn't know made Buffy feel so guilty she had to leave soon after, hoping the girl would think she was merely embarrassed.

As the day wore on, however, Faith's quiet and neediness eventually gave way to restlessness. Buffy had talked to both Willow and Giles on the phone earlier, and though they had the Chakra stones, she had told them to spend at least a full day researching before they tried anything again. She knew they would eventually have to do it, that they would have no other choice- but couldn't they wait a little while, give Faith a chance to recuperate herself and her mother a chance to grow accustomed to the idea? They needed to talk about it, to thoroughly research, and make sure everything was okay before they went through with restoring Faith's Chakra points and making her fully her normal self again. Right now it was too much too soon, and there were way too many chances that something might go wrong.

So they had stayed home, entertaining themselves and Faith from inside. Although both Buffy and Faith had been all too happy with this arrangement at first, pleased to be able to spend time together with the assurance that no one would be coming over that day to change Faith yet again, by evening, both girls were bored. And when Buffy decided to go out slaying, a full fledged battle was born.

"I wanna go too!" Faith had cried, and though there was anxiety in her eyes at the thought of Buffy leaving her alone with Joyce, she had also set her jaw in pure stubbornness and desire. "Don't go, Buffy, take me too! I wanna go too!"

Buffy had tried at first to reassure her, then tried getting tougher and telling her flat out that she couldn't go and that was all there was to it. Neither approach worked. Faith alternately begged, pouted, sulked, and latched onto her so much that even Joyce couldn't distract her. The older woman had finally had to wrap Faith firmly in a bear hug and in this hold half dragged her upstairs to get a bath. Faith hadn't struggled at this point, but she had still been upset with both of them, glaring and near tears.

Buffy hated putting her in such a state, felt guilty for it, but she knew it had to be done. Once Faith was fully an adult again and they had to figure out how to deal with her in that way, there was no telling when Buffy would be able to stay again. Besides, she needed to get out- being stuck at home all day, especially under such stressful circumstances, really put her on edge. And yes, she had to admit it would be nice to get away from Faith a little while, at least while she was acting like this.

Buffy was almost enjoying herself as she roamed through the cemetery grounds, watching for any signs of activity- that is, until she heard a defiant but proud and all too familiar voice call out her name.

"Hey, Buffy…"

Buffy spun around quickly, and sure enough there was Faith, standing a few feet away in front of the cemetery's entrance and looking quite pleased with herself. Alarm warred with anger in her chest, and both displayed themselves in her voice as she called out to her sharply.

"Faith, what are you doing here! We told you not to come- how did you even get past my mom, does she know you're here? No, of course she doesn't, you snuck out again, didn't you? "

"Uh huh," Faith nodded, still almost smirking. Buffy noticed that her hair was damp, and that in her haste to redress she hadn't bothered to try to figure out for herself how to put on a bra.

Buffy tore her eyes away from that area hurriedly, refocusing them on Faith's face as she continued. "I climbed outta the window of the bathroom. "So now you gotta let me come."

Buffy exhaled through her nose, putting her hands on her hips and giving Faith her best fierce stare down. It had never worked on her as an older girl, and somehow she doubted it would be any different now. Her mother was probably driving after them right now if she knew Faith was gone- but if she thought she was taking a bath, maybe she didn't yet. Jeez, this part of the whole big sister gig was not her favorite.

"No I do NOT gotta let you do anything! You're the kid, Faith, and you do what me or my mom says for you to do, and we both say you're going home now!"

"I'm not a kid no more," Faith argued, shaking her head. "You guys made me big. I'm bigger than you now, Buffy-"

"It doesn't matter how big you are, it doesn't matter if you grow another foot and gained 100 pounds!" Buffy said in exasperation, still eyeing Faith with irritated concern. "You're still little anyway, you're only seven years old, and you are NOT going on patrol with me! You are going home, and, and you're going to tell Mom you're sorry, and-"

She never got to finish her sentence, however, because that was when she saw the vampire appear behind Faith and called out for her to watch out. Then the other two vampires made their appearances, and before she knew it she was undergoing serious de ja vu from the night before.

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Buffy stared, wide-eyed, as Faith grinned, her eyes sparkling with childish glee at her feat in staking her attacking vampire, but also with vicious triumph. The remains of her second dusted vampire were scattering into the night air, but Buffy barely noticed. Her stake still held in prime dusting position, she eyed Faith in continued numb regard as the brunette squealed again, jumping to her feet excitedly.

"I did it, I did it! I killed another bad guy, he turned into dust too! Did you see me, did you see me kill him, Buffy, did you see how good I did?"

"Yeah, I saw you, Faith," Buffy muttered, shaking her head slightly to jar herself into action. "Good job…now, let's-"

"I wanna go do some more! Are there more? Let's go do more!" Faith exclaimed, and she was actually bouncing up and down, dimples deepening in her cheeks, very much as she had the other night she had followed Buffy and Willow. "I totally kicked his ass!"

She started to run off, but Buffy stopped her, grabbing her by the shoulder and holding her, making her be still as she looked up at her….and boy was it irritating to have to look up to the CHILD Faith.

"You are NOT "doing more," Faith Eliza Lehane, you are going home, and you're staying there," Buffy said in her best stern big sister voice- and she was mildly horrified to realize that it rather resembled her mother's.

Of course, Faith being Faith, she couldn't let it go at that and meekly obey her instruction. The child twisted against her, putting up a stronger fight now that she was bigger, and continued to plead her case shrilly.

"No, no, that's not fair, Buffy! I wanna come, I wanna stay with you! I wanna be with you! I can do it, I'm not either little! I'm big now! And I killed him, you saw me kill him, I can do it-"

Buffy's dragging of the resisting other girl, and Faith's words of protest, were interrupted by the hissing voice behind them.

"Slayerssss… how…special…"

Letting go of Faith so quickly that the little girl stumbled, Buffy whirled around to face him the vampire, grabbing him and flinging him to the ground before her. But as he was falling he managed to grab her hand and jerk it, causing her to drop her stake so that it rolled away from her on the ground. As she turned to grab it, his hand shot out to take her ankle, making her fall beside him to the ground. Still clutching her ankle, he rolled on top of Buffy in a quick maneuver, his face leering down at her, teeth bared in anticipation of a bite. He paused, savoring the moment…

And then disintegrated into a cloud of dust as Buffy's stake, held in Faith's hand, drove itself home, piercing his heart through his back. Somehow the child, despite her total lack of surface knowledge on the mechanics of killing vampires, or even what a vampire was, had still known enough or subconsciously retained enough instinctual knowledge to be able to locate his heart even through his back. Buffy coughed, choking slightly on the dust getting her in nose, ears, and eyes, and Faith looked down at her anxiously, her eyes scanning her body.

"Buffy, are you okay? Are you okay, did he get you? Did the bad guy get you?"

Her eyes were glinting brightly, some panic rising at their surface. The thought of the "bad guys" hurting Buffy, who she looked up to as her protector, the one with all the answers, obviously scared her. As disgruntled as she was to have to rely on Faith- CHILD FAITH, no less- for back up, and as mortified as she was by it, Buffy nevertheless hastened to give the brunette a tight smile. She didn't want Faith to start crying right here in the middle of the cemetery, when they were already way distracted and conspicuous enough as it was.

"No, I'm fine, Faith, it's okay," Buffy told her quickly, starting to get to her feet, and her face flushed more hotly than ever when Faith moved to help her. "Don't worry, I can handle myself…"

Usually, she thought to herself darkly. Here she was telling Faith repeatedly how dangerous it was for her to come slaying with her…and then the kid ends up saving her ass? Annoying. And if that's, like, karma's idea of humor…well not very funny to her.

Faith didn't REALLY save her, Buffy would have dealt, she told herself. If Faith hadn't been so hasty she would have kicked the stupid vamp off of her and-

Faith looked over her with her eyes narrowed, seeming to be measuring the truth of what Buffy had said, still hanging close to her, before she smiled tentatively. Her smile widened a little as she recounted what happened, as if Buffy hadn't been there watching.

"I killed that bad guy too, Buffy! He was bad, and he was gonna hurt you, but I didn't let him. I told you I wouldn't let no one hurt you, and I didn't."

"Yeah, I saw, Faith, good job, Buffy muttered again, a slight edge to her tone even as she smiled at her, and Faith beamed even under this not-exactly-flowery praise.

Buffy didn't mean to be so distant, but even after the last slaying incident with Faith, it still threw her to see the child, even in the teenage Faith's body, so easily toss vamps around, like she'd been doing it all her life. Her mind was reeling, and experiencing two separate de ja vus at once was making it all the stranger. She remembered slaying with both the child Faith and the older one, and now, repeating both at once, in a way, was unsettling.

Especially since Faith had actually had to help her, dammit.

"Let me stay then," Faith said hopefully now, half cocking her head in her inquiry, and she grabbed Buffy's hands as she started to beg her. "Please? Please Buffy, please? See, I helped, I can help, I can do it! Please, let me stay, let me kill some more…"

"No," Buffy mumbled, shaking her head, lips thinning. "I told you, Faith, you're going home now. Mom and I told you not to go out, and you're not going to."

"Please…please, Buffy, come on… I don't wanna, don't' make me, I don't wanna," Faith launched off into protestations again, and she was accentuating her pleas by wrapping her arms around Buffy, pinning her arms so it was hard for her to move or push her away. Buffy heard the panic starting up in her tone again and knew the little girl was getting herself worked up again by Buffy's refusal.

"Don't…no…I don't want you alone, I wanna help. I don't' want you to get hurt, I wanna help…"

"Hey…hey Faith, I'm not getting hurt," Buffy said quickly, hearing Faith's breathing quicken and seeing her chest start to hitch- all danger signals. Quickly she pulled away enough to free an arm to wrap around her, patting her back a little awkwardly as she scanned the cemetery over her shoulder. "I can take care of myself. I'm not getting hurt."

"Don't make me go, I wanna help," Faith repeated, almost whispering, and she pressed her face into Buffy's neck. Buffy tried to pretend that hadn't made her heart involuntarily speed up for a few moments. "I don't wanna… don't make me, you're gonna get hurt…"

She was definitely heading towards Panicked Tears and Clinging Zone- a definite way to bring all the vampires, cops, Council, and any roaming serial killers running. Dammit… maybe she should just let Faith stay. She could cut patrol short tonight… just another ten minutes. Anything to make her calm down and let go of her.

"Okay, Faith, fine… just this once," she said, trying to sound stern, but the fact that she was absently combing her hands through the child's hair probably detracted from that. "But we're calling Mom right now."

Faith's breathing began to slow, and she sniffed, pulling back to eye Buffy cautiously. When the blonde gently twisted out of her grasp, taking her hand protectively in hers and fishing out the cell phone from her pocket with her other hand, she watched apprehensively as if expecting Buffy to take it back.

One stressful phone call later, full of Joyce's lectures and worries and providing her with the information that her mother had indeed been unaware of Faith's escape, and Buffy began to walk around the grounds holding Faith's hand, instructing her reluctantly.

"Now look Faith… when you're here… killing bad guys… you have to always be paying attention. You have to be aware of everything around you- everything. You have to hone your senses, be alert and ready, because this is very dangerous. Anything could happen- you have to be ready, because a vampire- I mean a bad guy- could pop up right beside you, and you wouldn't even know it until it was too-"

"Like right now?" Faith interrupted with a little frown, and Buffy nodded.

"Yes, like- WHOA!"

Thrusting the lunging vampire away from her neck, she staked him hurriedly, looking at Faith with wide defensive eyes.

"That, that was just to show you…"

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Two more vampires made their appearance before the girls headed home. Buffy let Faith get one, watching her carefully and fighting the urge to rush in to protect her. She had to admit that even if she wasn't really a teenager, Faith was still good, amazingly, and she was still very enthused over the kill. The jumping up and down was cute, but also strangely unsettling if she considered that it was over killing evil beings and that Faith was still mentally seven.

Knowing that Joyce was worried, Buffy took Faith home right after the second vampire. Faith seemed much more at ease now, more open and secure- maybe by letting her come slaying she was helping her relieve tension, but also letting her have control of Buffy's and her own safety, giving a weird form of reassurance. She wanted to walk with her arm around Buffy's waist in an almost snuggling manner, and Buffy let her. It didn't' feel so strange anymore to be close to her…and if Buffy really thought about it, as strange as it was, she had actually kind of had fun. She had missed slaying with Faith more than she had realized… and even if this Faith was a child…

After Joyce's worried once-over, examining them both for harm, and her admonishing of both, they had headed upstairs to prepare Faith for bed. Once again after Joyce had kissed her goodnight, Faith insisted on Buffy staying with her until she fell asleep, and Buffy didn't protest.

As the little girl had pressed close, wanting Buffy's arms around her, she had spoken in a sleepy voice, looking at Buffy with half closed eyes.

"Buffy," she began as Buffy obliged her, putting her arms around her loosely, even as she wondered how she would extract herself once Faith was asleep. "I don't mind being big…if I can help you fight…"

Buffy had no idea later what she said to her in response. All she remembered was stroking Faith's hair slowly after she fell asleep, not trying to get up for a little while, and thinking, wondering.

Could she really do that… really keep her the way she was now? Should she do that… was that something even possible?


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41

Riley had just returned from his morning run when he heard the knock at his dorm room door. Hair damp with sweat, he was in the process of taking off his shirt when the knock sounded, brief yet somehow imperious against the door's surface.

Riley frowned, his forehead creasing in slight puzzlement. He knew that Graham and Forrest were probably still out running- they usually got a later start than he did. People didn't usually bother to knock if the door was closed anyway, especially this early in the morning. Most people weren't even up yet, especially since it was Sunday. So who was it that wanted him?

For a moment Buffy's face flashed into his mind, and he quickly tried to squash that hope. As angry as he was with her, as reckless and unyielding as she was lately, he knew she felt the same way towards him, however misguided she was. She had made that quite clear when she refused to listen to him and went so far as to tell him to leave her presence- and her feelings were only made more clear to him when he saw her with that guy with the black trenchcoat and stupid hair outside her house the other night. No, Buffy Summers had gone out of her way to show her disrespect for him.

Then why had her face still come to his mind…why did he find himself thinking about her so often, just wishing she would come to her senses already?

It was all that Faith girl's fault. It didn't matter to him anymore if the little brat was really a kid or not - she had managed to damage what he and Buffy had had just as easily while kid-sized as she could have done as an adult. Probably more easily even…

The very thought of the pig-tailed child he so resented and suspected of treachery set Riley on edge, and he attempted to thrust her from his mind as he called out to the person at the door.

"Coming…"

Wiping off his face with the old shirt and running his hand quickly through his hair- the hair Faith had called weird- he made his way to the door and opened it. Standing before him was not Buffy, as he could have hoped for, nor was it Forrest or Graham or any of his other military friends. In fact, he had never seen these people in his life before.

The two men at his doorway were older, maybe in their late thirties or early forties, and they were dressed entirely in black, despite the warm weather. Something about the appearance of their clothing made Riley think of his own clothes worn during missions- they had that kind of look about them. But Riley knew all he was certain that he had never even seen these men before.

"Riley Finn?" one of them asked, and Riley, still thrown, nodded, scanning their faces. The man who had spoken was British, his voice flat and clipped, and though the other man had not yet spoken, Riley suspected that he was British too.

"Yes…and you are…"

"Russell Houghton and Victor Winslow, members of the Watcher's Council," the one who had spoken before- Russell- said briskly, and he met Riley's eyes deliberately. "I trust you know what this mean?"

Riley's eyes widened slightly, but the tried to otherwise not yet show his shock, shock that was also tinged with sudden excitement. So this was the Council Buffy had spoken of so often and darkly… and they wanted to speak with him…

"I've heard the name," he said with feigned casualness, one hand resting against the doorframe. "May I ask what brings you here?"

"You know Buffy Summers," spoke up the other man, the one called Victor Winslow, and his eyes narrowed even as he spoke pleasantly. "Is that correct, Mr. Finn?"

"Yes…has something happened?" Riley asked, though he knew very well what it was they must want. Buffy would never speak to them, and it was she they wanted… she, and Faith.

"She's not in trouble, is she?" Riley asked, and it was Russell who answered this time.

"We would just like to speak with some of the people who know Buffy well…sometimes it can help you…gain a better understanding of certain situations," he said with some emphasis, his eyes fixed on Riley's.

Riley paused, giving what he was considering a few moments thought, weighting it… and also showing them the power he had over them in his knowledge and decision of whether to share it.

"You're going to ask me about Faith, aren't you?" he said casually, moving his head at a slight angle to regard them. "You want to know if Buffy has seen her… if she knows where she is. If I do."

The men from the Council glanced at each other quickly, hearing in Riley's tone his held back knowledge, his hint of a promise, and when they looked back at him, the atmosphere between them had changed.

"Maybe so," Victor replied, his voice not exactly friendly, but definitely not business-like either. "Is there something that you plan on telling us… anything we would be interested in knowing?"

For a few moments Riley hesitated, his thoughts returning to Buffy. He knew that if he did this, it would end any further connection with her…at least any positive one. He paused, picturing her face, her smile, the way she had looked at him when they first met, hearing her cries as they made love…

And then he thought of Faith, and his decision was set.

"Why don't you come in," he invited the two men, and he stood back, opening the door. "And we can talk in privacy."

With a grim smile of triumph, the men followed him inside his room, shutting the door behind them.

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"I think we're ready now- is everybody ready?" Willow asked, glancing around the room to all the others quickly, one by one, but not for a long enough period to focus on any individually. "Now that we're all here…"

She was correct- "everyone" was in Buffy's living room, everyone that Buffy counted as important in her life. Giles, her mother, Willow, Xander, and even Anya and Tara- the same people who had been there the day before yesterday, when the Wiccans had tried the first time around to change Faith back. Well, "the same people" and everyone, except for Faith.

After going back downstairs after Faith fell asleep the night before, and a rather serious talk with her mother, Buffy had called the others and arranged for them to meet at her house, early, before Faith would be willing to wake up, to discuss the possibility and mechanics of straightening out her Chakra points and mentally re-aging her.

Both Buffy and her mother didn't' want to do this, but what other option was there? It wasn't fair to Faith to spend her life as a child in an adult's body… not to mention dangerous. Beyond the threat of Council, there was the topics of school, any sort of social interaction…she would have to stay totally isolated from any but the Summerses and their friends for her own protection. Even humans, thinking her to be much older than seven, could take advantage of her in any number of ways that Buffy hated to think about.

But still… even as she sat with the others, preparing to plan Faith's second ritual, Buffy found herself doubting, wishing, once again. Faith had said she didn't mind being big… didn't what she wanted account for anything? And what if they wanted account for anything? And what if they were wrong and it really wasn't the right thing to turn her back? A part of Buffy didn't want it to be the right thing, as selfish as that was, just so she could keep Faith young…

"We have the stones, we know how to line them up with her, how to touch her, what to say… this time, we're fully, totally prepared, aren't we, Tara?" Willow was saying, looking over to the other girl for confirmation. "We've been looking over everything, we almost have it memorized, and it seems as if it's pretty simple. We just line the stones around her in the right order and read this chant, and touch her on each area that the stones correspond with, and it should work- she should go back to being Big Faith again," Willow finished earnestly, and her eyes sought out the others' reactions once more.

Anya, leaned, back in the armchair by the couch upon which Willow, Tara, and Buffy were sitting, crossed her arms, her eyes moving to fix on Willow with obvious doubt even before she went so far as to roll her eyes at her.

"Yes, well, that's what you' said the last time, and you were sadly mistaken," she informed the redhead. "You did not in fact turn the tiny amusing little child Faith into the larger murderous Slayer Faith. Or rather, you did a pretty sorry job of it since you only succeeded in making her into a freak."

"She is not a freak!" Buffy exclaimed to Anya with instinctive indignant defensiveness, and Anya looked nonplussed.

"She is a small child in a psychotic killer's body, what other word is there for that?"

"She's- she, uh, she's not a freak, she's… special," Xander fumbled, finally deciding on the word he had often self-deprecatingly used to describe himself over the years. Only now, he was attempting to use it in a tentatively positive manner, if a weak one- something that did not escape Buffy's notice.

Anya, on the other hand, turned her head sharply to look up at him where he sat on the arm of her chair, hurt and resentment glinting in her eyes at his comment.

"I thought I was special, Xander, you have told me several times before that /I/ was special. So how can you say now that Faith is special? How can Faith be special if /I/ am special-"

"May we please get back to speaking of the subject on hand?" Giles voiced with some impatience, raising his voice slightly, and when Anya went silent, glowering in huffy silence, he turned to Buffy, also briefly glancing towards Joyce.

"I do believe, Buffy, that we will be met with success this time. There was none of the haste and lack of research and time to carefully consider all aspects, as there was before. Willow and Tara and I have all thoroughly looked into this, and that should make all the difference."

Buffy swallowed, glancing at her mother, but Joyce said nothing; she had said very little beyond greetings to the others since they had arrived. She found herself still attempting to backpedal, to try and find a way to avoid what had essentially already been decided even as she truly was concerned.

"Well, even if you can, I think it's still too soon," she said quickly. "I mean, it's only been a day, and, and Faith is still shaky. She's just starting to get past the clinging and bursting into tears every time someone tries to leave the room thing…so, so if you do this right now it might not work. She might just flip out and be all upset where you can't get it to work, she, she's really afraid to do anything right now."

"That's true," Joyce backed her up, and Buffy thought she heard some hope in her mother's tone as she raised her head. "She is very much frightened of the thought of having any sort of magic used on her right now. It may be nearly impossible to force her to do it, between her fear and her larger size and strength now. And I can't say that I blame her," she added, an unspoken but pointed edge to her voice. "Whatever she looks like now, she's still a little girl. I'm sure none of us can imagine what she feels right now."

The others were quiet, looking away from Joyce awkwardly for a moment, probably guilty, or at least uncomfortable. When Giles replied in a gentle manner Buffy nevertheless fiercely resented his words.

"Joyce… Buffy…how long might it take until Faith wasn't afraid, until she was ready? Would she ever be if left to her own devices? I do understand what you are saying, and of course none of us wishes to upset the child or cause her harm. That is certainly far from my desires," he said quietly, one hand rubbing the bridge of his glasses. "But it does have to be done… one way or another it must be."

"How about while she's sleeping?" Tara asked softly, before Buffy could fire off the retort to Giles on the tip of her tongue. "Since she w-would be upset…couldn't we do the ritual while she's s-sleeping?"

"Oh! Yes, that could work!" Willow said excitedly, turning to give Tara a wide, grateful smile. "We could do that- she's even asleep right now, right, we could so do that!"

"You don't think she'll wake up if you all go parading into my room and start chanting over her and touching her?" Buffy asked incredulously. "She wakes up if I try to move my arms from around her, how do you think she'll be able to sleep through a bunch of Latin speaking and people touching her head and heart and whatever Chakra things there are?"

"You sleep with your arms around her?" Xander blurted out, and Buffy could see in his face that he was picturing this vividly from the furtive, squirmy look about it. "Even now you do?"

"What?" Buffy said quickly, her face flushing a little too. "No- I mean, yeah. I mean- what does it matter, why are you asking this? She's a little kid!"

"Well actually Buffy she is larger and looks rather stronger than you do," Anya interjected. "Now that she also possesses an adult body I also see that she doe in fact have the impressive cleavage that was mentioned to me previously, and I do agree that it is-"

"She's not stronger than me!" Buffy interrupted indignantly, and Anya gave her a patronizing smile.

"I didn't say that she was, I said that she looks stronger. Although you must admit that when one body is stronger in appearance than another, it usually is in size as well then-"

"Again, may we return to the subject of actual importance here?" Giles cut in, giving everyone in general a look of annoyance, and Buffy glowered at Anya for a moment. Faith was NOT stronger than her. No way was she.

"So…doing it while she's asleep is out," Willow murmured, her face falling slightly with her disappointment, but only a few moments later her face brightened. "Wait…we could do a different spell though, before we ever went in her room… one to calm her, to, to help her stay asleep through it. I think if we just say her name it will work, even if we don't actually go look at her- right Tara?"

"Y-yes, there, there is one we could do," Tara nodded, giving Willow a quick smile, and Giles nodded slowly, his expression thoughtful.

"Well, if you could do that, it would be better… we don't want to upset Faith and disrupt the ritual again, certainly, and I suppose this could make it go more smoothly."

No one else said anything to disagree…and when Buffy looked at her mother, hoping to find an ally there, Joyce did not meet her eyes. Buffy's chest felt tight and strange, and her features stiff… and before she knew it she was speaking her thoughts in a burst of need to have them hear, have them understand.

"Do we really have to do this- do we really have to change her back?"

As everyone turned to look at her, Buffy moistened her lips, not wanting to meet any of their eyes. Nevertheless she made herself look up at all of them as she went on, trying to make herself clear.

"Why do we have to do this? Why can't we just let her stay like she is now? It would be so much easier for all of us, including her… and, and she wants to, she said so. She said she doesn't mind being big. She wouldn't have to know the truth- she, she could just start over, it would be like none of it happened, why can't we just pretend none of it happened? That she never grew up. What is the point of making her grow up? What good would that be for anyone?" she asked, her voice rising, showing more passion as she went on. By the end of her words she was even gesturing as she spoke for emphasis.

Everyone, even Anya, was quiet for some time, seeming rather stunned by what she was proposing- or maybe her vehemence. When Giles replied his voice was quiet, careful, and he watched Buffy with slightly narrowed eyes.

"Buffy… I can understand why you would feel that, why you would think that way," he began. "But you know that's not the way it needs to be. Faith…the way she is now, it's not how she was meant to be, how she needs to be. Faith and her mind, her body's matching to her mind and soul, is in an unnatural state-"

"Well so what?" Buffy interrupted, throwing out her hands empathetically as her head swiveled to face him. "What does it matter if it's natural, maybe it's right! Maybe it's fate or destiny or whatever, you never know! It's not like it's going to kill her or hurt her physically anymore- she won't explode, you said now that her body is right again-"

"We don't know that for sure," Willow said quietly, her eyes troubled. "Her body won't, but what if having a mind not her own affects her negatively in some way we can't predict right now? What if her mind stays stuck as a child and she just remains like that forever, always needing to be watched and taken care of in a body not her own? Faith would eventually notice she wasn't growing up, Buffy… we can't pretend none of it happened, and we can't hide the truth from her forever. Eventually one of us would slip, or she would find out in some way-"

"Those are all maybes, Will, you don't know any of that will happen," Buffy interrupted her, her voice tight, shoulders tensing.

"No…but you have to think about the fact that they could, and actually are pretty likely," Willow countered quietly but firmly, still holding Buffy's eyes in a way that simultaneously made the blonde angry, defensive, and uncomfortable. "You know her Chakra points are still badly out of alignment, and that could have any number of severe consequences on her eventually. And besides… changing her back is the right thing to do."

"WHY?!" Buffy exclaimed, her voice growing even more shrill as her eyes narrowed angrily, unwilling to accept what she was hearing. "You keep saying that, that its' the right thing to do, but none of you can explain to me why you're so sure! Why would be it be wrong to let her be a kid- why would it be wrong to let her be happy?!"

And to let herself be happy, she thought, but Buffy didn't' say that out loud, of course. She only stared, her hands forming fists on her thighs, her eyes daring Willow or any others to come up with reasons that would satisfy her. She felt her mother's hands gently reach to cover her fists, but Buffy didn't look at her. Beside her on the couch Tara's dark blue eyes were troubled, empathetic, yet uncertain as she looked between her girlfriend and Buffy, both literally and figuratively caught in the middle. Xander too looked uncomfortable, unsure, and Giles was for some reason watching Joyce. When Willow answered Buffy her eyebrows were slanted in some anxious emotion, but her voice was steady.

"Because, Buffy.. it just is. It is wrong," she said quietly. "It's not- I don't think it is because I hate Faith or want to punish her or anything like that. That's not it. I know you want her to stay young, and that would be nice, but we can't. Like I said, we don't' know if it will hurt her, or what the consequences will be, and mostly…Buffy, she isn't really seven, and she isn't supposed to be. You can't erase everything because you wish it…you can't undo things."

"It is not the natural way of things, to allow her mind and body to be in such disharmony," Giles picked up, and now he was watching Buffy too, his voice very soft. "As much as we may find it unfavorable, Willow is correct… we must realign her Chakra points and bring her to the correct age."

"Yeah, since she pretty much is a freak now," Anya contributed, and then yelped as Xander's elbow landed in her ribs. "HEY, I'm just being HONEST!"

Buffy was very still as she slowly looked at each of them, including Xander, Tara, and Joyce, who had said nothing at all….which was nearly as bad to her as if they had expressed the same thoughts as the others. As each in turn said nothing further, even her mother, she felt rage building even more intensely inside her, hot and fierce just below the surface. Finally she found herself standing, the movement startling Joyce and Tara beside her, and her voice rose as she countered their arguments.

"Natural?! You don't want to let her stay little because it's not NATURAL?! Nose jobs and liposuction aren't natural, sex changes aren't natural, but people still get them and seem to be just fine after! Becoming the living undead isn't natural but they're walking around in mass quantities anyway! The only reason you aren't going to let her stay young is because you don't want her to! You don't like to think that you can't blame her, that she's pure and innocent and happy now, and you can't hate her anymore! Willow," she said sharply, addressing the others one by one as she turned to face the redhead. "You were always jealous of her, you've never liked her at all because you were afraid she would steal me away from you. Xander, you had some huge thing for her, of course you want her back, even though she tried to kill you! Giles, you KNEW what happened to her and you never helped her, never cared enough to try!"

"Some huge thing?" Anya yelped in stunned indignation, turning to gawk at Xander suspiciously. "Do you still have some huge thing for her? A penis thing? I was aware you had had sex with her but if you still have a huge penis thing for her-"

Luckily for the horrified and crimson-faced Xander, Buffy wasn't quite done yet. Ignoring Anya entirely, she continued with her words speeding up as she went along.

"Why would you think this would be a good idea- how could you want her to be so jaded, so angry and unhappy, all over again? Why would you want to remember, to make her remember? If you turn her back into a teenager she could try to kill us all! She's not going to be happy with any of us, she's going to be incredibly pissed off, and do you know why? Because that's the kind of person she is- that's the kind of person she'll become if you do this!" Buffy emphasized, nearly yelling now. She forgot her knowledge that Faith loved her, that Tara thought she wanted to change, forgot everything except her desperation for them to keep Faith small…and this was what drove her final words to them.

"Why would you want that? I know she's not a kid, but she should be- she'll be happier, all of us will be happier-"

"Buffy," Joyce said suddenly, sharply, but Buffy was on a roll now- she couldn't have stopped if she wanted to. Shaking her head roughly, she went on.

"I hate knowing what she is, what Faith will be, if you turn her back to a teenager… she has nothing, no one, she's a murderer, an orphan, damaged beyond anything we know to do! The Council wants to kill her, she's killed two people, no one wants her or really loves her or knows what to do with her! She's seventeen and her life is already so screwed up I don't know if it could get any better even if we tried, what in the world would we do to make it better if she doesn't' want to listen? Why would think we should make her into a teenaged wanted felon who's killed people? If the Council doesn't get Faith, or she doesn't want to be rehabilitated, then she'll just kill or be killed herself!"

Buffy had barely finished her sentence before she heard something crash in the hallway, outside the living room entrance. Her eyes widening, she began to move towards it, praying, begging for Faith- for she knew it was Faith- to not have heard her…

But as she avoided the broken glass vase and tipped over table in the hall, rushing for the front door, she knew Faith was already outside and fleeing down the streets. Buffy's heart pounded, her chest tight and sick feeling as she fumbled for the door, running out into the streets. How could she have been so stupid… how could she have been so idiotic as to say that, to say when Faith could have been listening…

God, she only hoped that she could talk to her… but what the hell would she say?


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42

Faith's feet pounded without rhythm on the sidewalk. Her newly long arms pumping as she moved, and her stronger, sturdier, more lengthy legs giving her the ability to move fast, in much broader strides, and much more efficiently than she could ever have accomplished when she was small. She knew she was faster than Buffy now, that she could beat her in any race they tried, and this came to her advantage now as she ran blindly, her long dark hair streaming behind her and slapping her back in time with her uneven strides.

She could feel the tears sharply pricking her behind her eyes, the sobs rising in her throat to choke her, her breath hitching harshly… she hurt so badly, with such vivid physical intensity, that she felt raw, as if she were bleeding. Her heart felt as if someone had reached inside her, wrapped a big strong hand around it, and squeezed it as hard as they could. All she wanted to do was sit down and cry, to give in to her hurt and fear, the bitter rejection, grief, and pure horror she was feeling. But instead Faith ran, knowing she could not, that she had to get away from them, all of them.

Faith had heard them, Anya and Giles and Buffy… she knew now what was wrong with her, what she was, what they felt about her, even if she didn't understand how or why she was this… thing. She was not who she thought she was… she was something bad, wrong, something so awful they hadn't even told her.

She was not a kid at all… she was seventeen, she had heard Buffy say that she was seventeen instead of seven. That was an age that seemed so old and grown-up to Faith that she couldn't comprehend what it was like. Ten whole years older… and yet she WAS, she always had been. This big girl's body, that must be her real body. Something was wrong with her to make her look little and think she was little… maybe they had done something to her, something to try to make her good again, because she was so bad. Maybe that was why everyone was so mean to her when she first came to Buffy's house… they had all thought she was bad…

And Faith WAS bad… they had said so, even Buffy had said so, she had heard her. Just like her mama had always told her. Faith was bad, a freak, just like her mama had always told her. Faith was bad, a freak, a killer…and an orphan. Buffy had said she was an orphan, like Little Orphan Annie… so her mama was dead. Had Faith killed her?

Faith almost burst into tears, so horrified was she at the very thought that it might have been she who caused her mother's death. She hadn't liked living with her mama… her mama had been mean a lot, and she had hurt Faith, had let other people hurt her too. Faith had hated her sometimes… but she had loved her too. And she had really, really wanted her mama to love her too. Not just some of the time, but all of the time, even if Faith was bad.

No one wanted her… and she was so bad that Faith couldn't blame them. No one wanted her, no one loved her… no one. She was bad… bad…she was bad…and no one wanted her.

Faith felt the tears pushing harder against her eyes, and a sob burst forth from her throat as her nose began to run, slowly dripping down toward her lips. She didn't pause in her running, only swiping at it with the back of her hand as her feet continued to bear down the sidewalk roughly. She ran blindly, avoiding anything in her path by pure instinct rather than because she truly realized it was there. Before she could do anything to stop herself she was outright crying, her sobs jagged, jerky, hurting her throat as her feet slapped the concrete. She hurt so badly… she didn't think she had ever hurt so badly before.

Even Joyce didn't like her anymore… even Joyce knew how bad she was, and she hadn't said anything at all in reply. Joyce knew she was a bad girl, just like the bad guys she and Buffy killed, that she had killed people too. People who weren't bad guys, or they wouldn't have said she was bad. Maybe her mama… other people too maybe. Faith didn't know, couldn't remember…why couldn't she remember? What had they done to make her not remember anymore?

Had they tried to make her good again… had they made her little, made her forget, because they wanted to make her good? But it hadn't worked… she was big now, and that meant she was still bad, they said so. She was even more bad than her mama, because her mama had hurt her sometimes, but she never killed anyone. No wonder her mama didn't like her, she was a bad killer who was big too…

What would they do to Faith if they found her, if she couldn't get away? Buffy and Willow killed bad guys… and since they knew she was a bad girl now, did that mean that they were going to kill her?

Faith started to cry even harder at that thought. Her head swam, her thoughts running wildly with her fright and near hysteria. She felt light-headed, her stomach cramping, and she was afraid she would puke all over herself…and she didn't even have any other clothes to change into. All she could see was her own blur of tears, and all she could hear was the pounding in her head, her feet slapping the pavement, her own gulping weeping. Anything else in her vicinity seemed far removed from her, if not entirely nonexistent.

She was in such a state that the big black van pulling up to the sidewalk beside her took Faith entirely by surprise. She had not seen it in the distance, had not heard it approach her… so when three men opened the side door and jumped out at her, seizing hold of her, Faith was totally not expecting it… and therefore totally unprepared.

She tried to scream, to struggle against them, but they had been prepared for this as she had not been, and they were ready. As one large man held her in a bear hug, his arms pinning her to his chest, bruising her, another had a cloth over her mouth and nose, something that smelled sweet…and a third man had a needle. He was giving her a shot in her arm, and everything seemed slow and fuzzy for Faith almost right away. She felt weak, weary, and she gave in, her knees buckling, her body sagging back against the man restraining her.

Her slowly less coherent thoughts as she went under were wonderings of why no one was coming, why no one was helping her, when it was day time…hadnt' anyone seen? Or were they not helping her because she was so bad…

As she was tossed into the van, the men coming in after her and slamming the door, Faith wanted to call for someone, anyone, to help her. Buffy…Joyce…Mr. Giles…Mama, even her mama…

But none of them came. She thought for a split second, just before her eyes closed and she sank into blackness, that she heard Buffy answer her back with her name…but she must have been wrong.

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Buffy had been chasing after Faith for a few minutes now, and it was harder to keep up with her than she would have thought. In her teenage body Faith had longer, more muscular legs than Buffy… not to mention that she had a head start, the advantage of knowing where she was going, most likely, and also was given further speed by her adrenaline level…which was likely skyrocketing by this point. Every time Buffy caught a glimpse of Faith around the corner, her heart would speed up, and she would rush after her…only to quickly lose sight of her again. Faith could have been a track superstar if she had stayed in school long enough.

Buffy couldn't believe her own stupidity, how amazingly moronic and thoughtless she had been. To say all that, when she KNEW Faith was in the house with her and prone to standing listening in doorways… how could she have been so stupid?!

How was she going to make it okay again? After what Faith had heard, she would never be able to get her to trust her again, to understand… and there was no way she would be able to make the child relax enough for Willow to ever do anything to her. Not that Buffy minded about that- but they were going to have to tell her EVERYTHING, and it was too much for her, way too much…

She couldn't even imagine what the little girl must be thinking… but in the distance she was aware of her and her strong emotions, felt them almost as if they were her own. Every time she drew closer to Faith she could hear her crying. The sound of it utterly shredded at Buffy's heart.

Faith thought she was bad now, thanks to Buffy.. . she blamed herself for what was really not her fault, not even her doings, and there was no telling what she would do now. All of Buffy's and Joyce's and the others' work to show her that she was good and sweet and pretty, that they liked her and cared about her, was destroyed now, and it was her fault. What if they couldn't make things better… what if Buffy couldn't?

As Buffy rounded another corner of the block, however, her eyes widened, and for a few seconds she halted in her pursuit. She could see Faith ahead of her…but she was in front of a van with three other men…a black Watcher's Council van. And the men who had hold of her… what appeared to be her unconscious body…they were throwing her into the van.

The Council… Buffy knew right away that it was the Council. They had come for Faith, and she had run straight to them… and in her adult body, no less! Shit… oh shit…

She ran with all her strength, her feet flying, but they had been shutting the door before she started and were working up to a good speed by the time she reached them. Buffy tried to grab hold of the van and succeeded briefly in pulling herself onto the back hubcap, but its driver hit the gas, sending her sprawling hard onto her back in the road as they burned rubber making their escape.

For a few seconds Buffy couldn't move, couldn't even breathe; the breath had been knocked out of her, and she battled to think of anything beyond the pain. But she struggled to her feet, finally drawing in breath as her heart raced. Her chest heaved, stomach twisting sickeningly as she stared in shock at where the van had disappeared with Faith in tow. She could feel her hands beginning to shake. Her fault…all of this, her fault…

Abruptly she turned, racing back in the direction she had come from even faster than she had chased after Faith. When she reached the front door of her home she flung it open, striding into the living room with heavy loud steps. She ignored the flurry of questions and glances alternating between hope, expectation, anger, shock, and horrified realization that greeted her, her words addressed to them coming out tersely.

"The Council took her, they were driving off with her before I could reach her. Willow and Tara, scry, or do a locator spell, or something to find her. Mom, stay here with them. The rest of you get weapons and get in the car, right now- we're going after them, and we're getting her back."

She didn't answer any of the stunned exclamations or insistent questions they threw at her once more; instead she went to her weapon chest in her room, grabbing up as many weapons as she could carry, and marched past the others to the car as hurriedly as she was able. She sat in the passenger's seat but leaned over to start up the car and blow the horn for the others to join her. Buffy hoped Giles was going to be the one to get behind the wheel, because he could drive like a maniac when he wanted, and Faith had no time now for following road rules.


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43

The first thing she was aware of was the cold. She could feel something hard, smooth, and cool, pressing against her, chilling her through her thin t-shirt, her baggy shorts, against her bare legs. Even before she could think Faith shivered, her legs twitching.

The next thing entering her awareness was the voices, seeming faint, indistinct, and distant from her; they sounded at first like a soft rumbling. As several minutes passed they grew more clear, and Faith could understand them. She didn't try to follow the logic and structure of the words at first… it was too much to take in right away.

Shortly after her hearing returned Faith's body began to register sensations beyond being cold. Her body began to seem once more as if it belonged to her… not that this body really did. Or did it? She felt stiff and very sore, her limbs heavy, and her head ached dully, her thoughts slow. Her mouth was dry, like she needed to brush her teeth or drink a glass of water, and she couldn't remember at first what had happened, yet she couldn't yet feel alarm over it.

Eventually after the voices had grown more clear to her, she was able to listen, to try to follow their conversation; it sounded as though the speakers had been talking in circles, having the same conversation over and over without getting anywhere with it. As she listened, her eyes still closed, Faith's lethargy dissipated, and her heart began to quicken in its beats, anxiety tensing her already sore and stiff muscles.

"I know the Finn kid said she was a little girl, but obviously it's the same girl. You've seen the pictures," one of the men's gruff voices was saying, and the tone made Faith shiver again, her throat choking. "so either the other Slayer and her little band of groupies changed her back, or Finn's story is incorrect in its details. Either way we have her now so it hardly matters."

"Still- we did tell Travers-"

"Well, we haven't heard back from him yet," interjected a third man's voice, and Faith's muscles tightened further. How many men were there… where was she?

She remembered they had taken her… was she in jail now? Had they taken her to jail?

She didn't dare open her eyes, show them that she was awake…they might do something to her if they knew. They might hurt her…or kill her… Buffy had said that she might be killed…

"I wouldn't worry about Travers's reaction," the third man predicted. "It's preferable that she be an adult rather than a child… of course, it wouldn't really matter, as she would be the same person… but it just wouldn't seem…proper… to treat a child in the same manner as an adult, even if she were only a child in body. Travers probably wouldn't give the order to kill if she looked like a kid still… but like this, it's probably pretty likely. Good riddance to bad rubbish I say."

At that, Faith's heart lurched, and her mind began to click away at an even more rapid rate. They were gonna kill her… they were gonna kill her, just like Buffy had said. They were gonna kill her…

Her eyes flew open, a sharp, gasping cry escaping her, and she hurriedly looked about herself, taking in her surroundings with panicky fear. There were three men in black, the same three men who had pulled her into the van probably. Faith had never seen their faces, since they grabbed her from behind. They looked impatient, their faces creased, and to Faith they looked very large and scary… very mean, and very likely to try to hurt her. She was in some kind of weird room with a cold stony wall and floor, and she was sitting, slumped back against the wall… and she could barely move. Her hands were in handcuffs, and her ankles, but even beyond that, Faith felt weak. That scared her as much as anything. What if she was just like a kid again… what if she couldn't fight? What if she wasn't strong anymore, what if she couldn't beat up bad guys? What was she going to do?

They were gonna kill her…they were gonna KILL her…

A noise escaped her then, a loud, involuntary whimper, and the men's heads all turned in her direction. Faith's lips trembled, and she tried to pull her legs up to her chest, to curl in on herself. She felt the tears of utter terror fill her eyes, as one of the men smirked, striding to her and looming over her with a self-satisfied smile.

"So you're awake now… well rise and shine, PRINCESS."

The sarcastic contempt in his voice shook Faith further, and she cringed, expecting him to hit her, or at least to scream at her, to tell her how bad she was. The tears pressed even more dangerously against her eyes, and she didn't answer, trying desperately not to cry even as she was certain that her end was approaching.

She was going to die… he was gonna kill her, she was gonna die. Please…please don't kill me, don't kill me, please, please, please…

"Not so tough now, are you?" the man continued to sneer, and the other men behind him were smirking too, watching them with what seemed to Faith to be amusement. "Where's the killer instinct, Slayer? You mean to tell me a few knocks and one little injection burned it out of you?"

"Wh…who are you?" Faith almost whispered, her voice shaking badly, and she was barely able to raise her eyes to the man towering above her. "Are you a bad guy… are you a cop? Are you takin' me to jail? Is this jail?"

"You know who we are," the man said flatly, rolling his eyes. "As many encounters as you've had with us, surely you know the Watcher's Council when you see us… particularly the ones sent out to dispose of wastes like you."

Faith bit her lip, blinking hard… she had heard Buffy say that word, but she didn't recognize it. Was it another word for cop?

"What are you watching?" she asked softly, and one of the men before her chuckled without humor. The man standing over her looked at her with disgust.

"Right now, SLAYER, we're watching you. So don't think you can try any clever little plots on us- we have our orders, but being threatened in any way won't stop us from taking you out."

Slayer…there was that word again. Faith still didn't know what it meant…did it mean bad guy? Killer?

Just then she noticed the gun on their hips, the way their hands lingered near, and she knew… they were cops. They were gonna kill her, because she was bad.

Faith couldn't help it then; she started to cry, tears spilling down over her cheeks and wetting the sides of her hair.

"No…don't kill me, please… I'll be good, I promise. I'm sorry…I won't be bad no more, I don't' wanna be, I'm sorry…"

"Begging isn't going to get you anywhere, bitch," one of the men behind her said coldly, and the man still hovering over her, close to her face, picked up his words.

"You really think you can wheedle your way out of getting what you have coming to you? We are well-informed of what you have done, particularly what happened to the last men who attempted to bring you to justice from the Council. You aren't fooling anyone here. You're not a girl, not a child, or an innocent, you know full well what you've done and what you are. A disgusting, worthless piece of trash, a cold blooded murdering bitch," he spat, and though he kept a measured distance, presumably in case Faith struck out at him, Faith felt some of his spittle spray her face. "Don't bother trying to coax us into viewing you differently… it won't work."

Faith's head was too full of thoughts, going too quickly for her to keep up with. She tried to stop crying, not wanting to make the men mad, but it was hard not to. She hurt everywhere, especially her eyes and head, and she was scared and alone and no one wanted her, no one loved her- even Buffy had said so. It was scary here, these men were scary, and they hated her… they were going to kill her, because they thought she was bad. She was bad… but she didn't want to be. She didn't want to be…

They kept saying that she knew who she was, and what she had done…but she didn't. Faith knew she had killed people, but she didn't know how or why or when. She couldn't remember…

"But I don't know," she said in a small voice, tentatively lifting her eye to the man's who had accused her. "I don't know…"

"Shut up," he snapped, and he hit her in the shoulder then with his gun, so quick and hard that Faith couldn't even bring herself to scream. "Playing the amnesia card won't get you anywhere either, do you think I'm that stupid?"

Her shoulder stinging with the pain from the impact the gun had made, Faith's eyes widened even further, almost popping. Unable to stop herself, she burst into tears again, even more horrified that she could control neither volume, the frantic tone of her voice, nor the tears themselves. With her hands cuffed, she couldn't even wipe them away or try to hide her face.

The man who had threatened her earlier was, of course, less than pleased by her reaction. His features tightening sharply, he hit her again, across the jaw, causing Faith's sob to rise up shrilly and hysterically at the brutal blow, her teeth snapping together.

"Now you shut up," he growled, "stop all this ridiculous playacting, or-"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Faith cried desperately, trying in vain to reign in her tears, her chest hitching sharply with her effort at holding them in. "I'm n-not lyin'… I d-don' t know what I did, I don't know where I am… I'm sorry…please, don't…d-don't…"

She knew she was too old, but she wanted to suck her thumb so badly then. Somehow she was sure that she would feel a little better, that she could stop crying, if she could do that. But as she tried to bring her cuffed hands up to her mouth, the yelling man pointed his gun at her. Faith froze, her heart beating even faster, and in her terror at the moment, even her tears slowed, her sobs cutting off.

"Put your hands down," he instructed in a cold, almost deadly tone, and Faith hurried to do so, tears streaming. From behind them the other men present observed with their arms crossed, seeming almost bored by what they were observing.

"We do still have to wait for the orders from Travers, Russell," one of them said in a neutral tone, as if he were inquiring of the quality of his coffee.

The man- Russell- looked over at them with slow impatience spreading across his features, and he shook his head in seeming disgust, perhaps anger, before lowering the gun, giving Faith a fierce glare.

"I suggest you be quiet now, SLAYER…. Unless you'd like for me to have an accident."

Still shaking his head, he backed away from Faith toward the others. As they began to speak in slightly lowered voices, Faith did not listen. She wouldn't have been able to concentrate to do so. She sat as still as she was able, afraid to move, to make a sound, and even her body's wholly involuntary shaking alarmed her in its betrayal of her.

She was so afraid…nothing her life, even her mama, had ever scared her like she was scared now. There was nothing she could do to make this better, no way she could get away… and even if she could, where would she go? No one anywhere in the world would want her.

Faith couldn't make herself stop crying; the best she could do was bite the inside of her cheeks and clinch her fists, forcing herself to muffle the sound. She felt so small, so weak, even in this big strong body… why did she still feel so young and little when she really wasn't?

She wanted someone with her, holding her, comforting her, telling her it was ok… but no one would come. She was too bad… Buffy had said so. She was gonna die all alone, just these mean men…

Joyce…Buffy…even her mama, she longed for, called out to inside her mind. But they didn't hear her. Or if they did, they didn't care enough to answer back.

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In the passenger seat of her mother's car, Buffy was nearly silent, except in giving Giles terse, one word directions that she knew to be no more than guesses. He was driving at the sort of speed that would qualify him to list himself as an experienced highway chase stunt double for movies, but still they had not come across the Watcher's Council van. Either they were going in the wrong direction, or the council minions were moving at a speed equal to Giles's, with the advantage of having a head start on them.

Buffy gripped the battle ax in her hands tightly, her knuckles whitening with the force of her squeezing. There was room for no other thoughts in her mind, but those of Faith, Faith and the Council…

She would have thought, before this happened, that if Faith were taken into their custody, that she would be scared, fearing for the child's life and well-being. But now that Faith was gone- now that she had been TAKEN from her- Buffy felt no fear whatsoever, felt no such lack of control over the situation. No, what Buffy felt was cold, deadly fury.

They had taken Faith…they had terrorized her, hurt her, and were planning to do god knows what to her, to kill her probably. And now that she looked like her teenage self again, they would in no way hesitate or reconsider- they wouldn't even give a thought to what it was that they were doing.

But Faith was still just a little girl! She was seven years old, barely more than a baby. She was entirely innocent of everything the older Faith had done, and would be probably more horrified and appalled to know the details than Buffy herself was. She didn't deserve this. She hadn't done anything to deserve this!

Faith was just a child, whatever her body might look like, and whatever her physical and emotional strength. Buffy would of course have hated for something like this to happen to any child, and would have done what she could to protect her…but this was her fault. And it was Faith… Faith, who had become part of her family now… Faith, who she regarded now as hers.

Xander and Anya were very quiet as well, probably scared of Buffy's grim, nearly homicidal expression, and Giles's barely controlled driving. Even Anya's shrill, strained inquiries after the state of both Giles's driving skills and sanity had stopped when no one bothered to answer her, and she huddled close to Xander in the backseat, clutching his hand and holding onto her seatbelt for dear life. Both she and he looked pale and faintly sick, very stressed, but part of this, at least on Xander's behalf, was a result of anxiety over Faith and anticipation of the battle/rescue they were about to get themselves into.

Where this battle/rescue would take place had yet to be answered. As of yet Willow and Tara had not called back with a location; Buffy still had no idea where Faith was or where she was directing Giles to. They were just going.. . she was picking at random, hoping that somehow she would be right, that her Slayer connection would guide her. Maybe if she got close enough she would feel her…

It had been less than ten minutes since they had joined Buffy in the car, but it felt to her as if they had been driving all day with no success in locating Faith. How long did it take Tara and Willow to scry or do a spell or whatever anyway?

Faith must be so scared, if she had awakened by now…Buffy almost hoped that she was still unconscious. It would be much easier for her to deal with. Buffy hated to think of her being awake, alone, and terrified, coping with what she had overhead from Buffy's big mouth on top of being kidnapped and terrorized. The images coming to Buffy's head made her jaw clinch, her lips thin until they whitened… she hated the council so passionately then that she wouldn't have been surprised if the power of her thoughts alone had killed them.

If- no, WHEN they found Faith, Buffy corrected herself fiercely- Buffy would make sure she didn't do anything she didn't want to do. Staying young, becoming older again- Buffy would make sure Faith could have it the way she wanted, because she was the only one whose opinion mattered. Either way Buffy would support her, do all she could to protect and help her…she would love her. Like Faith had wanted. Well, maybe not EXACTLY how Faith had wanted, depending on what the older girl had meant- but she would. Maybe that would make a difference somehow. God, Buffy hoped so…

Just then a cell phone rang, causing everyone in the car to startle slightly. As everyone fumbled in their pockets- dangerous maneuver in Giles's case it was Xander who emerged triumphant, holding it to his ear and flipping it open in response.

"Hello?" he said with slightly bated breath, and everyone tensed, listening closely. "Hi Will…you found her? You're sure? Great…where is she?"

He paused, seeming to be taking mental note of directions- or maybe just waiting for the redhead to get through a stretch of Willow babble. Either way he nodded intently for a few moments before speaking aloud again.

"Okay, we'll call you when we're through with this- you guys are gonna stay back at the house, right, in case more Council people show up for Buffy or call or something?"

In answer to her reply he nodded again, speaking one last time into the phone as the others in the car watched with growing impatience.

"Okay, see you…bye."

"It's at the corner of Brevard Street, she and Tara scried for her, and they're sure that's where she is," Xander told them quickly as he hung up. "Isn't there some old warehouse there?"

"Yes, yes, I believe there is an abandoned one as such, " Giles replied distractedly as he made a rapid three point turn, entirely reversing their direction. So much for Buffy's random pointing…

"It's an isolated street in general," Buffy said shortly, her voice taut; she knew that when it came to kidnappings and possible murders, isolation was definitely too helpful to the bad guys in getting it done quickly. "So we have to get there fast. Giles, floor it."

Although Giles looked puzzled by her words, her face gave him a clue as to her meaning, and he obeyed, causing Anya to gasp loudly and clutch Xander tighter. Buffy continued to tense her jaw as she stared straight ahead. They WERE getting Faith back…


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44

One of the first things Buffy noticed as they pulled onto Brevard Street, beyond the general isolated state of the street itself, was that the warehouse was large, but had very small windows. They looked to be too small and too high up for anyone to break into, and maybe that had been the point of the design. The building seemed to be only one story and was long rather than tall, stretching out for the length of perhaps 15 windows for each of the longer sides. Were there perhaps 15 rooms for each side of the building then, with a very long hallway in between?

Buffy was no architect, but that's what she would have guessed. As they pulled in front of the building her eyes fixed on the black Watcher's Council van only a few feet away from hers, and her eyes narrowed in renewed anger. This was the right place, all right…

She almost jumped out of the car before Giles had completely pulled it to a stop, stuffing both a knife and a stake- just in case- into her belt and a holster at her wrist, still hoisting her battle ax in one hand. As Giles, Xander, and Anya piled out behind her, with Xander holding his weapon way more awkwardly, they cut her off as she headed straight for the front door. Anya spoke up first, her words as direct as usual.

"Don't you want to tell us what to do now like usual before we go marching in there like stupid though angry fumbling sheep and get ourselves mistaken for psychotic Slayers and killed?"

Barely batting an eye at this long-winded and rather shrill question, Buffy nodded curtly.

"Yeah," she replied, glancing over her shoulder at Anya quickly. "You help me find Faith and bring her back home with us and you help make the Council pay for it."

She turned to stride toward the warehouse's front door again, but Xander cleared his throat.

"Uh, sounds great, Buff….but…got any ideas on how here?

"Nope," Buffy said abruptly, shaking her head. "We can't really know until we get there and see what's inside, can we?"

"Buffy-" Anya began, her voice rising, eyes widening slightly as though she were just now beginning to fully realize what she might be getting herself into. Giles too looked rather concerned as he hesitated, his voice gentle but firm.

"Buffy, no one is trying to hinder you here or irritate you, we are anxious, as you are, to get Faith safely back with us," Giles said diplomatically, and Buffy's eyes narrowed, flickering over to glance at the door. They might not be TRYING to "hinder" her, but "hindering" her was exactly what they were doing, and she didn't have TIME for it- FAITH didn't have time for it!

"WHAT?!" she said sharply, her eyes flashing, and Giles was noticeably taken aback. He hesitated, actually stepping away from her, as if he were afraid she might actually hurt him. The way Buffy was feeling right now, it wasn't entirely out of the question.

"I realize that you want us to reach and rescue Faith as quickly as possible, but a general plan of action is greatly preferable and more likely to be successful than chaotic chargings- and it is also much more likely that injuries will be kept to a minimum," he finished, and though Buffy was still irritated he had taken that long to say it, she had to admit he was right. Fine, she'd give them a freakin' plan, as long as they hauled ass afterward following it.

"I've got a plan," she said shortly, almost through gritted teeth. "I see if the door is locked. It probably is, so I break it down. Anya and Xander, stay at the front, guard anyone from getting out or getting in, and let me know if you see Faith or anyone trying to make off with her- SCREAM. Both of you can be very loud and high-pitched when you want to be, so don't hold back," she instructed fiercely, her eyes fixing first on Anya, then on Xander.

"Giles and I will go ahead of you, find Faith, and do whatever is needed to get her and keep her. Questions?"

There were none, though Xander looked very nervous, his eyes shifting sideways, and Anya looked rather dissatisfied and anxious. When no one spoke, Buffy turned deliberately toward the door once more.

"Good then. Let's go."

Within two seconds she was at the door, and after attempting to open it and finding it to be locked, she kicked it hard, venting much anger into the strength of her blow. It swung open with a rapid crash, almost smashing straight into the man in black standing before it. He just barely managed to jump out of its path, making a sharp shocked cry, but recovered quickly enough to turn to face them with clearly violent intent.

Buffy, however, didn't' let any such intentions come anywhere close to becoming deeds. Within a few moments she was on him, and it felt even better to hit this man, one of the men keeping Faith captive, probably one of the men who had helped take her, then it had to kick the door in. She hit him in the mouth, the nose, the jawbone, before he fell to the floor, unconscious. It was hard to stop herself from hitting him anymore; Buffy felt such satisfaction, such vindication in hurting this man who had hurt Faith, that she could easily have killed him.

But she couldn't… she knew she couldn't, and for reasons beyond morals or rules or any punishment she just DARED the Watcher's council to mete out to her. She didn't have Faith with her right now, and she didn't know where she was inside the warehouse- finding her was the first priority. Plus, if the other Watchers found out Buffy had killed this man, they would probably kill Faith immediately with no guilt whatsoever. That above all other reasons meant Buffy had to let him live.

Giving him an ungracious shove with her foot to flatten him against the wall, Buffy turned to Xander and Anya rapidly, ignoring Anya's bright, almost feverishly intrigued eyes and Xander's partly uneasy, partly resolutely satisfied expression at her actions.

"Stay here by the door- and make sure he stays here too," she instructed them, giving the man she was referring to another hard jab in the side with her foot. As Xander and Anya voiced their agreement, Buffy was already making her way down the hallway, not even bothering to check the first few doors on either side of the building. As Buffy had imagined from outside the warehouse, the building was oddly arranged as a long hallway lined with rooms on each side. But she knew Faith would be in one of the very last few rooms, as far away from the door as possible. Not only because it made logical sense… but Buffy could somehow sense that she was down there. She could sense the little girl's fear, her desperation, and she knew she was there… she knew she was still alive.

Know this only increased Buffy's anger and determination, and she almost ran the rest of the way down the hall, not caring if anyone else in the building heard the noise. She almost hoped they did. She wanted them to know she was coming, wanted them to know that she would make them suffer, make them pay in spades for what they had done- whatever a spade was. Buffy wasn't really sure. But whatever it was, they would pay in them- she would make damn sure of that.

She wondered if Faith could feel her right now, as she was aware of the child's presence nearby… perhaps because of her emotions and Faith's, Buffy felt connected to her in a way she usually did not. She hoped Faith could sense her, that she would be comforted in knowing that Buffy was coming for her… but would she be? The last time she had seen Buffy she had overheard and maybe misinterpreted her saying horrible things about her…even how no one loved her or wanted her, which hadn't even been true. Faith might not want to see her either. And she was so young and unaware of the scope of her abilities that she might not feel what Buffy felt, or at least be ignorant as to what it meant.

As she hurried down the hall, Giles did his best behind her just to keep up and continue carrying his Taser and small handheld ax. Buffy wasn't sure what he intended to do with the ax, but an answer somewhere along the lines of "bury it in a Watcher's skull" sounded rather satisfying to her.

As they came to the final two doors in the hall, Buffy could feel Faith's emotion so strongly she almost couldn't breathe. She could have sworn she could hear the little girl's thoughts, a jumbled disarray of silently calling for Joyce, for her mama, though whether she meant Joyce or her biological mother wasn't clear….and for Buffy. Buffy thought as she came to a stop outside the door that Faith was calling out for her…

Rage boiled up inside her, making her feel close to explosion, and without further ado Buffy kicked the door in on the left side as Giles came up behind her. Her instincts were proven correct as she took in the room's small, crowded, and rather adornless exterior. There were three men, obviously from the Watcher's Council and very similarly dressed as the first man she had encountered at the door. Two stood close to each other, hanging back from the other occupants of the room slightly…but one man stood in the corner, looming over the smaller and clearly quite powerless at the moment figure who sat shivering, her back against the wall.

Faith…she had found her, it was Faith…

Her initial vast relief to have found the child, to see that she was alive, was quickly replaced with an even stronger surge of fury as Buffy took in her appearance, her obvious stark fear and helplessness. Never before had she felt such anger at herself, for allowing her to be able to be in such a situation, but above all the Council for putting her in it…Buffy wanted to kill someone for what she was seeing. She wanted to kill the men who had done it, as painfully as was possible.

Huddled on the cold concrete floor in the clothes Buffy had given her to sleep in, Faith was shuddering, shoulders slumped, features taut, hands and ankles tightly bound in handcuffs- tightly enough that Buffy saw how red and irritated her skin was growing from their chafing. There were tearstains on her cheeks and more tears standing in her eyes, and she was sniffing, clearly trying hard to hold them back. Her lip was split, blood drying, and that, along with a dark bruise already forming at her jaw, made Buffy so enraged she started to lunge at the man standing over her. But as all three men brought out their guns, pointing them at her, she was forced to a halt.

Faith's eyes widened even further, and her voice held equal parts shock, joy, bewilderment, and further wild fear as she cried out to her.

"Buffy!"

"I'm here, baby, it's okay," Buffy told her in a reassuring tone even as she glared at the men who still leveled guns at both her and Giles beside her, marveling at their cowardice. Three men against one little girl- three men with GUNS, and having to render her totally immobile to feel secure? Okay, maybe she was a Slayer little girl, and one in an adult body- but what the hell, the freakin' cowards!

"Slayer…so honored to have the both of you in our presence," sneered the man standing closet to Faith, giving a mocking respectful bow of his head to Buffy that made her jaw clinch. "And Rupert. Still ever the fool in your quest for becoming great in association with those who will never even be decent?"

"Russell," Giles addressed the man tautly, nodding at the other two in turn as well. "Richard. Victor. The only fools I see are the three of you… and as for decency, I suspect you do not understand the meaning of the word, as you seem so entertained by the terrorizing of a child."

"She is hardly a child, Rupert. Whether or not she is underage, she is a murdering vicious little bitch-"

"Oh, not at all like you then?" Buffy cut in, her voice fierce, and Russell's hand around the gun tightened, his lips thinning.

"I wouldn't advise you to be so flippant, Miss Summers," barked Richard, his eyes narrowing, and Buffy turned her head in his direction, her voice deliberately as flippant as he had warned her against.

"Oh yeah? Well I don't take orders from the Council anymore…and I never did have much patience for these."

In two paces she was at Richard's side, avoiding the two shots fired at her from separate guns in quick movements and kicking the guns out of their hands, flipping on the safetys and tossing them to Giles in the doorway. As Giles flung them out into the hall, Russell spun to point his gun at her, but Buffy grabbed hold of Richard and thrust him in front of her like a shield, holding him so harshly he could not escape. It only made Russell hesitate for a few seconds, but that was enough for Giles to knock the gun out of his hand with the handle of his ax, kicking it out into the hall with the other guns. Victor started to rush to retrieve them, but one extended foot from Buffy sent him sprawling face first on the ground, his forehead hitting the concrete floor hard and knocking him unconscious.

Still holding Richard, Buffy spun him away from her, beginning to hit him as she had the man at the door with brutal pleasure. She enjoyed watching his body jerk with each blow, watching blood bubble up, hearing the impact of her fist meeting flesh and bone. She could have continued hitting him, letting herself do so harder and faster with each strike, inflicting more and more damage…but then she heard Faith's screams and was instantly jerked back into the rest of the reality around her.

Less than a foot away from her Russell had somehow gotten hold of Giles's Taser and was holding him immobile as he kept a knife to his throat with one hand; with the other arm locked around his waist he also held Giles's Taser, firmly pressed against the older man's upper chest. As Buffy had spun around to witness this, Russell took the opportunity to use the Taser viciously, causing Giles to jerk and cry out in pain. His movements also caused his head to jerk against the knife held to his throat, and he gasped again as it cut into him shallowly, bright red blood appearing on it. Seeing this, Faith's eyes bulged, and she began to scream hysterically from fear and panic, no doubt certain that Giles was going to die before her eyes.

"Nooo! No, no, no, no, no…stop it, Buffy, BUFFY!!!"

Faith swung her cuffed ankles out at him desperately, trying to trip Russell to make him release Giles. He managed to stumble away from her just in time, swearing loudly and yelling back at her.

"Stop it, you little bitch- you're next, do you hear me? You keep sodding around and-"

He never got the chance to finish that sentence, however. The moment that Faith had screamed, and Russell had turned his head to threaten her, Buffy was dropping the nearly unconscious Richard to the floor and rushing forward, rage rising so heavily inside of her that she wouldn't have been surprised at all if it had showed up in the form of smoke or flames, emitting from her mouth, nose, or ears like a cartoon.

As she rushed at Russell, seizing the hand that held the knife to Giles's throat, Faith had in that exact moment let out another scream and swung her legs at him as forcefully as she could. The result was that all three of them- Buffy, Giles, and Russell- were caught off balance, knocked into a pile a very short distance from where Faith still watched with her dark eyes huge and glinting in apprehensive terror. Buffy heard a bone crack, Giles's shout of pain near her ears, and she knew that somehow between the concrete floor and being sandwiched between her and Russell he had broken his arm. But there was no time to worry about that right now.

Sprawled atop both men, Buffy still had Russell's knife hand in a bone-crushing grip, and he was forced to very unwillingly drop it. Buffy continued to squeeze until she heard the satisfying sound of bones grinding, a loud yelp of anguish, and she continued to hold his wrist in hers as she rolled Giles away from them and straddled Russell's body alone, putting her face close to his, as he had Faith's. He had lost hold of the Taser now when the three of them fell, and now he was weaponless, as helpless as he had made Faith as he stared up at Buffy. The cold, cruel arrogance had left his eyes now, and there was no trace of his former sneer, of the vindictive glint in his eyes. Instead, there was only fear…

"What is it that you said to her… 'stop it, you little bitch, you're next?'" Buffy said deliberately, her mouth almost close enough to his face to kiss him. "Funny how your words come back to haunt you sometimes, isn't it?"

She hit him hard in the face, but this was not like with the other three men…though Buffy had taken pleasure from hitting them, with this man, she had no intention of making herself stop. This man, even more than the others, had threatened, hurt, and yelled at Faith… this one even more than the others hand seemed to delight at terrifying her, at the thought of killing her. This man had swore at her and leered at her, and there was no telling what he had done when Buffy wasn't there. He had threatened and hurt Giles, and no doubt wanted to do the same to Buffy. he would have gladly killed them all…

And Buffy wanted to kill him.


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45

Buffy hit Russell mercilessly, driving her fists into ever part of him she could reach, heart pounding, vicious pleasure filling her torso until it was all she could experience, all she could think about. She saw nothing but his face, the blood, her flying fists, his loosened teeth, and she was aware of nothing else, no one… she was almost in a different place entirely, and would react to nothing else. She was focused only on causing him pain, making him pay, making him suffer…and she wanted nothing more than that, nothing more than to hurt him, to see him dead.

That is, until Faith's horrified screams entered her awareness; they were without words at first, but soon the little girl was crying out her spoken thoughts as well, her voice shrill and broken up with the beginning of her tears.

"No! No, no, no, no…Buffy STOP! BUFFY STOP IT!!!! No no no no…"

She stopped screaming and just began to cry, the sound so strangely young and pitiful that Buffy's heart almost stopped. She halted in her movements, her chest heaving, her heart still pounding, and stared down at the ruined face, the broken wrists and fingers of the pitiful being beneath her. His eyes half open, he struggled for breath, unable to speak, to beg her for mercy even if he had wanted to. As her eyes fell upon her fists, Buffy realized that her knuckles were split, bloody, and bruised… but she felt no pain from them.

And then she turned her gaze to Faith and saw that she was shaking, tears streaking down her cheeks, bruised and entirely forlorn in appearance. She looked even in the older girl's body like the traumatized child that she was…and Buffy realized that Faith was afraid of her…of HER. She was afraid of what she, Buffy, had been doing to this man…

Giles's breathing was labored, obviously pained, and he had not attempted as of yet to sit up. But when Buffy looked at him, felt his eyes on her, she knew what he too wanted. She could not become what this man was… she couldn't lower herself to his level, as much as she wanted to. She was the Slayer… she was above that, above him. But beyond that, beyond everything, she could not let herself cause Faith any further harm.

"It's okay, baby," she told Faith gently, trying to make her voice as soothing as was possible for her. "I'm going to stop now. No one is getting hurt anymore… no one will hurt you."

Just then a pager went off; it sounded like it was from Russell's pocket. He didn't' dare make a move to pull it out or answer it, and Buffy ignored it too.

Slowly, deliberately, she stood, staring down at Russell as she loomed over him, crossing her arms. She let her eyes narrow, and when she spoke to him her voice was cold and very deliberately measured.

"Whatever Quentin Travers might say to you- if that's him on that pager, or whoever else it might be- you're going to tell that person that the Slayer and her Watcher- /my Watcher/, whether you fired him or not- have Faith's situation very well under control and that assistance from the Watcher's Council or anyone else is not needed. And if you come after Faith again- if you come after me, my friends, or my family, or attempt to harm any of us in any way- then I'll use the very same methods on you that you seem to have found necessary to use on Faith. But unlike you…I won't fail at carrying them out in full," Buffy threatened darkly, continuing to stand over him and stare down at him. "Is that perfectly clear?"

The man nodded as much as he was able, choking, seeming entirely defeated, and Buffy stepped away from him. She moved to kneel next to Giles to examine him as she tossed a careless "Good" over her shoulder in response to him. Once she realized that Giles was still conscious, though barely so, and that his shoulder was indeed broken, she looked up quickly at Faith. Reaching into Russell's pocket, she snatched out the key to Faith's handcuffs and undid them, starting to reassure her verbally, but before she could concentrate further on soothing her Russell spoke up again, his voice barely understandable.

"It…was…F-Finn…"

Buffy froze, spinning around rapidly, her voice tightened as she stood, the implications of what he was saying entered her mind.

"What…Finn? Riley Finn? He knew about this…he told you about her?"

When Russell nodded faintly, Buffy's teeth ground together, and her fingers dug into her palm. A very high proportion of the hatred and pure fury she was feeling for Russell and the others, the Watcher's Council in general, instantly transferred over to her ex-boyfriend..though by no means did that mean the Watchers were off the hook in her mind.

Riley had tipped them off… Riley had betrayed Faith, betrayed her, by giving information about Faith, her identity, her whereabouts, or both to the Watcher's Council. He had sent them straight to her, knowing the full story of what Faith really was, knowing what Buffy wanted, and knowing what they would do to her…he had sent them to hurt and capture, even to kill her. RILEY had done that…

For several moments Buffy couldn't respond, could barely make sense of her own thoughts- she only experienced intense emotion in regard to Riley Finn and what he had done. How had he done it- how had he managed to track the Council down? Was he that vindictive, that upset with her- did he hate Faith so much? She was only a child! Could he really be so hopelessly misguided as to think that he was doing the right thing?

Buffy didn't know, and at the moment she didn't care. All she was sure of was that she had never wanted to hurt Riley more than she did in that moment for his betrayal. She would definitely be paying him a visit soon…

But right now, that and all thoughts and emotions associated with Riley could wait. Faith didn't need her to be focusing on that right now, and Faith was what mattered. She was what Buffy needed to focus on…

Giving the now nearly unconscious Russell a jerky nod of acknowledgement, Buffy said tersely, "I know you're about to take a power nap here, but you better remember what I said to you, because I don't repeat myself, and I meant every word."

Glancing quickly toward Giles, she found him to be conscious but still a little dazed. Standing up quickly and walking to the door, she stuck her head out and yelled for Xander and Anya down the hall to come help with him before turning back to Faith.

The little girl was shaking, her back pressed as hard against the wall as was possible, as if she hoped to back straight through it. Her face was wrinkled, drawn into a tearful grimace, and she jerked, her eyes widening, when Xander and Anya burst into the room, gasping and cringing further at the breathless burst of questions and rapid eye movements made.

"Guys, stop it!" Buffy said sharply to the couple, giving them a meaningful look from where she had knelt again a foot or so away from Faith. But Xander continued to look at the bloodied, unconscious men around him with both discomfort and grim triumph, as if he had himself had a hand in their downfall. His smirk faded in a hurry when his eyes went to Giles and Faith, however, and it was quickly replaced with a look of acute concern.

"Buffy, is Giles okay- is Faith-"

"I'm quite all right… just a bit disoriented… and perhaps on the brink of unconsciousness," Giles mumbled, and Xander quickly knelt beside him, his eyes scanning over Giles's obviously broken arm and the blood still trickling from his throat.

"Can you…"

"They'll be okay," Buffy said firmly as Xander stripped off his jacket, applying it to Giles's throat, even though the cut didn't' look very serious. She said so as much to assure herself as anyone else present. "Xander, Anya, get Giles to the car, he needs-"

"Faith is shaking," Anya interrupted; the girl had been staring from the brunette to the body lying unconscious and badly beaten near her with wide eyes, and now felt it to be essential to voice her thoughts, apparently. "She looks quite unstable. Did she flip out and attack the Watcher's Council, because this would be an impressive amount of damage inflicted for someone of a childish mentality who is bound at the wrists and ankles. Or is all the extremely violent beatings scattered about us accomplished by you, Buffy?"

"Anya, shut up and help Xander get Giles to the car," Buffy said edgily, and Anya shrugged, apparently satisfied that she had received an answer to her question.

"It was you. Excellent work."

As the two tended to Giles, helping him to his feet, Buffy turned back toward Faith. The little girl was staring at her as if she couldn't quite believe she was there, slow, silent tears still making their way down her cheeks. But when Buffy reached out to tenderly wipe them away, Faith cringed, actually sucking in her breath. Buffy bit her lip, her heart wrenching as she kept her fingers lightly on the child's cheek, speaking softly.

"Shhh…it's okay now, baby, you're safe. You're okay…you're going home with me. I want you to come home with me, okay? You're safe…"

She reached to massage her wrists and ankles for a few moments where they had been cuffed to restore feeling and circulation while cursing the Council for their raw state. Faith continued to stare at her, ignoring her touch. Her eyes were bright with confusion, unbelief, and tears, and she shook her head, lowering her face. Her voice cracked as she shook her head vehemently once more.

"No…you don' want me… I'm bad. I'm bad…I don't wanna be, I wanna be good. I don't even remember… don't hurt me, I'm sorry, I don't wanna be bad," she choked out, and more tears slid down her cheeks. "I won't be bad…"

Looking at her, hearing the pain in her voice, seeing it in her face and posture, broke Buffy's heart so that tears made their way down her own cheeks, pain pressing against her chest. She stroked a hand over Faith's head with slightly shaky fingers, cupping her face gently once more. Her voice was hoarse but sincere when she spoke to her again.

"No, baby, I won't hurt you…no one will hurt you again, ever. You're not bad…I was wrong, we were all wrong, you didn't understand, Faith. I'm going to tell you all about it… but please, believe me when I say you're not bad," Buffy almost pleaded, her voice cracking.

By then Xander and Anya were helping Giles down the hallway, and Buffy and Faith were alone- well, other than the unconscious bodies- in the room. Faith stared at Buffy, such uncertain vulnerability in her dark gaze that Buffy's throat choked even further.

"But you said I was bad… and they said I was bad…" Faith almost whispered, her lips quivering. "Everyone says I killed people… even if I don't remember. And I'm a grown-up, not a kid… and they were gonna kill me, you said it too, you said they were gonna kill me, and I think I killed my mama."

With that last part she burst into tears, clearly so horrified and upset by the thought that she couldn't hold back any longer. Buffy too was stunned- was that what the poor kid had thought, that she had killed her mother? The logic made sense to Buffy… after all, Faith had feared and even hated her mother sometimes, and since her mother had been absent from her for so long, and she had overheard them saying she was a killer…

God, the poor baby, how could Buffy have been so stupid as to say that, god…

A few more tears of her own escaping, Buffy pulled Faith into her arms and held her fiercely, ignoring her initial stiffening and weak protests, and she just hung on, cradling her head to her shoulder and hugging her hard against her. When Faith gave in, beginning to sob against her, Buffy could feel the relief relax her body, and she rocked her slightly, whispering fiercely into her ear.

"It's not true, baby, it's not true. You didn't kill your mama, no one killed your mama. You're not bad… you're not bad, and we want you. We're taking you home… I love you," she told her, and she found to her own astonishment that the word felt natural, right, on her lips. "I love you…"

For a couple of minutes Buffy's words only seemed to make Faith cry harder, and she let her, holding her close, letting them sink in and hopefully take root. She just held her, rubbing her back, letting her work through her grief.

When Faith's tears seemed to be lessening, it occurred to Buffy at last that not only was it necessary to get her out of the warehouse before anyone else showed up- or woke up to scare her again- but also that pagers had been buzzing continuously for the past several minutes. Then there was the fact that Giles also needed a hospital…

Pulling away from Faith slightly, Buffy wiped her eyes and nose for her quickly with the hem of Faith's borrowed t-shirt- what the hell, it was already a lost cause between the blood from her lip and the tears and snot at the neckline from Faith's crying. Then, seeing that she was still shaky, Buffy offered the child in the body slightly larger and heavier than her own a piggyback ride to the car- an offer that Faith wearily accepted.

With Faith's warm comforting weight on her back, Buffy made her way to the car and slid in beside Anya, who had been demoted to backseat so Giles could have passenger seat and Xander could drive. With Faith huddling against her, Faith's head heavy on her shoulder, they drove.


	46. Chapter 46

Chapter 46

It had been a very long day, for all five people in Giles's car. It was not even yet noon by the time the little car pulled into the driveway of Buffy's house, but it felt like Faith's kidnapping and their subsequent endeavors to recover her had taken days to accomplish. Weariness was settling in for all involved, with the seeming exception of Anya, and Buffy knew without having to ask that for poor Faith, in her terror and confusion, the day must have seemed even longer, the amount of time it had taken them to reach this point all the more agonizing.

The little girl hadn't said a word during the entire drive back to Buffy's house; she simply leaned heavily into Buffy's side in the backseat as Xander drove, her eyes half closed, reddened, and clearly exhausted. Her face was still slightly mottled, and Buffy could tell from the way she was breathing that she had a stuffy nose. Her heart squeezing in empathy and tenderness for her, Buffy held her to her side, petting her hair and rubbing her hand up and down Faith's arm. Occasionally she bent to kiss the top or side of her head. She felt so protective of Faith, so furious at all who had hurt and scared her so badly, threatened her…if they even thought about doing such a thing to Faith again, they had another thing coming. No one was going to do ANYTHING to hard the child again as long as Buffy was there to stop it.

Faith seemed to Buffy as if she were close to drifting off to sleep by the time they finally arrived in the driveway to Buffy's house, but as soon as Xander shut off the engine she sat up with very alert, wide eyes, her head swiveling as she looked all around herself.

"Where we at.. are we home? Is this really home?" she asked softly, and Buffy's arm tightened around her shoulders as she replied.

"Yes, it's home, baby, you're home," she told her, and Faith continued to look up at her, her expression dazed, faintly unbelieving.

"This is real?"

"Yes," Buffy assured her, and she cupped Faith's cheek, turning her head so she'd have to look at her as she replied. "Yes, it's real, baby…all of this is real. You're home."

The look of dawning realization and belief in her eyes, the sudden emotion and relief, hit Buffy hard, and she kissed Faith's forehead quickly, motioning for Anya to get out of the car so she could slide out on her side and go around the car to Faith's.

"Come on, Faith, let's go inside, okay?"

Once Anya had let her out, Buffy went around to Faith's side of the car and opened the door for her, taking her hand. The others remained seated, waiting for them to get out, for once the girls had been dropped off, Giles would be driven to the hospital by Xander. Buffy pulled Faith gently to her feet, shutting the car door behind her, and they watched for a moment as the car pulled away, with Xander waving goodbye to them with a little smile.

Wrapping her arm around Faith's shoulders, Buffy turned her gently, directing her towards the front door. She seemed for the moment to have forgotten what she was doing and needed direction; her footsteps were slow, uncertain, as if she wasn't' quite sure that she was at the right place. Buffy let her set the pace, keeping even with her, and wondered what thoughts must be going through the other girl's head. She hoped Faith believed her when she told her that they wanted her… and that she loved her.

Buffy had lifted her hand to open the door once she stepped onto her front porch, but before she could even touch it the door was opening for them, and Joyce Summers was standing in the entranceway looking out at them. Her blue eyes scanned over both of them, anxious, her gaze searching. As her eyes focused in on the girls' faces, a rapid rush of relief at their return and anger as she observed Faith's drawn, tearstained face and bruised jaw coming into their surface, she smiled widely, her voice vivid with feeling as she addressed them.

"Oh, it's so good to see you… Faith, honey, I'm so glad that you're back here with us…"

The tenderness in her expression paired with the loving tone of her voice proved to be an overwhelming combination for Faith, and she burst into tears again, crying almost as hard as she had when Buffy had held and comforted her in the warehouse. Stepping forward quickly, Joyce took her into her arms and drew Faith's head to her chest, rocking her slightly where they stood, as Buffy stood there with her eyes burning and chest compressing. She was fighting the urge to give in to her own emotion at the sight of them. Her mother smiled at her quickly but tenderly over the top of Faith's head before turning her attention to the girl again, rubbing soothing circles into her back. Now wasn't the time for explanations, and neither woman was very interested in them at the moment anyway.

"I th-though you d-didn't want me…you th-thought I was bad…" Faith was sobbing, and Joyce hugged her tighter, continuing to rhythmically stroke her back and shoulders.

"Shhh…no, sweetheart…I could never not want you. It's going to be okay now, honey, shh… you're going to be okay. Come here with me, sweetheart, let's go sit down…"

With Faith still clinging to her, her face mashed firmly into the older woman's upper chest, Joyce began to lead her into the living room, sitting down on the couch and keeping her arms around her as she gently got Faith to sit beside her too. As Faith continued to sob, her voice hoarse, gradually wearing herself down, Joyce simply held her, occasionally murmuring soft words of comfort, but mostly just acting as a stable, comforting presence, the presence and person Faith had needed so badly.

Buffy didn't' follow them; she hated to look at Faith when she was so upset, hated how furious and helpless it made her feel. Besides, the child seemed to be fine with her mother alone for the moment- she'd let them have a few minutes of relative privacy, even if she hated to know Faith was crying and she was doing nothing to actively console her.

Tara and Willow had been sitting in the living room when Joyce came through with Faith, but one meaningful look from Joyce and their own intuition made them jump up quickly to join Buffy in the kitchen instead. Both looked at the blonde with concern sparking in their eyes as they glanced between the living room and Buffy, foreheads creasing with quick alarm.

"Buffy," Willow said, her voice obviously shaken, and her hazel eyes peered into the other girl's with genuinely upset sentiments. "Is Faith okay? What did they do to her- did you get them back?"

Looking into her face, Buffy realized that Willow was truly worried for the child..and maybe, for the first time, truly coming to care for her and regard her as a child rather than the Faith she had once been. Buffy could only shake her head, her voice tight, as she replied.

"I did… and she will be. I'll make sure of it."

The girls left a minute or two later with quick hugs and promises to call soon for updates, and Buffy slowly walked into the living room, where the sound of Faith's crying had ceased. The child was lying on the couch with her head in Joyce's lap, her eyes closed, her breathing slow as Joyce's fingers ran through her hair. When Joyce looked up at her daughter with a slightly drained smile, Buffy crossed the room to settle against her side, leaning into her. Her mother's arm went around her, and reaching to take Faith's hand into hers, Buffy sat with them in silence, both giving and receiving strength and love.

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Faith was looking up at her solemnly, her dark eyes wide and serious as she regarded Buffy, her slightly hoarse voice soft, uncertain, but earnest.

"Buffy…can I ask you somethin'?"

Buffy smiled at her, reaching to gently stroke her hand down the other girl's wavy hair. It had gotten to the point where she no longer thought of Faith's body as belonging to the "other" or "older" Faith; it was simply Faith's, and she felt no hesitation or awkwardness at all to touch, hug, kiss, or cuddle her.

"What is it?" she asked, and Faith paused a few more moments, her eyes lowering. But when she raised them back to the blonde's face she looked more decisive and strong…certain.

"I wanna know who I am…really," she said quietly, and Buffy's stomach clinched. "Will you tell me who I am…'cause I don't understand…"

Buffy took a deep breath, looking past Faith's shoulder to her mother and briefly catching her eyes. Joyce looked every bit as tensed and even afraid at the child's request as she herself was, but she didn't shake her head at Buffy or give her any other sign to indicate that her daughter should deny or fictionalize Faith's request. In fact, after a few moments she nodded slightly, even as her eyes remained troubled, and Buffy sighed.

She had known this time would come… she had known she would have to eventually explain everything to Faith, let her become aware of who and what she was. They couldn't continue to hide it from her, not after everything she had heard and experienced now. But she hadn't thought that Faith would ask so soon, on the same day they had rescued her from being kidnapped and terrorized by the Council.

It had been several hours since Faith had come home. After the little girl had cried herself out so that she was hoarse, achy, and entirely exhausted, she had drifted to sleep with her head still in Joyce's lap, her fingers entwined with Buffy's. She had stayed there for almost an hour, and Joyce had just held her, her arm around her daughter as well, lending physical and emotional support to them in quiet. Eventually she and Buffy had spoken a little about what had happened, but for the most part they simply sat in near silence, watching Faith breathe and gently stroking her back and head and hand, as if she were a young infant needling lulled to sleep rather than an athletic teenage body mismatched with a little girl's mind.

Once Faith had awakened she had not wanted to leave either woman's side, and they had humored this, knowing how she felt. Neither wanted to leave her for some time yet either. After helping her clean herself up and getting her into a change of clothes, they had taken her into the kitchen, and Joyce had began making a lunch for the three of them as Buffy sat close to Faith. It was after they had eaten and had just finished clearing the table and loading the dishwasher when Faith's question came, and Buffy stalled for a few moments, having no idea at all what to say.

She had to be careful with this…it was very important, what and how she said to Faith. But how do you explain to a child that she really is a teenage wanted murderer?

"Okay, Faith. Let's go to the living room," she began slowly, and Faith followed her, along with Joyce. She sat between them on the couch, very close, and looked between the women with expectation, yet also apprehension. As Joyce looked at her daughter again, smoothing a loving hand over Faith's head, Buffy swallowed, praying that she would somehow know how to start, what to say.

"Faith…you overheard some of what I said this morning, didn't you?" she began gently, and Faith nodded, her eyes apprehensive.

Seeing the child's expression, how carefully she was watching her, Buffy's heart squeezed again in empathy and guilt towards her. She just wanted to hug her, reassure her, tell her to forget it all and just not worry, to just let herself be a happy, care-free child… but of course she couldn't do that. She couldn't expect Faith to be that after everything the child had endured, all she had been exposed to…and the little girl simply couldn't be that innocent. She wanted and needed the truth, and it was Buffy's duty to give it to her.

Still, she wished so badly that she could just hold her in her arms and never tell her how everything really was… and judging from her mother's soft, yet very protective look, she was feeling the same way as she took Faith's hand in hers and squeezed it.

"Faith…can you tell me what you heard me saying?" Buffy said softly, taking a slow breath and steeling herself as she met the girl's eyes. "I want to know so I can help you understand. I know what you heard hurt you, and scared you, and I'm so sorry for that… and I'm going to explain to you, I promise. But right now I need to know what you're thinking so I can help you know what's true."

Faith bit her lower lip, her eyes averting to the side, and she took a deep breath as well, her eyes lowered. Joyce squeezed her hand, staying silent as she gently smoothed a lock of hair behind Faith's ear, and Faith looked at her, but not Buffy, quickly before responding in a small, slightly uneven voice.

"You said…you said I was a killer," she began, her words uncertain, as if she were hoping desperately to be told that she was wrong. "And you said I was an orphan… and, and that I'm seventeen, and that I'm gonna kill someone…or get killed. And…and that no one wants me…no one loves me," she finished up, her voice dropping, shoulders rounding in; she seemed quite weary of their coming response.

Buffy flinched, Faith's words hitting her hard, stabbing at her as directly as if the little girl had wielded a knife, and Joyce ran a hand over Faith's head gently, cupping her face in her palm so the child had to look over at her. Buffy avoided her mother's eyes as Joyce spoke to Faith softly.

"That must have hurt to hear that, Faith…it must have been scary. But it's not true, sweetie. We do love you, and we do want you, very much- don't we, Buffy?"

Buffy nodded, taking another slow breath to gather herself as she tried to smile for the uncertain-looking girl beside her. Though her smile might not have been wholly genuine, her voice was firm and sincere.

"Yes, we do, Faith… both of us. All of us," she told her quietly, including Giles, Willow, Xander, Tara, and even Anya in the equation as well, though none were there to back her up. "That's why I'm talking to you right now. I want you to know that we… that I… love you and want you… but we also know you need to know more about who you are."

For several moments she paused, hoping against all else that she would have the right words… surely her mother would be better at this than her. But her mother didn't know everything like she did about all that had happened… this job was up to her. It was her responsibility.

Deciding to jump into it as honestly yet as gently as possible, Buffy began.


	47. Chapter 47

Chapter 47

"Faith," Buffy said slowly, and she put her head on the other girl's knee, making sure she was listening. "You /are/ seventeen… but you're seven too. You know your body is big right now… that's the body from you being seventeen. But you're still seven too…"

She stopped herself, knowing that she sounded nonsensical, even to herself; the mystified, troubled frown Faith was giving her made it clear that she didn't understand. Okay Buff… time to try a different tactic…

"Okay… Faith, there are people called Slayers," Buffy started over, and to her surprise Faith interrupted.

"You keep sayin' that word, and everyone else…what does it mean?" she frowned. "Those bad men kept sayin' it too… they made it sound bad."

She paused, fear flickering into her eyes before she almost muttered her next question. "Is it… does it mean killer?"

"Oh, no, of course not honey," Joyce rushed to assure her, squeezing her hand empathetically, and she looked to Buffy hurriedly, maybe as if expecting her to have a better explanation of what it was. Thing was, Buffy didn't'…and there was no way she was going to call Giles up and ask him to give Faith his "Into every generation" speech for the thousandth time, even if it would give him glee from his dull hospital bed. She was just going to have to fumble through this the best that she could.

"Faith… there, there are very special girls sometimes," Buffy sighed, squeezing Faith's knee where her hand was still resting absently. "And when those girls get to be big girls, about fifteen years old, they…they get really strong," she decided on, trying to make sure what she was saying a little more clear and understandable to Faith than the last time had been. "And when they get to be so strong, then they go fight bad guys."

"Like you," Faith said with a thoughtful little frown, nodding and pointing hesitantly at Buffy. "And…me. Like me?"

"Yes, like you," Buffy replied, but Faith spoke up again before she could continue, still frowning in confusion.

"But I'm not fifteen… I'm only seven… but you said I was seventeen…I don't get it."

"Let her finish, sweetie," Joyce told her softly, squeezing her shoulder, and Buffy gave her a slight, grateful smile- she didn't know that she'd be able to get through this semi-calmly without her mother there to anchor both of them.

"I'll help you get it soon, I promise. I'm just…trying to go in order. Anyway… girls like us, we're called Slayers, Faith. And that's what we do- we slay, or kill, bad guys."

Faith was silent for a few moments, digesting this, and she still sounded very confused, her forehead scrunching up in perplexity when she responded.

"If we kill bad guys… then it's okay? If it's okay..then how come we didn't kill those bad men who tried to take me? And how come everyone keeps sayin' I'm a killer if it's okay to kill bad guys?"

Her voice dropped upon her last question, and Buffy leaned toward her unconsciously, squeezing her knee again in an attempt to comfort. God, she wasn't doing a very good job of explaining…but how did you explain being a Slayer to a child who had never until recently even known of the existence of DVDs?

"We couldn't have killed those men, baby, even though they were bad," she said softly, holding Faith's eyes with her own. "They are people…men. We don't kill people. That isn't a Slayer's job."

She left the other question of Faith's unanswered for the moment…she still dreaded getting to that point in her explanation. Faith didn't' seem to notice, however, for Buffy's response had provoked another question from her.

"But…weren't those men in the cemetery…bad men?" the child said slowly, and she thinned her lips, eye darkening. "'Cause I killed them… is…is that why I'm bad?"

The vulnerability of her tone, the fearful look in her eyes, wrung Buffy's heart for her. She hated that Faith had to know this, to have the sort of dark thoughts no child should, that she had to doubt herself and her goodness when she was still so innocent. How could anyone have looked at her as a child, listened to her even now in her adult body, and wanted to hurt her, much less have actually gone through with it?

"Faith, sweetheart, you're not bad," Joyce told her softly but firmly, taking her hand in both of her own and rubbing it with her thumbs, giving it a gentle squeeze. Buffy too shook her head vehemently, leaning to kiss Faith's forehead and briefly inhale her scent.

"No, you're NOT bad," she echoed her mother, still looking Faith straight in the eye. "You were right to kill them… that's our job as a Slayer. They…those people we killed, Faith… they weren't really…well, people. They were bad, but they weren't exactly men. Any more."

Seeing the confusion deep in Faith's eyes, spreading to the rest of her features, Buffy glanced quickly at her mother, sighing, before trying again. Jeez she sucked at this… good thing she wasn't planning on being an elementary school teacher, she would make even the genius kids go dyslexic with her efforts before the year was out.

"Faith," she said slowly, feeling out the little girl's reaction, "do you know what a vampire is?"

Faith frowned, tilting her head slightly as she looked over at Buffy; she seemed to see no connection between what they had been talking about and the sudden mention of vampires.

"Like Count Chocula or Dragula?"

Both Buffy and Joyce smiled at her mispronunciations, and Joyce smoothed a hand over her hair tenderly as she corrected her.

"Dracula, honey."

"Yes, like that," Buffy nodded, although the friendly-looking chocolate-loving supposed vampire on the cover of the cereal box was hardly her first thought regarding vampires. "But those aren't real vampires, Faith. Those bad men- bad things- that we saw in the cemetery, the ones that wanted to hurt us…that's what a real vampire looks like… and those are okay for a Slayer or anyone else to kill. In fact, she should kill them, it's her job to kill them."

"I like that job…it's fun," Faith said thoughtfully, her tone perfectly serious, and Buffy grinned in spite of herself. She was well aware of that- both with Big Faith and Little, and also Big Faith in Little Faith.

"But they didn't look like vampires," Faith said slowly, shaking her head. "They weren't all white and sick looking with black hair, and they didn't even have a cape… they were just really ugly."

Both Buffy and Joyce smiled, and Buffy's tone was affectionate as she answered.

"They're not all like that, Faith. But if you see someone with a nasty face like them, or if they just feel bad to you, that's how you know."

"Okay," Faith processed, and thought to herself for a few more moments in silence before speaking up again, looking at both women for confirmation. "So…I'm a Slayer."

Both nodded, Joyce squeezing her hand again, and Buffy said aloud, "Yes, you are."

"And…is Willow and Tara, and Anya? Are you?" Faith asked Joyce.

Joyce laughed, giving her a warm smile as she shook her head. "No, honey, I think I'm a little old for that… thank God," she muttered under her breath, though both girls heard. Faith didn't pursue this comment, however, but instead turned to Buffy expectantly.

"No, Faith, just us… we're the only two, in the whole world. It's just us."

Awe came over Faith's features then, awe and no small amount of pleasure… not only at the thought of the rareness of her identity and skills, but also that she shared this with Buffy. Seeing her expression, Joyce smiled, running her fingers through her hair.

"You're special, honey… you and Buffy have something no one else can right now."

"We're the Chosen Two," Buffy said quietly, and she watched Faith's face, wondering if any flicker of recognition at her own words would dawn on her.

But Faith didn't show anything; she just nodded slowly, savoring this, before tilting her head again. "How come us two? Who picked us?"

"I don't know, " Buffy admitted, shrugging. It was something she had always wondered, though it was usually with more angst and indignation than awe. "We just are, Faith. That's just how it is."

Faith accepted this, as only a child could, without questioning further, but she was obviously still puzzling how all this worked out as she asked next, "So I'm a slayer, and I'm really old."

"I was getting to that," Buffy muttered, and she sighed, trying to figure out how to put what had happened in a way that was honest but wouldn't freak the girl out too badly. AND trying to ignore that Faith had called herself old when she was almost two years younger than Buffy. "Okay…Faith… you remember being a little girl now, being seven, and you are seven," she fumbled, glancing at Joyce, but Joyce was watching Faith, not her daughter. "But a little while ago, you were older. You grew up…well mostly anyway…you were almost a grown up, seventeen," she said quickly, and she still had no idea if she made any sense to Faith. "And you lived here, in Sunnydale, not in Boston with your mama-"

"How? How was I old? Magic?" Faith interrupted, but she shot on to more questions before Buffy could answer. "And how come I didn't live with Mama? She didn't want me no more?"

Her voice strove to be casual, but she was biting her lip, her shoulders tensing. Buffy knew that even if she didn't like living with her mother, the thought that Diane Lehane had kicked her out hurt her. She still loved her, still wanted the woman's love and approval, no matter what she had done to hurt Faith. How was she supposed to tell her she was dead?

"Faith," she began quietly, exhaling, and she made herself meet the girl's eyes, made herself go through with it, bracing herself. Looking at Buffy grimly, knowing what was coming, Joyce's lips thinned, and she began to stroke Faith's hair, preparing to soothe her once more. "Faith, your mama is dead now, baby. I'm sorry."

Faith stared at her, her eyes wide… though she had heard Buffy say that she was an orphan, part of her had no doubt refused to believe this was true. She blinked several times, eyes brimming, and when a tear spilled over, Buffy's heart broke for her. She reached for her instinctively, but Joyce was already embracing her tightly, drawing Faith's head to her shoulder. A few more tears slipped out, but there were no sobs, hardly any noise at all from Faith… and that hurt to watch as much as anything.

Buffy knew that if she, at seven, had learned that her mother was dead, she would have been hysterical with grief. But Faith, though upset and crying, was nowhere near as distraught as most children would have been upon hearing such a thing. It had been that bad with her mother, that intensely abusive and oppressive to her, that even her death didn't cause Faith extreme grief… at least not immediately.

Faith let Joyce hold her, rocking her slightly, and pressed her face into the woman's shoulder. Buffy heard her sniffing and reached to touch her lower back gently, pressing her lips together with her own emotion. As Faith's fingers drifted up to her mouth, allowing herself to suck on them instinctively in a regressive method of self-comfort, Joyce continued to rock her, embracing her tightly as she looked over at Buffy with her eyes grim.

"I think we've told her enough for today, Buffy," she said quietly, rubbing her hand between Faith's shoulder blades. But Faith shook her head, her face still hidden in Joyce's shoulder, and sniffed audibly.

"No…" she almost whispered, and she finally lifted her face, snuffling again and wiping at her nose with the back of her hand before rubbing at her eyes, tired, but determined. "No, I wanna know. I want you to tell me."

Both Joyce and Buffy hesitated, looking Faith over carefully, but as forlorn in appearance as she was, she was also clearly firm in her conviction that no matter what, she still wanted to know the truth, and today. Sighing, still resting a hand on Faith's back, Buffy looked her in the eye as Faith took a deep breath, asking her question in a slightly shaky voice.

"How…how did Mama die?"

"She was sick, Faith," Buffy said hesitantly, hoping Faith wouldn't question her any further. She just couldn't bring herself to tell the little girl that her mother had died by choking on her own vomit… or that Faith had been the one to most likely find her.

"But no one killed her," she went on hastily. "I promise, Faith, no one killed her."

The child pressed closer to Joyce in reply, taking a shuddery breath. Despite the fact that her body was physically as large as the older woman's, she seemed to be tempted to climb into her lap for additional comfort. Even as Buffy thought this her mother pulled her arm more snugly around Faith, drawing the side of her head to her shoulder once more. Faith's arms went around her, tentatively returning the embrace as she leaned into her. Even so her voice was still small when she raised her eyes to Buffy.

"If…if Mama's dead…then who took care of me? Did you?"

At that question, neither Buffy nor Joyce could look at each other. Both felt a sharp pang of guilt prickling their chest at her assumption. For they hadn't taken care of her… not that she probably would have accepted, had they offered, but then, no one had offered.

Faith had been fifteen, sixteen years old when she came to Sunnydale… an abused orphan, her Watcher recently murdered, without money, many possessions, or any decent place to stay, any steady way of getting food, clothes, and other things she needed. And Buffy…if she was honest… never thought about any of that. She didn't even know about most of it… because she hadn't cared enough to find out. She had never tried more than half-heartedly to make sure Faith was okay… she hadn't even invited her over to dinner or to spend the night very often without prompting from her mother.

Yes, Giles had dropped the ball in a big way when it came to Faith- but so had Buffy. And that one simple assumption from the child Faith was driving this home yet again to her.

"Well…you had your own place where you lived, honey," Joyce said lightly, but Buffy could tell from her expression and from her knowledge of her mother's opinion of Faith's motel where her thoughts lay in regard to that.

"Yeah, Faith… uh, you were a big girl, like we said, when your ma- when it happened. So your watch- someone took care of you for a little while, but then when you were older you came here on your own an stayed here a while," Buffy said carefully, deciding not to get into the story of Kakistos and Faith's watcher for today. She had more than enough information to take in at the moment.

But of course Faith had questions. Frowning, her head still leaned against Joyce's shoulder, she peered up at Buffy with her eyes narrowed slightly.

"How… how come I came here… and how come I came alone?" she asked softly. "Didn't no one want to take care of me no more?"

"Well, you were a big girl, sweetie," Joyce repeated Buffy's words, smoothing Faith's hair back from her face, though Buffy could tell from the look in her eyes that she thought Faith still needed someone to take care of her, regardless of age, size, or mental state. "But don't worry… we're taking care of you right now, and we're very happy to, aren't we, Buffy?"

"Of course we are," Buff replied with a forced smile, but sincere meaning. She let her hand rest on Faith's back as she answered the rest of her question. "You came to meet me, Faith, to be with me… because I was a Slayer too. Like you."

It wasn't the entire truth, but it was close enough…too much truth in one day wasn't always such a great thing. If Buffy had her way they would stop right here- or else have never started this in the first place. But Faith still wasn't' satisfied. She spoke aloud, puzzling for herself as she huddled nearly in Joyce's lap.

"I'm a Slayer...like you. And I killed bad guys… vampires…but…but I wasn't bad?"

Her voice was pleading with Buffy to agree with her, to assure her that all was well…but Buffy knew she couldn't do that. She had to tell Faith the rest…she had to let her know why she was a child, even if in an adult body.

Taking yet another deep breath, avoiding her mother's eyes, Buffy spoke softly, almost cringing.

"No, baby, you weren't bad. You aren't bad… but Faith, I need you to listen to me very carefully now. Can you do that for me?"

Buffy saw her mother stiffen a little, knowing what was coming, and Faith immediately felt this shifting in posture even as she heard Buffy's tone. Her eyes widening, she looked up at her anxiously, her voice small.

"Yes…I'm listenin'…"

"Okay….Faith.. you stayed here for a while, in Sunnydale," Buffy began, struggling to keep her face neutral, her voice calm. "And we slayed vampires together… you helped us out a lot-"

"Were we friends?" Faith interrupted, her eyes oddly poignant, hopeful, and Buffy hesitated. Because, really, they hadn't been. Not in the sense that a friendship should be… not the way that she knew she wanted it to be now.

"Um…not exactly, Faith," she replied reluctantly, and Faith's eyes widened.

"We weren't? Why…didn't you like me?"

Seeing the hurt in Faith's eyes, hearing it in her tone, and noticing the harsh look her mother was giving her for her attempt at honesty, Buffy tried to clarify quickly.

"We…well, we were just different, Faith. I liked you…we were just different."

Knowing exactly how lame that sounded, she added quickly, "we SHOULD have been friends, Faith."

Faith tilted her head, regarding Buffy with careful scrutiny before asking her question quietly.

"Are we friends now?"

Seeing how the other girl was almost holding her breath, her eyes apprehensive, Buffy shook her head even as she touched Faith's cheek tenderly.

"No, baby…we're not friends. We're family."

As Faith's eyes widened and she broke out into a broad, if incredulous, smile, Buffy hugged her, pulling her close and resting her cheek atop the girl's head briefly. Joyce was smiling as well when Buffy pulled away, still touching Faith's head. She had to finish.

"Let me go on, okay, Faith?" she said quietly, and she tried to think back to what the last thing she had told her had been. "So, anyway… we were Slayers. The Chosen Two. So, so we killed vampires… and there was a lot of them. And, well, one day we were doing that…killing vampires… and a man came walking around the corner…"

Her voice grew strained now, and she had to lower her eyes now, not feeling as if she could look Faith in the face, see her innocence even as she prepared to mar it even further.

"Faith… you thought he was a vampire," Buffy said softly, still unable to look the brunette or her mother in the eye. "It wasn't your fault… it was an accident. But you thought he was a vampire, and you did the same thing you would have done to a vampire."

Hearing this, seeing how serious she was, how her voice shook slightly, Faith stilled, her body tensing, features slacking even as her eyes glinted. She didn't blink as she looked between Buffy and her mother, who from her taut yet empathetic expression had not yet heard this story from anyone other than Buffy with any more details than Buffy had offered. For a few moments Faith barely seemed to be breathing.

When the little girl sighed, the sound shuddered through her so that she actually shivered, and tears came to her eyes. She remained motionless even as her lips quivered, and her voice was little more than a choked whisper. Even as Joyce wrapped an arm around her, Faith barely seemed to notice.

"I killed him…I killed him?"

Seeing the danger signals to how very close to breaking down Faith was, and the urgent look her mother was giving her over her head, Buffy's heart contracted. She bit her lip, reaching to take Faith's hand. Though it caused her limbs to tangle awkwardly with her mother's and Faith's, she kissed Faith's cheek, letting her hand linger on her head.

"Yes, baby, you did," she told her, her own voice low, unsteady, blinking back tears that threatened in response to Faith's pain. "But you didn't want to, you didn't mean to. It was an accident…"

"It's okay, sweetheart," Joyce picked up, and now she did actually pull Faith into her lap, as though she were still a small child physically as well as mentally. Arranging her arms around the adult body, adjusting Faith so she settled in closely against her, Joyce leaned her mouth close to her ear. "It's okay."

Though tears remained standing in Faith's eyes, they never fell. Maybe she no longer had the energy to cry. However, her voice still wavered, her features drawn and stressed as she asked Buffy, "Then…what happened to me…after…"

Buffy knew what she was asking. She wanted to know if she had gone to jail, how they had reacted…if everything was okay. Based on the fear so prominent in her eyes, Faith knew it hadn't been. She was too smart to think otherwise. Her jaw setting, Buffy tried to think of a truthful yet soft way to describe what had happened…and felt totally lost.

"Well… you were scared, Faith, after, " she told her. "You thought you would go to jail…"

"Am I gonna?" Faith interrupted in alarm, sitting upright so abruptly that she pulled away from them. Both of the other women reassured her hurriedly with soft words and touches that this was not the case.

"Of course not, sweetie… no one puts little girls in jail. We will never let anyone do anything like that to you again," Joyce asserted, her expression quite intent, and Buffy nodded vehemently.

"No, no you won't, Faith. I won't let you… you didn't do anything to deserve it."

She thought for sure Faith would say again that she had killed a man…but the child didn't, perhaps needing too badly to trust them. She pressed herself close to Joyce's chest, her hands squeezing Buffy's tightly before she would ask her again.

"What happened then…"

"Well, like I said… you were scared, Faith. You thought you might have to go to jail, even if it was an accident," Buffy picked up slowly, still squeezing Faith's hands and half closing her eyes. "So…you hid the body in case they tried to get you in trouble."

She was aware of her mother's eyes on her, on the fact that some of this was new information to her, and she tried to ignore it, to just continue… if she stopped too many times she might not be able to make herself keep going.

"And then, a lot of things happened, Faith," she said hesitantly, not sure of how to word this, of what she should tell her. "You're not bad, Faith…but when you were older, you did some bad things for a while. Some very bad things."

Faith was eyeing her, anything but stupid or unaware. She asked her outright, her voice barely audible, the desperate desire mingled with far stabbing at Buffy almost physically.

"Buffy…did I kill someone else?"

Knowing the answer, but seeming unable to come up with any sort of response both honest and comforting, Joyce hugged her close, stroking her hand down the arm of the girl in her lap. But Faith seemed unaware of her touch…her eyes were focused on Buffy, and Buffy had no choice but to answer her, to give credence to the fear in the child's adult features.

"Yes," she nearly whispered, and she forced herself to look back at Faith's eyes. "Yes, Faith, you did."


	48. Chapter 48

Chapter 48

Author notes: This is right after Buffy told Faith that she killed someone deliberately if you forgot.

Faith's eyes seemed to take up most of her face as she stared at Buffy, her skin paling, and Buffy noticed that she was starting to tremble, her eyes growing moist. And then the tears were spilling over, and she didn't bother to try to hide them, her body sagging back against Joyce as if she couldn't make herself sit upright.

"I WAS bad… I'm bad…"

"No, sweetheart," Joyce soothed, her hands immediately resuming their stroking as she almost cradled Faith, rocking her slightly, wiping each tear that fell. "It's okay… take a deep breath, honey…"

Buffy was blinking back tears herself as she reached to take Faith's hand, and her mother met her eyes, addressing her firmly.

"Buffy, that's enough for today."

"Okay," Buffy said quietly, and she took another steadying breath, speaking to Faith softly. "Faith, I'm…we won't talk about this anymore today…"

"NO," Faith said aggressively, sitting up and away from Joyce as she turned to look at Buffy, and she wiped her face, her chest rising and falling sharply as she tried to calm down. "I don't… I want… I wanna know…tell me…"

"I think that's enough for today, sweetheart," Joyce repeated softly, turning Faith's face back toward her to kiss her cheek. "Why don't you try to relax-"

"NO," Faith said even more determinedly than before, her voice stronger, and Buffy had to admit that she didn't look like she was falling apart, even with the pain swirling in her eyes…even as another tear slipped down her cheek. She looked like she knew what she was asking, and was sure that she wanted it… even if it was going to hurt her. "I don't wanna hear later. I wanna know now… tell me now…"

Buffy looked at her mother, seeing the protectiveness and uncertainty in Joyce's eyes as she hugged Faith to her, continuing to caress her. Joyce clearly didn't want to keep going on with this, upsetting Faith even further… and neither did Buffy. But they had to. Faith wanted and needed them to… she was asking them to.

Looking the child over and finding herself admiring her all the more for her strength, her conviction, Buffy made herself go on.

"Okay, baby," she said softly, squeezing Faith's hand. "I'll tell you."

She took a deep breath, gathering herself and started again.

"Faith, you did kill another man, and you hurt some people too," she told her looking into the other girl's eyes, searching their depths. She didn't see the need to tell her about Angel right now…he was okay now, after all, and Faith had enough to take in for right now.

"You did some very bad things, but that doesn't mean you're bad. You're not bad… you can do very bad things and still not be a bad person, not entirely," she said slowly, and she wondered if she was talking to herself as much as to the seven-year-old child.

"And besides… I did bad things too," she finished quickly, shaking her head slightly. "I…I hurt you…"

This hadn't been the way she had meant to bring up Faith's coma, but there was no taking it back now. The statement was hanging out there in the open, and Faith of course latched onto it.

"You hurt me…how did you hurt me? How come?" she asked softly, and Buffy felt almost sick at her question. She didn't dare look at her mother. She lowered her head, her voice hoarse as she answered Faith, finding her hands to be in fists so tight it left marks inside her palms.

"Faith…you know that scar on your stomach you asked about the other day? Well… I…I'm the one who did that to you."

She watched Faith freeze, her mouth dropping open slightly with her shock, and she knew what she was thinking, the very first thought that would come into the little girl's head.

"Because I… 'cause I killed people," Faith nearly whispered, and her soft voice somehow made her seem very small even in physical appearance- especially coupled with the vulnerability in her features. "You keep sayin' I wasn't bad…but I WAS. I was bad, so you tired to hurt me…"

"NO," Buffy said sharply, shaking her head, "no, Faith…it's…it's more complicated than that, please…"

She held the little girls' eyes with hers almost desperately, praying for her understanding… it was probably too much to expect her to understand. She was only a child… how could she possibly understand the complex nature of their previous relationship, the unfolding of events, when Buffy herself, who was older and remembered it, didn't?

"You weren't bad, Faith," she repeated for the tenth time, hoping that this time the child would believe. "You did some bad things, but you weren't bad. And you aren't bad now. You did do very bad things…but I did a bad thing too, to hurt you like that. That was wrong… and I wish I hadn't," she said quietly, looking Faith directly in the eye. "I shouldn't have done that to you, I could have tried something else… and I'm sorry."

Joyce had been very quiet, her face serious, as her daughter spoke, both because of the nature of the words and situation, and also probably in a desire to give the girls some privacy in their conversation. With Faith still in her arms, it was a little difficult for her to attempt to fade into the background, but she managed it fairly well.

Faith watched her for a few moments, her eyebrows slanted downward, her lips pressed together; Buffy could tell she was thinking through what Buffy had said, attempting to decide whether or not to accept it. Still on the verge of tears, she turned her head, hiding it against Joyce's neck. Both Joyce and Buffy thought then that they had definitely gone too far for the day and had managed to completely overwhelm her. As Joyce embraced her, Buffy swallowed, guilt and sadness choking her briefly. She spoke gently, her voice careful.

"Faith…I'm sorry, baby. We'll talk about it later, okay? It's okay."

"No," Faith murmured into Joyce's neck, sniffing, and Joyce rubbed her back, addressing her soothingly as well.

"Faith…I think that would be a good idea if we stopped for right now. It's been a long hard day, we're all tired now, and we'll tell you anything else you want to know later-"

"No!" Faith almost yelled, and she pulled her face away from Joyce's neck hurriedly, even pushing at her slightly to separate herself from the woman's hold on her. "NO, I don't want you to tell me later, I SAID that already… I'm not tired…I wanna know, I gotta know! I gotta know NOW… I gotta know. Why am I still seven… why was I seven anyway… what happened, why don't I remember? Why don't I…"

As the older women looked at her, saw the intense, almost desperate need in her eyes, they knew she was sincere. She did need this. She might be a child, she might be tired and hurting and upset… but she needed the total truth from them now, not broken down into segments, but given to her whole to deal with. She needed to know exactly where things stood, how they had happened. She needed to know they were being honest, because she had been living so long, maybe all her life, with lies and hidden truths.

Buffy would finish it out, for her…she owed it to her.

"Okay," she said with a sigh, and she exhaled before looking back at Faith, hoping she would know what to tell her…and how. But at this point there could really be no strategy. The story was almost over, the worst parts over with…maybe Faith was right. Maybe they would be doing best if they finished, gave her everything at once, and then gave her time to deal.

"Faith… when I hurt you… you were hurt for a long time," Buffy told her, reaching to brush back hair from the girls' face and letting her hand stay there for a few moments as she looked at her. "And when you got better, you were very mad at me, because I had hurt you…"

She hesitated, wondering if she should tell Faith about the Mayor and graduation day…that was all a pretty important part of the story. But so was Angel...

"There was a man who did very bad things, Faith, and he helped you do bad things too… he was like a vampire," Buffy said slowly, going forward with it. "Not a human…someone, I mean something, that a Slayer could kill and it would be okay. But he was nice to you…and you liked him. Well, when I hurt you…I hurt him too. I killed him. So…so when you were better, Faith, you were mad at me for that too, and you wanted to get back at me."

She paused, glancing at Joyce, then over to Faith again. The girl was watching her intently, frowning, her lips slightly parted, as if she were trying very hard to follow what Buffy was saying, to understand. Buffy took her hand impulsively again and squeezed it before going on, finishing.

"So…this man- well, he wasn't really a man, he was a demon- but anyway, he had given you something magical…it's called a Transcuerpo. You- the older you, of course- were going to use it on me, to switch bodies with me…but it broke, and the magic didn't work right. So instead of making you become me…it made you seven again," Buffy finished, watching her closely. "That's why I wasn't nice to you, when you first got here…I thought you were really seventeen and mad at me. I thought you were lying…but I know now you weren't, Faith. And none of this- anything that happened when you were older, or anything you did when you were older- none of that is your fault. You know that, right baby?"

"That's right," Joyce added, kissing the top of Faith's head and smiling at her tenderly. She no longer was holding the girl on her lap, but Faith was still sitting close, her shoulders under Joyce's arm. "None of this is your fault, sweetie. No one blames even the older you for everything…and all of us did some things that were wrong. It's not your fault."

Faith had been listening hard to everything that Buffy had been telling her, but this last part from Joyce she disregarded entirely. Looking over at Buffy solemnly, she spoke in a voice that was faint, strangely distant, her eyes clouding over.

"So…I'm not real…"

"No," both Buffy and Joyce declared quickly and simultaneously, shaking their heads, and they glanced at each other, startled, for a moment before Joyce tried to clarify, then Buffy.

"You're real, honey," Joyce assured her, rubbing her hand over Faith's shoulder. "You're right here with us, and you're real."

"Yeah, you ARE real," Buffy added, even though she asked herself uneasily if this was exactly true. Faith was real to her, to all of them..but in the eyes of fate, or the Powers that Be, or whatever, was she anything more than an echo of the past, a mistake, or an oddity?

Feeling guilty for even having such a thought, she repeated more strongly, "You ARE real, Faith, you're real right here, right now."

"But I'm not supposed to be," Faith replied, shaking her head- and the strangest thing about her response was that, though she was speaking in a small, almost childish voice, one that would have been almost more appropriate for her child's body than her teenaged one, she still looked almost calm… certainly more composed than Buffy felt at any rate. Now that she had been told mostly everything, it seemed to have settled her in a way. Maybe by knowing, not having everything as a great big mystery hanging over her head, Faith was able to feel more control.

Even if she now realized that she really had very little control.

She repeated what she had said again, more firmly this time, seeming to be trying to accustom herself to what she was saying.

"I'm not supposed to be real."

"Faith- of course, you are, don't worry about that," Buffy burst out with, feeling helpless, guilty, and entirely unsure of what to do. What could she say to her when it was perfectly true- the seven-year-old Faith wasn't supposed to be real anymore?

But she wanted her to be real…she didn't want her to leave. Buffy didn't' care about what was SUPPOSED to be- Faith WAS. Wasn't that all that should matter?

"You can be whatever you want to be, Faith, it doesn't matter," she said again, but Faith was shaking her head before she finished her sentence, her face wrinkling with a concentrated troubled frown.

"I'm not supposed to be seven…I'm not supposed to be little," she repeated, her voice a little louder, more insistent now, but with a hint of worry coloring it as well now. She was clearly very caught up by this, bothered, and Buffy couldn't blame her. She would have been too if it were her… and Faith was so literal as a little girl…

"It doesn't matter what you're supposed to, Faith…this is what, this is WHO, you are now, and it's okay," Buffy said quietly, her eyes almost pleading, and Joyce turned Faith's face to hers, her voice quiet as well.

"Faith…do you want to be seven years old?"

Buffy almost held her breath at that question; without consciously realizing it she was hoping that Faith would say yes. But Faith didn't say yes…she didn't even answer. Instead she looked at Joyce and Buffy with a deep frown, still speaking in the same strange, almost distant tone.

"But I'm big now… and they think I'm not seven. Big all the way…and…doin' bad things. Like before. That's why those men…"

Here her voice shook, her control wavering, but she kept going, still no crying, when she said, "That's why those men were mean to me…why they wanted to hurt me. They think I'm bad…'cause they think I'm 17."

"Yes," Buffy said gently, squeezing Faith's hand, "they did..but it won't ever happen again. You believe that, right, Faith, that it won't happen again? We won't let it, and they won't try. No one is going to take you from us, and no one will hurt you…okay?"

Joyce nodded, stroking Faith's hair as she picked up where her daughter had left off.

"She's right, Faith…you're safe now, and you're here with us, and no one will change that."

Buffy watched Faith, and the child seemed to be taking some comfort in this, even though her face remained lined in worry. She leaned against Joyce in silence for several minutes, letting her hold her without words. As the three were silent, Joyce's hand resting gently on Faith's head, Buffy thought to herself that the worst of it was over. The talk was ended, and Faith had of course been upset, but she would be okay. They would make sure she was okay. They would keep her and take care of her, and everything would be better now… everything would be okay.

But just the thought of such a thing, just having the idea come to her mind, was apparently enough to jinx it from coming true, and Faith spoke up a few moments afterward, her voice soft, nervous, but also very sure.

"Buffy….Joyce?"

"What is it, baby?" Joyce asked her, smiling down at her, and Faith inhaled, letting it out slowly.

"I wanna be old again… I…I want you to make me old again."

Both Joyce's and Buffy's eyes widened, eyebrows rising; Buffy's mouth actually fell open, and she made a shocked, almost choked noise before she could stop herself.

"What?!" she sputtered, staring. "Faith, WHAT…why would you want that…"

Faith's features tightened, her eyebrows knitting; she looked very uneasy by the blonde's reaction. Seeing her expression, Joyce touched Faith's cheek, addressing her gently.

"You want to be older, honey? Like you were before? Why do you want that?"

She has asked essentially the same thing as her daughter, but the less aggressive and agitated manner in which she had done so relaxed Faith a little. She frowned, her lips thinning, and shrugged, glancing between them with her eyes dark, troubled, and thoughtful, but still quite determined.

"I'm not supposed to be like this…this is all wrong," she said in a lowered voice, and she gestured vaguely at her body before putting a hand to her temple, rubbing it as if she had a headache. "I'm not supposed to be all little… or seven… and this, this grown-up body…with just me…it's all wrong. It's gotta be fixed…it's not supposed to be like this…"

"Faith- Faith, it's okay, it doesn't have to be- you're okay like this, it's okay," Buffy said quickly, her voice rising slightly, eyes bright with intensity as a flash of panic lit itself in her chest. Faith wasn't just understanding what she was proposing, of course. They had told her too much too fast, more than she could accept or understand- no wonder she was starting to say things like that. She was just tired- she didn't realize what she was saying. That was all…she just didn't realize.

"You're not supposed to be anything, Faith," Buffy tried again, giving her a smile. "You don't need to be anything, especially if you don't' want to be. It's okay to be like you are…it's not wrong, or bad, or dangerous or anything, is it, Mom?" she said quickly, turning her head as she addressed her mother. Even as she assured Faith that her confliction of being in mental and physical states wasn't bad, however, she remembered the doubts and possible problems that Willow had expressed and cringed inwardly, knowing that she could not be certain that this was true.

"It's okay," she said anyway, her eyes going to hold Faith's with her own again almost pleadingly. "Faith, it's okay-"

"No it's not," Faith cut her off, and her voice was just a little bit louder, a little more insistent. "I'm not right…I'm not right, I'm not okay…this is all wrong. I'm wrong…I'm not okay, I'm wrong. I'm supposed to be big…I wanna be old. I won't be bad no more, I swear…I'll be good, real good. But I wanna be old too."

Buffy stared at her, seeing the sincerity in her eyes, hearing the insistence in her tone, and then looked over quickly at her mother to gauge her reaction. Joyce looked somewhat troubled, though not quite as stunned as Buffy herself felt, and she touched Faith's cheek, turning the girl's head towards her as if to look at her more closely. She started to speak to her, but Buffy interrupted, her thoughts going much more quickly than her observations could pair with. She couldn't believe what Faith was saying.. she obviously had to talk her out of it, make her realize what was really right.

"Faith…Faith, you don't understand, baby…. You don't want to be older," she assured her earnestly, shaking her head. "See…you'll be different from now. You might not even remember what's happened to you in the past few days…I mean, you might, but you might not too. I mean, Faith, it's just… you'll still be you, but you'll be older…"

"You said I wasn't bad," Faith interrupted, looking over at Buffy with a frown, her voice slow. "You said I'm not bad… that I just did bad things. But I wouldn't do bad things no more. I'd be good… I'd be really, really good. But I'd be right too. I wanna be like I'm supposed to be."

"But Faith- Faith, you…" Buffy started to protest, and then cut herself off abruptly. She couldn't tell her, older Faith was "good" or not. Even if she WAS the older Faith, she also wasn't… and whatever the child wanted, it definitely didn't mean Big Faith would follow along. What if she just did whatever she wanted once she was a teenager again- what if she still wanted to kill Buffy or Joyce or if she just took off and killed everyone in her path? Could they even afford to risk that?

Faith had said she wanted Buffy to love her, under hypnosis...and Buffy knew that the child Faith loved her, without a doubt. But did that mean the older girl did, or that she would react to her newly fully adult status in any kind of favorable way? Definitely no guarantee there.

Buffy was rendered speechless, so caught up was she in her tangled web of thought. Faith noticed her silence, however, and her face soon matched Buffy's in its anxious frown and glistening eyes.

"You don't want me to be old…do you?" she said quietly, her tone worried. "You don't like me big…you think I'm gonna be bad?"

"No," Buffy said hurriedly, shaking her head, and Joyce added as well, "No, of course not, honey…we always like you, whatever you want, and we know you're good, honey."

"Well…then how come you won't make me big again?" Faith asked, looking first Joyce, then Buffy in the eye as she asked. "How come you don't make me right?"

The women paused, both averting their eyes from Faith, and Buffy struggled with an answer to the question. She didn't want to lose little Faith, especially when there was no way to be sure how the older Faith would behave upon her return into her body. The thought was enough to bring tears to her eyes. She had already lost the child Faith in body…to lose even her soul and personality too…

But what if she was right…what if it was wrong to keep her like she was? What if the older Faith could be somehow redeemed of her mistakes…what if she could change? What if she was needed, if her fate hadn't yet been carried out?

As these thoughts ran through her mind, Buffy sat there, eyes darting, body tensed, feeling entirely torn as to what to do. She knew what she had told herself earlier that day…she had vowed to herself that when she got Faith back, that no one would do anything without fully informing her of everything in regards to it. Faith had been fully informed now… and Buffy had told herself that she would let Faith and her future be left up to Faith.

But had she really meant it when she said it? She had never considered that Faith might choose not to remain a child mentally, that she might in fact not want things to continue as they were. Did her promise still stand then? What in the world was she supposed to do now, really..what was right?

She looked over at her mother again, her eyes pleading for Joyce's help with her response, and Joyce looked back at Buffy for several moments, silently sharing and sympathizing with her fears, before turning back to face Faith.

"Well…it's your decision ultimately, of course," she told her quietly. "And no one else can really tell you what to do or if you're right or wrong. It's your decision, sweetie… it's your life, your mind and body, and only you have the right to say what should be done with it or to it. Don't ever let anyone else tell you otherwise. All you can do is what you think is right, Faith, and if you think it's right that you become older, then that's what we need to do," she finished slowly, and Buffy couldn't help but make a sharp, shocked noise in protest as her head swiveled to stare at Joyce.

"Mom- Mom, do you really think-" she started, but Joyce cut her off coolly but firmly, nodding her head.

"Buffy, it doesn't matter what I think, honey- what either of us think. It doesn't matter what we want. What matters is what Faith wants and thinks… because it's her life, and only she can know what she thinks is right to do with it."

Her voice softening, she looked at Faith and smiled, laying a hand flat against the girl's cheek as she spoke to her. "Faith, honey, if this is really what you want, then we'll do it…but you don't HAVE to do it. You understand that, right? Whatever you want to do…whatever you decide…it's up to you, sweetheart. But either way…big or small, seven or seventeen, you're ours now, do you understand? Whatever happens, whatever you do or wherever you go, we love you…and you're always welcome here as long as you want to be here. Do you understand what I'm telling you, Faith?"

Faith's eyes were glinting, watering slightly, and she nodded faintly, then more noticeably, turning her head. Buffy's throat tightened, her hands forming fists, and she could think of absolutely nothing to say even as her thoughts ran full speed ahead. Joyce squeezed Faith's shoulders and kissed the top of her head before replying softly.

"Good. Now, we don't have to do anything today…you don't even have to decide anything today. But whenever you're ready, Faith…it's what you want. No one will make you do anything. It's up to you."

"I already know," Faith insisted quietly, and she didn't hesitate at all, either in reply or eye contact, with first Joyce, then Buffy. "I wanna be old…I wanna be seventeen. Please make me seventeen… I wanna be like I'm supposed to be."

Buffy's stomach dropped, and she tried to smile, to look like she wasn't close to tears. This was what Faith wanted… she was going to lose her. She would lose her…and Faith did this voluntarily…why? How could she want to essentially lose who she was- to become older, to have her life more difficult, to be less happy?

Buffy tried to remember herself at seven years old, to go back into that mindset and think about the way she had been, how she had thought about things. From what she remembered, it had been a very happy, carefree time in her life where she was mostly concerned with playing and first grade dramas. She hadn't had any responsibilities, no traumas or emotional baggage…to her, it would be great if she could be seven again, loved and protected and totally oblivious to the dangers and harshness of the world. If she had the choice of being seven or nineteen, she knew she would probably be at least extremely tempted to cop out and settle in for Mary Janes and tea parties.

But Faith's childhood hadn't been like Buffy's… even now, even with Buffy and Joyce and everyone who cared about her looking out for her, she had still been exposed to terror repeatedly, to abuse that Buffy would never have even dreamed of when she was Faith's age. As a Slayer alone, even a child Slayer, she could not be oblivious, and because of all the pain she had been forced to undergo in her short life, she could not be innocent in the ways a child should be. Faith did have traumas…she did have baggage and emotional responsibilities, even at seven, and she did not have the ability to be protected emotionally and mentally anymore from what she should not know of the world.

In her seven years Faith had developed a strong need to be right, to strive for things in her life to be right, because so much about her life was wrong. It didn't make sense to Buffy, what Faith wanted to do…but from the little girl's perspective, it did seem logical that she would be so disturbed by her body and her mind not matching up to how they should be, that the very existence of her childhood self was not "right" in the normal sense of the word.

Buffy thought she understood…but god, she hated it.

But she had promised herself, and her mother had promised Faith. They would do what she wanted...and she wanted to be "set right."

"Okay, Faith," she said reluctantly, nodding, and tried not to sigh or look too overly upset with what she was agreeing to for Faith's sake. "If that's what you want…then we'll do it. We'll…we'll call Giles, and Willow and the others… and we'll do it."

Her voice grew lower, more persistent, however, and she looked at Faith intensely as she continued. "But Mom's right… whatever happens…remember we love you, Faith. This time I'm not going anywhere… this time I'll do better, everyone is going to be better. We'll make it different- okay?" she said, and Faith nodded, her eyes round at Buffy's insistence.

"Okay… " she said softly, and Buffy squeezed her hand, leaning in to kiss the girl's cheek. Her heart was pounding so hard she could feel it at her temples, and she swallowed, her stomach twisting as she sat back again. She didn't know what would happen now… and whatever she had resolved to do, she was scared.


	49. Chapter 49

Chapter 49

"Buffy…are you sure this is the best thing to do?" Willow asked nervously, her eyes seeking out the blonde's with some doubt as she lightly bit her lower lip. Beside her, Tara took her hand and squeezed gently, but she showed some anxiety in her features too as she turned her face to Buffy as well. Though Buffy showed no change in expression at the girl's question, Xander and Anya looked quite interested in hearing Buffy's reply as well, also turning to give her the focus of their attention.

Buffy sighed, her shoulders dropping slightly. The five of them were in her living room again, the others having arrived shortly after she had called them to convey Faith's decision. Giles, of course, was still in the hospital and so had been unable to come, but the others had arrived around five minutes ago. Faith had insisted upon having the spell done that very day, without any more waiting than was absolutely necessary- Buffy knew she was nervous, afraid that the longer she waited, the more her fears might build up inside her until she decided not to go through with it at all.

Once the others had arrived, Joyce had mercifully taken Faith outside with her for a short walk, giving them time to set up for the ritual and to discuss what was to be done- both now, and after Faith was entirely an adult again. The latter was something for which Buffy simply had no answers, and therefore had no idea how to respond to Willow's question, to reassure her, when she herself was not reassured. No one felt good about or comfortable with the thought of changing Faith back into her teenage self fully…but they were going to go through with it. Buffy would see to that.

"Of course I'm not sure," she told Willow quietly, shaking her head. "I didn't want to do this at all…I still don't. Bu it doesn't matter what I want. It's not my choice to make…it's Faith's."

"I…I know," Willow said slowly, her forehead creasing, her green eyes troubled, hesitant, as she paused in her mixing of the ingredients that were to be painted over the Chakra stones. "And I know I said we should change her back…but I've been thinking, and…"

She let her words trail off, but Xander picked them up shortly after with a quick nod, his voice more intense and serious than usual, his expression as bothered as Willow's.

"She's just a kid, though, Buffy… I mean, whatever she looks like now, she's just a kid. How does she knows what's best for her? I mean, when I was a kid I'd play video games and watch TV all day if I could and eat pizza and ice cream for every meal. Still sounds tempting," he said with a little smirk, but then added more seriously, "How do you know she even understands what this would mean? Does she really get what will happen- what she'll be if we do this?"

"Yes," Buffy replied quietly, and she was sure. She had questioned herself and Faith both enough to be. "Yes she does… she wants this. Xander, she thinks it's right. Maybe she's right… maybe it is the right thing for us to do."

Even if it's hard, she added to herself silently, even if it hurts…even if I wish so much that I didn't have to, or that I could have it both ways. Why couldn't anything ever be had both ways?

"It m-might be okay," Tara spoke up suddenly, and the others glanced over to her in surprise. Her cheeks tinged pink, but she didn't duck her head, didn't avert her eyes or turn away. "Her…her aura, when I was hypnotizing her…she wasn't evil. Angry yes, scared…b-but she wasn't evil. We have a chance…you can help her."

"And we will," Buffy said firmly her head inclining slightly. "We will help her, and we will make the most of this chance…all of us."

Whatever happened now, she was on Faith's side. She owed it to her to do everything she could to try to make it better- for the child's sake, if not the teenager's, and the teenager was owed as well. It would be different now, Tara thought so, and Buffy believed her. God, she hoped so anyway.

"Well I think you are all insane and will have either your asses or your heads handed to you by the psycho killer Slayer," Anya said almost conversationally, shrugging. "But since no one ever listens to me, let's get this started."

"She's right," Buffy nodded, ignoring everything before Anya's last few words and focusing on only that. "They'll be back soon, Mom and Faith, so let's be ready to go through with this, whatever is going to happen. We all don't like this, but Faith wants this, and she's…probably right…it's probably what's right," she said with some difficulty, swallowing, before pushing on. "We…we know she isn't naturally a child right now… we don't know what the effects of her remaining one mentally for so long might do to her, or what it's done already. We don't know if she would mentally age, or whatever might happen…and we can't risk it just by waiting and seeing… we can't do that to her," she said more strongly, convincing herself as much as everyone else. "Whatever she did then… we can't just cut her off from the rest of her life. Especially if it might harm her… and if she doesn't want us to do it."

The others were quiet, most of them averting their eyes; they all had very little to say. It was Anya who eventually broke the silence, her eyebrows rising as she gestured with empathic impatience.

"Well, are we gonna do it then?"

"Yeah," Buffy said slowly, and she looked at each of the others in turn, nodding, searching their eyes for willingness. "Yeah…we're going to do it. We're going to change Faith back."

Trying to be discreet, she took a deep breath, hoping for the will to follow through…hoping that this was the right thing.

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Within ten minutes Joyce and Faith had returned inside the house and came to stand in the doorway of the living room. As Buffy and the others looked up to greet them, most of them at least making themselves smile, Buffy noticed that Faith was tightly clutching Joyce's hand, and she did not smile back. She appeared very solemn, her eyes almost round, as she looked around the room at the others now gathered inside, licking her lips nervously. Buffy had to instruct herself not to go to her and hug her tightly- that might scare her more than comfort her, and the last thing the child needed at the moment was to feel any more afraid than she had to be.

"Hi Faith…we're all set up here now," she said quietly, meeting her eyes. "Did you have a nice walk?"

Faith nodded slightly, her fingers still entwined with Joyce's; however firm she had been about wanting this, as the moment approached, she looked to be dreading it almost as much as Buffy herself was. After the last fiasco in their attempts to change her back, Buffy couldn't blame her for being scared. It was amazing she trusted Willow and Tara enough not to screw it up this time- and a testament as to how much she must want this.

"Well…like she said, it's all set up… so we're ready, whenever you are, Faith. If you're ready. I mean, if you want to do this. Do you- do you want to do this, I mean, are you sure?" Willow said uncertainly, and her hesitation made Buffy all the more aware of just how profoundly Willow's opinion of Faith and her entire situation in general had changed since she had first encountered the child. If Willow had come along to the warehouse with them and seen with her own eyes what had been done to her… Buffy would have loved to watch her reaction. Willow was usually just Willow, quiet, gentle, and unsure of herself…but Buffy had seen her furious often enough to know that this was definitely not an indication that she couldn't get scary if the occasion called for it.

Tara nodded as well, echoing Willow's words to Faith with a gentle smile, her voice low but sincere. "Yes, we're, we're ready now… if, if this is what you want, Faith."

Faith frowned, seeming to be still frozen with her fearful hesitation and Buffy couldn't resist. Coming to stand with her in the doorway, she cupped Faith's face in one hand, turning her head so the girl was looking at her. She kept her voice quiet and calm as she questioned her.

"Faith…is that what you want? You want to be big? Because you don't have to do this. You don't have to do anything you don't' want to, sweetie."

Picking up the urgency of her daughter's posture and expression even as Buffy strove to seem neutral, Joyce squeezed Faith's hand, smiling over at her.

"No, you don't, baby- Buffy's right. You don't have to do anything," she said reassuringly, smoothing a hand over Faith's shoulder. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. But if you do want to do this… if you do want to be older again… then we're all ready and supporting you, aren't we?"

Everyone around her quickly made some gesture, either verbal or physically, in agreement, even Anya, after glancing to Xander to see his nodding. Faith was still frowning, eyes anxious, as her bit her lip, pressing close to Joyce's side. But when she answered the women's questions her voice, though soft, was also sure of itself.

"Yeah….I wanna be old again…I'm ready."

Both Buffy and Joyce nodded, and for a few moments Buffy kept her eyes lowered, afraid that if she looked too long at any one person and especially at Faith that her emotions would get the best of her. When she was pretty sure she was in good control of herself she smiled at Faith, reaching to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and prolonging the contact before she pulled her hand back.

"Okay…then you need to go sit by Willow and Tara, and they'll tell you what you need to do."

Faith nodded, taking a slow breath in, and began to pull away from Joyce to do so- but Joyce stopped her with a hand on her shoulder, first pulling her into her arms in a tight embrace. She kept her head at such an angle that Buffy couldn't see her face, but she knew that her mother must be feeling rather like she was now…sad, anxious, and strangely lonely, though the child had not yet left their lives. This was Joyce's goodbye to Faith, and Faith seemed to realize this too, holding on fiercely. Joyce whispered something to her so low that even Buffy couldn't entirely understand, but whatever it was, it made Faith's eyes water. Joyce pulled back from her and kissed her cheek, detaching Faith's fingers gently with her own eyes moist.

It wouldn't have surprised Buffy if Faith had announced then and there that she had changed her mind, that she didn't want to be big after all. She was only a little girl, and for her to willingly give up her certainty of having the love and security she had always so badly wanted and needed… it was more than Buffy would ever have expected from her, more than she would have expected from most. And yet she was doing it…

Buffy pulled her into an embrace without any further thought, holding her tightly to her and fighting against the lump in her throat, the tears standing in her eyes. She could feel Faith's heart beating rapidly against hers, her uneven breaths against her neck, and she squeezed her tighter, whispering into her ear.

"You are so brave, Faith, and good…and I love you. I always will…don't forget."

She felt a few tears soak into her shirt and hugged Faith tighter before pulling back, wiping them gently and kissing her forehead. Willow and Tara looked suspiciously soft in their features; Anya too was frowning, but out of impatience rather than sentimentality.

"I thought you all wanted to do this. Why is everyone being so strange?" she asked- a question that, considering the source, could not have been more ironic.

Everyone ignored her. As Faith slowly made her way towards the Wiccans on the living room rug, Xander stopped her as she passed with a hand on her arm, giving her a teasing smile even as his eyes betrayed his own sadness.

"No hugs for me? Still holding grudges on me for being a Superman fan?"

At that, Faith actually smiled, some of the grief lifting from her features, and she hugged him, accepting his kiss on her cheek even as she attempted a scowl.

"Superman is a wimp. Batman could totally kick his ass."

Nearly everyone grinned at that, though Buffy also felt like crying- this show of light-hearted teasing would be sorely missed. She wished there was some way she could guarantee that what they were doing would turn out okay…

"No way," Xander said lightly, ruffling Faith's hair affectionately before releasing her, allowing her to move to the floor beside Willow and Tara. "Never gonna happen."

"Will too," Faith repeated, but she was smiling even as she hesitantly knelt on the floor, glancing between the older girls. Both of them were too, though sadness also still glinted in their eyes. "Always."

She looked at Willow and Tara again, her smile fading as she thinned her lips, her hands tensing in her lap, forming fists.

"What do I gotta do…"

"Oh- just, just lay down- we'll fix the candles to form the four corners around you," Willow said quickly, gesturing awkwardly and glancing at Tara for confirmation. "On your back, with your arms at your sides, and your legs straight…"

Faith moved to do as they asked, briefly closing her eyes. Buffy could tell from how tightly she shut them, how rapidly her chest rose and fell with her breaths, that Faith was growing even more nervous the closer she got to actually going through with the ritual. Buffy could definitely identify.

As Faith lay there, her eyes still squeezed shut, and waited as Willow arranged the candles around her, Tara gathered the mixture she and Willow had concocted, beginning to spread it over the Chakra stones in specific patterns with a brush. Unable to see their activity but no doubt hearing it, sensing their movements, Faith spoke up in a very small voice as the others watched the preparation.

"Is…is this gonna hurt?"

Tara's face, already openly concerned before her question, softened even further, and she reached to take Faith's hand, squeezing it. When the little girl opened her eyes upon feeling her touch to look at her, Tara gave her a gentle smile, squeezing her hand again.

"No, not this time, Faith…this, this is a different spell. I-it will be different this time."

"Yeah, it will be different, Faith- it might even feel good," Willow backed her up, giving a quick earnest smile of her own. "This spell, it's setting you right again- the spells before were either turning you wrong or keeping you wrong. This time it's totally different, it, it won't hurt you because it's the right spell, and you're not changing physically. I mean, your body won't change."

As Faith frowned, processing this, Buffy hoped against all hope that this would be true. They didn't need any more screw-ups- especially Faith didn't. She'd had more than any child her age should ever have to bear- anybody of any age, period.

"L-lay back down…and be still and d-don't say anything else," Tara told her softly, giving Faith's hand one more squeeze before releasing it. "We want to make s-sure it goes right.

Faith did as Tara asked, taking another deep breath before tightly closing her eyes again. Those observing went still and quiet as well, watching closely, and Buffy felt like she should be holding her breath. Here goes…

As Willow began to align the Chakra stones in the positions relating to Faith's body, Tara placed her palm firmly on each corresponding body part, showing none of her usual hesitation or shyness in her touch, but only focused intensity. As they began to chant softly, Buffy found herself to be leaning forward, her hands clutched around the edge of her seat, and she was aware of her heart speeding up in its beats…

As the rhythmic sound of Willow's and Tara's voices continued, seeming to surround them, the air seemed to thicken suddenly, so that Buffy felt heavy, tired, and confused, yet somehow also very alert, her senses sharpened. She could see that Faith was very still now, maybe not entirely through her own efforts so much as through the effects of the spell. Buffy could not understand their words…

All at once, as Willow placed down the last Chakra stone beside Faith's feet, and Tara lay her palm upon them, the stones lit up, the drawings painted upon them glowing brilliantly. The glow grew more and more intense until it was clear to them that it was not merely casting its light upon Faith's nearby body anymore- she was glowing too, more vividly by the motion, even though she still did not make a sound.

After a moment or two her dark eyes went huge as they flew open, unblinking. Though she did not scream, made no sound at all, Faith's body twisted, her back arching up as if she were in extreme discomfort- belying the Wiccan's claims to her. It was only a few moments in length, her reaction, but to her worried, stricken observers, it seemed infinitely longer.

As Faith's body reverted to a normal lying position, it ceased giving off any further light, and the stones darkened abruptly as well. Willow and Tara ceased speaking; indeed, no one spoke. The room seemed much darker, the air even heavier than before, as they all stared, taking in her changing…

She was physically unchanged, of course, but the difference in Faith was obvious even from the first few glances. Though she was of course the same in appearance in nearly every way, she seemed older in more ways than one, even without moving or speaking a word. Her eyes were darker, angry, even as they darted about wildly, taking in her surroundings with clear disorientation. There was none of the innocence of the child Faith's remaining in them- though Buffy thought there was still plenty of fear, a thought that simultaneously encouraged and discouraged her. The outline of her features seemed drawn, harsher, and the way she held herself, the jerky manner in which she had sat up, all showed strong indications of her older mind state.

The spell had worked… whatever this would mean, whatever happened now, it had worked. The older Faith was with them now… and the child Faith was gone.

For several moments no one spoke, no one dared to move- not even Anya. Everyone was staring at Faith, at a loss as to what to do now. Even Faith only continued to look around rapidly, shaking slightly, and Buffy wondered what was going through her head. What was she thinking- did she remember who they were? Did she remember what had happened while she had stayed with them as a child? Why was she making no moves, not saying a word…

"Faith?" Buffy said slowly, almost a whisper, and this simple question was what finally provoked a response.

Faith's eyes jerked up to meet Buffy's, and for several moments neither girl spoke. They simply held each other's gaze, almost frozen, as time seemed to slowly come to a stop around them. In Faith's eyes Buffy once again took in the complicated combination of confusion, anger, shock, panic, and fear passing starkly over their surface, and she wondered if the other girl had always been so transparent. Had she always looked like that and Buffy simply hadn't noticed, hadn't paid enough attention? Or had her time as a child opened her somehow, made Faith less able to hide?

Buffy didn't know, and Faith didn't give her much time to ponder. Less than fifteen seconds later the brunette was scrambling to her feet, shoving past Willow, Tara, and Joyce, who was still standing near the doorway, and rapidly making her way towards the front door.

As Faith had leapt to her feet, almost everyone else had cringed away or scooted backward in instinctive alarm at her sudden movement, afraid that she was heading for them specifically. Anya actually let out a short shriek of panic, cringing back against Xander from where they were sitting on the couch. But Faith had no intentions of attacking anyone- in fact, all she was interested in was leaving their presence as quickly as possible.

"Faith!" Buffy called out again, more loudly, a note of desperation in her voice this time, and her mother echoed her a few seconds later.

"Faith, honey- you don't have to-"

"She's getting away, stop her!" Anya yelped, even as she continued to clutch Xander, not moving from her seat and position of perceived relative safety. Buffy actually stood, instinctively meaning to follow Faith, but two seconds later she heard the front door slam and knew Faith was probably already halfway up the street. She stopped, simply staring towards the doorway where the younger Slayer had left, dimly aware of how rapidly her heart was pounding in her chest at the moment.

Well they had done it… and now Faith, both the older and younger Faith, was gone. Buffy had no idea where she would go, what she would do, what she do, what she must be thinking, even what she might remember… but somehow she felt sure that Faith did remember, that she did know what had been going on for the past several days. But what would she do, how would she process those memories as her older self?

All she could think of was Faith's eyes, and all the emotion and turmoil she had seen inside them…and so she didn't chase her, didn't even move. She stood there, her hands limp at her sides, remembering the look in Faith's eyes.

"She left," Willow was saying, her voice rather higher in pitch than usual as she looked at the others jerkily, her eyes round and nearly panicky. "We made her older, and she left, she just left-"

"Shouldn't someone- I should go get her," Joyce began, turning towards the doorway with her own eyes showing her concern.

"Someone has to go after her- I would, but I kind of…can't make myself move," Xander admitted without any of his usual sheepishness, and Anya gasped again, her fingers tightening on him even more.

"Don't you DARE go after her, Xander Harris, she's a psychotic killer probably on a rampage right this very minute! And you are not very skilled in protecting yourself from such things. Buffy, YOU go get her!"

"Do you think-" Xander began.

"Buffy-" Willow started, her eyes pleading, and Buffy held up a hand, causing everyone to fall into silence, ever her mother. They all looked at her, waiting for whatever she had to say half expectantly, half hopefully. They were all hoping she had answers… well if that was what they wanted, they were all about to be sadly disappointed.

"I'm not going after her," Buffy said quietly, shaking her head. "And none of you should go either. She doesn't want to see any of us right now…so leave her alone."

Of course, as she could have predicted, this didn't go over well with the others. All five of them stared at her, disbelieving, and the protests began immediately.

"Buffy- honey, I don't think that's such a good idea. Faith needs-" Joyce began, and Xander picked up a beat later.

"But she's gone," he stated, as if that made it obvious that there was no other option than to go to her. Willow agreed quickly, nodding, her voice still urgent.

"Buffy, she might hurt someone, you have to-"

"She's a psychopath, why are we all standing here arguing, why did you even turn her back in the first place, SOMEONE GO AFTER HER!" Anya yelped, and Buffy raised her voice, her own emotion sharpening in response to their agitation as well as her own.

"NO. I- she isn't going to do anything…I know she won't. I could see it…just leave her alone. She doesn't want any of us right now, and she won't be able to listen, and none of us would know what to do- so leave her alone right now. Maybe later…we can find her and try…but not right now," Buffy said insistently, and as she said it, she felt as if it were true.

Right now nothing they said or did would help Faith… all that they could do right now was leave her be, let her sort things out for herself, as hard as that might be. She knew, just knew, that Faith wouldn't hurt anyone, as long as she were left alone…and no matter how sad or guilty or upset she was right now, Buffy also knew that she would stick to her own words. Whatever Faith needed, she would give her. She had told her as a child that she would always care for her and take care of her…but sometimes you had to know when to let someone go.

She just hoped that she was right.

Buffy heard the others voicing protest and concerns, trying to persuade and reason with her, but she wasn't listening anymore. Turning around without a word, she went upstairs, making her way to her room. For a moment, she just stared, taking in the scattered clothes and toys that proved the child Faith's former existence… and then she crawled into her unmade bed, resting her head on the pillow Faith had been using and half closing her eyes.

She thought about the older Faith and prayed she was okay… even knowing the distance the brunette needed, she couldn't help but worry.

Author notes: There is one more chapter guys...so don't freak out. lol


	50. Chapter 50

Chapter 50

A few days passed, then almost a full week, and Faith remained removed from Buffy's and the others' lives. Since she had entirely become her teenaged self again- since they had changed her into herself again- no one had heard from her, seen her, or even heard of her or actions carried out by her from any other sources. It was as if Faith had simply vanished, and maybe that was exactly what she had wanted to do with herself.

On one hand this was a good sign. No reported sightings of her, no wanted posters or new reports for her arrest, and no suspicious- sounding crimes reported by a young female meeting Faith's description probably meant that the police weren't after her right now, and she was keeping herself out of trouble, wherever she was. On the other hand, maybe it wasn't such a great indication that Faith was okay. Maybe she HAD been picked up by the cops or the Council… maybe she was injured or sick or even-

Faith couldn't, could NOT be dead. Buffy would have known, she would have felt it somehow. But almost anything else could have happened to her.

The others, though they rarely said as much in words, were worried too. Buffy knew that Giles often made phone calls to the local police (with vague descriptions not using Faith's name, of course) to hospitals, morgues, bus stations, motels, even to Angel in LA, trying to find out what she had been up to since disappearing from everyone's presence. Both he and Xander had driven around Sunnydale and its outskirts several times, and outside of it as well, and though they had never directly said so, Buffy knew that they were looking for Faith.

Tara had asked her once, away from Willow's hearing, if she would like her to scry for Faith, like she had done when the Council had kidnapped her. But as tempted as she had been by this, Buffy had ended up declining. She didn't want in some ways to know, because she would then be unable to resist going to Faith- something she had promised herself she wouldn't do. Still…it would ease her mind some just to know WHERE Faith was… just in case…

And just because Buffy refused to go to Faith didn't mean she didn't hope to run into her somewhere, where it wouldn't entirely count as "going to her." On patrol Buffy was distracted because she was looking for Faith more than she was for vampires…and as stupid as she knew it was, she hoped the girl would just show up, start slaying with her or something. A few times she had deceived herself into thinking she could sense her nearby and had whirled around, heart pounding wildly…but it was never Faith. Sometimes it was nothing at all. Sometimes it was a vampire…but sometimes there was NOTHING, and Buffy wondered if she was starting to crack up.

She felt like she was sometimes, when she was home. The house seemed so quiet, even empty without Faith there now. Her bed seemed huge without Faith sprawled across her in it, and she couldn't look at any of the things they had bought for the little girl without her heart twisting sharply in her chest. She knew that her mother felt the same way. Joyce Summers was very quiet, though she still smiled at Buffy, still went to work and did everything she had done before Faith's stay with them. Buffy could see the worry and sadness constantly glinting in her eyes, tensing her features. She noticed that Joyce watched the news and read the paper more often than she used to, and made a point of asking Buffy casually if she had heard anything about Faith yet, though she knew very well that Buffy had not.

Almost daily Buffy questioned if she had done the right thing. Should they have really turned Faith back? Should she have chased her after all- should she let Tara scry for her now, so she can find her and explain? Was she only making this an even bigger mess than it had already been?

Buffy didn't know…she only knew that she could barely stand the way things were now. She wanted to let Faith decide to come to her herself…but what if she never did?

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She showed up out of nowhere, when Buffy least expected her, and maybe that was the best way it could have happened. One minute Buffy was opening the front door, preparing to head out to Willow's… and in the next second she was standing face to face with Faith, so stunned by this that for a second her breath stopped.

Faith had been standing on her doorstep for who knows how long, not knocking, not making any sounds to acknowledge her presence. Maybe she had been working herself up to do so, or maybe she had been unable to decide yet if she wanted to run away. Whatever the case, there she was…

She was dressed in different clothes than she had left the Summers' house in- dirty, ripped jeans and a wife beater that looked worn as well, both hanging off her slim frame. Her hair was loose down her back, tangled, and she was carrying nothing with her, not so much as a purse or duffle bag. Of course, Faith had never really been the purse type, Buffy had never seen her carrying one… and she hadn't taken anything with her when she left…

But what Buffy was really paying attention to was Faith's expression. There was no aggression, no rage or vicious intent in her eyes, in the way she held herself. In fact, as Buffy stared, blinking frequently, not quite sure that she wasn't imagining the girl's presence, Faith seemed to find it hard to meet her eyes. She shifted her weight, her shoulders slumped, and one hand in her pocket, looked up at Buffy again, setting her jaw and swallowing visibly. In her expression Buffy saw shame, embarrassment, determination…and fear. What Faith was doing would have to be incredibly hard for her…Buffy could still hardly believe that this was real.

"Faith?" she said slowly, not daring to make any movements, lest she cause her to bolt, or to close her eyes, lest Faith be gone when she opened them again. "Faith…you're here?"

Faith looked for a moment or two as if she were considering running, and Buffy tensed, resisting the urge to grab her, or else to turn to see if her mother had yet noticed anything amiss. She didn't know what she should do, and her mouth felt dry and pasty even as she fought to keep herself seemingly calm. She wondered if Faith could hear how rapidly her heart was beating. She was here…god, she couldn't believe Faith was here…

But Faith didn't leave… though she was very tense, she shrugged slightly, once more looking past Buffy briefly before responding.

"Yeah…in the flesh."

She sighed suddenly and sharply, lifting her chin; her expression was defiant, but her voice was uncertain, fumbling, as she spoke again.

"Look, B… I don't' really know why I'm here… you want me to leave, then I'll just-"

"No!" Buffy said quickly, her voice rising, eyes widening in something almost like alarm in spite of herself, and she shook her head again, barely restraining herself from reaching out to Faith physically.

She was so used to looking at the adult Faith's body and seeing the child in her mind's eye, to touching her without thinking, that even though she knew very well she was looking at the older Faith, she still felt an instinctive urge to touch her, to show her physical reassurance. She knew very well that Faith would not accept this, however- there was no telling how she might react, how she might interpret Buffy's gesture. Buffy still had no idea what the other girl might be thinking…or what it was that had made her return. But god she was glad she had…

"No, Faith, it's okay," she clarified, trying to sound calmer, more reasonable and low-key. "You don't have to go… and it doesn't matter why you're here. I don't mind…it's okay…"

She realized that Faith looked no less skittish, her posture such that she seemed ready to turn and bolt at any moment. Buffy didn't know what to do, what to say to keep her there… and she ended up blurting out the first thing that came to mind.

"Faith- why don't you come in? Are you hungry- or, or want something to drink, or…"

Faith shook her head quickly, actually stiffening. Her eyes snapped up to regard Buffy's with something like shock, hurried denial, and disbelief flickering across their surface.

"No- no, look, I've five by five, I'm not taking anything…I don't' want anything from you. I was just-"

Here she stopped, coming to an abrupt halt in her words as she frowned, seemingly lost as to what it was that she was doing or wanting. She had said as much earlier, that she didn't know why she was here… but Buffy thought she knew at least part of the reason. Faith was different now… whatever the reason, she was. She could see that just by looking at her, by observing the behavior she was exhibiting that was so different from the older Faith she was used to.

Buffy wanted to tell her this, to say something to assure her…but she thought instinctively that what she was doing now was probably best. Let Faith speak on her own time, in her own way…let her figure out for herself what she wanted.

Faith sighed sharply, shifting her weight again, and several seconds passed before she spoke suddenly, her voice abrupt, almost harsh, even as her face seemed strangely slack and vulnerable.

"Look…I remember, Buffy," she said, and Buffy of course knew exactly what she was referring to. "And…it's…it's so damn weird, I don't…"

She stopped, looking past Buffy and taking another breath, blinking, watching her, Buffy felt a pang of sympathy, for Faith was so obviously struggling with this. But still she stayed quiet and still, letting Faith find her own way to talk. She didn't want to push her… and she knew perfectly well that nothing she could say at the moment would probably do much to help, since she couldn't even think of anything to say to her.

"You took care of me," Faith said slowly, and she was watching Buffy now, her words uncertain, confused. "When I was young…you took care of me. You and your mother."

"Well, yes," Buffy replied, not sure what Faith wanted, what it was she was looking for in her response. "Yes, we did…of course we did…"

"Why?" Faith asked, her words quiet, and she was still looking at Buffy steadily- though more at her chin now than into her eyes. "Why would you do that for me?"

Buffy took a breath, attempting to think of a response that would be truthful, yet also something Faith needed to hear. In that short question the other girl was laying herself bare to her, whether she knew it or not…Buffy remembered what Tara had told her, remembered her own convictions and Faith's own admission of her desire for Buffy's love under hypnosis. She remembered, and she hoped…

"We wanted to, Faith," she said quietly. "You were just a child. And we…we liked you. We cared about you-"

"After everything?" Faith cut her off, her voice rising slightly, fraught with her disbelief. "I don't-"

She stopped herself, shaking her head as she looked down. When she spoke again, her voice was more controlled.

"You said…that you loved me."

"Yes," Buffy said quietly, and she nodded, trying to catch Faith's eyes again, to determine what the girl was thinking even with the few clues she was providing for her to interpret in her words and behavior. "We did. Does…does that-"

"But you meant her. The little girl me. Right?" Faith interrupted again, and there was again a roughness to her voice not matched by the poignant look she was unable to hide in her eyes. "She's little, she behaves and all that shit, gives hugs and holds hands and all, you were talking about her. If you weren't lying in the first place. I mean, you hate me. Like always. Right? That's the way it is, things just don't change because-"

"Faith- Faith, no," Buffy said hurriedly, shaking her head, and she did reach out to her instinctively then. When Faith drew in her breath sharply, taking a step back, Buffy withdrew her hand, gentling her tone somewhat.

"Faith- no, of course I don't hate you. No one does. I couldn't…I-"

The words "I love you" had been on the tip of her tongue, but Buffy froze, stopping them from emerging. Did Faith really want to hear that…did she want to say it? Did she mean it? She knew she cared about Faith…but did she really love her, or just the child?

She could love her…she knew that now. And that was enough to start with.

"I want things to be better," she said slowly instead, holding Faith's eyes with her own. "I want to help…with you let me help, Faith?"

For several moments Faith simply stared…both girls were nearly holding their breaths, assessing the other girl's intentions. She was struggling with herself, with everything that had once been and the way it had changed. When Faith spoke her voice was soft, shaking slightly, but she made herself look into Buffy's eyes. She didn't answer her question directly, but in a way her response was an answer.

"B…Buffy…I'm sorry."

It was only a few words, very weak if taken by their definition alone. Faith seemed to realize this as her eyes lowered again, her posture hunching further into herself…and yet what she was saying, the meaning behind it, was everything.

Buffy couldn't help herself; she smiled. Faith, having dared to look up again, was utterly disconcerted by this, but Buffy's smile only widened.

"I know," she said simply.

She didn't promise that everything would be okay; she didn't attempt either to reassure Faith, nor to berate her. She didn't try to sweep the past under the rug…she just looked at her, and hoped that Faith could tell that she was at least trying to understand.

"Faith…will you come in?" she asked quietly. "Please…Mom will be happy to see that you're okay."

She didn't add that she was glad too, not wanting to be too pushy…but she hoped that Faith could see it in her face.

Another several seconds passed, the silence stretching between them as Faith remained motionless, rapid thought flashing across her eyes…but then she was stepping forward hesitantly, meeting Buffy's eyes, as though asking for approval once again. As Buffy's smile widened, she opened the door; together they stepped inside.

The end


End file.
